Strange situation

[Fair]

I've had a very odd situation come up.

 

An old teacher of mine from years back has become my counsellor because that's what his new profession is.

 

He always liked me in school. This is why he offered to help me with my anxiety via fb.

 

Last night he phoned for a counselling session and we talked for two hours. I told him about some of the things contributing to my anxiety and overall depression which would have been fine, but he couldn't quit smiling or laughing while I was talking.

 

I know why he was doing it. I have a quirky nature and sometimes the way I express myself is unintentionally funny, sometimes there's just a dry, crackling humor behind even the most serious things I say, and I did tell him about some very serious issues wherein I nevertheless cracked him up. I was fine last night while we were talking but today feel a little humiliated. He wasn't doing it to be mean or insensitive, but just couldn't seem to keep a straight face. Again, I can be very unintentionally funny in person.

 

Don't know if I want to continue this strange situation, though. I kind of regret telling him anything, now. Kind of want to pull away entirely from him.

 

What do you all think of this. Should I continue talking to him or should I cut this off. It's free counselling he's offering but I've always felt a little funny about this since I knew him when I was a kid and I'm not sure he respects the pain I feel. Don't know if I'm over reacting or what to do with this situation at all.

 

I think he was laughing a lot because he just likes me as a person and yet... blah. I really don't know what to think. Opinions please.

 

I seem to have a knack for stepping into the weirdest situations. Maybe I just don't have any common sense. lol.

Edited September 13, 2019 by Fair

[schlumpy]

It's a 50/50 proposition. He knows you well so he brings bias with him during the sessions which isn't good. If you talk about something that is humiliating that could come back to haunt you.

 

But it could work out that his familiarity with you works in your favor and he can quickly get to the bottom of your problem and suggest some effective behavioral therapies or even a drug that might help you out.

 

My personal preference would be for a therapist I had never met.

 

You will have to make the call.

[Fair]

Well I already opened my mouth and told him everything that's bothering me right now.

 

Didn't really appreciate his laughter, but then.... I really don't know which way to take it. I just feel dumb.

Edited September 13, 2019 by Fair

[crispytoast]

I sometimes laugh when someone is telling me something negative. I've had lots of bad things happen to me and have developed a rather morbid sense of humor. I certainly don't intend it as disrespect, it's more of a "I remember the first time that happened to me." This is probably a bad habit though. I can't tell you whether or not you should keep seeking counsel from this man, but hopefully if you do my words can help you not feel quite as attacked.

[Fair]

It's the way I talk. I've got a quirky way of speaking.

 

However... I don't know.

 

I will talk to him one more time. I honestly don't know how I feel about this right now. I'm just going to be more cautious next session and listen more.

 

It could be the one or two comments he made that made me on comfortable... such as... "I noticed you have TWO friends on FB."

 

Was he making fun of me. I have two gal pals who comment the most on my posts but I have more than 'two' friends on facebook. Then he mentioned something about a netflix series about an 'odd' or a lonely woman or something... I didn't really catch the title but he suggested I watch it. I felt a bit of a dig there again.

 

I have difficulty determining if I'm being hypervigilant or not. I've had so many bad experiences with crappy people.

[The Outlaw]

Speak to him about it. It's free counseling and while speaking to a therapist you've never met before may work for others, I'd rather deal with someone that I've known for awhile that knows my case history. But with any luck, hopefully he won't crack up anymore.

[alphamale]

this is a totally creepy situation Fair. Please discontinue. You are getting what you pay for which is nothing.

 

In addition, he wants to get into your pants

[Fair]

@alphamale

 

OMG. Do you really think so? He must be nearly seventy.

 

Totally creepy? Please elaborate. Not everyone who has replied so far thinks so. Why is it 'totally creepy.'

[alphamale]

@alphamale

 

OMG. Do you really think so? He must be nearly seventy.

 

Totally creepy? Please elaborate. Not everyone who has replied so far thinks so. Why is it 'totally creepy.'

 

the brain has switched off for the evening

 

i'll reply tomorrow

[Fair]

Any and all opinions are sincerely needed. I'm a little thrown off balance by this it's not an everyday situation and I'm no good dealing with other people at the best of times.

[Fair]

Alpha is probably right. I'm getting what I'm paying for. Zilch.

 

He's dropped a few subtle clues that he doesn't even respect me. I shouldn't be surprised at anything and indeed discontinue.

 

I'm heartbroken, though. Since I got sick with anxiety I haven't had anyone around but opportunists.

[schlumpy]

Alpha is probably right. I'm getting what I'm paying for. Zilch.

 

He's dropped a few subtle clues that he doesn't even respect me. I shouldn't be surprised at anything and indeed discontinue.

 

I'm heartbroken, though. Since I got sick with anxiety I haven't had anyone around but opportunists.

 

I think you have tendency to read something other then what the other person intended but you do know this guy so perhaps your reads are on the money.

 

This is the bias I was speaking of. When I know someone I will speak to them in a way that is way different than if they were an unknown. He can't help but slip beyond the bounds of professional conduct even if he exerts a mental effort not to do so.

 

I question if whether his sessions will lessen your anxiety or add a new one to the list.

[Rayce]

The guys sounds creepy to me. I agree with schlumpy... personal preference would be for a therapist I had never met.

[alphamale]

The guys sounds creepy to me.

 

now that's an understatement

[Fair]

I question if whether his sessions will lessen your anxiety or add a new one to the list.

 

It's already adding a new one. You are right.

 

During our 'session', it began to feel like he was just fishing for personal info. He wanted to find out who likes me, who doesn't... WHY they don't... how close I am to the friends I do have.

 

I'm scared now. I told him too much.

 

Problem with me is I trusted him way back when I was in school. But that was a long time ago and I was just a kid.

 

I blocked him on fb.

[mark clemson]

If he's an MFT or similar this sounds WAY out of bounds. At least where I am they have a pretty strict code of ethics about developing personal ties of any kind with a client. No doubt there are good reasons for that. The "depths" to which you are supposed to be able to go with a counselor are not necessarily material for most friends. And the emotional vulnerability etc that can be created is too easily exploited outside of a professional setting.

 

It sounds to me like this guy's in the wrong field.

[Fair]

I have to agree, mark Clemson.

 

Luckily for me he doesn't live anywhere near where I live.

 

Unlucky for me, he still shows up here to visit old friends and he knows where I live. He showed up on my deck this summer.

 

No doubt he's using his profession to get close to me. It's probably the only way he knows how.

 

Act first, regret later. That seems to be a thing with me. It's just that I've been dealing with anxiety for so long... and support tends to be scarce. I grabbed onto the chance to talk.

[alphamale]

He showed up on my deck this summer.

 

if that isn't creepy I don't know what is

[Fair]

Yet I can't help but notice every single man who has even spoken to me is touted on loveshack is being 'creepy.' Even when they're not. It makes me wonder...

 

But I have to agree the counsellor is creepy.

[The Outlaw]

You may need to take it a step further than just blocking him, you should also report him. It's possible he's either done this to other people, or he still is. But randomly showing up like that is beyond creepy.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Yet I can't help but notice every single man who has even spoken to me is touted on loveshack is being 'creepy.' Even when they're not. It makes me wonder...

 

But I have to agree the counsellor is creepy.

 

I didn't think the lawn mower repair guy was creepy. But, this guy sure is. Showing up on your deck! Sorry, he wants to get close to you, too close.

[Veronica73]

Also, offering free therapy is creepy, unless you’re doing it through normal means, like a sliding scale thing or getting it through your insurance or the government healthcare system. Huge, waving red flag. Also, not that I’m an expert...but aren’t most therapy appointments an hour? 2 hours seems long.

[FMW]

Well, context is everything.

 

As far as showing up on your deck - do you mean as in just showing up for a visit without any warning? Depending on the dynamics of your community, if he knew you as a kid he may have just thought it was ok to stop by if he was in the area. I grew up in a place where no one would think anything of that, even if you hadn't seen in each other in years.

 

As to the phone session, without knowing exactly what you said and how you said it (you acknowledge you can be unintentionally funny) there's no way of knowing if his laughing was just him trying to lighten the situation or trying to follow your tone if he thought you were intentionally being funny. But it doesn't sound professional.

 

Regardless, it made you uncomfortable so just don't have any further contact with him. Don't freak out and jump to dire conclusions though. Don't frighten yourself by dwelling on worst case creepy explanations. And don't let it stop you from seeking services from a trained counselor you locate through standard channels.

[alphamale]

Also, offering free therapy is creepy, unless you’re doing it through normal means, like a sliding scale thing or getting it through your insurance or the government healthcare system. Huge, waving red flag. Also, not that I’m an expert...but aren’t most therapy appointments an hour? 2 hours seems long.

 

many are only 30 minutes V73

[Fair]

Everyone who said he's creepy was right.

 

When he showed up here he was in town visiting others as well, and walked over from my neighbor's. Not too creepy. He taught school in this town for years.

 

HOWEVER, I just talked to my best friend about him. He's a nut case. He's a pedophile or something close to it and plays head games and is a total creep... a predator.

 

I asked about him because he was giving me funny vibes on the phone. He was taking subtle digs at me and I got off the phone feeling like something was off.