Nosoul Posted September 21, 2019 Share Posted September 21, 2019 my ex did some very bad things to me. in our 8 years she has left me twice for two different guys. it hurt more the second time because it too a long time to regain that trust again. just for it to be broken. now shes nasty n rude to me. i really didnt do anything wrong in our relationship. but she blames me for our breakup . when i found out about the guy she left me for she started bashing me big time on fb. saying that i dont leave her alone n all this other crap. even though she keeps messaging me n hoovering me n wont leave me alone. it sucks because we have a baby n she kicked me out with an explosion of anger just to move the new guy in. she cut out everyone to keep it a secret. like who does this? she asks me for money all the time n when i question her on how she treated or treats me she goes on a rampage . n starts gaslighting or bashing on the internet. why does she treat n do this too me after everything we been through also is court really the only way to go. she keeps using my kid against me. to control me. she is a text book narcissist. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted September 21, 2019 Share Posted September 21, 2019 You've got it backwards. She's not good enough. Time to set up a plan for the baby, then only speak to this skank when you absolutely have to. Good riddance. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted September 21, 2019 Share Posted September 21, 2019 Regardless if you love her... she is no good. Turn it around, and take control. I just went through this with my 20 years together with my ex. I was blamed for things that were out of my control... and blamed for things that were directly her paranoid delusions. It takes time... but you will heal, and it's easier when you don't blame yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted September 21, 2019 Share Posted September 21, 2019 my ex did some very bad things to me. in our 8 years she has left me twice for two different guys. it hurt more the second time because it too a long time to regain that trust again. just for it to be broken. now shes nasty n rude to me. i really didnt do anything wrong in our relationship. but she blames me for our breakup . I have to disagree. You allowed your Ex to do some very bad things to you and then you came back for more. What happened the first time? Things didn't work out with the new boyfriend so she went back to plan B (which is you)? It could turn out the same way this time so you do have the option of waiting until she's through with the new guy. Then you can step right back in until she finds another one. Don't do this to yourself. Go to the chump ladies website and look up the 180. If you have just a wee bit of self determination left it should help you. Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted September 21, 2019 Share Posted September 21, 2019 we have a baby she asks me for money all the time Is this money she is asking you for, for child support? You do give her child support on a regular basis, right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted September 21, 2019 Share Posted September 21, 2019 Go to the chump ladies website and look up the 180. I had never heard of chump lady or the 180, so I read it. I think it's a joke. It's basically teaching people how to possibly get back a cheating spouse. No way. You kick scum like that to the curb and move on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted September 21, 2019 Share Posted September 21, 2019 It hurts now but she did you a favor. Any trust would have been broken the first time if it were me. Provide the money required for child support, but that's it. Limit any time you have with her. She isn't worth it and never was. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 22, 2019 Share Posted September 22, 2019 If she is so bad, and is a "narcissist", why did you decide to stay and then have a child with her? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted September 22, 2019 Share Posted September 22, 2019 It sounds like you need to go to court to get a fair settlement and access to your child. I am sorry about the infidelity and bad treatment. She is not a nice person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nosoul Posted September 22, 2019 Author Share Posted September 22, 2019 (edited) wow lots of replies, yeah im just really broken hearted and frustrated. to explain myself i was in a love bomb stage , me and my ex were inseperable. i dont know how many of you went through a narcissist break up before, but when your love is ontop of the world then all of a sudden you get the 180 and your betrayed , man it messes with your mind, its like you will do anything to get that back. i dont know if you ever read that story called the monkeys paw. when he makes a wish to get his dead son back ,then he comes back but hes a corpse, and his last wish is to send him back to the grave, thats what happens when you are betrayed. you will do anything. so yes i did take her back after she betrayed me. enigma yes i was a door matt, and it sucks because i just wanted that love back. but i guess she lied about her true feelings. schlumpy, im aware of that, im not taking her back, im not waiting around for her, i just want my heart to heal and trying to find answers as to why people do this is mind blowing beendaredonethat, i pay the utilities at the house , about 350 a month, plus she drives around my suv aswell, no the money wasnt for child support, she had a different reason everytime she needed money, then my friends wife who hangs out with her tells me she spends it on alchohal at the bar, so i put a stop to sending her money. i have a record though, since she broke up with me i sent her about 7000 dollars, i guess i was just trying to prove i really loved her , but she was just using me. out law , yes she did do me a favour , i can see that, its crazy how she cut out her entire family and cousins and friends and me just so she didnt have to confront her behavoir and actions. she is avoiding everyone and anyone who calls her out on anything, gets verbal abuse and then is blocked and deleted for ever. she has burnt so many bridges it seems like she is afraid of being judged or just being wrong in general. elaine , i answerd above but like i said , when you and someone have the perfect relationship and you feel like you have the one, and then they turn around and back stab you out of the blue! literly and then the next day they are a completely different person, its like losing someone to death. and you will do anything to get that back. and it almost makes you desperate and weak in a sense, like you lose part of your self and just give in to the toxicity , i felt like i was a zombie, like i just wanted my life back and it felt like she knew that and she saw that the more hurt i was the more i would do for her. and it did get to the point where i was caught up in pleasing her and not myself. the baby wasnt planned and i love her to death. but my ex. twice now. man i thought some people could change, i believed her lies, you know fool me once shame on you fool my twice shame on me, so it is my fault, but at the same time, im an honest person and i believe people when they tell me they are sorry and make mistakes, to me its not normal for someone to dilibertly use and hurt someone who loves them. and yes i know karma will come and i need to walk away and never look back. but it still left a serious scar on my soul. minus the fact that my user name is nosoul aha.. Edited September 22, 2019 by Nosoul 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiemay1 Posted September 22, 2019 Share Posted September 22, 2019 First thing you need to do is find out if you are actually the father of the baby. How old is the baby now? She has a history of cheating , so who knows right? Yes of course court is the only way to go when a split is not amicable and involves an affair. Why on earth would you send her money? She is living with another man. The only money exchanged should be fair amount for child support. How often do you have the child? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted September 22, 2019 Share Posted September 22, 2019 (edited) Nosoul, People who do you like that and make you feel like this, need to be cut off as soon as possible. Your name and the title of your thread, indicates to me she broke you badly. That's what happens when you keep terrible people in your life. I know the trap of being lost in what feels like bliss, but in reality, it wasn't bliss. It wasn't perfect. It was toxic. The fact that you tolerated all this for so long does suggest you forgive and you show love, but you do so at the expense of your own well being. That is a reflection on the way you treat yourself. Currently, you don't know how to establish boundaries and walk away from things that are damaging to your soul. Your self-respect is important and so is your well-being. If you don't have that, you don't have insurance to protect yourself again emotionally abusive people like this and then you end up in the situation that you're in. It's absolutely crucial you accept that responsibility. I don't say this with intention to blame you, but to get you to admit partial accountability in this situation because by taking it into your hands, you can do something about it. You can learn how to never get back into this mess. Also, as Maggiemay1 said, is this your baby? I'd get a test and find out for your peace of mind. And if it's not..I'd leave this situation in the past where it belongs. -Beach Edited September 22, 2019 by Beachead Link to post Share on other sites
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