My attempts to chat with women backfire

[LuckyM]

As I get older (past 60) I feel sometimes like I have a anti magnetic force

field around me. WHenever I meet a woman, usually younger, and try to be friendly for its own sake, NOT for dating, I end up sorry I tried. She sees that I like her or I tell her that I like her and we talk a short while. When I show further interest in her life, she retreats and won't talk. Why do I bother at all?

Because I am lonely and need female attention. That cheers me up. But I guess after a certain age, men (and probably women) ought to remain silent??

Don't try to make conversation at the store, massage salon or anywhere. I am single but whether the woman is married or single, no difference.

Recently, I tried getting to know a youingish Chinese woman that I like. No intention to date her, but she suspected that I think. She was like a breath of fresh air...now I have stayed away but I keep thinking of her. Maybe it is the large age difference.

 

Do you guys experience this? It's depressing and I am just coping.

[preraph]

It's because older men are constantly hitting on younger women. If all you want is someone to talk to, why on earth would you only try to talk to younger women? I don't believe that's all that's on your mind.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

But I guess after a certain age, men (and probably women) ought to remain silent??

 

Nonsense. Just try talking to women closer to your own age. A lot of young women find older men hitting on them creepy.

[Cersei]

Sorry but I am 48 and if a 60 year old man started talking to me I would be pleasant enough. But what do I have in common with someone so much older?

 

I would likely think he had ulterior motives outside of a friendship.

 

Perhaps try getting some male buddies to golf or bowl with.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I don't think 48-60 is weird, and I wouldn't be put out by that (I am 46), but 60 and twenties/thirties? Yeah....they might be weirded out.

[LuckyM]

I am NOT trying to hit on them and know that dating is out of the question.

I have never asked them out. But this is the perception anyway.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I am NOT trying to hit on them and know that dating is out of the question.

I have never asked them out. But this is the perception anyway.

 

Can't you just pursue conversation with women your own age then?

[elaine567]

I am NOT trying to hit on them...

I have never asked them out.

 

Why are you telling them you like them?

[LuckyM]

I rarely see any my own age, and if I do, have little in common with them. What makes you think they will be different?

[basil67]

You rarely see women your own age? Older women do say they feel invisible, but I didn’t realise it was a literally true.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I rarely see any my own age, and if I do, have little in common with them. What makes you think they will be different?

 

I'm curious what you feel you have in common with young women, and if they feel the same (that they have things in common with someone your age).

[elaine567]

You have to come to the realisation that you are now 60+.

You may see these younger women as people you want to hang about with, but they see you as a "pensioner", and once you tell them you "like" them or they suspect that you "like" them, they go "OMG, this old guy fancies me" and so they shut you down right away, as you are NOT what they want and they do not want to encourage you.

You do not see or have no interest in women in your own age group as they are "old women", so hold no attraction for you.

You are stuck in a time warp.

[alphamale]

Do you guys experience this?

 

No, not really. I find that most single women are pretty open to chatting. But then again I mostly talk with women in their 40s (i'm 54) and 50s...

 

You must be doing something wrong LuckyM, remember that women are much more perceptive than men are.

[Happy Lemming]

No, not really. I find that most single women are pretty open to chatting. But then again I mostly talk with women in their 40s (i'm 54) and 50s...

 

Same here...

[LuckyM]

Maybe I am in a time warp and wish I was much younger.

 

I strongly suspect I am not what these women want, or maybe any woman, and they are probably not what I need or want in the long run.

Persona non grata--wonderful feeling. Like looking at a house with a woman's face in every window and the sign is :NOT interested.

IMO Some women of another race are warmer, more cordial.

 

Everyone says meet someone your own age. Rarely do I find one attractive, and they have led lives very different from mine. Divorced or widowed, kids, grandkids, and with none of my unusual interests. I never married, no kids and don't go to senior centers, church or bingo. I have many youthful interests. EVery guy can tell you that a pretty woman with charm seems more fascinating than a much older one without that. Even Einstein said something like that-- (Of course, some women 50plus are really better looking than younger ones--that's a fact.

[preraph]

^ I'm never very good friends with new women of my own age for the same reasons (no kids, bored with grandkid talk, etc.) but that doesn't mean I expect younger ones to want anything to do with me. And younger ones usually have kids and some sort of family life, so it's really no different as far as you having anything in common with them. You still have more in common with the ones your own age from your own era. At least you can talk about old movies and music with them. If all you want is a friend, join a lodge and make men friends. Why are you even pursuing women as friends when you have nothing in common with them and you know it?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

none of my unusual interests. I never married, no kids and don't go to senior centers, church or bingo. I have many youthful interests. EVery guy can tell you that a pretty woman with charm seems more fascinating than a much older one without that. Even Einstein said something like that-- (Of course, some women 50plus are really better looking than younger ones--that's a fact.

 

I don't disagree with any of that. So what are your interests? Why do you think they are unusual?

[LuckyM]

Good looking women cheer me up and I feel better, though the feeling doesn't last. Some exude charm when they want to. I have little or nothing in common with everyone, all my life, except for obvious things like internet, certain movies,rock,baseball.....being.an intellectual is a big turnoff so I avoid bringing it up. LS is an interest. I really enjoy reading about love, breakups, romance.

 

Also the beach and outdoor concerts.

I have tried more Meetups than I recall, does not work for me. When you reach a certain age, you will see that feels too late. My male friends often wanted to pick my brain for ideas or go to single clubs.

 

In the past, chemistry was more important than things in common

because I had little in common with my short-lived romantic GFs..

I kick myself for not taking advantage of invitations and opportunity back in the day.

[gettinoverit]

I am NOT trying to hit on them and know that dating is out of the question.

I have never asked them out. But this is the perception anyway.

 

This statement right here contradicts everything else you are saying. If you can't even be honest with yourself about WHY you want to talk to these women, how can anyone help you?

 

I'm 46. There is a man working in my local Trader Joes who "talks" to me every time I go in. He's around 60. He's very nice, pleasant, but I know EXACTLY what he is really after and it creeps me out. We can smell it a mile off! Women younger than me would be even more put off. And probably a lot less polite.

 

My point is, these women know what you're all about, even if you re in denial yourself. You want to meet women? I suggest 1) not coming across as so desperate, even if you are unaware of it, we can see it. 2) try talking to some women, you know, like, closer to your own age. Don't feel attracted to those? Well then, I'm sorry my friend, but unless you have a very large bank balance you are S.O.L. 3) try meeting new people through hobbies and interests, and see where THAT goes, instead of picking on random women in stores.

Edited September 19, 2019 by gettinoverit

[mark clemson]

Sounds like you are into the "dopamine hit" you get from female attention. There are a few things you could do (several already suggested). It's ok to want casual friendship, but, as pointed out, they are not interpreting your actions that way. (And possibly you are fooling yourself about this.)

 

 

• Make yourself as attractive as possible; the difference between "creepy" and "just fine" is sometimes whether you're attractive to the woman instead of being yet another unappreciated chaser she has to shoo off. There are some threads on this under General.
  
• Even if you're successful with the above, wait for signals that the woman is actually interested in you before engaging in conversation.
  
• Even if you're successful, you'll still probably be better off with a friend who's a bit more age-appropriate. You'll want to wait for one to come along who's "acceptable" to you and you to her.
  

 

• All of the above take time. Suggest you develop some other interests so you're not stuck trying to "make a life" out of random, transitory conversations with females. (Maybe you're not, but this thread kind of comes across that way.)
  

 

• Liked the suggestion above about trying to meet friends via hobbies, interests, etc. There are also friendship apps now that you could try.
  

GL!

[alphamale]

[*]Even if you're successful with the above, wait for signals that the woman is actually interested in you before engaging in conversation.

 

this is true but in reality it's the good looking guys that get interest from women, the average or below average guys won't get any and are left out in the cold.

[JuneGirl]

Is this more about you regretting that you didn't form a meaningful connection with someone that you met/had a relationship with in the past?

 

 

 

 

I don't think anything backfired, I just think women are getting better at sensing if a man just wants to talk to them just to compensate/relieve his own loneliness.

 

 

 

 

In any case, there are lots of singles meet ups for certain age groups that you could try? Those are the places where you could meet people that are more open to interacting with you.

[spiderowl]

You could try chatting to women your own age? I doubt it is anything to do with what you say but that maybe younger women aren't interested. I'm over 50 too and I do not assume that younger men will be interested in me or want to chat for long. They are likely to be interested in women their own age.

[Soak]

I am NOT trying to hit on them and know that dating is out of the question.

I have never asked them out. But this is the perception anyway.

 

 

Are you keeping it light and fun?