Boyfriend is suddenly acting weird about an ex, and I think I know why

[nogi]

I have been with current bf for about 1.5 years...we moved in together about 2 months ago and generally everything is wonderful. About 2-3 weeks ago, he mentioned that he saw a guy I used to date (we'll call him Brad) at his gym. We previously met Brad at a wedding where I was introduced him to my bf as someone I 'went out with a few times'...in reality we dated for about 2 months. It was no big deal at the time and when he saw him at the gym, he told me Brad said 'Hi'.

 

 

 

Two nights ago my bf game home from the gym and again mentioned that he saw Brad, but this time started asking about how long we dated, why we stopped, what he is like etc. He has never done this before but we have always been very open about past relationships, etc. I kind of changed the subject as I didn't want to go in to a lot of details about that fact that Brad dumped me for another girl and it was pretty upsetting at the time, but it was over 5 years ago and I'm over it.

 

 

 

Later that night when I tried to initiate sex with my bf, he for the first time that I can ever remember told me that he was tired and sore from working out so wasn't in the mood. As I started to think about our earlier conversation, I think I know why he is all of a sudden acting weird. Given that they go to the same gym, my fear is that he may have seen Brad in the shower or getting dressed and seen his 'manhood'. Brad is EXTREMELY well hung (and I mean extremely) and I'm afraid that my current bf got a glimpse of it and now realizes that Brad and I slept together and now he is insecure about it.

 

 

 

If my suspicion is correct, I'm not sure what to do next. I'm pretty sure he is going to keep probing about my relationship with Brad and whether we had sex...I don't want to lie to him but I also don't want to make him forever insecure. If I come clean, I'll have to tell him that I was pretty much a nympho with Brad...with that much to work with all he had to do was pretty much lay there and I was able to come early and often. When he dumped me, I cried for days but mostly because I missed 'it' and not him...all of this will crush my current bf I am sure and he will realize I haven't been 100% honest with him about Brad.

 

 

Any advice/thoughts appreciated on how to navigate this tricky situation.

[smackie9]

Just gently ask what is going on, because you noticed a change in his behavior.....then proceed to ask ..."Is this about Brad?" If he blows it off, tell him to let you know when he is ready to talk about whatever it is. Then leave it. Either he will come out with it, or her will get over it.

Guys don't like to admit they are feeling insecure. Pushing them to admit it is even worse. They need to deal with it on their own.

As for your experience, it's none of your bf's bizwax. Yes everyone is going to have a lover in their past that was extraordinary. It's a fact of life.

Edited September 12, 2019 by smackie9

[nogi]

Just gently ask what is going on, because you noticed a change in his behavior.....then proceed to ask ..."Is this about Brad?" If he blows it off, tell him to let you know when he is ready to talk about whatever it is. Then leave it. Either he will come out with it, or her will get over it.

Guys don't like to admit they are feeling insecure. Pushing them to admit it is even worse. They need to deal with it on their own.

As for your experience, it's none of your bf's bizwax. Yes everyone is going to have a lover in their past that was extraordinary. It's a fact of life.

 

 

While I think it is a good idea to ask him if everything is all right again, I don't think me bringing up Brad's name directly would be a good idea...I'm 90% sure that I'm right but on the 10% chance I'm not, I don't want to make him start asking about Brad if I don't have to.

 

 

 

While I agree it is none of his business and he should get over it, the fact that we have been so open to date about our respective dating pasts and sex partners will make it again a bigger deal if I imply that he just needs to get it over it. He has had a lot more partners than me and I might have led him to believe he was the biggest of I've had so far, but if he saw Brad's monster cock I know he will know it is all a big lie at this point. The biggest thing I am concerned about is if he point blank asks me if I had sex with Brad and how many times (the answer is too many to count)

 

 

 

He was very distant again last night and wouldn't even let me give him a blow job..I'm going to try to talk to him tonight and hope that we can get past this soon.

[oldtruck]

Later that night when I tried to initiate sex with my bf, he for the first time that I can ever remember told me that he was tired and sore from working out so wasn't in the mood. As I started to think about our earlier conversation, I think I know why he is all of a sudden acting weird. Given that they go to the same gym, my fear is that he may have seen Brad in the shower or getting dressed and seen his 'manhood'. Brad is EXTREMELY well hung (and I mean extremely) and I'm afraid that my current bf got a glimpse of it and now realizes that Brad and I slept together and now he is insecure about it.

 

 

 

If my suspicion is correct, I'm not sure what to do next. I'm pretty sure he is going to keep probing about my relationship with Brad and whether we had sex...I don't want to lie to him but I also don't want to make him forever insecure. If I come clean, I'll have to tell him that I was pretty much a nympho with Brad...with that much to work with all he had to do was pretty much lay there and I was able to come early and often. When he dumped me, I cried for days but mostly because I missed 'it' and not him...all of this will crush my current bf I am sure and he will realize I haven't been 100% honest with him about Brad.

 

 

Any advice/thoughts appreciated on how to navigate this tricky situation.

 

There is a difference between being brutally honest and being honest.

 

I would not bring up your dating with the xBF. Let your current BF do that

himself. If he asks why you broke up just tell him he decided he did not

want to date you any more.

 

When it comes to sex do not volunteer information. Just answer only what

was asked.

 

Examples:

Did you and xbf have sex?

Yes

 

How good was the sex with xbf?

Sex is enjoyable, I enjoyed sex with him, I enjoy sex with you.

 

Who is better?

Sex is not a competition for me. Sex makes me feel good. I do not

keep score.

 

How big was xbf penis?

I did not measure it, it was above average and yours is above average.

I do not find you lacking in there.

 

Now if you do not want to keep this relationship than you can say just what

you told us. That you could not get enough of xbf's huge cock and how

it made you cum fast and cum often. Then in those 2 months it was too

many to be able to count.

[PRW]

While I think it is a good idea to ask him if everything is all right again, I don't think me bringing up Brad's name directly would be a good idea...I'm 90% sure that I'm right but on the 10% chance I'm not, I don't want to make him start asking about Brad if I don't have to.

You just don't bring it up at all.

 

Men are not women.

We don't work things out by talking about it,...especially our feelings.

We work things out by being alone with our thoughts and working it out in our own minds,...in solitude.

 

Leave him alone.

[crispytoast]

Definitely don't say anything about exBFs dick size or sexual prowess. You don't have a 100% responsibility to say it all. That's an easy way to turn a small problem into a big problem.

 

Although, imagine being insecure about your partner having dated a guy named Brad

[nogi]

There is a difference between being brutally honest and being honest.

 

I would not bring up your dating with the xBF. Let your current BF do that

himself. If he asks why you broke up just tell him he decided he did not

want to date you any more.

 

When it comes to sex do not volunteer information. Just answer only what

was asked.

 

[edited]

 

Now if you do not want to keep this relationship than you can say just what

you told us. That you could not get enough of xbf's huge cock and how

it made you cum fast and cum often. Then in those 2 months it was too

many to be able to count.

 

 

Yes I definitely want to keep this relationship...i like your approach and thoughts of others that this is one of those cases where complete honesty might not be the right path. I am going to tread lightly and give him time and space to work it out...if he can't get over it then I'll decide what to do...he's a wonderful and generally confident guy so I think he will.

[smackie9]

If he doesn't lighten up, tell him you feel he is punishing you for something....and that is being really unfair.

[Timshel]

Well, you are making quite an assumption that your bf is intimidated by 'Brad's' d size. While that may be what is at the forefront of your mind, I would hesitate to agree.

Is it possible that your bf just doesn't care to be regularly reminded of your past liaisons? Is it possible that 'Brad' being, well, 'Brad' said something unflattering about you because he has no investment in the well being of your current relationship? Ya never know.

 

Anyway, I agree with Smackie, if he continues to distance himself from you, address it as a grown up and that does not include telling him it must be because 'Brad' has a bigger d.

[nogi]

Well, you are making quite an assumption that your bf is intimidated by 'Brad's' d size. While that may be what is at the forefront of your mind, I would hesitate to agree.

Is it possible that your bf just doesn't care to be regularly reminded of your past liaisons? Is it possible that 'Brad' being, well, 'Brad' said something unflattering about you because he has no investment in the well being of your current relationship? Ya never know.

 

Anyway, I agree with Smackie, if he continues to distance himself from you, address it as a grown up and that does not include telling him it must be because 'Brad' has a bigger d.

 

 

I suppose it is possible I am assuming, but when he brought up "Brad" the other day I asked if he spoke to him and he said no, so I don't think he was saying anything unflattering. I also don't think "Brad" cares enough to go out of his way to disrespect me...he didn't seem to care to much when we talked briefly at the wedding. I think I'm just one of many girls whose brains he ****ed out over the years.

[d0nnivain]

Do not talk about it!!! Even if your BF did see your EX, that doesn't mean he will survive having a conversation with you about their relative sizes. OMG. I can't think of anything that would be more emasculating to him.

 

Instead show him how sexy he is by wearing something naughty, sexting him during the day & basically just pouncing on him. If he claims to be tired, assure him all he has to do is lay there & you will do all the work. He will come around, don't worry.

[oldtruck]

I suppose it is possible I am assuming, but when he brought up "Brad" the other day I asked if he spoke to him and he said no, so I don't think he was saying anything unflattering. I also don't think "Brad" cares enough to go out of his way to disrespect me...he didn't seem to care to much when we talked briefly at the wedding. I think I'm just one of many girls whose brains he ****ed out over the years.

 

I see more of a problem with you.

 

You already established his tool is the biggest you ever had.

That he made you cum fast and multiple times every session.

 

So why on this post do you mention that you were one of the many girls

whose brains he has f'd out?

[Poutrew]

Your bf already knows. Not only does your bf know how large 'Brad' is, Brad also knows how small (in comparison) your bf is, and one way or another, word got back to bf. If he also knows what an out of control size queen you were back then, well, I'm afraid this relationship is toast...really, what exactly can you say now that will comfort your boyfriend? That was then this is now...your size doesn't really matter... you are the better lover... don't judge me... I love you for who you are as a whole person, not just a walking penis, or one of any number of other lies? This is a perfect example where a person's past walks up to them and bites them on the tush…

[nogi]

I see more of a problem with you.

 

You already established his tool is the biggest you ever had.

That he made you cum fast and multiple times every session.

 

So why on this post do you mention that you were one of the many girls

whose brains he has f'd out?

 

 

I ONLY brought this up in the context of someone claiming that maybe Brad was talking about me...not sure why that makes you have a problem with me.

[nogi]

Your bf already knows. Not only does your bf know how large 'Brad' is, Brad also knows how small (in comparison) your bf is, and one way or another, word got back to bf. If he also knows what an out of control size queen you were back then, well, I'm afraid this relationship is toast...really, what exactly can you say now that will comfort your boyfriend? That was then this is now...your size doesn't really matter... you are the better lover... don't judge me... I love you for who you are as a whole person, not just a walking penis, or one of any number of other lies? This is a perfect example where a person's past walks up to them and bites them on the tush…

 

 

Wow that is really just a depressing take...I still have hope that we can get past it.

[oldtruck]

I ONLY brought this up in the context of someone claiming that maybe Brad was talking about me...not sure why that makes you have a problem with me.

 

Wow that is really just a depressing take...I still have hope that we can get past it.

 

The problem is you with yourself. You keep going on how the sex with your

xBF was the best ever. This does nothing to help you find answers.

 

I have never seen a woman gush on and on about how good the sex was

with her ex.

 

What do you think would happen if your BF found this thread and read it?

You need to have filters. Think before speaking. Ask do I need to say this

before you do.

 

As said before show your BF that you want him. Send him some flirty texts,

put on something that you know he likes on you before he gets home.

Flirt and tease him some more through the evening. Initiate sex.

 

If he turns you down then gently ask him why he has been off sex the

last few days. Did you do something. He can talk about anything he

wants with you without fear that you would get mad or upset.

You want the relationship back on track.

 

You need to show sexual desire and show him that he is safe to talk about

anything with you so you get him to open up to you.

[smackie9]

As said before show your BF that you want him. Send him some flirty texts,

put on something that you know he likes on you before he gets home.

Flirt and tease him some more through the evening. Initiate sex.

 

 

You need to show sexual desire and show him that he is safe to talk about

anything with you so you get him to open up to you.

If you have read through this thread she has and even offer a bj, tried to talk to him, and he gives her the excuse he is tired. That is why she is here..he keeps rejecting her. She's just trying to figure things out, thinking of the worse like most do. Give her a break.

[oldtruck]

If you have read through this thread she has and even offer a bj, tried to talk to him, and he gives her the excuse he is tired. That is why she is here..he keeps rejecting her. She's just trying to figure things out, thinking of the worse like most do. Give her a break.

 

Offering a BJ is not teasing. Teasing is building the desire as in seducing

throughout the day so that by evening he will want sex.

 

Talking about how great a F her xBF was on and on does not help her or enable

her to get better advice. All that does is leave a paper trail for her BF to find

out that not only was the xBF's penis a lot larger than his, the xBF was so

much better at sex than him. That is not a smart thing to do.

 

All the OP had to do was talk about how she thinks there is a problem to with

her BF seeing how much bigger the xBF's penis is than his.

 

Also he will not talk if he does not feel safe. She needs to make him feel

safe enough to open up. Offering sex alone is not going to help that to

happen.

 

She needs to talk to him to accomplish that. Starting with I notice you have

not wanted sex after you met my xBF. Is there a connection? I do not

want to go back with him. He did not treat me that good. Dating is the

job interview for marriage. XBF failed the first round job interview.

 

You on the other hand have made it back to the second round. I think you

are a keeper.

[usa1ah]

If Brad is an azzhat then your bf knows by word of mouth what you were like with him. Guys brag about who they have been with and how crazy the girl was with them. If Brad knew you couldn’t get enough then so does your bf.

 

Have you ever been with your bf like your were with Brad? If not then your bf knows he can’t make you feel the same. He already knows he is not able satisfy you by you own actions.

[usa1ah]

A final thought, if Brad has any pictures or videos of you and him together your boyfriend might have seen them.

[smackie9]

Offering a BJ is not teasing. Teasing is building the desire as in seducing

throughout the day so that by evening he will want sex.

I have never ever had a guy reject a BJ let alone have a guy not feeling it because I didn't "tease or seduce" him through out the day.

Edited September 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote edited

[usa1ah]

That’s why I believe this is more than her boyfriend seeing her ex in the shower.

[crispytoast]

Guys brag about who they have been with and how crazy the girl was with them.

A real man doesn't kiss and tell. He lets his sex partners do it for him.

[smackie9]

So OP any updates?

[usa1ah]

A real man doesn't kiss and tell. He lets his sex partners do it for him.

 

Azzhats do. I have seen it happen to many times.