jaclynxox89 Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 I can't believe that I just wrote that my mom passed away. I really lost my mom on March 1st, when she had a Cardiac Arrest. Upon her being revived, she was in a coma but woke up to be in a "vegetative state" (unresponsive wakefulness). Just about a week ago, I got her to follow a command (smile) suggesting that she was now Minimally Conscious. She had an anoxic brain injury and I felt that she was slowly recovering and coming back to us. She got sent to a Nursing Home 5 weeks ago and it's been hell ever since. I was fighting and fighting trying to avoid the NH but I lost that fight. Yesterday, her oxygen went a bit low and her heartrate was jumping between 95-110 which was unusual for her, but respiratory and nurse said they would continue to monitor her and it was normal to get that way sometimes with stimulation, etc.. "no big deal". I was thinking right there to call an ambulance but the nurse assured me things were ok. As I was on the way to visit my mom in the Nursing Home today, she passed away 20 minutes before I arrived there and 5 minutes before my sister arrived. My mom passed alone. Another Cardiac Arrest. I'm assuming she had caught an infection again that they didn't know about. Her last CA was caused my Sepsis/Pnemonia. I can't believe that my mom is gone forever. My mom was my mom and my dad. I am SO. BROKEN. I am changed forever and I truly do not know what I am supposed to do, if I'm going to make it without my mom. She was my best friend. I promised her that when we got her out of the NH, she would come back home with us and we will go places together/have lots of fun together. My mom lived an unfair life. Gone at 53 years young. I have spent my day hysterically crying and hyperventilating. I never lost anyone before, and my first just so happens to be my best friend in the whole world. I feel SO alone. I can't describe this feeling. My whole body is sick. My mom was not supposed to pass away anytime soon. I don't know what I am looking for by posting this. I don't know if I am being a little bit too extra with my emotions? My mom and I were always so close, she told me that one day when she passes I am going to go bazerk. Boy oh boy was she correct. I know she is in heaven right now but I still feel like she suffered and this is not fair the way that everything happened. I feel like my mom has been taken from me in the most cruel way, over a span of 7 months. Please send prayers and good vibes... they are so much more appreciated than you know <3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 I'm so sorry you lost your mom. I know you did the very best by her and I know she knows that. It's better she didn't linger in a bad state longer. Quicker is better. It will be an adjustment, but she'll be looking over you. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 I am so very sorry for your loss . You're right.....53 is way too young!! You are not being "extra" at all! This is a huge blow . I lost my dad to a massive heart attack on Christmas Day 2006. I can really empathize with what you are feeling, losing your biggest cheerleader. I felt (and still feel) like I lost unconditional love when I lost my dad. It will hurt for a while....but remember....the hurt you feel is indicative of your great love for her. You wouldn't feel so big if you didn't love so big. That should bring you some solace in time....that you got to experience such a GREAT LOVE from a parent. Many do not get that. As time goes by, you will surprised by things that come up that make you miss her in unexpected ways, but I promise it gets better. You will eventually cry less frequently and have more moments of smiles when you remember the good times instead of tears when you remember the good times. Be kind to yourself. Let yourself cry and grieve and feel like ****. It hurts . I'm so very sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
spiritedaway2003 Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 I'm very sorry for your loss, my dear. You're not being "a little bit too extra with your emotions". It's a huge loss, especially if you were very close to your mom. I am going to echo what's been said already. Let yourself cry and grieve, and be kind to yourself. The way I see it: You can only be hurt deeply if you have loved deeply. It's painful, but that means that there was a lot of love there. Think of all the good memories. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time. I'm so sorry for your loss. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 sorry about your mum, she'll be with you always Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 (edited) I too have lost my mother. I absolutely understand the feeling of being very alone in this world. Your life will continue and you will find joy again, but this loss is an ache that never, ever goes away... Hugs to you. Grief is a long road and you have a far distance to travel. Lean on your sister. Get yourself some counselling when you are ready. Give it lots of time. You are forever changed. I’m so sorry for your loss. Edited September 12, 2019 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 I am so sorry for your loss. It's hard to lose a parent, no matter how old you may be. Please, take care of yourself right now. I don't know what happens when we leave this world, but I'd like to think you'll get to see your mom again someday. Link to post Share on other sites
Zona Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 (edited) Sorry for your loss. I also lost my mom too early, when she was only 56 (I was 18). Sadly my mother died alone too. Even though she was in a coma, her death was unexpected at the time and the nurses didn't have time to call us before she died. To make things worse, my dad remarried within a year and my step mother was the step mother from hell. Losing my mother when I was young gave me a mature perspective on life that my friends didn't have and I think it made me a better person. Having felt that pain in my teens made me more empathetic to other people who had experienced a loss. I'm now in my mid-forties and I still think about her a lot. You will always have the great memories of the time you had with her, and the pain will fade over time. I'm sure she would want you to make the best of your life, and not be held back by the grief of losing her. Edited September 12, 2019 by Zona Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 Sorry to hear about your mom, Jacyln. Keep in mind that a part of her lives on in you. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 Sorry for your loss. I also lost my mom too early, when she was only 56 (I was 18). Sadly my mother died alone too. Even though she was in a coma, her death was unexpected at the time and the nurses didn't have time to call us before she died. To make things worse, my dad remarried within a year and my step mother was the step mother from hell. Losing my mother when I was young gave me a mature perspective on life that my friends didn't have and I think it made me a better person. Having felt that pain in my teens made me more empathetic to other people who had experienced a loss. I'm now in my mid-forties and I still think about her a lot. You will always have the great memories of the time you had with her, and the pain will fade over time. I'm sure she would want you to make the best of your life, and not be held back by the grief of losing her. agreed Zona, I lost my best friend when I was 21. It really made me more mature and empathic. But you are right, the pain fades over time but never goes away... Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 I’m so so sorry for your loss. If she was just 53 you are young to be without a mother. I’m so very sorry about that too. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 Please accept my condolences. I lost my mom 8 years ago. It's never easy. Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 I'm sorry to read that you lost your mother, jaclynxox89. From reading your post it seems to me the two of you shared a wonderful love for each other. I can imagine you were the bright star in her life! And you are so healthy to be grieving your loss. I don't know of your beliefs but I lost my dad a few years ago and he was my great support and cheerleader! I think of him often and wish I could talk with him. But, the thing I'm so happy about is that because Jesus Christ came to live on this earth and gave his life for us, I know I'll see dad again and share great talks with him! Right now, though, it may be hard for you to think of the future, I don't know. In any case I do want to give you hugs, though! (((((jaclynxox89.))))) PS Editing to add: If you're up for it, why don't you write a post here about your mother. Who she was, the things she liked, all you did together, etc.? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 PS Editing to add: If you're up for it, why don't you write a post here about your mother. Who she was, the things she liked, all you did together, etc.? good idea LWP 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 PS Editing to add: If you're up for it, why don't you write a post here about your mother. Who she was, the things she liked, all you did together, etc.? You are so sweet, LWP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted September 12, 2019 Share Posted September 12, 2019 (edited) I am so sorry. Your mum was young. Your feelings are entirely natural. I lost my mum too. Everything felt unfair, losing her, suffering, the hospital staff having so little time. I suspect many 'children' feel that. Losing someone is something you 'go through' and none of us knows how to go through it, we just have to. I sometimes think of the things my mum has missed which she would have struggled with, the things she does not have to put up with now - bills, problem neighbours, state of the economy, family illness. That might not sound like much comfort but it helps in a way that she is not facing these things. We do not realise how much we orientate ourselves towards a person until they are gone, then we feel lost. It does gradually get better but memories mix with sadness and I guess that's how we honour those we miss. Edited September 12, 2019 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 good idea LWP Thanks, alpha! You are so sweet, LWP. Thanks for your kind words, CO! Link to post Share on other sites
Zona Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 Don't beat yourself up about not being there when your mom passed. It doesn't always work out that way except in movies. I had visited my mom the day before she died, and even though she had been unresponsive for a few months, when I put her hand in mine and told her that I loved her, she squeezed my hand, so I think her soul was still there, even as her body was failing. I focus on that day, and not the day of her death. Focus on the good memories and not anything negative. Link to post Share on other sites
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