OLD & numbers game?

[Ellener]

I read some of the threads on online dating, there seems to be a consensus it's a 'numbers game'. What exactly does that mean?

 

Haven't exactly worked this match website out yet, there's a 'like photo' and 'wink' feature apparently, I can't see that.

 

And I get 'matches' from hundreds of miles away and other settings 'mismatches'.

 

Sometimes the message 'inbox' says the message is deleted and suggests I purchase an additional 'subscription benefit' to ensure all messages get delivered?

 

Huh.

[normal person]

I read some of the threads on online dating, there seems to be a consensus it's a 'numbers game'. What exactly does that mean?

 

People suggest that you'll have to churn through a lot of profiles, dates, etc before you can get to the right person. I don't necessarily agree, but that's just me.

 

Haven't exactly worked this match website out yet, there's a 'like photo' and 'wink' feature apparently, I can't see that.

 

And I get 'matches' from hundreds of miles away and other settings 'mismatches'.

 

Sometimes the message 'inbox' says the message is deleted and suggests I purchase an additional 'subscription benefit' to ensure all messages get delivered?

 

Huh.

 

It sounds like you haven't paid them yet and they want your money before they'll let you "actually" use the service. They're giving you just enough to entice you, for now.

[Lobouspo]

OLD is heavily skewed towards women. Average women get tons of messages. If you are a guy you really have to figure a way to stand out to get noticed. As someone who did OLD on and off for 15 years or so, I did meet my current wife on a "niche" site in 2017. My advice for anyone doing it, male or female is: keep your expectations low, watch out for scams, and just have fun with it and don't take it too seriously.

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

As a man, if you do not have a disposable income, online dating is honestly not a very good option... If you do not have disposable income, then work on your situation until you do.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I read some of the threads on online dating, there seems to be a consensus it's a 'numbers game'. What exactly does that mean?

 

Haven't exactly worked this match website out yet, there's a 'like photo' and 'wink' feature apparently, I can't see that.

 

And I get 'matches' from hundreds of miles away and other settings 'mismatches'.

 

Sometimes the message 'inbox' says the message is deleted and suggests I purchase an additional 'subscription benefit' to ensure all messages get delivered?

 

Huh.

 

Most OLD that promote FREE registration is just a scam. You can't actually do anything including read messages until you slap down your credit card.

 

It's well known and documented that OLD sites use bots and/or pay staff members who act as matches in order to lure you into committing to a membership. Then when you go to check and respond to those messages, they have either been deleted, deactivated or just don'tn respond at all.

 

 

There is a LOT of smoke and mirrors when it comes to OLD so you just have to decide which ones you're willing to invest in and give it a go.

[Ellener]

Most OLD that promote FREE registration is just a scam. You can't actually do anything including read messages until you slap down your credit card.

 

It's well known and documented that OLD sites use bots and/or pay staff members who act as matches in order to lure you into committing to a membership. Then when you go to check and respond to those messages, they have either been deleted, deactivated or just don'tn respond at all.

 

 

There is a LOT of smoke and mirrors when it comes to OLD so you just have to decide which ones you're willing to invest in and give it a go.

 

Oh right. I paid the registration fee. About $220 for a year.

[mr_ybor]

As a man, if you do not have a disposable income, online dating is honestly not a very good option... If you do not have disposable income, then work on your situation until you do.

 

I don't know if I agree with this. When I was pulling down a pretty decent income (well above the median for the city I was in), I did far worse than when I was looking for work (i.e. no income) and living home.

[Gretchen12]

If you're super picky, it's a numbers game because if you'd only go out with one man out of a thousand then you'd have to stay online and keep looking.

If you're reasonable in selectiveness, then it's more merit-based rather than random numbers. It's like if your grades are D's and F's it does not help you to apply to 1000 colleges for admission. You can't post horrible pictures of yourself and hope to play the lottery.

[chillii]

As a man, if you do not have a disposable income, online dating is honestly not a very good option... If you do not have disposable income, then work on your situation until you do.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ahhh, rubbish . Just more guys shooting themselves in the foot right here. l dunno where the hell you guys get these ideas from or what kind of world you must live in.

l wouldn't even know what a disposable income is and l did just fine , why would you even be interested in someone so shallow that a so n so income even matters.And if you just like screwing round then they def' have zero need to know anything about your income you can do that for free just ask my brother.

He's a bum drugo not a penny to his name, 53, still gets more women then anyone l've ever known.

Not that l'm into getting all these women doesn't interest me at all but l do get a laugh out of watching him though. Me l like quality not quantity butttt, just sayin.

Edited September 14, 2019 by chillii

[chillii]

Just to op , actually l couldn't disagree more about this numbers game thing everyone bangs on about though tbh.

Sure l think if they have zero direction and clue about what they want , maybe , those type just seem to go out with anyone everyone though, dozens even hundreds until they find the diamond if they do.

Suppose that's one way of doing things, seems to have worked for one or two round here but most of them just seem to end up with burn out and lost hope.

 

Anyway , l say the opposite particulary with old. lt can work if your about seductiveness and really honing in on what you want , if there actually is someone one or a few actually on there that you think could be truly right for you, and focusing on those , well talking relationship wise anyway.

Edited September 14, 2019 by chillii

[mr_ybor]

He's a bum drugo not a penny to his name, 53, still gets more women then anyone l've ever known..

 

I'm 42, self employed, gainfully. No addictions, no debt, no baggage, and I get absolutely nothing. What an I missing here?

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

I don't know if I agree with this. When I was pulling down a pretty decent income (well above the median for the city I was in), I did far worse than when I was looking for work (i.e. no income) and living home.

 

Disposable Time and Disposable Income are pretty much the same thing.

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

I'm 42, self employed, gainfully. No addictions, no debt, no baggage, and I get absolutely nothing. What an I missing here?

Online Dating caters to Older Men and Younger Women... Older Men have resource, Younger Women have desires... This whole thing is about nothing but fulfillment.

 

Change your Online Dating Bio to: "Looking for a travel partner". Traveling is very, very desirable for all women, but young women especially.

 

You are literally at your peak social status right now; you still have your body in good shape, your finances are probably as good as they have ever been... You are in your prime, that is the fantastic thing about being a man, our prime can last a lot longer than a woman's can. You are in your prime, you need a woman in her prime... Go get it!

[chillii]

I'm 42, self employed, gainfully. No addictions, no debt, no baggage, and I get absolutely nothing. What an I missing here?

 

 

Dunno man , think ya gotta understand this stuff.

By late 20s l was quite wealthy and had a beautiful property beautiful cars guess what , 3 year dry spell, first time in my life.

Then finally, met my w a yr or two later from that.At first she liked me but was turned off by all that, thought l'd be some show pony, l soon swashed that idea haha.

 

 

ps, Scuse op , hijacking your thread here sorry.

Edited September 14, 2019 by chillii

[chillii]

Online Dating caters to Older Men and Younger Women... Older Men have resource, Younger Women have desires... This whole thing is about nothing but fulfillment.

 

Change your Online Dating Bio to: "Looking for a travel partner". Traveling is very, very desirable for all women, but young women especially.

 

You are literally at your peak social status right now; you still have your body in good shape, your finances are probably as good as they have ever been... You are in your prime, that is the fantastic thing about being a man, our prime can last a lot longer than a woman's can. You are in your prime, you need a woman in her prime... Go get it!

 

 

 

 

Haaa , now that stuff l agree with you on.

Tell you a funny one, the first time l went on a date site , l was meeting women but no one interested me. l thought to hell with this garbage took all my crap off and replaced it with looking to party and fun, or something like that don't even remember.

Suddenly chicks half my age were messaging me, quite a few actually.

[Ellener]

'ps, Scuse op , hijacking your thread here sorry.'

 

No worries Chillii, glad you said this-

 

'...dozens even hundreds until they find the diamond if they do.

Suppose that's one way of doing things, seems to have worked for one or two round here but most of them just seem to end up with burn out and lost hope.'

 

because I'm already bored with looking through profiles, it helped me round out in my own mind what I do like about a date or a potential partner but the way match.com is set up it's long-winded and I know I'll soon be bored with trawling through hundreds!

 

'l thought to hell with this garbage took all my crap off and replaced it with looking to party and fun, or something like that don't even remember.

Suddenly chicks half my age were messaging me, quite a few actually.'

 

I cut my profile in half too and also ( thanks Gretchen 'You can't post horrible pictures of yourself' ) deleted the mediocre photos.

 

I'll see what happens

[mr_ybor]

Dunno man , think ya gotta understand this stuff.

By late 20s l was quite wealthy and had a beautiful property beautiful cars guess what , 3 year dry spell, first time in my life.

Then finally, met my w a yr or two later from that.At first she liked me but was turned off by all that, thought l'd be some show pony, l soon swashed that idea haha.

 

ps, Scuse op , hijacking your thread here sorry.

 

I got over the flashy cars and owning a home in the tepid burbs and all that in my 20s. It was boring, frankly.

Edited September 14, 2019 by mr_ybor

[chillii]

Haaa, l've never had one apart from what l grew up in. l bought a 20hect horse property an hour out of the city.

My w and l sold that later and traveled 13 yrs, lived all over the country so yeah , got an idea of what your sayin.

[SumGuy]

I'm 42, self employed, gainfully. No addictions, no debt, no baggage, and I get absolutely nothing. What an I missing here?

Don't mean to hijack, but IIRC aren't you looking for a younger age range and don't consider women with kids?

I'd say the demographic that would go for you is 33-48. The women on the younger side may be interested in a family...not sure if that is what you are after. The women on the older side likely have kids.

If you are looking for women with no kids, who are not really interested in getting married, and seeking just women under 40 you are not going to do well against the 35 year old guy who has the same to offer as you, and not just for age reasons.

You do realize that gainfully employed, no addiction, no debt, no baggage boils down to stable and financially responsible; sort of a baseline that scores you no points with most...of course unless the rest of the men they see can't meet that criteria.

[mr_ybor]

You do realize that gainfully employed, no addiction, no debt, no baggage boils down to stable and financially responsible; sort of a baseline that scores you no points with most...of course unless the rest of the men they see can't meet that criteria.

 

Yeah, I got plenty of things on top of that, you hear women moan about how hard that is to find, though.

 

I'd say the demographic that would go for you is 33-48. The women on the younger side may be interested in a family...not sure if that is what you are after. The women on the older side likely have kids.

 

If you are looking for women with no kids, who are not really interested in getting married, and seeking just women under 40 you are not going to do well against the 35 year old guy who has the same to offer as you, and not just for age reasons..

 

I never said anything about not being down with getting married. The kids thing, yeah, I don't have any (yet... or that I know of ), I can't see how that wouldn't cramp my style or my enjoyment of things where I am in life at this point... plus I got single dad friends that are looking for women in a similar sitch.

 

I'll certainly take 33, it's better than the usual 22, 23, 26 year olds that hit on me. The closer I get to my age, the only interested parties are complete disasters physically and lifestyle-wise. I'd rather stay single and mess around with twenty-somethings than settle for that. You know, I'm starting to think if that's what the world thinks of me, maybe I should just roll with it and forget meeting anyone long term.

Edited September 14, 2019 by mr_ybor

[chillii]

Just to op , actually l couldn't disagree more about this numbers game thing everyone bangs on about though tbh.

Sure l think if they have zero direction and clue about what they want , maybe , those type just seem to go out with anyone everyone though, dozens even hundreds until they find the diamond if they do.

Suppose that's one way of doing things, seems to have worked for one or two round here but most of them just seem to end up with burn out and lost hope.

 

Anyway , l say the opposite particulary with old. lt can work if your about seductiveness and really honing in on what you want , if there actually is someone one or a few actually on there that you think could be truly right for you, and focusing on those , well talking relationship wise anyway.

 

 

 

 

Oh brother, that wasn't meant to be seductiveness, l'm blaming spell checkers, there.

 

Ahh, it was meant to be , selectiveness , personally l found that the only way on OLD.

[mr_ybor]

Oh brother, that wasn't meant to be seductiveness, l'm blaming spell checkers, there.

 

Ahh, it was meant to be , selectiveness , personally l found that the only way on OLD.

 

Does being overly selective make a difference, though? Other than Tinder's dumb Elo scare thing (which they got rid of), I don't think it makes any difference if you're selective or not. I mean I don't right swipe everything because I don't want to waste my time, but finding just Ms. Perfect to swipe right isn't gonna make any difference. You're going to swipe her anyway. If a profile is just pretty and nothing off-putting is in it it, I'm going to take a shot because you never know. I'm not cool enough to be that picky, you know?

[chillii]

Hell yeah , of course. Well l'm no expert with the OLD stuff but yeah l found it the only way myself and it paid off big time, but then that's how l tick. Never been interested in wasting my time or meeting nobodies, in that sense l mean.

[Lotsgoingon]

"A numbers game" means simply that in online dating, which is more random perhaps than meeting people in real life, you have to go out with a lot of people to find one person you really click with.

 

"A numbers game" is just a great reminder to people to not take every day seriously as if this could be the one. You might go out on 20 dates with people you don't click with ... "A numbers game means" keep going ... it's a nice phrase designed to snap people out of denial about the challenge of dating. You don't go on two dates with two different people and draw huge conclusions.

 

"A numbers game" is also a reminder to not feel rejected if 20 dates don't really lead to anything. You want to keep going.

[Ellener]

Thanks Lotsgoingon.

 

It's taken several days just to get the match.com site to work as in changing up the settings, reworking ( simplifying ) my profile etc.

 

'Oh brother, that wasn't meant to be seductiveness, l'm blaming spell checkers, there.Ahh, it was meant to be , selectiveness , personally l found that the only way on OLD.'

 

@ chillii I did wonder. But you're right.

 

It can be a let-down here in Texas the 'deal-breaker' things people feel compelled to publish which are accepted cultural norms, 'must be God-fearing' is typical I've seen on several profiles, I've lived here long enough to know most people don't even believe half the things they say or think they think about religion or politics, but still...

 

Then there's the question of being genuine: on the one hand I feel I need to go out on 'practice dates' and learn how to relate in that situation again, but it doesn't feel quite right to do that either. Not without being upfront about that's what I'm doing anyway!