I’m very lonely..

[Tagalz]

Hi. This may or may not be the right forum for this topic but since they are lots of people here... why not try?

 

when I was a kid I could speak freely and had alot of friends who I was being social with. I had alot of freedom and didn’t care much since I was a kid.

 

As I grew older I experienced many people being an *******. My parents told me that it’s because they think I’m acting weird but I’m not sure myself. I could write a whole book if I want to but I will keep it short here. Because of my experience it shaped me as the person I am today.

 

I’m lonely at work and when I’m off work. I come home watch netflix or play games everyday.

 

I don’t have good relations with many of my co-worker and that’s mainly due to my social skills and me possibly overthinking. There is a guy (we can call him for Tom). Tom is getting along with absolutely everyone and I envy him because I want to be like him

 

Yesterday a girl who I get along with suddendly stopped talking when me, her and Tom was behind the cashier. So when I was off to go get some food the girl started talking to Tom. when I was done eating and went back she just stopped. It’s not me overthinking but it’s a sign that she doesn’t like me.

 

I took all the jokes to seriously when a girl was joking and got angry. I did not like how she did it because that is not giving me any signs of it being a joke. The aftermath got me in a bad light because everyone knew about the situation so I lost my dignity. Not only that but my working schedule was changed also. I think they did changed it because of me so that I can get along with few of them. I’m working with less people now and usually there is alot of people in the Cinema’s

 

When it comes to friends I only have 1. I had to cut off most friends because they were not the real ones.

 

I try my best to open up and get to know my co-workers and every people around me but I find it very difficult since I’m afraid they would be *******’s like everyone else that I’ve met. I have trust issues and don’t want any drama.

 

 

Any advice?

[alphamale]

what do single people do in Oslo?

[Foxhall]

A lot of teenagers would have these issues but then things usually smooth over in your 20s, usually meet nicer people and so on.

 

I see you are having a lot of these "teenage problems" still but no harm in being a later developer,

 

perhaps forget about the workmates as regards friendships, you seem to be on shaky ground in that environment,

 

try more of these meet-up groups outside of the workplace, how did that soccer one go?

maybe set up another one,

 

you will improve at the social stuff, like say in a year from now you will be better than you are today,

also you were in Japan was'nt it recently so I mean your doing well really , you are getting out having new experiences and all that.

[mortensorchid]

I think there are some things you can do to improve on your social skills with others. I have a friend who goes to an autism group therapy session and that includes social skills. He's an odd guy, but then again I'm an odd gal as well so that's why we're friends. I just recently realized that I talk and say strange things to people, I have to remind myself to keep my mouth shut at all times unless necessary. Speak when spoken to, and keep things all business with people. That seems to help my situation. I'm friendly but not overly friendly with others. There are two kinds of people in the world : Those who Can Do and Say anything they want and get away with it, and those who Can't. I am in the Can't category. Why? I'm not sure, I just know I am in the Can't. But that's a source of debate for another thread.

 

If you're looking to make new friends, I don't know what to tell you. Sometimes work is a good place to find them but I learned the hard way a long time ago that coworkers are anything but friends. Someone accused me of always posting the NEVER RULE with coworkers. In some cases, though, yes you could be but it has to be a very particular situation. If you are one of these people, I envy you and all others.

 

Look for adult things to do rather than kid things (seeing rock music every weekend and going to raves, for example, is not an adult thing to do). Get involved with the community somehow and it can open up new things to you.

 

I ended my relationships with a few community organizations in the last few years, I am looking for another few to be involved in. Don't give up on yourself. You have a lot to offer, you have a lot of potential, and while life is hard, know that you too can survive this. Work out as it will improve your physical and mental health as well. Don't pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a hard one.

[preraph]

Maybe you're trying too hard and too focused on becoming friends with them and the intensity is what makes them uncomfortable. I'd stick to your one friend. We can't all be social butterflies.

[schlumpy]

Can you sing? Join a choir. It will provide fertile ground for learning how to cooperate with others as well as providing you with an improved skill. Group sports are another activity that will provide the same training.

 

Do you have a pet? Pets are very good at allowing people to strike up conversations and they will ease the loneliness you feel.

 

Do you like winter sports such as cross country skiing?

 

Are you on some kind of psycho-active medication? Many times there are side effects to these drugs and you can discuss ways with your doctor to minimize those effects.

[Gretchen12]

Listen to your parents. If they say you're acting weird, they know something. Parents can be very direct. And because they know you, you're forced to be completely honest with yourself. They want you to change for the better.

[smackie9]

I'm going to tell you this: you are wasting your thoughts on what people may think about you, because the reality is, people are not thinking anything about you. So you need to shrug it off and just be happy go lucky and positive.....and just not care what anyone thinks....even tho they think nothing! lol.

[S2B]

Go volunteer!

 

I’ve noticed I’m never lonely or depressed when I’m helping others.

[Tagalz]

what do single people do in Oslo?

 

Single people are social unlike me and you can find them at parties or doing other things like taking a guitar course or something. Also hanging with their friends of course

[Tagalz]

So you need to shrug it off and just be happy go lucky and positive.....and just not care what anyone thinks....even tho they think nothing! lol.

 

Let’s be honest that’s not true. Everyone has their own opinion on colleagues or even friends. It’s just what you are doing to your thought agree?

[alphamale]

Single people are social unlike me and you can find them at parties or doing other things like taking a guitar course or something. Also hanging with their friends of course

 

in a normal person being lonely would inspire them to become more social. if you have some medical reason such as anxiety or depression then please address that first. you should see a physician

[Tagalz]

Can you sing? Join a choir. It will provide fertile ground for learning how to cooperate with others as well as providing you with an improved skill. Group sports are another activity that will provide the same training.

 

Do you have a pet? Pets are very good at allowing people to strike up conversations and they will ease the loneliness you feel.

 

Do you like winter sports such as cross country skiing?

 

Are you on some kind of psycho-active medication?.

 

I cannot sing but that gave me a good idea. Instead of joining a choir I could learn to play on the piano or guitar.

 

Yes I have a pet but it doesn’t live with me tho.

 

I don’t like winter sports and I hate winter in general hahha. Also no I’m not on a psycho active medication

[Tagalz]

Maybe you're trying too hard and too focused on becoming friends with them and the intensity is what makes them uncomfortable. I'd stick to your one friend. We can't all be social butterflies.

 

Yes I’m trying hard, but I don’t think that’s the reason (:

[Tagalz]

in a normal person being lonely would inspire them to become more social. if you have some medical reason such as anxiety or depression then please address that first. you should see a physician

 

Yes I should but you need to have good reason. The rules here in Norway is that you need to see your regular doctor and explain to him what’s going on and he will first think about if it’s such of a big problem to contact a physician or going to a therapy. If my regular doctor doesn’t think it’s such a problem he will tell me and refuse me.

 

This option is free and will take less time but only downside is that doctor’s usually tends to be strict about it.

 

The second option is to contact a private physician and they will put you on a waiting list. This takes time and costs money and since it’s private they could just scam you for money with answers that doesn’t even help. This route is usually not recommended.

Edited September 13, 2019 by Tagalz

[preraph]

When we're Young especially when we're teenagers we think everyone is staring at us and thinking something about us, and the truth is most people are just as self-absorbed as you are and are thinking the same thing but are only focused on themselves. you grossly overestimated how much anyone else is giving you any thought at all. And you don't need everyone's approval. Be polite and professional or polite and friendly depending on the circumstances but not overly so and don't ever try to stick to someone and you will have other people's respect whether you become close or not. Having people's respect is what you should aim for. Most people simply can't get everyone's approval or be friends with everyone.

[d0nnivain]

Work if for fulfilling some need somebody pays you to fulfill. It's nice when you can be cordial with colleagues but work is not for making friends.

 

What about reconnecting with old friends from high school? Who's in your neighborhood?

[alphamale]

Yes I should but you need to have good reason. The rules here in Norway is that you need to see your regular doctor and explain to him what’s going on and he will first think about if it’s such of a big problem to contact a physician or going to a therapy. If my regular doctor doesn’t think it’s such a problem he will tell me and refuse me.

 

tell your doctor you're thinking of suicide due to your problem, that will get his/her attention

[smackie9]

Let’s be honest that’s not true. Everyone has their own opinion on colleagues or even friends. It’s just what you are doing to your thought agree?

Nope. people may have a flash millisecond opinion about someone, but they don't fill their thoughts on it constantly. They are thinking about what's going on with their own life. I know I have better things to think about....don't you?

[Tagalz]

tell your doctor you're thinking of suicide due to your problem, that will get his/her attention

 

Hahaah got to put on a act

[Tagalz]

Mortenschild think there are some things you can do to improve on your social skills with others. I have a friend who goes to an autism group therapy session and that includes social skills. I'm friendly but not overly friendly with others. There are two kinds of people in the world : Those who Can Do and Say anything they want and get away with it, and those who Can't. I am in the Can't category. Why? I'm not sure, I just know I am in the Can't. But that's a source of debate for another thread.

 

If you're looking to make new friends, I don't know what to tell you. Sometimes work is a good place to find them but I learned the hard way a long time ago that coworkers are anything but friends. Someone accused me of always posting the NEVER RULE with coworkers. In some cases, though, yes you could be but it has to be a very particular situation. If you are one of these people, I envy you and all others.

 

————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

 

At first I thought I had Autism as well but I think I’m more an Introvert person who has personal dissorder. I tend to feel uncomfortable when there is alot of people and I always feel like I’m being myself when it’s just two people. If it was in a group I would be invisible because I can’t get into to the conversation so I like talking when there is just two people.

 

Yes work is a good place to get new friends but that’s really hard. It’s a thing were you both need the same interest and you both need alot to talk about.

 

I got a new friend from my previous job but it requires certain aspect like you need to establish a good work relation and then you get that by working together alot. While working together alot you really need to talk and see if you have the same interest. I did and he was the one who initiate contact by saying «hey we have been working together for a while now and we have alot of the same interest, what do you say if we meet up outside of work?

 

Comparing my relations to other colleagues in the cinema is way different. I get along with few but even that doesn’t help me get new friends cause yes we get along but we don’t have same interest. It’s just work related talk. See my point?

[preraph]

Tagalz, whatever it is that keeps you feeling like something is off, therapy and diagnosing that would likely bring you some peace of mind at a bare minimum. There's nothing awfully wrong with you. You seem to have an unrealistic idea of how people should interact with you. It's never any good being the one trying too hard. It usually scares people off. But again, you seem like a nice person and probably you're the kind who ends up with a couple good friends rather than a social group. As are many of us. But something keeps you confused about that, and therapy is a good idea if you can get it. They need to diagnose you, find out your strength and weaknesses. You know, even people who score high to the disorder point have some strengths they can play up.

[Tagalz]

A lot of teenagers would have these issues but then things usually smooth over in your 20s, usually meet nicer people and so on.

 

I see you are having a lot of these "teenage problems" still but no harm in being a later developer,

 

perhaps forget about the workmates as regards friendships, you seem to be on shaky ground in that environment,

 

try more of these meet-up groups outside of the workplace, how did that soccer one go?

maybe set up another one,

 

you will improve at the social stuff, like say in a year from now you will be better than you are today,

also you were in Japan was'nt it recently so I mean your doing well really , you are getting out having new experiences and all that.

 

«teenage problems» like what? I don’t think I really have that? Yes because I’m

Not good at being social so I’m often times alone at work. The soocer meetup is not going to happend after all. I posted about it on facebook just to see how many was interested but it died down and no one is really down anymore. Which means I also have to delete the meetup apps cause there’s nothing else I want to attend.

 

Yeah I really needed that vacation. My energy was used alot for work and I was tired most of the time. It was refreshing.

[preraph]

Also, do you have a pet, a dog or cat? You've never lonely if you have a dog, I've found.

[Foxhall]

Yes I meant really that feelings of being the odd one out and so on are are more typical in the teenage years, usually by 20s people have become more mature and are nicer to others,

 

anyway not to worry you are having some of these issues at this stage.

 

Ye the other posters make good points there really,

 

perhaps a life coach might help you in terms of boosting your confidence and giving you a definite path to follow,

 

I had a great group of friends at your age, they put me right on how to deal with social situations and helped me through moments where I did not know what to do, did not know what to say and so on,

 

it might be that you just need to find a group of decent people who will not judge you for any "weirdness" you have and will help you to fit in,

I guess its not always easy to meet these people, as you mention you are finding that hard with your current workmates, but dont worry about that,deal with it in the way Preraph describes above.

 

keep joining in things, try another meet-up group and work towards a social night out before Christmas, try to get to know people gradually,

you seem a friendly chap so just get out there getting involved in things,

 

from your other threads you have a slight issue with getting confrontational, so maybe try and hold back on being argumentative with people,

not suggesting you be too timid either, one needs to be their own man, but perhaps try that approach of just fitting in being one of the crowd for a while.