OLD & numbers game?

[chillii]

Haha yeah l bet.

Anyway, here there was a lot of crazy shyt on them too, talk about man repellents couldn't believe some of the stuff women said right there.

Also read one of your posts talking about the shock in looks as everyone was older, Maybe you've held your looks and yeah same, so when l found myself single again after 20 yrs, tbh l thought well, it's over for me can;t go for those with how women were looking now, and there were kids now too, lots of kids, yikes, and ex's . Buttttt, thankfully in time l slowly discovered it wasn't all , talking later 40s, so that started to give me some hope and patience , which really paid off in the end.

 

Another thing that was really refreshing and maybe for you too l dunno about there but here, there was nothing to learn. We were older but because of that it was just the same, nothing to know, just do it just like we use to haha. Big relief let me tell ya, maybe you might find the same there.

Good luck anyway eh.

Edited September 15, 2019 by chillii

[Cersei]

 

Then there's the question of being genuine: on the one hand I feel I need to go out on 'practice dates' and learn how to relate in that situation again, but it doesn't feel quite right to do that either. Not without being upfront about that's what I'm doing anyway!

 

Ha ha. I went on a couple practice dates. Not necessarily to practice my dating skills but just to kind of see how this dating thing works. (Does he pick me up, do we go for coffee or supper, who pays, who asks, etc.)

 

It did help me feel a bit more at ease. Do it!

[mr_ybor]

Hell yeah , of course. Well l'm no expert with the OLD stuff but yeah l found it the only way myself and it paid off big time, but then that's how l tick. Never been interested in wasting my time or meeting nobodies, in that sense l mean.

 

Oh, I don't mean a numbers game with meeting "nobodies", I'm more talking about meeting anybody.

Edited September 15, 2019 by mr_ybor

[OatsAndHall]

For me, OLD is a "numbers game" in that I send out messages to any woman I think I'm reasonably attracted to and compatible with "on paper". I have a much better chance of landing a date if I send out more messages. I used to be fussy, on multiple levels, and it didn't serve me well. And, that's a numbers game as well; more messages equates to more dates but only half of those dates are really worthwhile.

 

 

 

My rate of response just varies, depending on the women that are popping up on there. Sometimes, I get a dozen responses for a batch of messages and a couple of dates. Other times, I don't hear a peep from the women I've messaged and hit a dry spell. But, OLD is only one of several dating "tools" I use. I'm always looking to meet women in RL as well. I cold-called an attractive waitress in town a few weeks ago (left her my number on the check) and she finally realized who I was after seeing me coach a football game this weekend. As it turns out, I had met her father at a football function a few weeks ago, he and I hit it off and he pointed her in my direction.

[mr_ybor]

^

What the crap apps do you actually send 'messages' to anyone anymore? Everything that's still getting used by people in 2019 is swipe-to-match at this point.

Edited September 16, 2019 by mr_ybor

[SumGuy]

^

What the crap apps do you actually send 'messages' to anyone anymore? Everything that's still getting used by people in 2019 is swipe-to-match at this point.

 

Man maybe that’s your OLD problem, the app. Can say Match is all about messaging. Not uncommon to see a woman’s profile say they don’t respond to just likes, send a message. Of course hear women say most men don’t ready profiles.

[mr_ybor]

Man maybe that’s your OLD problem, the app. Can say Match is all about messaging. Not uncommon to see a woman’s profile say they don’t respond to just likes, send a message. Of course hear women say most men don’t ready profiles.

 

I haven't heard anyone talk about using Match in at least five years! Is that even still a thing?

[SumGuy]

I haven't heard anyone talk about using Match in at least five years! Is that even still a thing?

Is where I live, major metropolitan area with 5 million people. Granted I would only be able to speak for the 40+ crowd.

I have no trouble getting likes, messages or dates, my last set of stats was 33 likes and 8 messages in one week. Certainly not what a hot woman likely gets but more than I can follow-up on (about half the message are from women I find attractive, maybe a third of the likes). These are all women reaching out to me.

I'm under 6', in shape but not ripped, average looking to most I suspect, handsome to others, 50+, with 3 kids who still sometimes live at home, and certainly keep my income, or even hints at it, out of it, i.e., just look stable and not rich. I also let my geeky side shine and don't try to conform to any stereotype the PUA or any dating site would have you believe is required.

[mr_ybor]

Is where I live, major metropolitan area with 5 million people. Granted I would only be able to speak for the 40+ crowd.

I have no trouble getting likes, messages or dates, my last set of stats was 33 likes and 8 messages in one week. Certainly not what a hot woman likely gets but more than I can follow-up on (about half the message are from women I find attractive, maybe a third of the likes). These are all women reaching out to me.

 

I mean I actually have a Match account, it's been around since I tried it way back in my Portland, circa eight years or so ago now. I've updated it periodically with location, newer photos, and info, but I've got like zero likes and two messages in my inbox and I'm pretty sure one of them is the initial admin welcome message. I mean, I know women message men less than vice versa, but TWO messages in ~8 years, in three different metros?! Yeah, a not lot of incentive to ante up there.

 

I just haven't heard anyone in my friend circle mention using it in forever now. If I remember right, something like five years ago, one of my buddies payed for the six months, then got the six months free when he never got a single date off it. Pretty much said it was a waste of time. It's all Tinder, Bumble, Hinge and whatnot nowadays. Maybe a few of us still hanging out on Ok Cupid, but that's pretty much gone to trash as well. You can message on there but no one ever reads them, I don't think. They don't see it if they don't mutual match or happen across your profile whilst browsing. I make the effort anyway if they seem interesting. In general, guys like me just don't want to send hundreds of concerted efforts into the void, and women don't want to be bombarded by hundreds of low effort copy pasta from dudes they're not into, hence we're all on swipe based apps nowadays.

Edited September 16, 2019 by mr_ybor

[Mysterio]

Whats wrong with having a specific person in mind at least lifestyle wise. I am a single Black male at age 48. People think I look younger. I don't have kids.

 

What I want is sort of the same thing in a female version. Although I am not hung up on the woman being Black. I just can't see dating two women. One is single and childless. The other a single mom and the single mom is the one I will click with.

 

At this stage of the game. I need a woman that is physically affectionate and game for a lot of romantic fun with each other. A single mom to me is going to have her kids on her mind at least haf the time. I also don't want to cut into her kids time.

 

Why Romantic Connections are harder to mine than friendships is hard to put together in my mind.

[nospam99]

At the risk of beating a dead horse, I'm still using Match and I recall at least one LS woman using it, too. No dates in months. But 1 unsolicited message and 3 other Likes in the last month (none interesting) as well as 7 responses to 19 sent messages.

[Ellener]

'Why Romantic Connections are harder to mine than friendships is hard to put together in my mind.'

 

Strange isn't it Mysterio- friendships are more positive pursuits so we expend more of our genuine, joyful energy on them maybe?

 

I think this is my 'practice' time for a new romantic relationship, get past my residual angst before I meet a suitable candidate this time.

 

I've avoided so far a very 'dressy' photo for my match front page, I'll do it later when I'm more comfortable with the whole thing.

 

'I haven't heard anyone talk about using Match in at least five years! Is that even still a thing?'

 

It is mr_ybor, except OLD for us isn't an acronym

[mr_ybor]

It is mr_ybor, except OLD for us isn't an acronym

 

Yeah, well, pretty much all of my friends and acquaintances are in their twenties to early-thirties, tops... here at least anyway (I do have friends in previous locations well into their '50s, I'm all over the spectrum), and Match is definitely not a thing anymore.

 

Honestly, if I remember right, the gallery of lady NPCs on Match seemed way more of "too square" for me, than necessary "too old". Either way, a sad site, IME.

Edited September 17, 2019 by mr_ybor

[SumGuy]

....

Honestly, if I remember right, the gallery of lady NPCs on Match seemed way more of "too square" for me, than necessary "too old". Either way, a sad site, IME.

Well you do live in Florida man. No pun intended.

A little secret for you. In your 50s you rarely telegraph your non-squareness if you have your life together, if I think that means what I think it means.

I can only imagine it is more so in Florida. There are hints and ways of saying things that let people know who are in the know...of course I'm not going into detail.

Just saying don't judge a book by it's cover...of course that appears to be the only thing most people do these days as to me social media appears to all about making ones "cover" look the best.

 

 

I do find it fascinating as your posts are bringing home to me the importance of location in OLD. If it makes you feel any better, NYC has its own set of issues I hear.

[mr_ybor]

Well you do live in Florida man. No pun intended.

 

A little secret for you. In your 50s you rarely telegraph your non-squareness if you have your life together, if I think that means what I think it means.

 

I can only imagine it is more so in Florida. There are hints and ways of saying things that let people know who are in the know...of course I'm not going into detail.

 

Just saying don't judge a book by it's cover...of course that appears to be the only thing most people do these days as to me social media appears to all about making ones "cover" look the best.

 

I do find it fascinating as your posts are bringing home to me the importance of location in OLD. If it makes you feel any better, NYC has its own set of issues I hear.

 

I guess I don't know what you mean, at all! I don't really do cryptic, I don't really need to. It's not my style. I run my own business, make my own money, and my personal life is completely independent of my professional one... not that it really needs to be. If my clients were weirded out by me to begin with, they would have ditched me years ago.

 

I mean, I don't really bother with social media (other than LinkedIn for the professional stuff). It wouldn't matter much so much as I'm new to the area anyway.

Edited September 17, 2019 by mr_ybor

[Ellener]

'if I remember right, the gallery of lady NPCs on Match seemed way more of "too square" for me, than necessary "too old". Either way, a sad site, IME.'

 

Maybe mr_ybor, but if I'm going to look for casual sex it will probably be with younger men, men who would not be interested in being out in public/ getting into a relationship with a woman my age and 'square' style etc, but who value my er experience and won't make emotional demands on me in return.

 

( I would do that with a certain level of discretion at my age too, not openly online )

 

But I'd like a long-term relationship again now, and am exploring the avenues of getting there, plus what I may need to deal with in myself too, since I've been single a long time and my recent real life 'attachment' didn't work out.

 

'In your 50s you rarely telegraph your non-squareness if you have your life together, if I think that means what I think it means.'

 

Yes, SumGuy, I am proud of lots of the things which make me seem 'square', and at 53 I'm not generally impressed by people my age who do not seem somewhat 'square' at initial contact, if that makes sense

[SumGuy]

I mean things that could negatively impact you in your professional field.

 

 

There are many like loving heavy metal or punk or hard core hip-hop, going against the cultural/political business mainstream, loving or even having tattoos, anything that makers it look like you drink or party too much, and also for women all or any of that can send a signal to the wrong guys that you are hook up material.

That's just the legal stuff, no one that is a successful professional is ever going say they smoke weed or are even OK with it in Florida if they have any sense.

 

 

One is certainly not going to telegraph any wild side. People willing to do that, go straight to sites for that so there is no confusion.

 

 

That is what I mean. Having an affinity for or identifying with a non-mainstream culture that is a big negative in the eyes of ones business community.

I'm not sure what you mean by square. It's a term from the 50's and certainly know what it means from the 60s, 70, 80s, and 90s. What does it mean today?

[SumGuy]

...

 

Yes, SumGuy, I am proud of lots of the things which make me seem 'square', and at 53 I'm not generally impressed by people my age who do not seem somewhat 'square' at initial contact, if that makes sense

 

 

Makes perfect sense. I'm the same way too.

[SumGuy]

I think here is where I need to say "kids these days" with their music and haircuts, and they need to get off my lawn.

[Rayce]

I am currently using Match. I'm upper 50's but far from "square". What I have noticed is that guys my age are all looking for younger. There date range always seems to start with the max being their age or younger. If I limit my filter to within my area which includes Seattle and has pictures I get 1885 matches. If I limit it to just what I want then I have 419 matches. I am all for changing the way I approach things so this time I want to reach out more but I am not sure how to do that. Tell me about these messages that you get from women. What about them gets you to respond?

 

tks!

[nospam99]

I am all for changing the way I approach things so this time I want to reach out more but I am not sure how to do that.

 

 

Reach out more? The 'gender shoe' is on the other foot for me. But I reach out simply by sending unsolicited messages. (I think Likes and Views on Match are boolshyt. You generate a View if you drill a 'Top Pick' and a Like by clicking Yes on a Top Pick. Views are bul on any OLD site. It's just someone usually undesirable 'kicking the tires'.) How many of the 419 'what I want' guys have you sent messages to? Were either of your two recent crappy meets from among the 419? I suggest sending one to three messages per week, starting with your top choices.

[Rayce]

Thank you for your reply nospam. The 2 most recent dates reached out to me and I responded. After reading these threads for so long now I try to respond to everyone even if to just say thank you but no thanks. I have sent out 2 messages now on guys whose pictures and profiles I liked. I have not heard from either of them.

 

I woke up this morning thinking about a trend I have been seeing... most of my dates seem to like to keep me sitting in the cold. What's up with that?

Edited September 17, 2019 by Rayce

[nospam99]

^^^ Next suggestion. Buy Email Read Notification. Give the guy two or three days AFTER he's read your message to respond. If no response, message the next guy on your list. Based on my track record (20% response on Match with a few dates but no 'good' meets in over a year and I'm talking about women) if they don't respond within three days of reading a message, they're not going to. (However in the last week I got responses to repeat messages from two women who had ignored my previous messages. Neither wants to meet though.) Even if you send 3 messages each week, it's going to take you more than 2 years to work through 419 'what you wants'.

 

Also, only send messages to 'active' members - green or yellow circles after their names.

Edited September 17, 2019 by nospam99

[Rayce]

The 419 is a very basic filter of 'wants' so I will filter that down some more. My subscription has the read feature included and it looks like one message hasn't been read at all and his 'circle' is yellow. I can't seem to find the other message so maybe I got put on their block list? Anyway.... I sent out 2 more to 2 different guys.

Edited September 17, 2019 by Rayce

[OatsAndHall]

I haven't heard anyone talk about using Match in at least five years! Is that even still a thing?

 

 

Yup, Match is alive and well. I HATE paying for a dating site but I had some bad experiences with hackers on other sites so I kicked over to Match (again). I've actually had a lot of luck with it the past two weeks; I've had couple of dates and met some pleasant, professional women. I was surprised as Match had been crap in the past.

 

 

 

I had been using POF for the longest time but I grew to hate it. I was meeting a lot of flaky women and the pickings were getting slim. And, my account was hacked twice and POF did nothing about it. I designate email accounts solely for the dating websites and both of them were hacked. I only use secure servers and I had strong passwords on both email accounts. But, they got in, nonetheless.