What do women find attractive

[Timshel]

Boring or fun...which is it? Are you saying it's both.

[crispytoast]

Boring or fun...which is it? Are you saying it's both.

I'm guessing the sex was good and most everything else was meh.

[Timshel]

Yes, right. Thank you.

[mark clemson]

Interesting. Were they "trophy wives" themselves or do you think more of a mix of women who happen to desire "trophy husbands"?

[mr_ybor]

Most immature women, especially 35...

 

Thirty-five is a little old for "immature", don't you think? Only menopause brings maturity or something, LOL.

[mark clemson]

BTW, I think it's very interesting in the video linked below by TFY how many women (even young women) don't seem to care too much about men being physically fit to the point of having six-pack abs, etc.

 

I suspect it's hard for men to understand since the attractiveness of a woman's body is so important to many of us, but I think women are assessing many factors and to some extent getting "the sum of the man". So for many if not most, having a good body is just not that critical (so long as you're not obese, etc) if there are other positives.

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/691001-met-someone-great-but#post7872079

 

So, by all means work up to a six-pack if you're doing it for you or for other important reasons. But if it's to land a woman, it's probably not worth the effort you'll have to put in.

[mr_ybor]

BTW, I think it's very interesting in the video linked below by TFY how many women (even young women) don't seem to care too much about men being physically fit to the point of having six-pack abs, etc.

 

I think a lot of women like "archetypes". Certainly not all, but a lot. If her archetype is six-pack gym guy, then she'll care a whole friggin' lot about six pack gym guy. If she likes big bear lumberjack guy, or polo dad-bod guy, then she likely won't care much about six pack gym guy.

 

Some women drift around a bit, but I think their types are generally more focused than many, if not most, guys (and probably put too much on the superficial... not from the genetic standpoint that is, like from the whole style standpoint).

 

I've talked about myself not really bothering with basic girls for the most part. It's not that I don't find them attractive (on the contrary, there's a lot of smoking hot ones), I just am banking on THEM not being interested in me. I don't have much evidence to the contrary. They won't even consider coffee with beardo hipster in skinny black jeans guy. Differences in interests aside, mantles are probably more important than anything.

Edited October 4, 2019 by mr_ybor

[Logo]

Thirty-five is a little old for "immature", don't you think? Only menopause brings maturity or something, LOL.

 

 

 

 

Oh boy, you haven't talked to the women I have gone on dates with, women between 32 to 42, maturity wasn't the standard it was the exception. It was painful to interact. Maybe that's OLD for you.

[Logo]

I think women are assessing many factors and to some extent getting "the sum of the man". .....................

 

 

 

 

So, by all means work up to a six-pack if you're doing it for you or for other important reasons. But if it's to land a woman, it's probably not worth the effort you'll have to put in.

 

 

A man can have a six pack but no personality or no confidence and it's not going to get him anywhere.

 

 

 

About the "sum of the man", a lot of women have checklists, not necessarily things that make a man a good partner or father, but "good on paper", i.e. income, height, wallet, car, house etc.

 

 

 

He could be an a*****e, but on paper he's a catch. So she'll take him. He could be boring and morally bankrupt, but he checks all the boxes.

 

 

 

Women are just as shallow as men and vice versa.

[mr_ybor]

Oh boy, you haven't talked to the women I have gone on dates with, women between 32 to 42, maturity wasn't the standard it was the exception. It was painful to interact. Maybe that's OLD for you.

 

Well, that's your picker, bro. At your mid-thirties, you're really getting towards end of the rainbow of where your window for having kids as a woman is getting to. Hopefully, a good chunk of women that age have matured enough to take on those responsibilities (as much as holding down a career, a marriage and so on). For sure, there's some mid-thirties women (and men) that are immature trainwrecks, but just the same, there's early-twenties people who are mature far beyond their years.

 

A man can have a six pack but no personality or no confidence and it's not going to get him anywhere.

 

I don't know if I agree with that. I've seen plenty of awkward, quiet, and/or dull-as-dirt guys who were jacked reel in women like nothing. Some women, that's all it takes.

 

Heck, I can be a bit awkward myself (I dunno if I'd say "unconfident", but not exactly aggressively confident), especially when I was younger, and I pretty much snagged most of my dates/girlfriends on looks/style alone. My long hair might has well been a literal magnet. No personality required (not that I didn't have one). Six packs can work the same way for some women... emphasis on some.

 

I mean, the last number I got from a girl, I said nothing. Wasn't feeling particularly confident at all... was kinda bummed out if I remember right. I straight up got accosted, haha! Got pressed up on and asked to trade numbers. My mantle obviously fit her thing and that all that mattered. Didn't need a bank statement, car title, pics of my apartment, etc.

 

 

About the "sum of the man", a lot of women have checklists, not necessarily things that make a man a good partner or father, but "good on paper", i.e. income, height, wallet, car, house etc.

 

He could be an a*****e, but on paper he's a catch. So she'll take him. He could be boring and morally bankrupt, but he checks all the boxes.

 

Women are just as shallow as men and vice versa.

 

I dunno. We're all shallow to an extent, thinking more of physique, visage, etc., some of us are a bit less superficial on the clothing style, job, lifesyle, hair, race or similar minutiae than others... but a lot of folks are flexible here-or-there. I think if your experiences are as extreme as your response above, it, again, might be your proverbial picker or the company you keep.

Edited October 4, 2019 by mr_ybor

[mark clemson]

About the "sum of the man", a lot of women have checklists, not necessarily things that make a man a good partner or father, but "good on paper", i.e. income, height, wallet, car, house etc.

 

 

Yes, based on what's apparently out there on OLD, that's clearly the case. Guess there are a variety of ways to try to get the sum of a man, and clearly that's one way some women are attempting it.

[thefooloftheyear]

Its all in the hands.....

 

Have small hands and teeny fingers? Works great wen you are texting or playing games but if you are looking to attract women, You are sunk. . Soft and supple?? Nope...

 

Forget the fancy duds and nice shoes...Spend some time at a rock quarry and throw some stones around...Get a few cuts and scars...If you like to train, don't wear those sissy gloves...Callouses are good...

 

Women see a guy with big/meaty strong hands and they cant resist....

 

TFY

[lavenderandvelvet]

Let's say you are at a singles dance, a party for singles, or some other singles event where you are basically in a room with other singles. When you look around the room, what are you attracted to? Things such as, what does he look like? What is he wearing? What else do you notice?

 

Basically, describe the guy who you want to be approached by the most. Who might you approach yourself

 

Great smile is number one. Dimples are a bonus. Next up is a sense of style. That’s going to catch my eye for sure. And someone who looks like they are having fun - laughing and having a good time.

[lavenderandvelvet]

A man can have a six pack but no personality or no confidence and it's not going to get him anywhere.

 

 

 

About the "sum of the man", a lot of women have checklists, not necessarily things that make a man a good partner or father, but "good on paper", i.e. income, height, wallet, car, house etc.

 

 

 

He could be an a*****e, but on paper he's a catch. So she'll take him. He could be boring and morally bankrupt, but he checks all the boxes.

 

 

 

Women are just as shallow as men and vice versa.

 

I think what you are missing is that what is in the checklist can be very broad. And what percentage of the checklist is required vs compromiseable.

 

Some of the things on my checklist include dimples, sense of style, intellectual curiosity, and being community minded. I can sacrifice on dimples and sense of style.

[Logo]

Well, I appreciate you having intellectual curiosity on your checklist. The women I'm referring to certainly didn't have that. We're talking about a very superficial checklist.

 

 

 

Not all checklists are created equal.

[somanymistakes]

Big hands are nice for holding things, but scars and calluses? No thanks. That sounds like someone who doesn't have a sensitive touch!

 

I'm more likely to go for the long elegant fingers. Better for reaching places, you know.

[mr_ybor]

I love when threads like this turn into a list of personal preferences... as if that really answers the question. I, for instance, have a weird attraction to girls with largeish foreheads. Not sure that's universal advice, LOL.

[Wayne0789456]

A lot of opinions in this thread. A lot strayed from the topic, but I will be reading the responses on here multiple times, as some are rather informative.

 

 

 

I'm not doing well at speed dating events, either, and there are more in the coming few weeks in my area. I was going to start a new thread altogether, but I can just as easily keep going in here.

 

 

Could it be that I need to change my way of thinking?

 

 

My first thought is to seek out women with common interests, who enjoy doing the same date activities as me, just to determine whether the two of us are even datable together. Then, when we're on the date(s), and hopefully having a good time, we can go as deep as we want to, since we'll be together for several hours.

 

 

I am big into haunted houses during October, and met several women at a speed dating event who were as big into them as I am. Yet we did not match. There were 8 women and 8 men, and we had to choose up to 5, yet no match. I basically start with finding a woman with whom I can enjoy a major interest with, and right now that is haunted houses, because the rest doesn't even matter if we can't even enjoy doing something together on a date.

 

 

Do I need to be asking different questions? Do I need to be taking a different approach?

 

 

Just some background, if this is relevant, I've been out of the dating realm for some time. Have I perhaps been out long enough that things changed and I did not change with it? I was in a 19 month relationship, from which we broke up mutually, and have dated quite a few women for more than a month. One month, actually an October, I went on more than 10 first dates, all to haunted houses. All of this, though, was more than a decade ago, even more than 15 years in some cases. Now, I can't seem to get the first date, even though my self-confidence has grown immensely since then.

[Wayne0789456]

I'll put this out there. At the last speed dating event, I figured I'd start by asking what do you like to do for fun, for the purpose of getting a sense of whether we can enjoy doing some of the same things on dates. The answers were very broad; in some cases had nothing to do with date activities; and in one case she had to take a moment to think about it, as if she had no clue what she enjoys doing. In all cases, I had to ask fi she enjoyed specific activities one at a time. I have to do this with the online apps, too.

 

 

In the second half, I changed my approach, my first question was what do you look for in a man and in a relationship? Again, many had trouble answering, as if they did not know. One even mentioned that it felt like a job interview.

 

 

I'm not looking for just any woman. If I find no common ground I am not interested. Period. But, when there is, what would make that woman interested in the first date?

[SumGuy]

...

In the second half, I changed my approach, my first question was what do you look for in a man and in a relationship? Again, many had trouble answering, as if they did not know. One even mentioned that it felt like a job interview.

....

 

As a man when women approaching getting to know me that way it feels like a job interview, which is a turn off. However I suspect speed dating is all about that style. To me very inorganic, but there are women who seem to like it or at least do it themselves. Alas, although I pass on and try to avoid such women, I also find they give very vague answers.

 

Here’s the deal for me, people ask such broad questions with no pointers when they don’t want to reveal themselves. Just come out with something specific to start, warm up to the broad question.

Instead of asking what music do you like, ask what was your favorite band on high school, it can be more than one. This gives a bit of a safe space to reveal themselves, open up about the present, or discuss a bit about their past. Getting info on life as a kid is getting to know someone.

[Kitty Tantrum]

The things I find most attractive about my fiance probably aren't things he would talk about on a first date or in a speed dating sort of scenario, and they're also not really appearance-based.

 

I think that in general, the things that people choose to promote about themselves aren't necessarily the things that are going to really hook people in, or keep them around. That's part of why online dating, speed dating, and modern dating in general have such a high failure/fizzle-out rate.

 

I imagine we would have found some common ground if we'd met in that context. We both like camping/outdoorsy stuff, and reading, and we have similar tastes in food. But those aren't the things that make me go "Wow. Yes, please."

 

So much of it for me was about having the opportunity to observe him outside of the context of dating: watching how he interacts with other people in general, his work ethic, his demeanor, etc. He's confident, hard-working, self-driven, direct, serious but also has a good sense of humor and a playful side, has great ability to focus on a task, firm but gentle, and thoughtful. He's also more intelligent than he usually lets on. I don't know that I've ever met another guy who could rival me in the brainpower department and was NOT also hung up on his own intellect. Very refreshing.

 

Physical/visual attributes are secondary for me (really only shine through once attraction is established), but notable ones are: broad shoulders, stocky/large frame with a decent amount of meat/muscle, deep voice, and big manly working hands (not really ROUGH, but you can tell he works with them). I have huge hands for a petite woman, and his actually make mine look small. It's nice.

[elaine567]

Surely a speed dating event is a chance to show off what you are made of, a little personal advert.

You want to be seen as memorable and attractive in looks and personality, someone she wants to spend time with again.

 

If you are putting these girls through the Spanish Inquisition, sure they are going to remember you, but for all the wrong reasons...

 

In all cases, I had to ask fi she enjoyed specific activities one at a time.

Seriously???

[Gretchen12]

In the second half, I changed my approach, my first question was what do you look for in a man and in a relationship? Again, many had trouble answering, as if they did not know.

 

If I appear to have "trouble answering", it's not because I don't know my hobbies or what I'm looking for. It's because I'm thinking to myself "I don't really want to tell this stranger about myself, if I don't intend to ever see him again. I know nothing about him. how do I end this?"

 

If I meet someone I am interested in, it would be because he told me something about himself that I liked, or he said something funny, it would not be because he asked me questions.

[Wayne0789456]

If I appear to have "trouble answering", it's not because I don't know my hobbies or what I'm looking for. It's because I'm thinking to myself "I don't really want to tell this stranger about myself, if I don't intend to ever see him again. I know nothing about him. how do I end this?"

 

If I meet someone I am interested in, it would be because he told me something about himself that I liked, or he said something funny, it would not be because he asked me questions.

 

 

What is the right approach? What types of things should I be telling these women? How do I find out what we have in common?

[Gretchen12]

What is the right approach? What types of things should I be telling these women? How do I find out what we have in common?

 

Although every woman there is set up to meet you, not every one of them is going to be interested enough to get to know you. You should probably be able to tell the lost causes. You just want to not turn off the ones that start out interested.