Why is Love a Big Deal

[Mysterio]

So most of you know that I am 48 yrs old. Childless. Over the last couple of weeks. Looking at various threads. It seems like for most of us can't comprehend why we are single and what the cause is and how to fix it. Then we look at others around us, who have no problems on the surface.

 

At what time in our lives do we say enough. I think a lot of us need to take a step back from findning love. Its great to have, but at the end of the day. Our self love for ourselves and making it through our lives is more important. Even though Modern day society tries to make it seem like there is something wrong with people that don't have much of a love life.

 

So why do you all think its a big deal or maybe not a big deal finding love in the present?

 

For me, it seems strange that a Love match is hard to find. I feel like its all a big game. Don't care. It comes. Care too much and put effort into it. Nothing pans out.

 

Do you think its your looks/personality or bad luck or unrealistic desires thats preventing a love match. I feel like I am out of synch. It feels like just me being a man. I don't have that Bad Boy vibe. Its hard for the women to get into me right off the bat.

 

One thing that I feel I must do is sort of walk away from being the driving force for findning love. Its a tough thing to do. I need more peace in my mind, than keep the battlefield of love operating 24/7. Even in this post. I am torn between trying to figure it all out, vs letting it go. For the record, all my love matches have come from when I don't make that effort to find love. Meaning that women just expressed their romantic attraction to me made the moves on me first.

 

So anyways. I would love to read what you think about all of this.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Personally, I think it's a good idea to take a more relaxed approach to it when you feel this way. It can be an exhausting process for many.

 

There may come a time when you feel drawn towards a particular woman or desire to meet someone. In those circumstances, just go with it. Pay attention to the effect it is having on your overall happiness. Let that guide you.

 

As you know, sometimes women will take matters into their own hands anyway, so at that point you can be more confident of her interest in you. Win - Win if you fancy her too.

 

I believe romantic love can be a truly wonderful thing, but if you can live in happiness and contentment without it then you will still have a great life.

[Blind-Sided]

Biology.

 

 

 

Can't fight that.

[chillii]

Ahh mysterio. you think the 3 or 4billion couples out the he has the nad boy, comon man , go look out the street, get so sick of reminding people that.

l don't even know a so called bad boy couple, especially at your sort of age , none.And ones l have known in past usually got left in the end.

Dunno how many times we have to remind people that there is any and every combo in couples out there that you can possibly think of.

Maybe that's holding you and others down because a lot of them do seem to be stuck on some crazy ideal and just don't budge from it no matter what a 1000 people try to tell them.

l'm not a bad boy yet l just trip over women , happened all my life.

Probably because l'm open and don't have some crazy notion that this or that can only be one way one type, l couldn't even imagine getting anywhere with that crap welded into my thinking and vibe.

One thing l saw very very young, early teens , was that anything and everything goes on out there in the big wide world, you think it , it's going on somewhere.

 

 

Sooo, maybe that's where people that seem to be missing out get caught.Preconceived ideas that no one can budge seems to be a very common trait.

[alphamale]

The concept of marrying for romantic love is only about 100 years old. Before that people married for survival and practicality.

 

Basically, romantic love is over rated and rarely keeps a couple together for the long-term.

[Mysterio]

Here is how I feel about romantic love fused into my life.

 

Let’s call her Jane. We get together. Enjoy each other’s company. We have interesting conversation and laughs. We do social and recreational activities. We are physically affectionate. We strive to be respectful/flexible/give each other space and support. If we get Married. We will obviously live together and run household together. I am not hung ho about kids but they will be discussed.

 

I think that what I want and others is simplicity. I also have to loosen up my self. I have to almost chill out and stumble into love and not make it a priority. More likely Jane should be striving for us to be s couple, than me playing Romantic Mission Impossible.

[Gaeta]

There is no special look, no special recipe, to meet someone. Just be the best version of yourself and keep your options open.

 

I don't believe we find love when we stop looking for it. I was single 8 years and no one came knocking at my door offering me love. I found it when I put myself out there, searched, and stayed true to who I am. 'Wanting too much' will repel people, they can sense it, so while you search just keep it light and trust life. No one will slip through your fingers cause you didn't try hard enough, when 2 people like each other it just unfolds naturally.

[chillii]

l don't believe that theory on marrying for whatever 100 yrs ago. Not to say stuff like that wasn't common then, would've been very l'd say. Doesn't mean love wasn't either though. And there are love stories 1000's of years old.

So people have been falling in love a long long time l'd say.

[elaine567]

Don't care. It comes. Care too much and put effort into it. Nothing pans out..

Ok, this seems to be your mantra, "Do nothing and it will come and find you".

Yet you still seem to be long term single, how has that really worked out for you?

[gaius]

I don't really know you Mysterio so this part isn't really aimed at you, but I have noticed with a lot of men nowadays there seems to be very little effort in regard to figuring out what they have to offer a partner. Like their jokes aren't funny, their personality isn't charming, their penis doesn't really get hard. And yet they're still expecting women to cater to them. To treat them like they're some kind of prize as is. Which doesn't seem to work out. Reality smacks them hard in the face.

 

Now for you Mysterio, and for them, putting more effort into improving what you have to offer, rather than making lists of what you want would probably serve you a lot better. Cause once you have a lot to offer the world turns into your oyster. If you're 48 and love hasn't swept into your life by now there's probably something with you that could use some work.

[carhill]

If humans weren't social creatures emotional attachments wouldn't be relevant or important. IME, it's a brain chemistry thing. Very complex and still relatively poorly understood at the scientific level. For those with brain chemistry that doesn't impel attachments and interaction, love of and for other humans is relatively unimportant and easily overlooked and other life experience and emotion fills the time and space. Since we're all different, love is a bigger, or less bigger, deal depending on who we are. Also, since our brains change throughout life, both organically and through psychological experience and conditioning, desire/need for attachment and love can come and go, or appear where never experienced before, or disappear without warning. A few chemicals change, poof.

[Timshel]

A few chemicals change, poof.

 

I had a belly laugh at 'poof.' Not in contradiction but yep, I have been a witness to this.

I have also held a few dying hands (as you may have) and have decided that for myself when my last breath comes, LOVE is what will matter to me. It need not be romantic love, though I have this, but I am sure that above everything else my final concerns will be what I gave in the love department and hoping that it was enough.

[mark clemson]

Agree this is true. There is also a question of identity (to be fair, this could be thought of as a manifestation of very specific aspects of brain chemistry). If you view being a husband/father as important and you aren't one - well, there's a gap there that probably bothers you (perhaps not in your specific case on that one Mysterio).

 

If you feel you "should" have a GF but you don't, that's also a gap. If reality doesn't align to how we (attempt to) define ourselves, it tends to bother us.

[SumGuy]

The concept of marrying for romantic love is only about 100 years old. Before that people married for survival and practicality.

 

Basically, romantic love is over rated and rarely keeps a couple together for the long-term.

 

 

Maybe for reasons of marriage but the trend was well on the way by the 1700s, but romantic love has been around time immemorial and its power never any less than today.

Now we have been often warned about its foolish destructive power, from Helen of Troy to Romeo and Juliet... that attests even more so to its power and how innate it is to us. It's also good to keep in mind these warning were more for the rich and powerful where politics determined marriage.

For the vast majority of us over most of history one's heart could certainly be a part of it (though not the whole of it). Such stories are harder to find, and if anything the Wife of Bath is good warning for us common men folk to not marry just for practicality.

[SumGuy]

There is no special look, no special recipe, to meet someone. ....

 

That can't be true! There are many websites promising me just that, for three easy payments of $49.99.

[chillii]

I don't really know you Mysterio so this part isn't really aimed at you, but I have noticed with a lot of men nowadays there seems to be very little effort in regard to figuring out what they have to offer a partner. Like their jokes aren't funny, their personality isn't charming, their penis doesn't really get hard. And yet they're still expecting women to cater to them. To treat them like they're some kind of prize as is. Which doesn't seem to work out. Reality smacks them hard in the face.

 

Now for you Mysterio, and for them, putting more effort into improving what you have to offer, rather than making lists of what you want would probably serve you a lot better. Cause once you have a lot to offer the world turns into your oyster. If you're 48 and love hasn't swept into your life by now there's probably something with you that could use some work.

 

 

 

 

Crude and one sided, what's wrong with you, but if you can get away with saying that then l should be able to say this so lets look at the reality in the other side of the coin that's out there on offer.. You think every women out there is some prize , with a great personality and funny and a nice fresh tight twat that still works and an hour glass figure, ahhh, sorry , that is no way the case at all. Which leads to another thing , guys do need to be turned on too yaknow. And on that note , many women also don't seem to realize most things have gone south, a lot and deteriorated quite a bit actually , since they were 20s, not to mention they may also be 15 or 20kg heavier, 25 kids. l would actually say most on date sights haven't looked in a mirror 20yrs. This was the average norm in women when l woke up single after 21 yrs , in later 40s. And that's without even getting into their issues and baggage, which alone is huge , absolutely huge , in women out there.

But so many of them seem the least of all to be in touch with reality from what l've seen.

Just sayin , everything in life and love goes both ways , there's the equivalent in everything but many women seem to think it all only goes one way and once again, ain't the case.

He's actually sounds like a very decent guy to me in this case and l'd actually like to see what women out there in his area have to offer tbh.

 

But yeah , l do agree that people women and men do need to do something if they're looking and even that alone is switching on the invisible sign that says l'm open to meeting you if your interested , in both cases , and that alone can make a huge difference imo.

Edited September 19, 2019 by chillii

[gaius]

I don't think every woman is a prize Chilli. But as you improve yourself, the better your jokes get, the better a conversationalist you become, the more charm you can produce, the more masculine you become, your options increase. The more women become interested in you. So then you have options and can decide what you want.

 

Sitting around making lists when nothing at all is happening, not the pathway to success as a man.

[basil67]

The concept of marrying for romantic love is only about 100 years old. Before that people married for survival and practicality.

 

Indeed. Marrying for love was a thing, but was rare enough to have a name "Love Match"

[chillii]

Now there's a list.

But what l found in many are personality issues, women and men. And you see it in many of the singles posts , it's also the case with singles l know in their 50s.

With women l found that tends to be issues , which turn into self sabotaging, it's such a challenge all it's own l just could not believe.

With guys just on observation l find it tends to more just personality things or lifestyle stuff of some sort.

In Mysterio's case for example , unfortunately l'd say his religion for one would be a big issue unless he goes for a women of similar. Another thing l notice with a lot of the guys is they often have very set in stone ideas that no one can budge but a lot of it just isn't how it is and hence the problems.

Edited September 19, 2019 by chillii

[gaius]

Well you know Mysterio better than I do but at 48 you've got more days behind you than in front, so I hope whatever it is he manages to resolve it and live the happiest life he can.

 

Same thing for anyone else who might be in the same position. Nothing beats being in love with the right person. And being worthy enough to have their love in return.

[The Outlaw]

I'd wager it's just bad luck for me. I have no children and I've never been married and I did want both at one point, but after a bunch of repetitive nonsense, I just threw in the towel and gave up and I just don't see it as ever happening, but I could be very wrong. But I'm not saying this to sound bad, but not everybody is cut out for it. Some people want it and won't stop until they've found what they're looking for. And some may just content even if they haven't found it.

[chillii]

Yeah , it's a strange thing in ways as you get older.

After marriage and now my woman , should things not work out , l've often wondered l can tell ya.

Don't know if l could be bothered with another round though , although l do prefer being two not one buttttt, l'd be wondering if it was meant to be l think, hands in air , to hell with it.

[Foxhall]

Well you know Mysterio better than I do but at 48 you've got more days behind you than in front, so I hope whatever it is he manages to resolve it and live the happiest life he can.

 

Same thing for anyone else who might be in the same position. Nothing beats being in love with the right person. And being worthy enough to have their love in return.

 

You never know, he could have more days ahead of him than behind, can we live to 100 plus if we want,

 

as regards the first question- I think no man is an island is a good way to look at it,

I am pretty much a lone ranger but yet I know I would never be entirely happy with that scenario, I need connection and engagement too,

and finding that person , (lol have I found her , hmmn I dont know) I think will make me happier.

[mark clemson]

we can live to 100 plus if we want

 

??

 

You mean if we're lucky.

[Mysterio]

Ok, this seems to be your mantra, "Do nothing and it will come and find you".

Yet you still seem to be long term single, how has that really worked out for you?

 

If I like a woman in a romantic way, and I go out of my way to investigate her in terms of us dating. There is usually an obstacle like she is attached.

 

My list are as follows. As I think its the best way to be.

 

Single/Childless over 27 under 60.

Interesting conversations and laughs.

Mutual social and recreational activities.

Physical affection.

Respect/Support/Flexibility/Space between us.

Socialize with each other's family/friends.

 

Date/We are a couple for two yrs before Cohabing/engagement/Marriage come into play.

 

That's my list. I don't see anything wrong with that. I don't think I could be with a woman that has 3 kids, from 2 different fathers and she is separated from one.

 

 

I am Black/48/Male/ 5'9. 195 lbs and trying to get between 173-177 lbs. Shaved head and face. My face is Handsome/Cute.

 

Dress style. Collard shirts and blazer or Leather Jacket and Rock and Roll t-shirts/Jeans.

 

Like Classic Rock/Soul/Jazz/Folk. Like going out to see bands. Work out at the gym. Do Intermittent fasting so I only eat 12-6 pm or 6 pm to 12 am. I love the colour Red. 7 is my fave number. Led Zeppelin/James Brown/AC/DC are, my fave music artists. I love the CW Superhero shows. I am a big music guy. So a lot of my outings have music in them

 

I talk about music/life/where we see our selves going/movies/how to better ourselves. Spiritual endeavours. Introspective conversation. I have a dry sense of humour. I am not about trying to get laid all the time or swearing or drinking and being an ass.

 

 

I go by life patterns and observations. All my major love matches come about when I am not really caring to romantically connect with a woman, and I am basically chill. When I make an effort which is just asking out a woman for lunch. There is some sort of obstacle.

 

I would say that my friendships are of a higher quality and I am not pushing it. Romantic connection not as much. Grat Mother/Father/Brother.

 

I don't get it. It's not like I am a Playboy and want to just have sex and that's it. I don't think I am super demanding and am asking for some over the top romantic relationship.

 

That's Mysterio in a nutshell. I don't think it's my looks. I just want high quality because I am on myself.

Edited October 10, 2019 by Mysterio