My sister drugged me

[major_merrick]

I've had a couple of days now to process this, and I still can't believe it. My little sister (who I basically raised) has been troubled for a long time. In and out of bad relationships, trouble relating to me, couldn't hold a job, etc... For a while she was dating one of my exes, and I thought she'd finally gotten to a reasonable place. Had a job and an apartment. Now this.

 

So Monday night I went over to her place to visit. We had some snacks and she offered me a drink. When I'm not at home and not pregnant (which is rare these days) I still like a drink now and then. So she made me gin and ginger ale. I barely finished it, and I started feeling really drunk/dizzy about a half hour later. I had been slightly ill on a previous visit, but hadn't thought much of it. This was a LOT worse. I laid down on the couch thinking that after nearly two years of drinking very little I just had no tolerance. I mean, one drink, really... So I'm laying on the couch and I'm feeling more than drunk. It was like I couldn't control my muscles anymore and I was really sluggish. I reached for my phone to dial it, but I couldn't. I managed to push the "Emergency" button that automatically calls my husband, but I remember dropping the phone next to me because I couldn't hold it. Thankfully, I guess it made the call, and I usually tell my partners where I'm going when I leave the house.

 

At that point, I blacked out. I vaguely remember feeling like I was being kissed, and having her hands all over me. In the past, my sister has made sexual advances toward me and has attempted to entice me. I thought she was just going crazy for a while and had gotten out of that phase because she's been acting more normal and responsible lately. But now it looks like she's willing to essentially try to date-rape me.

 

When my husband received the call, he heard some kind of background noise and knew I was in trouble. He showed up, along with police and EMS. I was sent to the hospital, and my sister admitted to giving me a drug called GHB in order to "loosen me up." I suspect she'd tried a lower dose on a previous occasion, and gave me so much this time that it was an overdose. It was bad enough that the hospital kept me overnight and into the next day, and I was having trouble breathing. I don't remember much of it.

 

The cops arrested my sister, and she has been charged with aggravated assault, sexual assault, and drug possession with intent to distribute. She also had an outstanding warrant that I had no idea existed. Judge set her bail pretty high. I'm not happy, and I have refused to give the police information about her or what she did. She's still my sister. But there's enough evidence to convict, and the cops found some other drugs at her place. I don't want her to go to prison, but I'm not going to bail her out, defend her, or pay for her attorney. She's on her own this time, and will likely be found guilty. I do think she ought to pay restitution for my medical bills, but I doubt I'll see a dime.

 

It really hurts. At this point, I have no biological family left. My favorite cousin died long ago. My father is dead. My mother is an incarcerated sex offender dying of cancer. Now my sister is following my mother's path, and if convicted she may be in prison for several years. I'm really blaming myself for this one. I keep thinking that if I'd raised her better, she wouldn't have turned out so dysfunctional. I did the best I could and I got custody as soon as I could, but I guess my mother did too much damage. Sometimes I think that if I'd just given in and let her have what she wanted a couple of years ago before I married, she might not have gone crazy like this.

[mark clemson]

That's really too bad M_M and as terrible as this no doubt was for you, she's now in a heap of trouble and almost certainly no escaping it. What she did was bad and losing her is bad too which must really make it suck. It's fortunate you have the rest of your group and husband to support you through this.

 

A friend of mine in high school, his older sister who hung with Hell's Angels gave him pot laced with PCP. Naturally the betrayal as well as the disturbance of that particular drug was pretty traumatic for him. She was awful and did some awful things with them, for example they burned a guy's house down who had pissed off one of them. Sometimes when someone turns down a bad path in life they slowly (and sometimes quickly) slip further and further down it. Family often can't help, because their identity is tied up in the group or lifestyle. So they keep going with it until their luck eventually runs out and they wind up in jail for a long time.

 

Again, sorry to hear this happened to you.

[Veronica73]

Omg. I’m so, so sorry.

 

Thank god you called your husband and he knew where you are. It’s just awful. I’m tearing up right now just thinking about it.

 

Please, please, please don’t blame yourself. You did good by your sister, even though it wasn’t your job to raise her. This isn’t your fault in any way shape or form.

 

I’d give you an internet hug, but figure you wouldn’t appreciate that. I am very sorry. That’s awful and beyond disappointing. Please take care of yourself and don’t blame yourself. I’m sorry your biological family has let you down beyond belief.

[Big Aus]

I'm not happy, and I have refused to give the police information about her or what she did. She's still my sister. But there's enough evidence to convict, and the cops found some other drugs at her place. I don't want her to go to prison, but I'm not going to bail her out, defend her, or pay for her attorney. She's on her own this time, and will likely be found guilty.

Sorry to zero in on this, but it makes no sense. Without your testimony, they don't have a case. (Except for the drug possession, and whatever the pre-existing warrant is.)

I guess you have to decide whether you can forgive her.

 

I can't really comment one way or another.

 

All I will say, without knowing your history, and please pardon the language, but your family is screwed up. That sort of thing brings its own baggage, so it's not surprising your sister is messed up.

NB: Being messed up, never excuses violent and/or abusive behaviour, such as what your sister did to you. If it were anyone else but your younger sister, I'd be suggesting that you help put them away, and throw away the key.

 

The only piece of advice I would give, is to decide what is going to hurt you less in the long term?

 

Is it going to hurt you more to have your little sister rotting in prison, or to forgive her now and help her?

Nobody can tell you how to answer that.

 

The only other comment, and this is a complete guess, disregard if you think I'm off base.

You live a very "different (sexual) lifestyle" in which you seem to feel very happy and fulfilled, including motherhood. I can only imagine that your sister craves that same happiness and fulfilment, and perhaps she concluded from your lifestyle that you would be more open to what she was seeking?

 

I'm not judging you or her, having survived what you have, who's to say what passes for "normal."

 

Nor am I, in any way, condoning her criminal assault on you.

[basil67]

Oh this is terrifying...especially from your own family

 

However, I'm with Big Aus. Without your cooperation, she will only get convicted for possession and intent to distribute if there was sufficient quantity. For aggravated assault and especially sexual assault, you'd need to testify.

 

Sounds like time to cut your family off completely

[major_merrick]

You live a very "different (sexual) lifestyle" in which you seem to feel very happy and fulfilled, including motherhood. I can only imagine that your sister craves that same happiness and fulfilment, and perhaps she concluded from your lifestyle that you would be more open to what she was seeking?

She was after me before I married and joined my community. At that point all she had to go on was my many wild flings and the fact that I used to use some drugs. I didn't set the best example, but is certainly shouldn't have led to this. I've tried so hard to help her settle down and bail her out of whatever trouble she finds herself in. She just makes a mess of life wherever she goes, and when she gets in a relationship with a good girl, I've seen her ruin that.

 

Cooperating with this country's "justice" system is against my personal beliefs. I won't testify, although technically they can force me to...but that isn't usually a good idea for a prosecutor. Without my testimony they will probably drop the sexual assault charge. But the aggravated assault charge will stand because she drugged me against my will and admitted to the EMS folks and to my husband that she did it. And my husband is mad enough that he will testify. I just want this whole thing over. I can't sleep at night and I can't get it out of my head.

[Art_Critic]

Without my testimony they will probably drop the sexual assault charge. But the aggravated assault charge will stand because she drugged me against my will and admitted to the EMS folks and to my husband that she did it.

 

IMO, you should testify, this was an attack on you and your family and you should do your best to protect yourself and to make sure she can never hurt you again, if you don't the next time you may find yourself murdered.

 

Aren't you also breast feeding ? so IMO it was also an attack on your infant child since he/she drinks the milk she poisoned with drugs.

 

Step side by side with your husband on this and go at this as one.

[Maddie82]

Think about this. If they don't have your testimony and she gets out, she may do this to someone else, and worse. What if she kills someone? Can you live with that on your conscience? The fact that she is your sister is clouding your common sense.

Edited September 20, 2019 by Maddie82

[Art_Critic]

she may do this to someone else, and worse.

 

 

I'd bet that she sister has already done this before.. she is a pretty low character and pretty much a monster.. she also needs to be stopped.

[d0nnivain]

Wow that is messed up. I'm glad you weren't hurt worse. I hope your sister finds the help she needs in prison.

[alphamale]

It's not your fault m_m

[LivingWaterPlease]

Sometimes I think that if I'd just given in and let her have what she wanted a couple of years ago before I married, she might not have gone crazy like this.

 

major, I'm so very sorry for what your sister did to you. I can't imagine what a heartbreak that must be! I am going to pray for you to be comforted and for you to see the light as to how best to get through this.

 

Also, the quote I isolated above particularly concerns me for you since it is far from what would be healthy for you.

 

I wish that you could get some help from someone who has no emotional or societal connection to you or you to them, and who has training, to help you think clearly about your relationship with your sister, and about this incident.

[Happy Lemming]

I won't testify...

 

Unlike other posters, I kind of agree with your decision. In addition to the reasons you mentioned, your sister may fester with anger while in prison and take it out on you or your children when she gets out. Some people blame themselves while they do time and others blame their victim and plot revenge against that person(s). Only you know which type of person your sister is.

 

I would (definitely) sever all ties with her and have nothing more to do with her.

 

Personally, I haven't talked to my sister in over 25 years. She didn't come anywhere close to doing to me, what your sister did to you.

 

Just out of curiosity, you mentioned an ex-girlfriend (of yours) was dating your sister, do you think this ex-gf put your sister up to this?? Did she give your sister the idea to do this?? Do you think your ex-gf was in any way involved in this plot to drug you??

[Art_Critic]

your sister may fester with anger while in prison and take it out on you or your children when she gets out.

 

 

Isn't that kind of what already happened ? her sister's act was one of anger and pent up feelings and she took it out on her.

[crispytoast]

To everyone telling her to testify, you all clearly don't realize that intent to distribute is a much heavier charge than sexual assault in more states than not. Sister is going away for a long time without m_m's testimony. And lemming you raise a really good point. Anyway I'm gonna have to go with merrick and lemming on this one.

Edited September 20, 2019 by crispytoast

[amaysngrace]

Aren't you also breast feeding ? so IMO it was also an attack on your infant child since he/she drinks the milk she poisoned with drugs.

 

^This needs to sink in.

 

She assaulted your twins. Your job as their mom is to speak on their behalf since they’re unable to speak for themselves.

 

I’m sorry this happened to you but it’s nothing you’ve done or didn’t do that caused it to happen. She’s an adult and it was her choice. 100% her.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

This is messed up. She needs serious help.

 

I don't blame you for not wanting to testify and rehash that. If it's not already, it would probably be all over your local news because it's so "sensational" - a SISTER!

[Art_Critic]

To everyone telling her to testify, you all clearly don't realize that intent to distribute is a much heavier charge than sexual assault in more states than not.

 

 

Well actually I do, thanks though.. I have put someone away before.. long story though.. she got 7 years and only had to do 3, then reoffended and did more damage while she was out than if she had been in longer.

[major_merrick]

Think about this. If they don't have your testimony and she gets out, she may do this to someone else, and worse. What if she kills someone? Can you live with that on your conscience? The fact that she is your sister is clouding your common sense.

I have ZERO duty to the rest of society. She's my sister, and I still love her in spite of this. And, I don't believe that prison is helpful...just a college for criminals. I suspect that once released, she'll be worse than before. That was definitely the case with my mother. I'd rather see some other form of correction. Helping law enforcement by providing testimony goes against the strongest of my beliefs.

 

 

your sister may fester with anger while in prison and take it out on you or your children when she gets out. Some people blame themselves while they do time and others blame their victim and plot revenge against that person(s).

Do you think your ex-gf was in any way involved in this plot to drug you??

My sister isn't really an angry or violent person. But after prison? Definitely. And I taught her a lot of skills, so she is likely to be quite dangerous. Not to me since I'm protected, but to others. While my ex and I dislike each other, she's not unstable. She broke up with my sister, so I doubt she'd be an influence here.

 

 

I don't blame you for not wanting to testify and rehash that. If it's not already, it would probably be all over your local news because it's so "sensational" - a SISTER!

That's another reason I don't want to testify, and the prosecutor is not likely to make me. It is bad form to put an unwilling victim through that. As for the media...the only thing was a one-liner in the paper about her arrest, the date, and the charges. They know better...that's the stuff lawsuits are made of. My husband has deep pockets, good attorneys, and a lot of force available.

 

Right now, the worst aspect of this is getting over being poisoned. While the sexual part might be traumatizing for some, it doesn't bother me so much. Not the first time she's tried to kiss and touch and do things to me. But as I was on my way to blacking out, it felt like I was dying slowly. I keep waking up at night feeling like I can't breathe. As time goes on, I am unfortunately remembering little flashes of the process. I find eating and drinking to be a bit challenging. I've been so careful the last couple of years about what I eat and drink, and now I don't trust any food or drink at all. I'll probably get over it after a while. My husband has been so good to me...he lets me sit in his lap at meals. I drink from his glass and I eat from his plate, which seems to solve my issue.

 

One nice thing to come out of all of this is an improved bond with Wife #1. She's been so sweet and caring. Since I've had to throw out my breastmilk this week, she's been feeding hers to my twins. I'm amazed that she's able to keep up, but she's been pumping like crazy and her small breasts are really sore. She's been very physically affectionate, too. After how much conflict we had earlier, it has really been a surprise. I always had a thought in the back of my mind that she might be happier if I was gone. Now I know that's not the case.

[Maddie82]

Sorry but your sister doesn't love you. If she did she wouldn't have put you and your babies in danger. It's worrying that you don't care that she could or already has harmed others.

[Veronica73]

It’s her sister, her life, her choice.

[spiderowl]

I am so sorry to hear about this mm. I am glad you have recovered. It could have been so different.

 

It sounds like you yourself have had a very difficult childhood and, despite this, have tried to help your sister. Unfortunately, your sister has chosen to abuse you in return. I know she is your sister, but she is a danger to you and others. It sounds like she needs psychiatric help - is this likely to happen in the justice system in your country?

 

I can't imagine the trauma this is causing you. Fortunately, 'families' are not always blood relatives - they are our friends, partners, sometimes work colleagues. Being a blood relative does not entitle someone to do what your sister did to you. Stick with the decent, caring people in your life and allow them to support you.

 

I don't know why you would not testify but I presume you have found the justice system does not do what it should. It is worth bearing in mind, though, that if you don't, your sister may not be prevented from doing this again to someone else. She is effectively poisoning people and assaulting them. Such behaviour is really not something anyone should get away with.

 

I hope you are recovering well physically. I know that mentally this is a lot to go through.

Edited September 23, 2019 by spiderowl

[major_merrick]

Our "justice" system is inadequate. The police are abusive and criminal, and prison is just a college for criminals who learn how to hide their deeds better. People go to prison for something minor and come out more willing to do something worse. Mental health support is only given in rare cases.

 

I did go visit my sister in jail yesterday. I probably shouldn't have, but to me in spite of what's happened she's still the kid I raised. I miss her. Today she was transported to another city to face other charges including DUI, driving without a license, property damage, and failure-to-appear. Somehow she's deluded into thinking that she'll be found not guilty. The evidence against her is clear. Even without my testimony, she'll probably be in prison until 2025, possibly longer.

 

I am considering contacting her public defender to see if perhaps it would help if I testified so that I could appeal to the judge for some kind of clemency. I don't know if it would get her sentence reduced somewhat, but it might help her get into some kind of mental health program that could help her. I am absolutely convinced that spending several years in the general population of a prison will do much more harm than good. Especially a women's prison where her ability to commit sex offenses on other females will be "normal."

[pepperbird]

 

I am considering contacting her public defender to see if perhaps it would help if I testified so that I could appeal to the judge for some kind of clemency.

 

 

You complain about her actions, yet you want clemency for her? Sorry, but that seems incredibly selfish. You paint her as someone who is dangerous to you and the community as a whole, but you want her out and walking the streets because you don't trust the criminal justice system?

 

 

If she's dangerous to anyone else but you, that's NOT your call to make. if she is dangerous to anyone else, they have the absolute right to protect themselves, and if that means she ends up in prison, then so be it. This goes well beyond not reporting a crime...you are actually trying to have her set free which will allow her to keep on hurting people. If you seek clemency for her, then whatever she does while she is free is, at least in part, on your head.

 

I apologize if that comes off as rude or abrasive. I just have little use for anyone who does this sort of thing. The same goes for anyone who tries to shield them from the consequences of their actions. Whatever sort of rough childhood she may have had is irrelevant. Lots of people have had incredibly tough childhoods filled with abuse, neglect and worse. They aren't out hurting others.

[major_merrick]

Pepperbird, you don't get it. Perhaps you've never had a friend or relative in prison, or perhaps the system is different where you live. She definitely wouldn't be free immediately. She's going behind bars for some length of time no matter what. But the thing is, she WILL be free eventually!!! My thought is - set free as WHAT?

 

Normally, here in the US what she has done means she'll spend a few years in the prison's general population. That won't do anything but make her worse, and more of a threat when released. That's what happened with my mother. My mother has been in prison three different times, and would be released again at some point...but she's terminally ill and won't live much longer. Assaults and sex offenses get you a few years perhaps, then you're out to do it all over again. The system generally doesn't "fix" people or teach them anything. Better not to send them to prison at all at that point.

 

If I can persuade the judge that she's a special case (taking her childhood into account), rather than getting sent into a prison's general population, she might get some kind of therapy and a reduced sentence, or even be sent to a different kind of facility. I don't know whether she can be helped and I generally don't believe that therapy works, but it would be a chance. Any chance is better than none....and prison general population is no chance at all for improvement. I'd rather have her in a mental health setting with access to education programs than just sitting around the prison yard learning more "tricks of the trade."

Edited September 24, 2019 by major_merrick