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Dumbfounded...can someone be that bold and direct?

Springsummer

By Springsummer,
in General Relationship Discussion

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Springsummer

Springsummer

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So, this morning, a man came to my cubicle/office, seriously asked me if I am single or my status (don't remember the exact words). I said why and he said he has someone who wants to know (or introduce someone to me) I asked who? he then asked how old I am and I said I am not going to tell you and then he said forget about it. I really curious who he wanted to introduce to me (I secretly hoping it is the guy I am nutty about). so I kept asking who. then he said 'me'. :eek:..........................so I said I have my eyes on someone else. He asked who and if it's some one here. Of course I am not going to tell him.

 

Last Friday, he was the lucky winner of a departmental wide 50/50 charity draw. I thought how lucky he was, you know to be picked out from a lottery of hundreds of not thousands(don't know how many people bought). The tickets in my floor all passed through my hand, so I had a reason to congratulate him. So I went to his work area but missed him. but the reason I really care to do that was so that I have the excuse to see the guy I am interested who is in the same team and work in the same are as this man.

 

I am still in shocked. you know I am friendly with him as a senior figure if not fatherly as I assume he is much older than me. so, no I don't consider him interested in me as a compliment. In fact, it makes me realize I may not look as young as I assumed to be any more.

 

sigh...why can't this man is that guy?

 

so, in the end, he shaked my hand and asked if we still friends. I said of course, serious, now I can't act natural towards him anymore. and still say good night when walk by his area every evening I leave the workplace? awkward.

 

I am still shocked and depressed from this. at the work place...

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preraph

preraph

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Someone knew you were looking for him and gave him the idea. What cheek though, asking "for someone" as if you'd ever encourage an unknown entity!!

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basil67

basil67

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Pfft, that wasn't bold and direct. That was pussyfooting around pretending it was about someone else. Bold and direct would be "I really like you, would you like to join me for a date"

 

Meanwhile, please don't waste your time hoping for the guy you like when it sounds like the two of you haven't build a rapport.

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Springsummer

Springsummer

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never in a million years it crossed my mind that he likes me that way. I just don't see him that way. now what I am suppose to do when I see him again? change route when leave for the day so I don't have to say good night to him?

 

it's bold to me because I am too shy to even be friendly not to mention show to someone I am interested. If only I had a few percent of his courage...

 

what's rapport? I had 'rapport' with this person.

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Springsummer

Springsummer

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I literally feel my brain is not working that well nowadays. Life is full of these and that kind of dramas/ironies/worries. Too much for my brain to absorb. I don't feel like have to mental energy to go to the gym or go outside to do activities.

 

and I have nobody I can't really talk to. Life feels so lonely and so overwhelmed. maybe I need to try some pot...

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basil67

basil67

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No, you don't have to change routes - just continue to act professionally. The rapport I was speaking of is about the guy you have a thing for. If you haven't got easy conversation with him, it's time to move on. Otherwise, it's just a fantasy.

 

Life is only full of dramas, ironies and worries if you allow them to fester in your mind. If you can't help it, then seek help from a psychologist to help you manage both that and your shyness. They can make a real difference.

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Mr. Lucky

Mr. Lucky

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it's bordering on sexual harassment

 

Huh? He just (awkwardly) expressed an interest and, when not reciprocated, quickly backed off. There was no sexual innuendo, no leering proposition, no inappropriate behavior.

 

Half the couples I know met in the workplace. Let's not neuter it completely, and the OP is hoping to (more successfully) make the approach to her "crush" this guy made to her...

 

Mr. Lucky

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chillii

chillii

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Yeah l'd agree , if that was supposedly bordering harassment then no wonder all the women complain about no one asking them out.

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Maddie82

Maddie82

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you should tell your boss about this and document it, it's bordering on sexual harassment

 

Hardly. A guy just told he liked her that's all. The way he went about it was rather immature, like kids at school, but he took it like a grownup when she rejected him. It's not sexual harassment just telling someone you like them.

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Blind-Sided

Blind-Sided

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you should tell your boss about this and document it, it's bordering on sexual harassment

 

 

LOL... never know what's in his head.

 

 

But seriously... OP... that wasn't being forward. It's just asking. Also, I try not to read emotions into posts... but I get a gut feel that you were being defensive during the conversation with this guy. OK... yes, you have your eye on someone else... but was there something wrong with this guy? Is he nice? is he relatively attractive? Is he a good worker? (Reflective of his personality) they why not give him a try, and at least go out for a drink?

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stillafool

stillafool

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I know but you would think the way things are going in this day and age men would be more mindful than to say anything to women they work with except work related. Are they trying to get fired or a sexual harassment suit.

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chillii

chillii

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What, so you can't even ask a woman at work out now there , are you kidding me ?

Then that would also mean if op did ask the guy she likes out for a coffee or drink then he can have her up for harassment too.

And on and on the madness would go.

Surely it can't be that damn ridiculous.

 

lf l was to ask someone out and she turned around and accused whatever they accuse, l'd laugh in her face and the judges. Wtf they gonna do lock you up for asking someone out.

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WorkingGal

WorkingGal

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Hardly forward. Hardly "sexual harassment" unless he starts badgering her.

 

To the OP it sounds like you've limited/little experience in dating. The guy expressed some interest, you clarified not interested. Unless he continues along this ideally such as hanging around you, trying to make conversation for no reason, etc the issue is done and over with.

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elaine567

elaine567

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He thought "date".

She thought "father" and turned him down.

He backed off.

 

Nothing bad really happened.

No harassment.

 

If he persists or he tries to use his seniority to "persuade" her to spend time with him or he gets "physical" in any way... then harassment yes.

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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Your picker is off. You claim to want a relationship but when someone expresses interest in you, instead of giving them a chance you say no. If memory serves this is the 2nd time you have done this that you posted about.

 

If you want love / romance you need to be more open to it & no so closed off. I suspect you set your sights on unattainable men so you can remain in your comfort zone lamenting the fact that you aren't dating.

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elaine567

elaine567

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Yes "give the guy a chance" may be fine, but Springsummer's first reaction was "This guy is old enough to be my father"... not, yes please, or even a, maybe, just a flat, no.

He is interested yes, but she isn't, so how would that work out?

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Mr. Lucky

Mr. Lucky

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I know but you would think the way things are going in this day and age men would be more mindful than to say anything to women they work with except work related.

 

Does that mean it's OK for women to say non work-related things to men?

 

I hope it never comes this, that would be throwing the baby out with the proverbial bath water...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Rayce

Rayce

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The PC climate is so bad in some industries it doesn't matter if your male or female. When at work keep it to work items only.... that is the lesson I have learned. I got trouble one time for flirting on the phone. Someone in my department only heard half the conversation and reported me as being inappropriate. That call showed up in my performance review and as a result I was docked at raise time over it.

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Springsummer

Springsummer

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If he persists or he tries to use his seniority to "persuade" her to spend time with him or he gets "physical" in any way... then harassment yes.

 

by senior I meant age. He is a contractor. Will turn into perm if they keep him over a certain number of years per gov. policy, then it will be next to impossible to get fire. I don't suppose he just turns into perm. He is taking risk...

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Springsummer

Springsummer

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Your picker is off. You claim to want a relationship but when someone expresses interest in you, instead of giving them a chance you say no. If memory serves this is the 2nd time you have done this that you posted about.

 

If you want love / romance you need to be more open to it & no so closed off. I suspect you set your sights on unattainable men so you can remain in your comfort zone lamenting the fact that you aren't dating.

 

I desperately want a relationship, but only with someone I am attracted to. If not, I can be single forever. This has never changed.

 

Yes, I am extremely picky. that's a problem. but I am who I am. This I can't change. I am stupid, naive and 'weird' that I don't deny.

 

but, no . attraction/lust is black and white for me. It's either there or not. romance with someone I am not attracted to? oh, please. makes me want to puke. That's insanity to me.

 

oh, I lost count how many I have turned down in my life, especially subtlety. but most can get a clue without being obvious. This is the most direct one for me.

Edited by Springsummer
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