Friends started hanging out with Ex

[bobbytango]

So this might sound petty but I guess I just need to vent somewhere. These are all fake names obviously.

 

Early last year I started dating this girl. She was working at a bar my friend, Adam started to work at. He introduced us and she made the first move and went after me. I wasn't in the best of places as I'd been cheated on a few times recently and wasn't actively looking for anyone but I decided to go for it. It was only a couple of months but she randomly ghosted me and then decided to tell Adam and their workmate's that I was "forceful". Adam defended me and said not to worry as she's done this before but not to sweat it. I was annoyed at first but moved on and had completely forgotten about it tbh.

 

Well a few months back, another close friend, Warren's Mom was losing the battle with cancer. All of our friends were there for him but I noticed this girl's dad was over at his house talking to Warren's dad. Turns out they're old friends and Warren actually grew up with this girl and hadn't seen her for years. Suddenly he starts asking if I know her out of the blue, I give a vague answer and he has a weird look on his face. I shrug it of but a week or so later he asks again and what my relationship to her is. I just said I knew her from a year or so ago and we kinda dated. He again has a weird, almost smirking look on his face. I ignore it.

 

After Warren's Mom had passed last month, a few of our friends were at his to keep him company and have a few drinks. This girl turns up for a few minutes, Warren and his Girlfriend (also one of my close friends) are really friendly with her like they've been seeing each other a lot). I stay talking to our friends and don't acknowledge her but a few days later I see Adam and he mentions how awkward she found it. What's she on about? I was in a different room talking to friends.

 

Well we were at a charity BBQ even for Warren's Mom, I turned up late after work and her and her family are organising the event. I thought it best to say hi to her and just stick to my friends but every turn I take she's talking to my friends and keeps giving me filthy looks. It's not the place for any of this, I keep my self to my friends and ignore it. Adam keeps mentioning how awkward it is.

 

Well I'm at home on a Saturday night, nothing to do when I've just found out that Warren, his girlfriend, Adam and his girlfriend are at a party at her house. They're talking on our friend group chat and inviting other members of our group to go, not me ofc.

 

I don't want to be THAT friend or tell them who they can and can't see but this sucks. I don't know what she's been saying and lord knows they wouldn't tell me if I asked. I just feel weird now, like my friends all know about my business and I'm gonna be excluded from stuff.

[paisleypanther]

I was dealing with something very similar last year. My friend group at the time included my ex, but after he dumped me, they all continued to hang out with him. The relationship was really messy (he was abusive) but even so they all for some reason decided to continue being his friend. Maybe he was more fun than me. Whatever.

 

The point is, you gotta wonder if your friends (people who you expect to support you and have your back) are really your friends if they'd knowingly do something so hurtful. You could say they don't know what they're doing or that it's not like that, but it is. If they have been in relationships before and have exes, they have an idea of how that would feel. And it feels like ****. Do you want friends who don't care that they're making you feel like ****? I didn't.

 

I dumped those losers and now I have new (much better) friends. After a breakup, it's easy to cling to the other relationships you have in your life. Rightfully so, you need support. But these so-called friends don't seem to care, which is absolutely unacceptable. Friendship is a two-way street, and it really doesn't seem like they're fulfilling their end of the deal.

[Beendaredonedat]

then decided to tell Adam and their workmate's that I was "forceful".

What did she mean by "forceful?"

 

Why don't you just ask the same people to a party at your house and see if they come if she's not coming? Nothing wrong with sharing mutual friends.