Suffolk41 Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 So I’ve been in a FWB situ for about 3 months now. He told me he’d been badly hurt last year when he disclosed his true feeling to a FWB he had before and so he he not ready to commit. Over the past 3 months I feel like things have changed. We always go for food after we’ve spent the night together. We chat about past relationships and life stuff a lot. We work in the same company and he’s been spending more time in the office recently where as he is usually out a lot. Since day one we have sent each other several long texts throughout the day of a sexual and non sexual nature. This past two weeks we’ve been speaking on the phone for upto 1.5 hours per day. He texts me in the morning to see how I am and we usually exchange a few texts throughout the day. I realise he has said in the beginning how he feels but it seems like things have changed. From my understanding, FWB is just sex and no communicating in between. I wonder if he’s getting feelings but because of his past experiences (he also told me most of his ex GF’s have cheated on him) he’s afraid? He pays me nice compliments a lot and contacts me often. Am I reading too much into this? Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 FRIENDS with benefits do things together that friends without benefits do. Eff buddies or FB's don't do much of anything other than get bizzy. (That's my understanding of it anyway). If you want more with him then you best have another conversation about where he stands so that you can adjust your own emotions (if your capable of doing that) if he's still just wanting the sex and a bit of companionship but no committed relationship. Would you like there to be more to this than the original agreement? What is it YOU want? Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 (edited) I agree... FWB can hang out, and do all kinds of things together. There's just no commitment. In my own situation, there were 2 different versions of FWB. 1) Limited time: When I was younger, and I was getting ready to move away from my original home location. (SoCal) I had just broken off a long relationship, and was living with a friend for a few days before I left. I was introduced to his GF's friend, and we hung out for 3 days straight, and being intimate every night. But I was honest that I was leaving, and wasn't doing the long distance thing. 2) Different stages in life: After moving, and being in college... I was hanging out with my cousin (F) so I had contact with a lot of her friends. (Going out, having fun, and parties) There was one of her friends who I hooked up with as FWB. I told her I wasn't looking for anything serious, but we could hang out if she wanted. (I was in collage, and she was not) In this case, I probably would have never done anything with her, but she was the aggressor (First contact was a BJ in my truck before I could leave) so I figured... "Why not". In this case... we went to movies, went to the local amusement parks, and she would come to my school dorm for parties on the weekends. BUT... all the time, I told her that I didn't want anything serious because of where my life was at. In number 2, I think she had feelings for me, and she was hopping that the sex would change my mind. But to be 100% honest here... I knew she was not motivated to be more than blue-collar country girl... and I was heading down the academic track. But for about a year... we hung out, and contacted each other as if we were BF and GF. Ultimately, we just drifted apart over the summer since we were both working. but I think she pulled away because she knew I didn't want to officially become a "Couple." As you can see... FWB can act like they are a couple, but the understanding is that either can walk away without hurting the feelings of the other. Edited September 14, 2019 by Blind-Sided Link to post Share on other sites
Author Suffolk41 Posted September 15, 2019 Author Share Posted September 15, 2019 Ahh thanks for replying guys. A lot of what you’ve both said makes sense! I guess one of the weird things is he’s said before that FWB don't talk all the time or hang out together as that complicates things and that seems to be what we’re doing now. I’ll have a conversation with him about it for sure. In terms of what I want I would be open to more but let’s see where it goes. Recently he spoke about having sex without condoms. I said I’m not comfortable with that unless I know we are both being safe if we have see elsewhere. He said he’d not have sex without condoms elsewhere but Im also pretty sure that in the last three months he’s not had sex with anyone else. It feels like he wants more but is scared of being hurt again. He talks so much about relationships and it’s like he’s trying to tell me how committed he is when hes in one and what he likes/doesn’t like. Like he’s testing my responses etc. Thanks again ☺️☺️☺️ Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 15, 2019 Share Posted September 15, 2019 Bareback sex is miles better than with a condom, so do not fool yourself he is asking for bare back sex because he is more serious about you or that he cares. He is chancing his luck. Note he said he would not have sex without condoms elsewhere, not that he would not have sex elsewhere... Men in general put women into boxes. Once you agree to FWBs, he puts you in the FWB box and he then he does not then tend to see you as relationship material... Stop making up excuses for him. Women do this all the time, he is just hurt, he is scared, he had a bad time, he is not seeing anyone else... He is in a FWB relationship with you for a reason. He told you he was not ready to commit, so believe him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted September 15, 2019 Share Posted September 15, 2019 ... and for the love of God do not have unprotected sex with him. Geesh! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 15, 2019 Share Posted September 15, 2019 OP, what do you want? That is what matters and if you're being a FWB hoping it will evolve into a relationship you need to stop waiting and tell him what you want. Otherwise you will be stuck a FWB and one day he will chose another woman for a relationship. I notice a lot of women are waiting and wondering what the guy wants instead of moving forward with what they want. Make the man rise to your expectations or it's over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted September 15, 2019 Share Posted September 15, 2019 ^^^ yes, yes, yes, yes... Did I says "yes?" Yes I did. Op: Do that and be confident about it. He holds all the power here and he's almost got you talked into unprotected sex for goodness sakes when you're not even exclusive and he's talking about sex with other woman, that you should just trust his word that he will use a condom. Pfffft. Link to post Share on other sites
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