Author major_merrick Posted October 1, 2019 Author Share Posted October 1, 2019 Well, I don't think she intended to overdose/poison me. When she figured out I was in bad shape, she explained exactly what she'd given me so the doctors could treat me quickly. Even though it was in her best interest not to say anything about it (as it was basically a confession) she still had enough decency to want to save my life rather than saving her own skin. I think she wanted the drugs to make me more pliable so that I'd stop saying no to her advances. What I assume was a smaller dose previously just made me a bit sick. What she gave me this time was too much and I could have died. Obviously, once she's out I can't trust any food or drink around her, if I'm even around her at all. I don't know if she's tried using drugs on someone before, but I doubt it since she botched the job. Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 Well, I don't think she intended to overdose/poison me. She still had enough decency to want to save my life rather than saving her own skin. I know you really want to believe this, but the truth of the matter is that she did intend to poison you. She wanted you incapacitated so she could assault you. It was your husband that saved your life, not her. She had no choice but to tell them what she had given you when the ambulance turned up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 The pain of being unable to fix this is just unreal. You cannot fix this. Like many responsible parents would, you are taking responsibility for her actions, but the responsibility falls completely on her. She is the only one who can fix this, and ensure it does not happen in the future. I have been able to cut most all of my toxic family out of my life, but regardless of what they might do, I could never cut one of my children out of my life. I imagine that's how you feel about your sister, since you raised her. I have a troublesome daughter who has put me through hell over the years. I always gave her a safe place to land. Two years ago, I stepped back, stopped making excuses for her, and let her run-in with law enforcement take its course without bailing her out. Spending a few nights in jail and a suspended license for three months seems to have scared her straight. I'm not sure what it will take for your sister, but this is all on her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted October 11, 2019 Author Share Posted October 11, 2019 Well, the first trial is over with. Took the jury all of five minutes to come back with "guilty" for her driving issues etc... Judge sentenced her to six months in jail plus fines. That was the minor stuff. Now she gets shipped back here to face her felony charges. This is going to be a long fall/winter. Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted October 11, 2019 Share Posted October 11, 2019 (edited) Just remember that this isn't your fault. You did what you could to help her "launch". What she chose to do after that is on her. Edited October 12, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted October 20, 2019 Share Posted October 20, 2019 (edited) M_M, I actually found your thread because I came to open a thread about something similar. I'll share a bit in hope it helps you. I have a similar situation wth my younger brother. I'll refer to him as "b." Firstly, to get it out of the way, my mom is a narcissist. You may have read about it on some of my other posts around LS. b was the "scapegoat" of our family. He incurred some pretty brutal whippings starting from age 2. Things didn't get much better for him from there. Plus, our dad died when he was age 14. They were not close but it was still traumatic for him. In early adulthood, it seemed he was beginning to launch although he fumbled around quite a bit. He began working in a trade, joined a union, rented his own apartment. He struggled with authority and would lose jobs. I presume because he had little patience and a short fuse. After not too long, he lost his apartment. He was never good with budgeting. When he failed to pay his union dues, he couldn't get work. He lived out of his van for a bit on our older brother's property. Then, after the holidays, our mom announced he'd be moving back home with her. WORST.DECISION.EVER! and I said as much. That led to his further decline. After his 2nd DUI (10 years ago), he lost his license and hadn't completed the steps to get it back. He struggled to work without transportation (rural area without public transit). Eventually my mom got him on need-based disability. I've always questioned her motives based on some of my observations. She had it set up that he would 'rent' a room from her and she'd be his representative payee in total control of his finances. You can imagine this ticking time bomb. She used it to control him more. Over the years he had a couple other run-ins with the law. I protested from day 1 that they should not live together, but nobody listened. Mom was doing her "thing" and b seemed content to be lazy even thigh often frustrated and depressed. Then, over a year ago, b assaulted our mom. Knocked her unconscious. Apparently they were squabbling over his money. He lost his temper. She doesn't remember anything apparently. She just remembers earlier that they had argued over his money. Personally I think she instigated the argument thinking she'd get him locked up, be rid of him, and have full access to his money. She attacked me in the driveway a couple years ago when I was packing my car to leave. It was over an old blanket. Guess she forgot I'm stronger than her now. As she was scratching up my face, etc. she kept muttering that she was going to tell the police I attacked her and then get me in trouble for elder abuse, it's a felony, etc. I have never been in trouble with the law, done drugs, etc. but many times throughout my life I've had to deal with her special brand of toxic crazy. I digress. Anyhow, b did go to jail and while there, I advocated hard forhim bc 1) I believe our mom instigated, and 2) the state attorney was charging him with four counts that carried 10 years in prison each. I knew if he went tio prison there would never be any hope for him afterwards. So I advocated for him to get into mental health court. I met with his public defender and case managers who work in his mental health court. I consulted a criminal attorney I knew who used to prosecute. I went to meetings with the State Attorney asking him to put b in mental health court for the sake of our family, etc. B ended up in mental health court. He got 3 years probation. Has to stay 500 yards from our mom and her home (which benefits him from being out of her grasp). When discharged from jail, he went to a horrible group home where he endured many terrible things like constantly being bitten all over his body by bed bugs, restricted to the house nearly 100% of the time, eating week old beans and nothing else for months, violence from the others who lived there (and were then returned to jail), etc. Most of the time he had no access to phone or visitors. After a year, his case managers finally moved him to an apartment with another guy who went to mental health court. They put him on subsidized housing to transition him but abruptly took him off of it within 2 months (which actually violated the federal program guidelines and I suspect someone rerouted the funds for their ownuse,I'm digging into that now). So now he's had no way to pay rent and is facing eviction. Of course I'm neck deep in trying to help him avoid that. The judge returns people to jail if they don't have a place to live regardless of whether they violated their responsibilities or not. It's very tough and unfair. He's made it to his monthly court dates without fail and has passed every drug test 1-3 times weekly for 16 months. He's been doing very well. He's been talking about finishing trade school and getting back to work. His case managers have been useless, especially lately at keeping a roof over his head while he continues to improve. They basically call me and tell me to figure it out. Like either I do their work for him or all his effort will be lost and he'll go to prison. One condition of mental health court is those who don't 'graduate' from it by strictly complying with every requirement will have to face their original sentencing as if they had never gone to metal health court. I hope this story helps you with the many decisions toy have ahead with your sister. Remember to take care of yourself along the way! Edited October 20, 2019 by HadMeOverABarrel Please pardon the typos. Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted October 27, 2019 Author Share Posted October 27, 2019 I have no idea what the mental health system around here could offer her. I guess we'll deal with that when we get there. I found out that her trial won't be until January. IDK why things take so long, but since she's already serving six months for her misdemeanors, I guess they aren't in a rush. She called me this evening. Apparently she has a new girlfriend. In jail. I can't imagine what lovely individual she's picked as a partner this time. Perhaps a burglar would be a fun change of pace? You know a phone call will be so worthwhile when it starts out, "You have a collect call from an inmate at the Screwup Correctional Facility, do you accept the charges?" Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted October 27, 2019 Share Posted October 27, 2019 You know a phone call will be so worthwhile when it starts out, "You have a collect call from an inmate at the Screwup Correctional Facility, do you accept the charges?" To me, it sounds like you took on the role of a parent to your sister. You helped to clean up her messes when she was a child. Are you really helping her or hurting her by continuing to do so as an adult? Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted October 28, 2019 Author Share Posted October 28, 2019 Yep. I had to be more of a mother than a big sister. I'm not cleaning up her messes now, though. I'll still act in what I believe to be her best interests, but she's going to have to pull herself out of her own mess. If she ever does. The fact that she's got this new gf where she's at tells me she's still just being herself... Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted January 13, 2020 Author Share Posted January 13, 2020 The fun continues.... Went to part of the pre-trial conference today. For some crazy reason, my sister is determined to continue claiming "not guilty" instead of accepting a plea bargain. Prosecution has everything from police reports to medical reports and bills, and her own statement to medical personnel about what she gave me. I'm thinking she would only accept a bargain if this became a misdemeanor trial. Prosecution has even dropped the sexual aspect and has agreed to proceed with only aggravated assault instead. They'd be willing to lower the drug charges to simple possession (still a felony quantity,) but my sister isn't being reasonable. She's facing two different felonies. At this point, neither prosecution nor defense wants me to testify. I can give a "victim impact statement" toward the end, but that's about it. I wonder how both sides could see me as a liability? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 I haven't read the whole thread, so please forgive me if my comment is no longer valid: I would expect that the prosecution would see you as a liability because you didn't cooperate with police. Or is that old news and you've since been working with police? Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted January 13, 2020 Author Share Posted January 13, 2020 Yep. No cooperation here. I'd be what's called a "hostile witness" and they don't want that. I'm more surprised that the defense wasn't interested either. But as erratic as my sister is, God only knows. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 14, 2020 Share Posted January 14, 2020 1 hour ago, major_merrick said: The fun continues.... Went to part of the pre-trial conference today. For some crazy reason, my sister is determined to continue claiming "not guilty" instead of accepting a plea bargain. Prosecution has everything from police reports to medical reports and bills, and her own statement to medical personnel about what she gave me. I'm thinking she would only accept a bargain if this became a misdemeanor trial. Possibly she's hoping you'll drop charges if she doesn't plea bargain and is holding out for that. Not sure if that's even possible at this point, but a theory... Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted January 14, 2020 Author Share Posted January 14, 2020 I'm not the one doing the charges. I'd have them dropped if I had the ability to do it. It's the government's thing. . Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted January 14, 2020 Share Posted January 14, 2020 1 hour ago, major_merrick said: I'm more surprised that the defense wasn't interested either. If the defense used you as a witness you would be open to examination on the stand by the prosecution. Your lack of cooperation is a negative for both sides, neither wants to take the chance on what you might say or how you would come across to the Judge and/or jury. Unless they know what your responses will be, neither want to risk it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 14, 2020 Share Posted January 14, 2020 15 hours ago, major_merrick said: I'm not the one doing the charges. I'd have them dropped if I had the ability to do it. It's the government's thing. Bummer. Well perhaps she thinks she can beat it. Sometime people don't want to face reality. Too bad I guess... 😕 Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted January 14, 2020 Author Share Posted January 14, 2020 Well, the jury has been selected, so the trial goes forward tomorrow. I'll be there for all of it. I'm thinking that it will be pretty quick, as the public defender doesn't have much to go on. IDK how long they can drag it out, but it also depends on how she acts. I doubt the public defender can control her and make her behave. Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted January 16, 2020 Author Share Posted January 16, 2020 Well, the trial is over. She was found guilty of aggravated assault, possession with intent to deliver, and a misdemeanor contempt charge thrown in as well. I said what I could in her favor, but the jury took all of 10 minutes to decide. Sentencing hearing is next week. I'm writing a letter to the judge that he can read before the hearing. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 I guess justice prevailed. I am so sorry you had to go through that. She has no idea how lucky she is. You are a better person then me. I would have let her rot & encouraged the court to throw the book at her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted January 16, 2020 Author Share Posted January 16, 2020 I guess most people would have let her go, but I just can't. I still love her even after all of this. I've been doing a lot of research on the sentencing guidelines for my state, and I'm hoping that she may only have to spend a year or two in the state prison before getting work release, and then parole. If it hadn't been for the violence part, she could have gotten "community corrections" here locally. The state women's prison has a mental health unit and programs for female sex addiction, so there's a slim chance she could get some help there. In my letter to the judge, I'm encouraging that assignment to some programs be part of her sentence, as well as training for some kind of career after prison. She can't just spent years in the system and come out with nothing more than what she had going in. If nothing changes, she'll go back in pretty quickly like my mother did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted January 21, 2020 Author Share Posted January 21, 2020 UPDATE Well, it is over. Sentencing hearing was this morning. The judge gave her six years in the state women's prison, plus several thousand in fines. She has to serve at least one third of her sentence before being eligible for parole or work release, along with mandatory participation in a couple of programs. I'm sad, but at this point it was about the best outcome we could expect. Unfortunately, the prison is over 4 hours away so I won't be able to see her much for the next couple of years. I was kind of surprised that the judge acknowledged my letter. He also gave me a few minutes to talk with her and say goodbye before she was taken away. 😢 This seems to affect me more than it affects her. Its like she doesn't care about what happens at all. I don't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted January 21, 2020 Share Posted January 21, 2020 Major_Merrick, you've been a better sister/mother-figure than I would have been in that situation. She should know how lucky she is to have you as a sister. Maybe she will spend the next two years getting an education while she is serving her time. At the least, maybe she will take that time to reflect on her choices, where they've led her, and what she can do differently when she is released. I know this is totally overstepping my bounds, but I wish I could be a pen pal for her. Yeah. I know. I have to stop thinking I can fix the world. I've just been following your thread about your sister. You've both been through hell and back. You are a very strong woman and, though you feel responsible for her, she has to take control of/responsibility for her life and her decisions now. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 21, 2020 Share Posted January 21, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, major_merrick said: I'm sad... Unfortunately, the prison is over 4 hours away so I won't be able to see her much for the next couple of years. Maybe you can put a few dollars on her account for the commissary at the prison. Many years ago, I had a co-worker that couldn't make bail and was stuck in jail until his trial. Each week, we took up a collection and deposited it into his account, so he could (at least) have a few treats during his time in. He was very appreciative and said "having some treats now and then helped". Does the prison your sister is going to have a commissary?? Edited January 21, 2020 by Happy Lemming Link to post Share on other sites
Author major_merrick Posted January 21, 2020 Author Share Posted January 21, 2020 1 hour ago, vla1120 said: I know this is totally overstepping my bounds, but I wish I could be a pen pal for her. I definitely plan on writing her regularly, at least a couple of times a month. I'll probably try to visit every couple of months. Even when my mother had custody of her and I was living in another state, I still made sure she had a cell phone and I visited when possible. We've never been out of contact. 1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said: Maybe you can put a few dollars on her account for the commissary at the prison. Many years ago, I had a co-worker that couldn't make bail and was stuck in jail until his trial. Each week, we took up a collection and deposited it into his account, so he could (at least) have a few treats during his time in. He was very appreciative and said "having some treats now and then helped". Does the prison your sister is going to have a commissary?? I know there's a commissary, but I haven't decided if I want to pay for anything or not. Usually prisoners have the opportunity to work in exchange for commissary points, and I kind of want to make sure that she's busy instead of causing trouble. Since the judge can't rule that she MUST attend classes, I'm also wondering if I can work out some kind of deal where I can buy stuff in exchange for proof that she's been attending and behaving herself. I don't feel like buying treats if she spends all her time learning criminal "tricks of the trade" and having sex with other inmates. I definitely don't want her meeting her next GF in prison. At this point, I'm not playing mommy anymore. She's in her mid 20's, time for her to be a big girl and turn her life around. I'll help her find work when she gets out and try to set her up to succeed, but she's got to be honest and put in the effort. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 4 hours ago, major_merrick said: I'm also wondering if I can work out some kind of deal where I can buy stuff in exchange for proof that she's been attending and behaving herself. I like this idea... good thinking!! Very Smart!! Link to post Share on other sites
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