ekaterina Posted September 17, 2019 Share Posted September 17, 2019 I've met this guy a year ago in a university camp, where we gained really good friendship. We used to chat sometimes like once a week or replying on Instagram. In total, we met 7 times and had really good time - watching movie, play video games and etc. I don't usually smoke weed but he offered me while we were chatting and when I came back to city we meet. He offered me to do it in his place and smoke in calm place. We watched movie, have some beer, smoke and ended up in his bedroom... I never imagined myself doing it besides the fact that I like him from the beginning. I don't know how to act after that. I really like him and I don't want to lose this person, even friendship. Of course I would like to date this guy but I have no idea what is in his mind. I don't really want to show that I am attached to him or make him scared with my emotions. It happened day before yesterday and we talked once in a usual way. We were thinking to meet again and repeat it on next day but plans changed and he offered me to go to the movie instead. I didn't went out because I was not feeling well. I really need your advises. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted September 17, 2019 Share Posted September 17, 2019 Ask him what his thoughts are on what happened between you. He might admit to actually liking you. If he says it was a mistake then you can easily just agree with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 17, 2019 Share Posted September 17, 2019 Remaining calm is the key to getting through this. Don't bombard him with Qs about "what are we?" Talk to him normally. If you liked what happened between you tell him that. Be brave & give him a safe space to talk about what he wants & expects. If you are lucky you have been "dating" & what happened was simply the culmination. Do refrain from smoking & drinking around him & stay out of bedrooms until you get a handle on what this is going forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 17, 2019 Share Posted September 17, 2019 Let it unfold naturally. He has invited you to the movies so that means he enjoys your company and he's not only interested in getting you to bed. I agree with D0nnivain just tell him you enjoyed your night with him and lets see where he takes it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 17, 2019 Share Posted September 17, 2019 He asked you out on a date.....I believe things are heading that way. Best to keep sex out of it, and when the subject comes up, talk about it then. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted September 17, 2019 Share Posted September 17, 2019 I think you've gotten really good answers here. From the male perspective, nothing turns a man off more then a woman going from 0 to 100 , so absolutely dont start with the where do you see this going and how do you feel about me stuff. Just go with it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted September 17, 2019 Share Posted September 17, 2019 I agree it's a good sign he invited you out on a date to the movies. Let him take you out and romance you 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted September 17, 2019 Share Posted September 17, 2019 (edited) Make sure he knows ... go out of your way to make sure he knows that you being too "ill" to go to the movies was not a fake excuse. Seriously, 99.99999 percent of the time a woman saying she wasn't feeling well enough to go to a movies ... is a polite or not-so-polite no, a polite way of saying you're not interested. If a buddy of mine tells me a woman he asked to the movies was not feeling well ... (unless she was in the ER and he had photos of the woman connected to tubes and machines--and those photos would have to be run through a reliable software that can detect photo-shopping) this isn't even a close call. I would say, dude, she isn't interested. However you do it, make it clear that you were not feeding him a line. You might want to send him a note updating your status, saying you're feeling better, being quite specific about your ailment. However you do it, just make it clear you are interested in going to the movies (by the way, saying you are interested in the "movies" will not sound desperate). Another little thing: don't apologize for being ill ... but you can say you felt bummed that you had to stay in ... but hey, I'm feeling great now. Just be aware of what he's thinking in response to that line (not a line in this case) ... and what ALL of his friends, male and female, his age up to age 99, are telling him. Everyone around him is telling him that you're not interested. Edited September 17, 2019 by Lotsgoingon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 17, 2019 Share Posted September 17, 2019 Okay, so you turned him down for a date, and now that probably made him feel rejected since it's early and I guess first actual date. So if you want to date him, you need to contact him calmly and just say, "I'm ready for a raincheck on that movie. Can we go sometime this weekend?" Do be sure it's a date. Don't get in the habit of hanging out and just hooking up. He should date you if you two want to be more than just friends with benefits. If you hear that phrase come out of his mouth, tell him, NO, that's not okay with me. I'm looking for a real boyfriend not just hooking up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted September 17, 2019 Share Posted September 17, 2019 Don't get in the habit of hanging out and just hooking up. He should date you if you two want to be more than just friends with benefits. I guess people don't understand that and keep doing it and then complain... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 17, 2019 Share Posted September 17, 2019 When you couldn't make the movie, did you offer a new date which would suit you better? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 17, 2019 Share Posted September 17, 2019 I guess people don't understand that and keep doing it and then complain... Yes. It's a common mistake. It was mainly a sign of the times, but I made it myself many times. How it starts out sets a tone not only of respect but of future habits and expectations. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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