BaileyB Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 You apologize for leading him on then you continue to lead him on some more. This pretty much sums up your conversation this morning... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 I respectfully disagree with this one. Everyone's a little bit different and some folks enjoy casual flirting with no intent of straying. Do the spouses of "some folks" enjoy their casual flirting, game players and cuckolds aside? There are plenty of threads here over discomfort with the amount and tenor of a spouse's opposite sex interactions, regardless of intent. If you moderate your discussion and body language, it's pretty easy to be friendly without giving off the wrong signals. And if the OP were to be honest, don't think her goals were innocent or particularly defensible... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 You wore them to look attractive for him. It's obvious. Tights with a dress or tunic are simply a warm and comfy alternative to jeans. How you can contrive this as dressing for a man is beyond me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 Tights with a dress or tunic are simply a warm and comfy alternative to jeans. How you can contrive this as dressing for a man is beyond me. And considering how many women consider yoga pants to be a regular part of their daily wardrobe, I tend to agree... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 Do the spouses of "some folks" enjoy their casual flirting, game players and cuckolds aside? Some may, some may not. I don't think "enjoy" is a particularly reasonable bar to set. How about "feel neutral towards"? I've had conversations with both women and men at social events with my wife there. I make a point of introducing her and giving her the option to contribute. She does the same for me. I ALWAYS go home with HER, which is the main thing IMO. In no way does this make her a cuckquean. If she was less secure it would bother her more, I suspect. She might be bothered at some conversations I've had, particularly ones where women start coming on to me, which happens once in a while. It doesn't really matter IMO since a) she's not there and b) I always turn them down. There could be some marriages that would be threatened by this. Mine isn't. The threats to my marriage, to the extent that they exist, have little to do with any external factors. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 I've had conversations with both women and men at social events with my wife there. If she was less secure it would bother her more, I suspect. I don’t think it has anything to do with confidence or feeling secure in your marriage. There is a big difference between having a conversation with your wife present and having a private conversation with a man who comments your body/dress and asks a married woman out for coffee. It’s the old saying - if she is not willing to have these conversations with her husband present, then the interactions are inappropriate and should not be happening. Married women don’t generally go for coffee of text men who are not their husband. She might be bothered at some conversations I've had, particularly ones where women start coming on to me Do women seriously come onto you in the presence of your wife? Perhaps they do, but I find it hard to believe that someone could be so socially inappropriate and blatantly disrespectful toward your wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 And considering how many women consider yoga pants to be a regular part of their daily wardrobe, I tend to agree... Indeed. To me, yoga pants are the daggy comfy things I wear. They fall into the zone of "I will wear them to the local shops, but not any further". I don't know why I'm more comfortable wearing daggy stuff locally...but it is what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 (edited) Oops. Just reread your post Mark and realized you were talking about conversations where your wife wasn’t present. My apology - I thought that didn’t make sense... Still, using your example the difference here is that she is not really turning him down... she is asking if it’s ok to continue, even to escalate, this flirtation... big difference. I personally am not threatened if my partner speaks to other women. I trust that he would turn down any advances that may come his way... I would not be happy if he was texting/messaging or having coffee with another woman. It has nothing to do with my confidence or security as a person and everything to do with boundaries and respectful behavior in a marriage. Some people are naturally flirtatious in their interactions with all people, but that’s not what this is... His intentions are clear and it is rather rather naive to think that this is not going to cause a problem in her marriage. While OP hasn’t necessarily done anything inappropriate at this point, she is quite literally flirting with danger and best be careful - lest she get burned. Edited September 13, 2019 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 Bailey, I basically agree with everything you've said. I have a follow up point on the casual flirting thing, but it's likely to be a little long and I'm out of time for now. Apologies if I got a bit triggered there. I see things a certain way, but of course other's views/approaches no doubt work better for their specific situations. In agreement that OP is likely best off not talking to this guy. His intentions clearly go beyond just conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 She might be bothered at some conversations I've had, particularly ones where women start coming on to me, which happens once in a while. It doesn't really matter IMO since a) she's not there and b) I always turn them down. Mark, for someone who's opinions seem so consistently well-considered and reasonable, I'd just suggest you're playing a dangerous game. If it gets to the point where you have to "turn them down", seems to me you're prioritizing something other than the health of your relationship. Others, yourself included, may feel differently... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 Thanks mark. He is single. I know his ex and apparently he’s ok. He has a good job and nice interests. I don’t want an affair but I do like talking to him Have you told your husband about him? Have you told your husband that you are seeing him at the gym? You are starting an emotional affair with this guy and starting to flush your marriage down the drain. I wonder If he cheated on his ex wife and that is the reason she is his ex. Because he has no problem coming on to a married woman. Just think, if your husband finds out, you will be an ex as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 The guy from school I have been talking to was there this afternoon and I walked back to my car with him. I do think he is after something as he made a comment about me wearing tights today it was quite funny but certainly inappropriate. I said to him I’m not sure we should be talking really and I’m sorry if I’ve led him on or gave him the wrong signals. I said things weren’t great at home and maybe I’m using him as a distraction. He was really nice about it and said he was surprised as he didn’t think of me like that and just said it was nice talking as mates (I felt a bit silly tbh) he said he’ll stop talking to me if it’s bothering me. I said it wasn’t bothering me but it just may not be right. He said if I wanna talk great but he’ll stop instigating it. What a silver tongued devil he is. He was lying his azz off about not wanting to knock you up. He was totally trying to bed you and when you called him out on it he turned it against you. Are you This naive? Unfriend this pos and stop talking to him. Switch gyms if you have to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mrshappy Posted September 14, 2019 Author Share Posted September 14, 2019 I think what I’m learning here is yes I fancy this man and yes I love talking to him. If I were single I’m sure I’d be interested but I am strong enough not to act on those feelings. What I’m learning though is how distant I’ve become from my hubby and I need to examine why 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 That's an easy one Mrs. Happy. The distance you feel from your husband is highlighted by your new and exciting love interest. Your husband can't compete against that. You are transferring your feeling from one to the other. That is what people are warning you about and that is what you will fail at controlling despite your declaration of inner strength. At least let your husband know before the lying starts that you want an open relationship so he can have some fun to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 What I’m learning though is how distant I’ve become from my hubby and I need to examine why Boredom... Your attention is focused elsewhere. This man is perfect exit affair material. Good looking, unattached, a father already, and he is interested... You see potential... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 Boredom... Your attention is focused elsewhere. This man is perfect exit affair material. Good looking, unattached, a father already, and he is interested... You see potential... Her husband doesn’t stand a chance, he can’t possibly compete with with this attractive, flirtatious stranger who is flattering her with attention, compliments, and invitations to meet for coffee... In the light of this new man, her marriage and her husband suddenly seem old, boring, inattentive, and unfulfilling. Indeed OP, you have some thinking to do... not so much about this “newly discovered distance” in your marriage but rather, about what is missing INSIDE YOU that leaves you vulnerable to the temptation that is as old as time... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 In the light of this new man, her marriage and her husband suddenly seem old, boring, inattentive, and unfulfilling. Not in light of this new man, but years of closeness tailing off with her husband. This handsome stranger is just the new found solution to the long standing problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 Not in light of this new man, but years of closeness tailing off with her husband. This handsome stranger is just the new found solution to the long standing problem. Maybe. Maybe not. How many women have affairs and swear that their husband is inattentive and their marriage is dead... only to discover a new found appreciation for their husband, their relationship, and their family after the affair ends in spectacular fashion. It is amazing how with the introduction of a new love interest, some women start to find problems in their marriage... It’s usually rather predictable. Everything that this poster has shared has been very much, predictable. Not saying things are “good” in the marriage, just saying things are probably not as bad as she may believe at this moment when contemplating this other man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 @ Mr. Lucky - I think your point is well taken and something I will try to maintain awareness of. Apologies if I'm beating a dead horse, but blanket statements like: "People who want to stay married don't flirt" remind me of when a teetotaler gives people a hard time about their casual drinking. It's true there are risks, there can indeed be major problems, and there are definitely people who shouldn't be drinking. It's also very true that there a lots and lots of people who casually drink without any problems. So is it fair to say no one ever should? To me the above is a little like that teetotaler saying "People who don't want to die in car accidents don't drink." Taken on it's own it's pretty extreme. To bring this back to this post, metaphorically, by posting Mrshappy has done the equivalent of saying "I think I might have a drinking problem". And I think we all know that when someone says that, they almost certainly do have a problem at some level. Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 I think what I’m learning here is yes I fancy this man and yes I love talking to him. If I were single I’m sure I’d be interested but I am strong enough not to act on those feelings. What I’m learning though is how distant I’ve become from my hubby and I need to examine why If this is true then you need to stay well away from him. Go to the gym at different times, don't talk to him and definitely remove him from social media. If you value your marriage and love your husband then this wont be a problem to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Big Aus Posted September 18, 2019 Share Posted September 18, 2019 Ok, lets assume for the sake of argument that this is a serious thread and the OP really is as flakey as she makes out. This guys wants to have sex with you, and you know that, so what is the purpose of this thread? You're openly encouraging him and have ignored all advice to stop doing so, which leads to one of three conclusions: 1. You enjoy leading men on; 2. You don't want an affair but are enjoying the attention; Or 3. You want the affair, but either you're scared he may not be serious, or you're trying to work up the courage to go through with it. Given the advice you've already had, and your response, I assume it's number 3. So here's the answers you're really seeking: Yes, he wants to have sex with you. Guys don't pickup women at the gym for conversation. He's a male, he would have happily done you the first day you met. Yes, that is undoubtedly why he's nolonger married. You aren't his first, and you certainly won't be his last. Yes, he will eventually tire of you, and dump you like yesterday's dinner. It may take one shag, a week, a month, or even several. No, you aren't the only skirt he's chasing. Yes, given he's already within your extended circle of acquaintances, there is a good chance your husband will find out. Yes, it will end your marriage and possibly worse. Yes, when your kids are old enough to understand, they will hate you for it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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