Are there some days that you don't find your wife as attractive as before?

[JohnZ622]

It happens to me on a monthly basis. Just wondering if anyone else feels this way. There are certain days that I don't find my wife attractive. Might be the way she dresses, or her hair, having period, not slept well, etc.

It inevitably always goes away but causes me some anxiety because I am worried that I am not attracted to her anymore and I'm doomed forever as the thought of divorce scares the **** out of me.

[basil67]

I wouldn't worry. I'm sure she has the same feelings about you. None of us look how we used to.

[S2B]

Why don’t you try connecting with her on a deeper emotional level?

 

Why is all the importance placed on what she wears? If she has her period... etc.

[Mr. Lucky]

Might be the way she dresses, or her hair, having period, not slept well, etc.

 

So JohnZ622, when you get old, pot belly forms, hair falls out, turkey neck arrives - it's OK for her to divorce you based on a lack of attraction?

 

Best to consider the gift rather than the wrapping...

 

Mr. Lucky

[BettyDraper]

You consider your wife unattractive partly because of a biological process which she can't control? Now I've heard everything.

 

My husband is getting some jowls. I don't like them but I still find him sexy because I'm in love with him.

 

Neither of us look as attractive as we did when we met over a decade ago but that's okay. We were younger!

[S2B]

When you are 70 years old and you look 20 -let us know how you accomplished that!

 

Even then, when a 70 year old looks really young it’s kind of creepy.

 

No one goes unscathed.

[somanymistakes]

Tiny bits of fluctuation are normal and nothing to worry about. You have moods that shift. You have hormone cycles (even men have SOME hormones that change over time, even if not as dramatically as women). She has her hormone cycles. Sometimes she's in a bad mood!

 

So if it's just sometimes you don't find her as attractive as others, it's not a problem.

 

However, if it's causing a problem in your relationship or it's giving you severe anxiety, then you should talk to someone about your fears, because there might be something else driving you to worry about divorce and abandonment.

[Woggle]

She is as hot to me today as the day I met her. I thank the universe everyday for bringing her into my life. I am not usually one to get mushy or any of that but that is sincerely how I feel.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I think it's perfectly normal. I'm sure she feels that way about you, too. And herself!

[S2B]

She is as hot to me today as the day I met her. I thank the universe everyday for bringing her into my life. I am not usually one to get mushy or any of that but that is sincerely how I feel.

 

Of Woggle - you’ve come SO far in the past ten years!

[preraph]

There is such a thing as spending too much time looking at someone. And honestly, this is why some wise people try not to let it all hang out 24/7 with their mates, belching, farting, exposing their cellulite to the light of day for no reason. Some people look awful when they're sound asleep, their mouth a gaping maw.

 

And the way people dress around the house. I mean, no one looks all that great when they're dressing slobby, and we all do it. Investing in some nice negligees and robes would be a step up from sweats or skivvies. Try.

[WasOtherWoman]

There is such a thing as spending too much time looking at someone. And honestly, this is why some wise people try not to let it all hang out 24/7 with their mates, belching, farting, exposing their cellulite to the light of day for no reason.

.

 

Oh my gosh, so true. My husband and I have separate bathrooms in our master suite. Many things should be kept private (namely all of the things you mentioned above, PLUS some)....

 

We do NOT subscribe to the "letting it all hang out" theory. IMHO the fastest way to kill romance in the marriage. Nearly twenty years in and we still try to keep it sexy.

[understand50]

Well, after 40 plus years, sure. I keep a picture of her when she was 18, and when I first fell in love to remind me what I first saw. Time goes on for both of you. This is normal. I suggest you work, and remember what you have, and not just the normal up and downs of life.

 

I wish you luck

[Mr. Lucky]

One thing I always liked about the movie "Avatar" was the greeting used by the native people, they say "I see you..."

 

It means a lot more than "You're in my field of vision" and is an approach the OP might adopt in considering his wife...

 

Mr. Lucky

[S2B]

I see you aren’t that old. In 2013 you were 28...and dating?

 

Maybe you need counseling to understand what it’s like to look further than the outward appearance of people.

 

Why did you marry your wife?

[AMarriedMan]

It happens to me on a monthly basis. Just wondering if anyone else feels this way. There are certain days that I don't find my wife attractive. Might be the way she dresses, or her hair, having period, not slept well, etc.

It inevitably always goes away but causes me some anxiety because I am worried that I am not attracted to her anymore and I'm doomed forever as the thought of divorce scares the **** out of me.

 

Is the Pope catholic? Does a bear take a **** in the woods?

 

Come on, you married a woman. Do you really expect her to be desirable to you every day for the rest of your life? Chances are she does not find you attractive every day, either. It's statistically perfectly normal for a couple to stop having hots for each other as the years and the decades pass.

 

Those people who are going to say they still go at it like bunnies with their old spouses may step forward and get it over with now.

 

Look, are you seriously entertaining the idea of divorcing your wife because your sexual desire for her has weakened since the time you first got together?

 

Marriage is about family formation first and foremost. A lot of sexual lust is about novelty. It wears off. Some people are lucky enough to have met sexual partners so ideally suited to them that when they marry them, they retain much of the spark for decades. But that is not very common.

 

If you left your wife because your sex is not what it used to be, you'd be throwing away a lot in pursuit of this one thing, time in particular. Suppose you're in your next marriage and the same happens. Are you going to break up your second family? How many times are you prepared to go through this process? How many chances of finding mutually satisfying love do you think you have in this life? Obviously more than one because otherwise you wouldn't be even asking this question. Five? Ten?

[Clockwork]

I can't say I can relate to it, my wife and I have been together for 13 years. We have children. She has the body of an 18 year old to this day and she is in her 30s. Rocks a bikini as good as when I met her, maybe better. We aren't old yet, still in our 30s, so you don't look THAT much different than from your 20s but yeah, there are still some differences. It doesn't matter. You marry because you love the person, underneath the skin, their personality, how they smile, how they laugh, the little quirks about them, etc. You like people for their good qualities, but love them for their faults and uniqueness. There are things my wife is totally insecure about that I love, and even find attractive. It has to go deeper than she just looked "hot" when you met her.

 

 

We have a vibrant sex life still. 4 times a week more or less every week. I still get times when I am waiting to have her come home from work so I can rip her clothes off. Or if I ever get off work early for a nooner............yeah there is still that spark and thank God there is. Or I might just wake up in the middle of the night and sort of nudge her because I woke up aroused over her. If anything there are times I want my wife right then and right now. I guess the more I read things on here the more I realize this is what people would prefer.

 

 

But here is the one thing about me, I am attracted to kindness and selflessness. I find it attractive when you are kind. My wife is very kind, so I don't think that ever goes away.