Any suggestions what l should say to my brother ?

[chillii]

Think it must be running in the family atm but my brothers got women problems too and l just don't know what to suggest.

To me, going on the details, l don't think he could've found himself a more dangerous woman with more flags than this.

But he loves her , and you know what, she does seem really nice too . l mean my woman has her issues right now but his,yikes.

She doesn't work says she can't, been married 3 times and lived with a forth, she's broke , needs a visa , has health problems, and there's more l just can't remember the rest. He's 50s never been married had planty of gf's but never loved anyone before, loves her though. She's 49.

 

lt's so confusing though , because on one hand never heard of anyone with more major flags than those puppies . Yet on the other, they're really good together she seems very caring and loving , really looks after him, they laugh and joke round non stop , never really seen him so comfortable with someone.

Buttttttt, yaknow, how do you even know she's real , they can turn it on in her situation , yaknow, won't mention her her nationality but with her history, l just dunno wtf to tell him.

They've been together 18mths. On one hand he feels how he feels and sees what he sees with her, but on the other, of cause he's worried about her stuff, a lot.

He wants to marry her but of course he's worried.

 

l mean l feel like saying brother, you not serious man don't even think about it. On the other , he loves her and they do seem to really genuinely just get along, really really well in fact.

God l dunno wth to say anymore. He's finally found someone, but l'd hate him to end up god knows where in this though.

Edited September 22, 2019 by chillii

[alphamale]

dude, this woman is bad news. do whatever you can to keep them from getting married. your brother is not looking at the big picture

[chillii]

Yeah that's what l thought man, he couldn't have picked a scarier woman.

Edited September 22, 2019 by chillii

[alphamale]

Yeah that's what l thought man, he couldn't have picked a scarier woman.

it's you and your family's job to be the voice of reason in this situation, otherwise your brother will be future ex-husband #4

[Gaeta]

In my family we've learn that lesson the hard way. My cousin fell in love with a woman that had all types of issues including not having her papers to stay in our country. His parents, siblings, cousins all told him to not go ahead with a marriage, he had only known her for 3 months. Well he married her alright, and at the same time he blocked his mother, father, and sister out of his life and the rest of us as well. We have not talked to him a 2 years now. If we run into him at the shopping mall he turns around to avoid us.

 

People do stupid stuff in the name of love, and won't hesitate to abandon children, family and friends.

 

I tihnk even if you warn your brother of all the red flags he won't stop seeing her, he's in love, he would probably block you before dropping her.

 

 

 

 

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[d0nnivain]

Unsolicited advice is rarely welcome.

 

You're not wrong but you can't directly say anything without causing a fight & hurt feelings. What you can do is take him out & ask a lot of leading pointed Qs. Did you ever think about this? Have you considered that? What do you feel about this? How would you feel if? Let him come to his own conclusions but set it up to plant the seeds & help him to see the red flags like it was all his idea.

[Gaeta]

She doesn't work says she can't, been married 3 times and lived with a forth, she's broke , needs a visa , has health problems,.

Chilli, that's not the woman I'd pick for my brother either but it could be worse like having a criminal record, abuse drugs, etc. I am afraid your brother will have to learn his lesson the hard like most people do, but it could be worse.

[chillii]

Yeah l mean she's really gentle , wouldn't hurt a fly by the way she seems.

l've wondered to if she's just had and extremely bad run choosing men in the past maybe, not sure what happened with all the ex's .

Asked bro but he got a bit touchy on that one. Probably not a good story going on that.

[chillii]

In my family we've learn that lesson the hard way. My cousin fell in love with a woman that had all types of issues including not having her papers to stay in our country. His parents, siblings, cousins all told him to not go ahead with a marriage, he had only known her for 3 months. Well he married her alright, and at the same time he blocked his mother, father, and sister out of his life and the rest of us as well. We have not talked to him a 2 years now. If we run into him at the shopping mall he turns around to avoid us.

 

People do stupid stuff in the name of love, and won't hesitate to abandon children, family and friends.

 

I tihnk even if you warn your brother of all the red flags he won't stop seeing her, he's in love, he would probably block you before dropping her.

 

 

 

 

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Oh yeah he could well do too. He's had everyone on his case about her , been defending her left and right , so l'm trying to be a bit gentle about it.

 

 

Have things work out with their marriage , still together ?

[Cersei]

Years ago I watched my brother fall for and marry a real doozy of a woman.

 

It was many years ago so he was a lot younger. After he got engaged I asked my Mom what do we do. She said we just sit back and pick up the pieces when it falls apart. He has to see this for himself. No sense causing friction between him and us. He won't listen.

 

Well of course the marriage ended after a couple years and we were there for him as best as we could be.

 

After a few beer one night he admitted that he really had doubts about a Month before the wedding but thought it was just cold feet. I admitted I didn't like her and he said that it would not have mattered what we said to him because he was in love.

 

If I were you I would likely say to him something like "I can picture you more with someone like (insert name of someone you like) but if she truly makes you happy then best of luck."

But that is just how my brother and I talk.

[Gaeta]

They are still together. As sooon as she got her Canadian papers she had her daughter, parents, and siblings come to Canada and moved into their little condo, I think they are like 6 living in a 2 bedroom condo. We also know she called the cops on him a couple of time when they had arguments. She has him by the balls. His mother sends him a message each week to tell him she loves him and she's there for him no matter what, he never replies.

 

 

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[alphamale]

I tihnk even if you warn your brother of all the red flags he won't stop seeing her, he's in love, he would probably block you before dropping her.

 

that may be so Gaeta but at least his family will be able to sleep at night knowing they did their duty

[chillii]

They are still together. As sooon as she got her Canadian papers she had her daughter, parents, and siblings come to Canada and moved into their little condo, I think they are like 6 living in a 2 bedroom condo. We also know she called the cops on him a couple of time when they had arguments. She has him by the balls. His mother sends him a message each week to tell him she loves him and she's there for him no matter what, he never replies.

 

 

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Oh Jesus , one big happy family eh , yikes.

[chillii]

He had this real honey a few years back , such a sweetheart , nice clean history too haha.

He just didn't love her, shame , she would've made him a very happy man butttt, spose you gotta be feeling it though.

[Cersei]

that may be so Gaeta but at least his family will be able to sleep at night knowing they did their duty

 

I never thought of it thus way. Great point!

[Rayce]

She doesn't work says she can't, been married 3 times and lived with a forth, she's broke , needs a visa , has health problems, and there's more l just can't remember the rest. ……. Yet on the other, they're really good together she seems very caring and loving , really looks after him, they laugh and joke round non stop , never really seen him so comfortable with someone.

Buttttttt, yaknow, how do you even know she's real , they can turn it on in her situation , yaknow, won't mention her her nationality but with her history, l just dunno wtf to tell him.

 

If someone needs a visa and better lifestyle sure... they can put on a act for as long as they need too. There is no way to really tell and in my own experience getting involved in family members love life is a big mistake. If he ask you for your opinion then you could voice otherwise.... zip the lip and be a supportive brother.

 

Wishing you peace...

[alphamale]

He had this real honey a few years back , such a sweetheart , nice clean history too haha.

He just didn't love her, shame , she would've made him a very happy man butttt, spose you gotta be feeling it though.

 

nice girl=NO; bad girl=YES

[preraph]

No way of knowing for sure, but 49 and can't work? Why not? I wouldn't go along with that. I think she's a golddigger in the sense she doesn't want to support herself. Doesn't she have kids somewhere? Are they going to be costing him money too?

 

Of course, women who want someone to support them often keep up the facade of being super sweet and doing things for them for as long as it takes. I would just advise him, "Do NOT marry her." I mean, what purpose would it serve? If she marries him and all she ever was after is money, she can take half of his home when she divorces him or he divorces her. Then all of a sudden, she has money again -- hence why she's on the fourth husband. She doesn't want husbands, she wants their money. It's her chosen way of supporting herself.

 

So try to convince him never to marry her, that she's marrying and divorcing as a means to support herself, and that she's acting nice now because she needs him to marry her for this to work.

 

It's either that or tell her to go get a job, any job, or it's off.

[alphamale]

she's a gold digger with a big shovel preraph

[Gretchen12]

Yeah I get it. Like I always said, I wouldn't want to get right into taking care of an old man with health problems. If we had a history, I would be loyal and take care of him. But I wouldn't begin a new relationship with me breaking my back lifting him into a wheelchair and bathing him. He can hire someone for that.

 

So this isn't about telling your brother to be more selfish. How much he is willing to give, you can't judge. You have to consider how much faith you have in his abilities. He is in his 50's so he's been around the block. In fact he is of the age when he can give young people sound advice.

 

Is he less wise and less rational than you? Has he always been the one getting into trouble? Is he emotionally fragile and vulnerable? For you to intervene, you'd essentially be telling him "I know better than you". Even if you say he's blinded by love, that's saying he gets caught up in these things easily and he makes emotional decisions. Actually, what you know, he knows too. He also has life experiences.

 

When family intervenes, sometimes the person just works harder to overcome the obstacles and everyone against him. More work means more investment. More investment means the relationship value is increased and also harder to walk away. At his age, I expect he knows the risks and knows how to recover from mistakes.

[chillii]

Yeah , good point. Certainly wouldn't call him naive with women he's had plenty from all over the world travels for work.But never anything substantial and in that way l'm way ahead. But he's always wanted to get married just hasn't loved anyone until now.

We've often talked about his gf's and yeah, saved he's bacon a few times actually. This one, hmmm.

 

 

Her work thing l think is some health thing but she does help him. He imports travels to and from China a lot , got a warehouse at home. 1/2 a million cash flow and she does the books now, and often travels with him too. Hasn't done a runner yet matter of fact he said profit was up 70k first year she did the books, not too shabby.

That l can sure relate to my woman helps in mine too and talk about a God sent.

 

l mean yeah l worry about her maybe just keeping up the show too, god l dunno. She's an effg good actress if she is.

[Gretchen12]

You're being protective. But your brother already has a good head on his shoulders. So try to trust him. This woman he's with could have ulterior motives but your brother hasn't exactly handed over his bank account. He's not stupid.

 

I'm in my 50's, and while I don't feel old, I do think about how many more years I have. You get to be a certain age and you just say hey I'm gonna do what I want. If your brother wants to do some dangerous extreme sport, he's gonna do it no matter how protective the family may be. We all have just one life that's our own and no one else's.

[mrs rubble]

I'd be talking to him about a pre-nup if he is thinking of marrying her.

[elaine567]

If I was broke, needed a visa, had health problems so couldn't work, and needed a safe shelter with a man who loves me, then sure as hell I would be giving Meryl Streep a run for her money in the acting stakes...

It would be my full time "job", as without it I would likely be homeless, penniless and deported...

 

Saying that she may actually love him, but hard to tell.

[alphamale]

I'd be talking to him about a pre-nup if he is thinking of marrying her.

 

indeed mrs rubble