for moving on from a toxic relationship- sorry for the long post!

[Summer4568]

My first serious relationship I was ever in was incredibly toxic. He would constantly make me feel like everything was my fault through gaslighting, he tried to make me cut off my friends, he was a mental manipulater/abuser with the tendency to get physical if I didn’t say or did exactly what he wanted; including sexually assaulting me. The only reason I even put up with it is because I didn’t have any notion of what a relationship was suppose to consist of and we were friends before we started dating. We broke up after 6 months, not very long but felt long with everything that happened.

 

It took me a year to even process all of this and realize that it wasn’t a healthy relationship. Cue now where It’s been about 4 years and I still feel like I can’t get into a new relationship because I have so many trust, commitment issues as well as expressing my emotions. I’m scared that every relationship will be like that or that someone will think I have too much baggage to even put up with.

 

I’m wondering how I should go about trying to get past this. I have been going on dates and trying but it’s almost like I lose complete interest as soon as I realize they actually like me. I don’t know I just feel like I’m trying and not getting anywhere. I ran into my ex at the mall this past Christmas , (he literally ran into me and pretend I didn’t exist) while he was with his new girlfriend and It triggered such a bad panic attack that I had to get who I was with to help me outside. Tonight it was almost this feeling of why does he get to be happy and moving on and act like nothing happened while I can’t even talk to guys anymore without picturing bad scenarios that happened in my last relationship?

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

[ExpatInItaly]

Honestly, and with respect, I would seek therapy.

 

You went through a lot with this ex and you deserve some peace and contentment in your own life now. If it's been 4 years and you still find yourself having trouble, it's safe to say your own coping mechanisms aren't working.That's not a shot at you, by the way. It's normal after an abusive relationship to feel like your emotions are in full tilt. But a qualified and experienced professional should be able to guide you back to a healthier place so you can truly close this dark chapter.

[Summer4568]

Honestly, and with respect, I would seek therapy.

 

You went through a lot with this ex and you deserve some peace and contentment in your own life now. If it's been 4 years and you still find yourself having trouble, it's safe to say your own coping mechanisms aren't working.That's not a shot at you, by the way. It's normal after an abusive relationship to feel like your emotions are in full tilt. But a qualified and experienced professional should be able to guide you back to a healthier place so you can truly close this dark chapter.

 

 

Thank you so much. I always felt like it wasn’t a big enough issue for therapy. But you are right my coping mechanisms are clearly not massively effective. Thanks again