alphamale Posted September 18, 2019 Share Posted September 18, 2019 It's BS. If you respect your partner, whether it be man or woman, you *DON'T* ogle. Period. It's beyond disrespectful and doesn't really paint a pretty picture. look, the day I stop looking at beautiful women is the day I die. i'll have plenty of time to "not oogle" from the grave... I've always checked out other women when i'm dating someone, or even when I was married. It bothered some women and some didn't care. Its just a fact of life. I'm not going to put my eyes out with a hot poker just to appease an insecure female Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted September 18, 2019 Share Posted September 18, 2019 This has made me a little insecure about myself. Try not to be---this was 100% him and who/what he is--not you. Be incensed and indignant not insecure--he was insulting your intelligence on top of insulting your esteem. That's not a good person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 This has made me a little insecure about myself. And that was his intention. Guys like that make themselves feel better by making you feel bad about yourself... Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 You should date someone who has better manner lol Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiemay1 Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 People keep focusing on the word ogle. In the OP’s bf and ex bf, they may not have ogled. Another girl might simply recognise that they looked without calling it ogling. That is the OP’s perspective only. She has no control over a hot child close walking past her bf , but she does have control over her own reaction to it and her own self esteem. There is an easier solution than dating a blind man. And the solution is within her own mindset. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 look, the day I stop looking at beautiful women is the day I die. i'll have plenty of time to "not oogle" from the grave... I've always checked out other women when i'm dating someone, or even when I was married. It bothered some women and some didn't care. Its just a fact of life. I'm not going to put my eyes out with a hot poker just to appease an insecure female I look at them as well, just not much when I was on the dating scene. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 You should date someone who has better manner lol like who frus69? some emasculated nerd who lives with his mom? Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiemay1 Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 I really get fed up of the old "insecure" massage being levelled at women when men behave badly, disrespectfully and when they attempt to take women down. What message do you think he is sending out? Men are not stupid, they know exactly what they are doing... of course it is intended. This has nothing to do with gender. Women also look at ripped men at the beach or gym and comment. It is not an attempt to insult another , but if one takes insult then that is something they need to own. You say men are not stupid , but that’s inferring that women are?? As a woman why would you think that?? And where is the line drawn where a man or woman can comment on another persons physique or attractiveness? Is it ok when it is a celebrity but not ok when someone is within a 100m radius? This is ridiculous!! And clearly a self esteem issue regardless of gender. Link to post Share on other sites
crispytoast Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 (edited) Just wanted some opinions. My ex used to ogle other women and tell me about how hot they were. This really hurt me. How do feel about a partner (man or woman) ogling other people while in a relationship? Looking is fine' date=' but IMHO you don't need to tell your partner about how hot this or that person was/is/[/quote'] I used to do this with my ex but she was bisexual and would also point out beautiful women. I wouldn't have done it if she didn't bring it into the relationship herself. I'm not exactly monogamous and I still wouldn't do this to a woman I'm dating unless I knew she was into it to. I have all of my personal time to ogle, spit game, etc. When I'm with a lady, she's queen for the day. And ogling is one thing but bringing it up with you if it wasn't previously specified that you're into that, well that's messed up. The day I stop looking is the day I start dying but god damn fellas at least have some tactfulness about it. That's clownish and someone with better manners is gonna walk away with your woman. Edited September 19, 2019 by crispytoast Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 People notice other attractive people, it's perfectly ok. When I'm with a boyfriend, I'm not gonna dellude myself that he has eyes for me only, despite me being fairly attractive myself, as men like the variaty etc. But there's absolutely no need to make it so obvious, like turning your head to check dat ass or whistle when a hottie walks by. Look, but be discreet. I will probably know you looked, but will appreciate you not making it uncomfortable. It's nice knowing you respect me enough to make it unnoticeable not to hurt my feelings ("you" referring to a hypothetical boyfriend) Myself I of course do look at guys when I'm single or on my own, but when I'm spending time with a SO, I will try not to look at all. I mean I will probably notice an attractive guy walking by but I will try to turn my eyes away. It's not even for my SO, it's for myself, my own respect to the relationship. I won't like hot guys' pictures, and in fact will most likely unfollow all kinds of pages with male models or whatever. It doesn't mean I will start pretending attractive men don't exist, no way. But I will sure as hell be very discreet about it. Even if my SO doesn't even care that much. I don't expect this kind of determination from my guy, but at least not to ogle, not make comments like "omg, she has such a nice ass" or "let's just agree on Jennifer Lawrence (or whoever is considered hot nowadays, I don't know!) being my free ticket" or liking suggestive pictures of models or female acquaintances or follow dosens of pages like that. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 This has nothing to do with gender. Women also look at ripped men at the beach or gym and comment. I already addressed that. Same issue. It is not an attempt to insult another... Of course it is. Naive to think otherwise. You say men are not stupid , but that’s inferring that women are?? As a woman why would you think that?? I never said that. What I said was that anyone who thinks men who are blatantly checking out other woman and making "comments" are "innocent" and have no agenda and are not trying to play silly macho games or are not trying to chip away at their woman's self esteem or are not trying to upset her, are minimising the "intelligence" of some men. Women can tend to make excuses for these boorish men and these men then walk all over them... He feels great, she, less so... And where is the line drawn where a man or woman can comment on another persons physique or attractiveness? Is it ok when it is a celebrity but not ok when someone is within a 100m radius? It is the same MO, whether it is a celebrity or the check out girl at the supermarket, the intention is the same. At the end of the day it is about respect for other's feelings, and manners, some people have neither. No respect for the feelings of others, nor any manners... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 To look is natural. To blantantly oogle while with someone shows poor social skills and/or lack of respect. It's a matter of degree. Women who won't tolerate even glances are insecure/controlling. Women who do tolerate blatant oogling and commenting are insecure (in a different way) pushovers who allow themselves to be disrespected. The same could be said for men. People with good social skills and/or respect for their partner generally would avoid this. I suppose it's possible for a very secure couple to both jointly oogle/comment when they are fully secure in their relationship and mutually recognize that it means nothing. If they are both on the same page about this and do not feel threatened, good for them. A bit like talking about the weather or a nice house they happen to walk by. I suspect this is pretty rare. "That ass, though, honey." It's pretty hard to envision a SO who would tolerate that. Except possibly as a joke. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
morrowrd Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 I think it's disrespectful to your relationship to stare at or comment on how "hot" someone else is. If you're married, it's a horrible level of disrespect to your wife and marriage. It's ok to "notice" but oogling is terrible and immature. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted September 19, 2019 Share Posted September 19, 2019 Very disrespectful behaviour and could be a sign of abuse. I dated a guy like this when I was 18 when I didn't know better...he was abusive in other ways but this was also part of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiemay1 Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 I already addressed that. Same issue. Of course it is. Naive to think otherwise. I never said that. What I said was that anyone who thinks men who are blatantly checking out other woman and making "comments" are "innocent" and have no agenda and are not trying to play silly macho games or are not trying to chip away at their woman's self esteem or are not trying to upset her, are minimising the "intelligence" of some men. Women can tend to make excuses for these boorish men and these men then walk all over them... He feels great, she, less so... It is the same MO, whether it is a celebrity or the check out girl at the supermarket, the intention is the same. At the end of the day it is about respect for other's feelings, and manners, some people have neither. No respect for the feelings of others, nor any manners... I would agree with you IF we knew that the guys were in fact ogling . But we don’t know that! All we know is the op’s Perspective . And IF her perspective is skewed somewhat because of jealousy and low self esteem then we are not helping her at all by telling her to kick this guy out. As she did the last guy. This has been an issue with two guys now, so one should question the common denominator? Which is what I am attempting to do here. I’m not suggesting these guys are perfect but likewise I’m not suggesting she is either. She needs to communicate her fears and if they seem unreasonable to the guy, it might be because he is an ass or it might be because he is human. But his reply will tell all. Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 There's various factors in this. If you are not checking out men yourself in any way, shape or form, then he's not for you. But if you are looking at other men, its then a question of what you think is respectful. Would you rather he just did it on the sly? Maybe tell him that you'd rather not hear about it. I'm in the fitness industry, believe me when I say that taken women are checking out men constantly. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiemay1 Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 There's various factors in this. If you are not checking out men yourself in any way, shape or form, then he's not for you. But if you are looking at other men, its then a question of what you think is respectful. Would you rather he just did it on the sly? Maybe tell him that you'd rather not hear about it. I'm in the fitness industry, believe me when I say that taken women are checking out men constantly. Finally somethat gets it!!! And not jumping to conclusions that this guy or the last guy is boorish or an ass! And yes, it’s the guys that do it on the sly that are the ones to be worried about! Thank you!! The women that think they are with better men and vice versa are only with partners who are more discreet about doing the exact same thing. To me that’s walking on egg shells! Everyone does it! People that think their partner doesn’t is only being discreet because of their other halfs issues with it. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 some women who are out on dates or with their husbands still check me out from time to time, but many of them try to do it discretely Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiemay1 Posted September 20, 2019 Share Posted September 20, 2019 some women who are out on dates or with their husbands still check me out from time to time, but many of them try to do it discretely Yes! And the people that do it discreetly are those that are looking elsewhere or those with insecure partners and enabling that insecurity. But it means nothing!!! Link to post Share on other sites
CoderPro Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 I don't believe there is any place in a relationship for that behavior. It is disrespectful to the person they are with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NomiMalone Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 I guarantee that with men who act like that, you’re bound to encounter other problems in the relationship, as these guys lack empathy in general. This has nothing to do with you being insecure. It’s simply poor form on his part. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Springsummer Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 disrespectful, to say the least Link to post Share on other sites
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