What do women find attractive

[BaileyB]

Personally, I want a man who is clean and well kept, in reasonably good shape, with a friendly smile and warm, friendly eyes.

 

I think what men fail to understand is that women are not as attracted by physical appearance. The things that tend to attract a woman to a man are intelligence, a sense of humour, someone who is confident and easy to be with... For a woman, it is more about how he makes her feel than anything else.

[alphamale]

yep BB... with females it's all about the feelings

[Wayne0789456]

Personally, I want a man who is clean and well kept, in reasonably good shape, with a friendly smile and warm, friendly eyes.

 

I think what men fail to understand is that women are not as attracted by physical appearance. The things that tend to attract a woman to a man are intelligence, a sense of humour, someone who is confident and easy to be with... For a woman, it is more about how he makes her feel than anything else.

 

 

Interesting. Could it be that I am talking about the wrong topics?

 

 

Whether online or in person, one of the first things I ask about is what they like to do for fun when they go out, to get a sense of common interests. Enjoying the same activities when going out, to me, seems like a good start to be able to share time together and have a good time. Is that a bad first topic to talk about?

 

 

I am confident in myself in just walking up to any women at these events and talking to any of them. I am not the least bit intimidated.

[Wayne0789456]

For a woman, it is more about how he makes her feel than anything else.

 

 

I just thought of something.

 

 

I do like to make a women feel good. My top qualities are that I am loving, caring, reliable, an empathetic listener, and I do my best to share her joy and be comforting when something is wrong. I am also a hopeless romantic.

 

 

Even having this in OLD profiles I still get passed over, and it's a bit much to make this the first thing I express in person, obviously.

 

 

Could it be that something that I am not doing that I should be doing is causing that side of me to be hidden?

[d0nnivain]

Authenticity will serve you well.

[amaysngrace]

And what diseases can be smelled?

 

Halitosis, gangrene and gingivitis

 

What attracts me? He should be dancing on the dance floor like nobody’s watching.

[preraph]

i forgot to mention, update your haircut. And real real short hair isn't flattering on anyone. Have some hair up top that can at least curl down on your forehead when mussed. If you've been getting the same haircut for 20 years, go to a new trendy salon and have a woman cut it into something flattering. If you hate it, you can always grow it out and start over.

[littleblackheart]

OP, I'd be more than turned off if I saw a guy going from one woman to the next at a singles' party, asking for their number until one of them says yes. That, to me, says 'a little desperate' rather than 'social butterfly'.

[carhill]

Best friend's daughter got dragged to a concert a couple weeks ago by a female friend at a brand new venue in SF; got lost, ended up in the basement, got in trouble for that, finally found their floor seats so she went off to get some drinks at the bar. Was sitting at the bar waiting to get served and chatted up an older gent who was sitting there, finally bought him a drink, Grey Goose rocks she said. She asked what he 'did'. He replied he was a musician so they talked a bit about 70's-80's music (She's 49). They parted ways and she went back to sit with her friend on the floor a couple rows from the stage (last minute ADA tickets, tip!). Concert starts and who strolls out on the stage but that older gent.

 

Kicker is it was Eric Clapton. When she told me I called BS but she texted me a picture of her and him sitting at the bar. Sure enough. Just to look at him sitting at the bar one wouldn't know he was wealthy, nor famous. No entourage, no security. She had no clue who he was, apparently. Add it to the annals of I'm married but not dead, in her case 30 years. Women like what they like. Smell it? IDK, stranger things I guess.

[Wayne0789456]

OP, I'd be more than turned off if I saw a guy going from one woman to the next at a singles' party, asking for their number until one of them says yes. That, to me, says 'a little desperate' rather than 'social butterfly'.

 

 

I am now wondering if I am coming across that way.

 

 

Isn't that the whole point of the singles party, to mingle with everyone?

 

 

I'm not just asking for random numbers, but trying to find out who I have things in common with, and what. If I have nothing in common with someone I move on. Walking up to someone and asking what they like seems to me to be the best way to find out. Are there other conversation starters I should be using?

 

 

How would I be seen as a social butterfly rather than desperate?

[crispytoast]

Crispy, did the doctors tell you that energy drinks caused you to not reach your predicted height? And no, the other isn't important to me.

 

Regarding looking wealthy, I don't know anybody with money who dresses like this. Most just look and act like regular people. Anyway, wouldn't dressing like this have the negative outcome of attracting women who are after their money?

Dam, you got me no a doctor didn't tell me that. I always just assumed because I was drinking 3-4 rockstars a day

 

It's not necessarily a negative outcome for all. Around where I live there's a lot of desperate wealthy men who are lonely. They could care less why a woman wants them as long as they have a cute warm body in their bed. It's not how I'd choose to go about it though.

[mark clemson]

OP, there was a pretty good recent thread on being attractive you should read (link below).

 

In addition to being attractive, it appears women care a lot about good social skills.

 

It sounds to me like you are dressing up, have solid social skills, etc. So I think you might be good at at least the first few moves of "the game". Somehow, though, they are not going for you.

 

Since they are bothering to talk to you, there must be something there. While I understand trying to meet the variety of women at these things, I would suggest trying to get into an extended conversation with one of them. I.e. you flit around a bit, but eventually focus on one woman who you can genuinely relate to. Focus on her, start getting to know her a bit, find points you can relate to, etc. Just keep talking to her, paying attention to her (not overbearingly) and hopefully she continues the same. THEN at the end of the event or whatever, ask for her number and/or a follow up date, etc.

 

Think about this: when we say "those two really hit it off" we don't mean they schmoozed around and then went back for each other's phone numbers at the end of the night, right? We mean they found and focused on each other, clearly were very interested in each other, somewhat to the exclusion of others. Pair bonding. Think that's what needs to happen.

 

Note that (and I suspect you already recognize this) you can't "force" this - you have to let it happen by organically focusing on someone who is also quite interested in you.

 

 

That's my two cents.

 

Here's the recent link, good luck!

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/689200-question-women-what-do-you-find-attractive-about-man

[alphamale]

What attracts me? He should be dancing on the dance floor like nobody’s watching.

 

sorry but John Travolta is taken

[Eugeleh]

 

I think what men fail to understand is that women are not as attracted by physical appearance.

 

The research to answer this question is embryonic (surprisingly), but the early returns indicate that men's looks matter plenty to women, perhaps slightly less than vice versa, but it's close.

 

https://www.livescience.com/58607-mens-looks-may-matter-more-than-personality.html

 

This one addresses studies specifically looking at speed dating:

 

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2018/02/12/in-experiments-researchers-figured-out-what-men-and-women-really-want-in-a-mate/

[snowboy91]

Since they are bothering to talk to you, there must be something there. While I understand trying to meet the variety of women at these things, I would suggest trying to get into an extended conversation with one of them. I.e. you flit around a bit, but eventually focus on one woman who you can genuinely relate to. Focus on her, start getting to know her a bit, find points you can relate to, etc. Just keep talking to her, paying attention to her (not overbearingly) and hopefully she continues the same. THEN at the end of the event or whatever, ask for her number and/or a follow up date, etc.

 

Think about this: when we say "those two really hit it off" we don't mean they schmoozed around and then went back for each other's phone numbers at the end of the night, right? We mean they found and focused on each other, clearly were very interested in each other, somewhat to the exclusion of others. Pair bonding. Think that's what needs to happen.

 

Note that (and I suspect you already recognize this) you can't "force" this - you have to let it happen by organically focusing on someone who is also quite interested in you.

 

Totally agree with this - and this goes for simply making friends as well as finding a romantic partner. I've met people where trying to get to know them feels like hitting a brick wall, and I've met people where I couldn't get enough of them even after 3+ hours of talking. Sometimes personalities clash, and sometimes they fit perfectly.

 

So just because the next person you meet is a brick wall, doesn't (necessarily) mean you lack social skills. You just need to try again. And if you keep trying - you're practicing social skills anyway

[Eugeleh]

 

I think what men fail to understand is that women are not as attracted by physical appearance.

 

This has been the conventional wisdom for many years, but as I wrote a few minutes ago, it's increasingly acknowledged as faulty. Moreover, I think it has been a great source of frustration to many men.

 

Most men are better served with an objective recognition of their own physical appeal and how that will affect their ability to succeed in dating in terms of being able to make appropriate choices regarding women who may actually find them worth getting to know.

 

I've read many anecdotes of ordinary men who have attractive women banging down their door; I've never observed it IRL. The men with attractive women showing interest are almost always good looking; the exceptions I've witnessed have been related to wealth/fame.

[basil67]

^

"Be yourself. No, not like that"

[mr_ybor]

^

"Be yourself. No, not like that"

 

Hahahahaha! So effing true!

 

Man, I hate worthless platitudes. If you're looking for sad, self-serving narcissism, follow the parroted platitude...

Edited September 23, 2019 by mr_ybor

[mr_ybor]

Personally, I want a man who is clean and well kept, in reasonably good shape, with a friendly smile and warm, friendly eyes.

 

I think what men fail to understand is that women are not as attracted by physical appearance. The things that tend to attract a woman to a man are intelligence, a sense of humour, someone who is confident and easy to be with... For a woman, it is more about how he makes her feel than anything else.

 

Second paragraph: All about men not understanding women care about more than looks.

 

Entire first paragraph: "Personally" talking about nothing but looks.

 

[5x5]

I think what men fail to understand is that women are not as attracted by physical appearance.

 

Every now and then my wife tells me, that she only picked me because I was good looking. She also sometimes says, she will divorce me if I ever go bald.

 

When I met my ex-wife at a party, her first words to me were carrying on about how beautiful I was and how lovely my eyes and smile were.

 

On and on etc.

[elaine567]

Seems to me, men and women are both appreciative of good looks, but both men and woman need to be aware of where they truly lie in the pecking order of desirability. Seems to me most "strugglers" tend to be unaware of where their true "value" lies in the dating world. They overestimate their own "value" and get hurt, angry, frustrated... when the "world" doesn't agree.

 

Few women really want to be with a guy most other women find undesirable, ugly or repugnant, but some can "excuse" those "bad" superficial traits if she can "justify" him in other ways... he is decent, honest, true, intelligent, rich, funny, entertaining, optimistic, happy, laid back, sexy, a great lover, a hard worker, an excellent father... etc. etc. The good thing about love and attraction is that "sparks" can occur between the most unlikely people...

 

The "strugglers" see this as "settling", but most in the real world find "looks" don't last and if your relationship is solely built on a beautiful face and body, then it's going to be pretty short lived...

[5x5]

Ageing is a great leveller, which is why having a personality that is likeable also matters.

[mr_ybor]

Ageing is a great leveller, which is why having a personality that is likeable also matters.

 

Not necessarily. What if you didn't age out poorly, and most people in your age group are a ragged mess? That's not exactly "level".

[SumGuy]

Seems to me, men and women are both appreciative of good looks, but both men and woman need to be aware of where they truly lie in the pecking order of desirability. Seems to me most "strugglers" tend to be unaware of where their true "value" lies in the dating world. They overestimate their own "value" and get hurt, angry, frustrated... when the "world" doesn't agree.

So true. There is hope though if one takes advice to heart instead of denying, and finding every reason why things are hopeless or just nay sayers. I think some people unconsciously like the struggle, there is a sense of security in believing there is nothing you can do. It means you can’t fail because you never had a chance and you don’t need to work to improve as nothing matters. It also means you need to never face yourself because it is both not you or if it is you it is “impossible” or “unreasonable” to change. It’s a world view where you are always right, as ones negative philosophies are always self fulfilling.

 

... he is decent, honest, true, intelligent, rich, funny, entertaining, optimistic, happy, laid back, sexy, a great lover, a hard worker, an excellent father... etc. etc....

. The good thing is most of those are completely under ones control to achieve, if not alone at least with the aid of a good therapist . First thing, for most strugglers I’ve seen, get the chip off your shoulder. It’s far more obvious than you imagine.

[SumGuy]

Not necessarily. What if you didn't age out poorly, and most people in your age group are a ragged mess? That's not exactly "level".

 

It’s better! Most does not mean all. I can verify if you are a 50 year old man in good shape you easily attract 50 year old women in great shape.

 

I do admit many of these are “older” women by a year or two .