Big Aus Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 Common question I suppose when it comes to breakups, but I would really like some honest opinions, and maybe suggestions on how to do it better. Covered the details in other threads, but basic outline: Met this person online. Chatted, texted, spoke on phone, and finally went on a few dates (3). Didn't feel much the first time, but 2nd was better, and 3rd ok. History of severely mixed messages, and bizarre life history. Already seeing problems for the future, but persevered. Talk of 4th date, movies and wine in her apartment, led to open and honest talk of it leading to sex, which she said she was fine with, that it would be nice, and that she liked me even more. Half an hour later, she blurts out "I'm not planning to sleep with you anytime soon" and "need to keep it in your pants til you put a ring on it." Many, many things became clear (including bizarre life story) when she admitted to being Bi-Polar, and heavily medicated. Having suffered fro Depression myself, I am sympathetic. Having being married to somebody with a personality disorder & psychotic delusions, and knowing my own mental weaknesses, I said said I was scared of pursuing the relationship further. She said that even if we were married I "would hot have to be there for her because she had plenty of friends". Anyway, I told her she was lovely, said I was sorry if I'd led her on, but I was too scared of my own problems with depression to pursue a relationship leading to marriage. (In truth, I'm just scared of her, and feel I dodged a bullet.) I know this hurt her, but I feel continuing to date her would only have made things worse in the end. She went through the "7 stages of grief" in about 7 minutes, getting extremely angry. When the name-calling started, I blocked her number and stopped replying. I feel bad, but what was I supposed to do? Any advice welcome. Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 Don't feel bad. She sounds insane. You did the right thing and was very mature about it. She clearly has issues so you were right to call time. This wasn't going anywhere good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
crispytoast Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 3 dates and already talking about marriage. Yes, you dodged a bullet. No you aren't the bad guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
balletomane Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 I haven't seen your other threads, but based on this info alone, I don't think either of you was the bad guy. You both have your own difficulties, and you recognised that hers were going to be too much for you to manage. It's entirely reasonable to step away if that's the case, and it's better to do it sooner rather than later, when attachments are stronger and expectations likely to be higher. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 Dating is about finding compatibility. You found a deal-breaker and you ended it like any normal sensible person would have done. Too many find deal breakers and then try to change the other into someone they really want, with often disastrous results... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 dude you did the right thing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Big Aus Posted September 13, 2019 Author Share Posted September 13, 2019 3 dates and already talking about marriage. Yes, you dodged a bullet. No you aren't the bad guy. Thanks, Just to be clear we weren't "talking about marriage" I simply made the point (as nicely as I knew how) that I couldn't see the relationship having a future. Link to post Share on other sites
crispytoast Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 (edited) You didn't, she did. If you don't see the relationship having a future, then I think you already know the answer to your original question. Glad to help, my friend. Edited September 13, 2019 by crispytoast 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 Nothing to feel bad about. But next time ... stop at the "I see problems in the future" ... that's the time to hit pause and not go any further. How did you ignore this feeling and get into a discussion of sex? Pay attention to your feelings ... Perhaps 2 dates here would have been appropriate ... and then end things right then and there. In my view, if you're seeing problems in the future, that means you're not feeling strong attraction to a compelling person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 I'll never understand the anger somebody can harbor against an individual who is simply being honest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 I'll never understand the anger somebody can harbor against an individual who is simply being honest. Anger is a bi-product of hurt, disappointment, confusion, etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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