What am I doing wrong??

[Redguitar35]

My record this month is four cancelations and one girl that wasn’t interested after the first date. Online dating.

 

What am i doing wrong? How can a single 33 year old with a high paying job, graduate education, and no kids or baby mammas be unable to get a woman?

[Lotsgoingon]

You might want to share the steps you're taking that leads to the cancellations ... so we can see if you're doing something flagrantly wrong ... sometimes we can do that if we're not experienced.

 

But assuming you're not doing anything wildly wrong in your initial approach, could be several things.

 

If you're on a free internet site, cancellations can occur a lot because people are half-committed to dating.

 

You're also making the numbers mistake. Five people ... that's nothing. That's not a number that rises to, as the statisticians with said, a valid or reliable statistical sample. Make contact with 25 more people ... then come back with the results--even that's not enough.

 

If you're dating online ... be prepared to meet 50 people ... to find one or two that you hit it off with. You need to set up many more dates ... so you can offset the cancellations.

 

Keep going ... Just bad luck ... random luck ... I assume you're meeting this people online?

[Redguitar35]

You might want to share the steps you're taking that leads to the cancellations ... so we can see if you're doing something flagrantly wrong ... sometimes we can do that if we're not experienced.

 

But assuming you're not doing anything wildly wrong in your initial approach, could be several things.

 

If you're on a free internet site, cancellations can occur a lot because people are half-committed to dating.

 

You're also making the numbers mistake. Five people ... that's nothing. That's not a number that rises to, as the statisticians with said, a valid or reliable statistical sample. Make contact with 25 more people ... then come back with the results--even that's not enough.

 

If you're dating online ... be prepared to meet 50 people ... to find one or two that you hit it off with. You need to set up many more dates ... so you can offset the cancellations.

 

Keep going ... Just bad luck ... random luck ... I assume you're meeting this people online?

 

I mean, how long do you stick with something before you realize it’s just not working? I’ve been doing online dating for years and no relationships have come out of it. It’s just repeating the same thing over and over expecting different results. I deleted those dating profiles weeks ago. Don’t want to do online dating anymore.

 

The last date I thought went pretty well. Listened without interrupting.

Held eye contact. Asked her questions about her life. Still no second date.

Edited September 20, 2019 by Redguitar35

[Melrose78]

Question. Do you talk long Online? Do you speak on the phone and for how long?

[Redguitar35]

Question. Do you talk long Online? Do you speak on the phone and for how long?

 

I try to meet up with them in person as soon as possible. I don’t want to spend days or weeks being pen pals.

[Whodatdog]

Im sure you arent doing a single thing wrong. If you are just being yourself and being honest with everyone, the only thing wrong is you havent met the right person yet. Theres probably 3 billion women in the world. Why would you think you are doing something wrong if 5 dates this month didnt work out. For all you know the 6th will be the one. Or the 16th. Its like a scratch off card, you just have to keep buying them until you hit the right one.

[basil67]

The last date I thought went pretty well. Listened without interrupting.

Held eye contact. Asked her questions about her life. Still no second date.

 

Did you share anything about yourself? Did you use her comments to find connection?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

The last date I thought went pretty well. Listened without interrupting.

Held eye contact. Asked her questions about her life. Still no second date.

 

 

Then she just didn't feel chemistry with you.

 

What steps are you taking to meet women out in the wild? (Not online)

[Redguitar35]

Then she just didn't feel chemistry with you.

 

What steps are you taking to meet women out in the wild? (Not online)

 

I’ve been looking but haven’t found anything. I thought about trying yoga again but that did not work out the last time as far as making acquaintances, people would finish and go to their cars. There’s not much to do in my Midwestern town unless you’re a sports fan.

[alphamale]

I asked on the other thread if you considered yourself good looking? also what is your height and weight. do you have any scars or tattoos? do you wear glasses?

 

are you a beta or alpha?

[Veronica73]

Maybe join a knitting club? (I’m only partly kidding).

[Melrose78]

I get not wanting to spend days or weeks being penpals but spending time getting to know them, at least via phone, means you're not wasting time meeting people you have no connection with.

 

Personally, with online dating, I talk to people for awhile before I meet them. But that's me.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I’ve been looking but haven’t found anything. I thought about trying yoga again but that did not work out the last time as far as making acquaintances, people would finish and go to their cars. There’s not much to do in my Midwestern town unless you’re a sports fan.

 

Do any of the local high schools offer night school type classes? Where I live, the local high school has a huge "night school" offering. I've taken a painting class there, but there are something like 300+ offerings. My mom took a writing class. If you were in the painting class I was in, you'd be the only man. Same probably goes for a lot of other type classes. Now, the painting class, I was also the second youngest (my friend I went with was younger than me lol) and they were all older ladies, but I have also taken a similar photography class in another county and that was a lot of younger people, mixed genders. Maybe look for something that would be "mostly" female-oriented and take a class? You may even discover a new hobby.

[Gretchen12]

it seems strange to me why so many cancellations. I should think if someone doesn't want to go out with you she'd just say no. Having to cancel is more hassle. There's no reason for it.

Only thing I can think of is they googled your name and found news of local serial killer of the same name. Or they googled your email address and porn sites came up. Or your name came up on a people search site that lists you as married.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

it seems strange to me why so many cancellations. I should think if someone doesn't want to go out with you she'd just say no. Having to cancel is more hassle. There's no reason for it.

Only thing I can think of is they googled your name and found news of local serial killer of the same name. Or they googled your email address and porn sites came up. Or your name came up on a people search site that lists you as married.

 

Good thinking about the Googling. RG, do you have a criminal record?

[Redguitar35]

Good thinking about the Googling. RG, do you have a criminal record?

 

What? None. People on dating apps like tinder are just flakey as hell which I why I deleted all the apps.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

What? None.

 

OK, but can anything unfavorable be found by Googling you - either by your full name, nicknames you use online/online dating, phone number, etc.?

[rightondude]

just chill and stick with it; but you do need to present yourself as a catch. You have all this going on for you; do you exhibit that? Are you smiling? Are you someone you'd want to be around?

 

I did OLD for 2 years, met some nice temporary lovers who became good friends and had some really really bad dates. A few months ago met the girl who I think's gonna be the love of my life. It can work out. Just be your best you. Don't show your disappointment from the past experiences and letdowns would be my best advice. Good luck brother.

[Ami1uwant]

Some questions for you...

 

1 are you a fish out of water where you live? Thus you don’t seem to have similar interests or views.

 

2 what age range are you targeting?

 

3 are you willing to date mothers?

 

 

4 are you going for those out of your league?

 

5 with dates are you talking thrn mi dates? Thrm cancelling?

[Gretchen12]

You wanted us to help you figure out what you're doing wrong. That means the usual talk is not helpful: "people on tinder are just flakey", "keep trying - it's a numbers game", "women have too many choices online". You already know all that. We're brainstorming here .. so keep an open mind.

 

I'm only saying someone else may be confused with you or there's some mistakes. One time I searched myself and some porn star stories came up. And another time I saw my nephew came up as married on people search, he's single. It doesn't hurt to double check internet searches.

[Maggiemay1]

You are doing everything backwards that’s what!!!

 

This was my reply to another thread of yours which you ignored. If you really want advice and a relationship, you would not ignore but answer honestly.

 

“Why are you focusing on people’s success stories and not their numerous failures that preceded them?

 

Online dating requires minimal effort. You simply create a profile and send off a few messages.

Online dating should only be supplementary . What effort are you putting in , in real life? It seems none?? You later said you had no social circle. Why would anyone online find that attractive?

 

The guy that met his gf at the ACT test , actually likely put more effort in than you. Prior to that he developed a social life , confidence etc so that when he did talk to her , he had interesting things to talk about.

 

Exactly what effort are you putting in to be happy while single and become attractive to another?? Do you ever make small talk in real life??”

 

Everyone and anyone can create a good resume. Most don’t get the job. In fact only one does. Your online profile means nothing if you can’t back it up in person.

[chillii]

My record this month is four cancelations and one girl that wasn’t interested after the first date. Online dating.

 

What am i doing wrong? How can a single 33 year old with a high paying job, graduate education, and no kids or baby mammas be unable to get a woman?

 

 

 

 

Don't stress it man , just having a bad run. Good news is from my experience you are right now at your age entering the absolute prime of a guys life for women , so hang in there.

l found between early 30s and 40s by far the best age of all being male. lf your still looking good 20's love ya,30s love ya 40's love ya, worlds your oyster.

[elaine567]

The last date I thought went pretty well.

Listened without interrupting.

Held eye contact.

Asked her questions about her life.

Still no second date.

 

This all sounds contrived and you are obviously too conscious of the impression you are giving out. I guess your date sussed the "unnaturalness" of this out and it made her feel uncomfortable.

[Maggiemay1]

 

What am i doing wrong? How can a single 33 year old with a high paying job, graduate education, and no kids or baby mammas be unable to get a woman?

 

Because you think you have ticked all the check boxes of attributes you think are desireable , but they aren’t the ones genuine women look for.

 

The truth is , you have nothing else to offer after money and an education. As per you! People (men and women) want more than that.

 

What do you do outside of work? What do you do , that doesn’t involve earning money? And that doesn’t require a third level education?

 

What do you believe is attractive about you? And why do you deserve to get dates? So far you have given me no reason so I am assuming the girls online are getting none either??

 

Tell us why a girl should want to date you apart from money and education ?

[Redguitar35]

Because you think you have ticked all the check boxes of attributes you think are desireable , but they aren’t the ones genuine women look for.

 

The truth is , you have nothing else to offer after money and an education. As per you! People (men and women) want more than that.

 

What do you do outside of work? What do you do , that doesn’t involve earning money? And that doesn’t require a third level education?

 

What do you believe is attractive about you? And why do you deserve to get dates? So far you have given me no reason so I am assuming the girls online are getting none either??

 

Tell us why a girl should want to date you apart from money and education ?

 

Let’s hear about what you’re looking for in guy, because I’m willing to admit I have no idea what women are looking for at this point. You see so many women with guys who are basically pigs. I sold a guitar to a guy the other day and apparently his girlfriend paid for the guitar and drove him to meet me because he didn’t have a ride (he had to cancel meeting up for the deal the first time because he didn’t have a ride). What would a girl want with a guy like that who has nothing going for him? You see what I’m saying?