Learning to read signals

[Afellow]

I'm an older male who has never tried pursuing a dating relationship before. Over the years, some women from work have asked me out, and I feel really lucky that they took the chance, but, unfortunately, the relationships didn't work out. I have been considering trying to be more proactive in the dating world, but wasn't sure where to start, so I have been reaching out to people, asking about their experiences.

 

I've heard a lot of advice that makes sense to me, like working to develop better social skills, widening my social circle, going to the gym, changing my wardrobe, but there is one very common bit of advice that baffles me: learning to read and respond to signals that a woman might be interested or attracted to me.

 

I'm intrigued, but I don't think I've ever seen any of those signals. When I (discreetly) look around the social events that I'm attending (or bar, or whatever,) all I see are people just enjoying their evening, whether alone or with friends. Even people standing alone don't seem to be sending any kind of signals to anyone.

 

I've even thought back to the women who asked me out, and I don't remember there being ANY signals that they were interested at all. In one particular case, the woman actually seemed to be avoiding me in the year we worked together, even up to the day she asked me out.

 

It's been suggested that I just have a mental block that doesn't allow me to see the signals, so I'm trying to keep an open mind.

 

The problem is that, so far, no one is able to explain or even describe these signals. Articles on the subject talk about signs of attraction: when women touch their hair, or move into your line of sight, or smile at you, then these might be signs that she is attracted to you. Unfortunately, I see none of these behaviors in women.

 

Obviously SOME women have found me attractive, but the question is, where are the signals? It seems that there isn't much help out there on the subject.

 

I would appreciate any thoughts or feedback

 

Thank you for reading!

[Cersei]

Those signals you speak of....well I don't do any of that and I am around good looking guys all day. I just smile and talk to them. Some do the same in return, others do not.

 

I think you may be misinformed.

[smackie9]

There are no "signals" per say it's being able to read peoples "vibe". It's something you feel and not necessarily physically see. Most physical stuff is so subtle, you really have to know it, to catch it. And that is where your problem lies....you don't know it to see or feel it. You have spent no time over your life learning. You have been emotionally closed off. It's not a simple thing, it takes time to mentally open yourself to be more perceptive. So you need to do real observation of people, not watch people. Look at their posture, where they have their hands, eye movement, facial expression, body language, tone of voice, etc. You have to gather all that info in a split second. There is hope tho. There are plenty of videos on youtube about reading body language, etc. Take what you have learned, and go out into real live situations. Hopefully you will see some results.

[mark clemson]

There are some subtle ones and there are occasionally some REAL obvious ones, depending on the woman involved.

 

Some women are shy or reserved, which explains the one you never saw coming. Also many signals tend to be ambiguous + as you say you may not be the best at reading them.

 

Generally if a woman is interested in you she will be friendly and open to talking with you. That doesn't necessarily mean romantic interest. So it's one "clue" but not a decisive one (few of them are). Here are a few others:

 

- Adjusting or twirling her hair

- Smiling at you

- Subtly displaying her body (e.g. by straightening up or otherwise adjusting location and posture, esp. the neck or torso) (note: DON'T stare as that's offputting; just maintain normal conversation)

- A BIG smile while looking down (avoiding eye contact) then making eye contact by looking up at you + holding the smile

- Lots of eye contact during conversation

- Maintaining interest/keeping the conversation going

- Gently touching your forearm or shoulders during conversation

 

There are many others and some I've experienced were unique and interesting and in a few cases bordered on the realm of absurdity. However, the ones above are more typical.