an0nym0us123 Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 Ive had a few threads recently, trying to figure things out. Hope this is my last for a while. 3 years ago i went through a spell of low mood shall we say, turning 30 hit me like a ton of bricks. I realised how much time had passed and where i was in life. Id never had a proper relationship, a couple of short flings and a few one nighters was the sum total of my dating career. Women hit on me during my 20s quite often, looking back i should have made more of the opportunities i had. Anyways, almost 3 years to the day, i was fed up, lonely, had not really had any dealings with any women in years. I thought screw it and joined an OLD site. I posted 1 rubbish picture. Within 5 mins a woman contacted me, we started chatting. It turned out she was just looking for something casual, this was fine by me. 2 weeks later we met and started hanging out at hers every few days. This was the first woman i ever spoke to online and i walked straight in! Within 5 mins! FF a few weeks and it ended up that we had developed feelings for one an other. We talked and she said she wanted to move slowly. However at the end of November she pulled back, i like the inexperienced Muppet chased and i ended up with the lets be friends speech. I was extremely hurt, as I'd fallen for her hard, so i decided to go out to a christmas party at the weekend and drown my sorrows. I went but i didn't enjoy it, i sat drinking with a few mates waiting for the time to pass to get my lift home. Id never have gone to this party if i hadnt been dumped. Behind the bar there was a girl i knew of but never met in real life before, i briefly chatted to her while buying drinks. Little did i know at this point but she spent the whole night watching me. Her exact words were "i couldn't keep my eyes off you" when she told me months later. At christmas i met her at a local bar, she had a boyfriend but she flirted with me, and i realised she fancied me. I wasn't one to get involved with other people girl friends so i didn't flirt back. But she got her hands on my number from my business facebook page and she would text me, id reply but just being friends. In the new year my ex wanted back together so we did. April 2017 came, the girl id met at xmas left her boyfriend, wed seen each other since Christmas a handful of times but at no point did i lead her on. I heard the gossip from friends that she had split up. Then a few days later my own girlfriend dumped me!. I was gutted, tried to get her to change her mind but was no use. Literally the same day the girl i met at Christmas started messaging me non stop. To cut a long story short we got together and went out for over a year. My red flag was she fell for me while she had a bf, i eventually tasted karma. Since then i have spoken to hundreds of women online/tinder. Nothing has worked at all. I cant believe that 3 years ago i met someone in 5 mins. Then if she hadnt left me at xmas i would not have met my ex. Then when she left me the second time it was at the exact moment my ex became available. What are the chances? Do things really happen for a reason? Or is it just my way of trying to take comfort from random events? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 'Do things really happen for a reason? Or is it just my way of trying to take comfort from random events?' Looking back over my own life both yes and no I guess. One thing I do every decade or so or if life feels 'stuck' I make a 'vision board' where I put images of what I'd like to see in my life, what I enjoy most in my life etc. Seems to help me get on track/stay on track. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mr_ybor Posted September 16, 2019 Share Posted September 16, 2019 Reason? Nah. The universe is cold chaos. Doesn't mean you can't enjoy life though. Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted September 16, 2019 Share Posted September 16, 2019 A man dating is like a lone ship being tossed about by a sea that is women. Notice that in all of this the women created and steered the course of events. On OLD, woman contacted you, decided she wanted casual, pulled back. Woman spotted you at party, flirted despite having boyfriend. Woman wants you back, then dumps you. Woman with ex wants you again then does her (karma) thing. The poor guy asks is this all happening for a reason? What is the meaning? Are you on OLD again? Relax. Stop believing you are in control. Women will decide when it's time to get you going again Link to post Share on other sites
Cersei Posted September 16, 2019 Share Posted September 16, 2019 For what it's worth the early 30s are the worst years ever as far as I am concerned. So much internal pressure to be this or that or accomplish so many things. I felt exactly the same as you when I go there. But guess what? The 40s are the best! Sure your body starts to sag and get grey but you will likely adapt an "I don't give a rat's ass attitude." As far as everything happening for a reason, I believe that each experience you go through leads you to something different so in a way yes! Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 16, 2019 Share Posted September 16, 2019 Real life is not a Rom Com, so if by "does everything happen for a reason" you actually mean "was there some kind of cosmic connection and we're supposed to end up together" I'd say no. I mean, your brain can twist things to believe that, but I don't think it's true. Link to post Share on other sites
Stevnx3 Posted September 16, 2019 Share Posted September 16, 2019 Sure. Everything has a reason. Whether it be by our personal choices (good or bad) or by external forces (applying it's will to us *whether that is against us or for us*). Link to post Share on other sites
Author an0nym0us123 Posted September 16, 2019 Author Share Posted September 16, 2019 A man dating is like a lone ship being tossed about by a sea that is women. Notice that in all of this the women created and steered the course of events. On OLD, woman contacted you, decided she wanted casual, pulled back. Woman spotted you at party, flirted despite having boyfriend. Woman wants you back, then dumps you. Woman with ex wants you again then does her (karma) thing. The poor guy asks is this all happening for a reason? What is the meaning? Are you on OLD again? Relax. Stop believing you are in control. Women will decide when it's time to get you going again Yes, essentially just getting jerked around by everyone. 5 potential hookups this past week, all women initiating and all flaked. Debating withdrawing from dating alltogether. Then im in control Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted September 16, 2019 Share Posted September 16, 2019 Debating withdrawing from dating alltogether. Then im in control Nah.. just don't take it too seriously on OLD. Men can also be selective and say no to women that are no good. It's initially flattering when a good looking woman wants you. But you should still be choosy. Be the one to choose what you really want. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 16, 2019 Share Posted September 16, 2019 Consider trying as many new avenues as you can. It sounds like you maybe do better in RL than in OLD. "She couldn't take her eyes off you" sounds pretty good. From what I read here, there is a lot of arbitrary passing over on OLD since there are so many options. I think for some people it's hard to make an online profile really do them justice anyhow. Suggest trying doing everything reasonably possible to make yourself as attractive to women as possible (thread below). Then do everything you can to get out and about as much as possible. Many women, if they find you attractive enough, will give a signal such as a smile or long look, start talking to you or similar. This is your "permission" to approach, start talking to her, etc. All you have to do is act on it. Viola! You have something started. This is easier than spending gobs of time on OLD in my view. The above may be easier said than done, and of course not every conversation will be the start of something major, but shoot enough arrows in the general direction of the target and... Link on making yourself attractive: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/689200-question-women-what-do-you-find-attractive-about-man Link to post Share on other sites
Author an0nym0us123 Posted September 16, 2019 Author Share Posted September 16, 2019 Thanks Mark, yes ive had girls come at me for my looks, random women in the street we met while i was with friends and she was near wetting herself because i was so cute. I get tinder matches and women messaging first. Either wanting dates or fun. 95% or more just fizzles. Been worse this past few months Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 16, 2019 Share Posted September 16, 2019 There's times in your life when your wheel is just spinning fast and then other times it grinds to a stop. People with momentum are magnetic. That's why it's so important to try to stay interested in something and moving towards it. It drags other people to you in your wake. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mr_ybor Posted September 17, 2019 Share Posted September 17, 2019 (edited) For what it's worth the early 30s are the worst years ever as far as I am concerned What?! The 40s are the best! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?! Sure your body starts to sag and get grey Ummm, no. Edited September 17, 2019 by mr_ybor Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 18, 2019 Share Posted September 18, 2019 I think I noticed in another post you mentioned you live in an area with fewer people? Depending on how important this is to you, would you consider moving to an area with more people? Feasible for you? Could you make a more populated area your place to meet women by visiting regularly, e.g. on weekends? Sure, MOST relationships fizzle out. However, the more shots you can take, the greater your chances at having one stick. There are many women in the world who will try to hang on to a quality guy once they have him, particularly after a certain age. Perhaps what you really need is just more shots at the target? Link to post Share on other sites
Author an0nym0us123 Posted September 18, 2019 Author Share Posted September 18, 2019 Theres around quarter of a million people living within 2hrs drive of my house. Hardly ideal i know. Moving is not really on the cards as i have an established business and customer base. I dont want to start again. Clearly i would have more chance in a more populated area, i imagine if there were 2.5 million people within 2hrs away id have many thousands of tinder matches instead of hundreds in the past year. I reset my tinder at the weekend and i have 50 matches. That took me over a month last year when my photos were poor. For whatever reason i am struggling to get a date the past while. Im planning joining a gym soon but i have a feeling it will mostly be men there. We shall see Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 18, 2019 Share Posted September 18, 2019 Fair enough + hope things come through. I wouldn't put too much stock in the gym. I've been going to them for literally decades and it seems like a tricky place to break the ice (although maybe your country is different). Do wish you the best of luck though! Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted September 18, 2019 Share Posted September 18, 2019 In a philosophical sense, you could say that everything is caused to occur by previous events, circumstances, or almost everything is caused, which allows for free will. In the sense you mean, does everything have a purpose?? No one knows, and I doubt it very much. Sometimes life feels that way, like you are intended to meet her or stay single.. It is easier to mark it as coincidence, serendipity and unforeseen causes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author an0nym0us123 Posted September 18, 2019 Author Share Posted September 18, 2019 Fair enough + hope things come through. I wouldn't put too much stock in the gym. I've been going to them for literally decades and it seems like a tricky place to break the ice (although maybe your country is different). Do wish you the best of luck though! Thanks. I think i will need it. From where im sitting right now it looks like an almost impossible task. That said i did it before and everything can suddenly change. It doesnt feel like the odds are in my favour given how little luck i have Link to post Share on other sites
Envy123 Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 Fair enough + hope things come through. I wouldn't put too much stock in the gym. I've been going to them for literally decades and it seems like a tricky place to break the ice (although maybe your country is different). Do wish you the best of luck though! For me, I reliably get girls flirting with me in the swimming pool. This is despite my not-good body shape. Maybe it's because when I'm in the pool, I don't think of it as a place to pick up women but to exercise and there's no desperation happening? Link to post Share on other sites
Author an0nym0us123 Posted September 19, 2019 Author Share Posted September 19, 2019 Why didnt i think of that. If im only average for looks im top 1% from the neck down. The pool it is, not very good at swimming though:lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Envy123 Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 Why didnt i think of that. If im only average for looks im top 1% from the neck down. The pool it is, not very good at swimming though:lmao: There's always swim lessons. On the other hand, all the flirting was done when I wore swim briefs, so confidence I guess? Link to post Share on other sites
Johnhihix Posted January 24, 2020 Share Posted January 24, 2020 You could say that Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 I'd like to think that things happen for a reason but no one knows, unless you believe that God has a detailed plan for everyone. I don't. I do think most or all things that happen are caused (have causes) even if we do not know what they are. If you knew all the causes, reasons that are involved then yes it would seem there was a reason for it. Link to post Share on other sites
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