i feel lost and hopeless

[Hope4thefuture]

I needed somewhere to go to write about how I’m feeling. Maybe it is the loneliness, the gloomy weather, my work, my lack of friends, sleeping with my ex, or the combination of all of these things, but I feel very down and sad lately.

 

I can’t explain what it is, but I feel blah. I shouldn’t feel this way because I do have my 3 boys who love me, my parents who love me, a home, a job. But these past couple of days my emotions are all over the place.

 

I teach and this year i have a few difficult students with very little support. I am stressed about my job, and doing my very best. We are trying to put steps in place to help the students who need it, but I am just overwhelmed right now.

 

My personal life is not great. My boys go back and forth from my house to their dad’s house so I don’t get to see them all the time. When I do have time by myself, I used to stay busy especially after my break up with my ex last year. I spent time with friends or family. I feel like I am always asking them to do something and taking away time from their families. Plus I only have a few friends so I can’t keep asking them to do things with me. That seems unfair.

 

When I get lonely, sometimes my ex will text and want to get together. I know better, but I can’t stop myself. I feel like at least for those few hours some wants me. It makes me feel better, until the next day. I am afraid I won’t find someone. I know he is using me. I want to stop it, but I don’t because I still have feelings for him. I know it is wrong. I know I deserve better. But right now I can’t seem to move on. I am stuck. I am sad, lonely, and hopeless. But for those few moments I feel a little better.

 

Maybe I am just having a bad weekend and tomorrow will be better. That is what I keep tellin myself.

[d0nnivain]

The bad weather is definitely a factor. It's called S.A.D. -- seasonal affect disorder. I struggle with it in the fall as the days get shorter.

 

Start a gratitude journal as your 1st step to breaking this pattern. You can buy a nice journal or I use a $0.99 cent notebook. Every morning when you wake up write 3 things that you are grateful for. Write 3 more at night. They can be profound but they don't have to be. Part of the exercise is appreciating the little things. For yours you could start out with:

 

1. I have a job

 

2. I have my kids (each boy could be an individual or you could lump them as 1)

 

3. My boys have their dad in their lives

 

4. I am making a difference in the lives of my students

 

5. I have friends.

 

6. The sun came out today (it will eventually)

 

Do this each day & once per week read your journal. You will be shocked how your approach to life improves. I was when I started this exercise. I fall back on it when things are gloomy.

 

Once you get the attitude adjustment & are feeling a bit more optimistic you will better be able to brain storm about how to deal with your difficult students & you may have the energy to socialize with friends, & possibly meet a new beau.

 

 

Hang in there.

[FMW]

I'm sorry for your down mood. Sometimes things can pile up and seem overwhelming for awhile, most of us have been there.

 

My suggestion would be to get involved in something new, a new hobby or pastime that gets you out of your normal environment and provides opportunity to meet new people. The hobby/activity will be stimulating and developing new friendships will provide you with a larger support group for the good and the bad times. You'll also be more likely to meet new romantic interests and hopefully not feel like your ex is your only option. As you know, stopping the intimate contact with him should be a high priority.

 

The last 3 years I've dealt with my father's death, my divorce, and heartache related to falling in love with someone else. The amino acid supplement 5-HTP has been really helpful for me, you can google it to get a full explanation of how it works, but basically it helps increase the uptake of Seratonin in your brain that helps with feeling calm and happy.

[Soak]

I know better, but I can’t stop myself. I feel like at least for those few hours some wants me. It makes me feel better, until the next day. I am afraid I won’t find someone. I know he is using me. I want to stop it, but I don’t because I still have feelings for him. I know it is wrong. I know I deserve better. But right now I can’t seem to move on. I am stuck. I am sad, lonely, and hopeless. But for those few moments I feel a little better.

 

You know better. You are not just having a bad week! You know this is a toxic situation, yet you keep giving in to it.

 

Nothing in this world can replace self-love. You'd be surprised at how you can be rewarded if you just take the action.. The action to love your self (as well as your boys).

 

I'm going to be honest with you. It won't feel good at the start, because you are forging new patterns. But persevere and set your standards and you will be surprised at how good you will feel.

 

Promise me that you will do this. You do not need your ex, apart from the children. You do not need him to feel good about yourself. You can feel good about yourself by making decisions that respect your self.

 

You've just got to take that first step, and that is cutting off the booty calls with this person.. He is using you until something better comes along, and he will probably do the same with the next person.

 

Instead of spinning around in circles like this person, take a step in to the future and be a better person. You can do it! Part of the problem is not knowing what is wrong. You know.. You've just got to take the action.

Edited September 24, 2019 by Soak

[scooby-philly]

Three things:

 

1. You need to identify what he triggers in you that you can't let go of and then replace him with things that bring you the same fulfillment/feeling. Perhaps you just don't have enough people in your life who provide you with verbal affirmation. Or perhaps it's something a little bit deeper - something's been off since childhood. A therapist is a great thing. But if that's not affordable, find a few people to be completely transparent with. Once you discover what you need and understand why you go to him for it you can find alternative ways to fill that need in a much more healthy manner

 

2. There's nothing wrong with relying on friends and family. Now...I can totally relate to not wanting to be a burden to people and to recognizing that people have their own lives, struggles, and you don't feel like you want to be a burden. But TRUE friends will be there for you and family that actually cares about you will be as well. Now, you need to have introspection and analysis lead to changes/improvement over time so you don't get stuck for years, but real friends/family will understand. And condition yourself if you can - reach out to them when you need them, but reach out to them when you don't so they know it's not a one sided street - and express gratitude to them for support/love they give you.

 

3. Keep telling yourself positive things. So many people these past few decades grow up without love, affection, affirmation, and support in the home. For a variety of reasons. That often makes good people seek out those things in the wrong places and/or with the wrong people. Not saying that everyone turns to drugs or becomes an alcoholic. But as humans we crave affection, attention, and reciprocation for what we put out. Are you a giver by nature? If so, learn how to draw a line - do it mentally over and over again to help drive your sub conscious to it. And more important - don't just focus on the bad stuff in your life. Even if you need to - make it a point to start and end each day with 5 minutes of time for yourself reminding you of your good traits, what you do great for others (including the ex), and what you want out of life. For me, I'm 4.5 weeks out of a devastating breakup. I've been angry, heartbroken, depressed, and back and forth between those things. And I have an analytical mind so I can't stop myself most of the time from spiraling out of control in my mind, leading to emotional outbursts or pain. Am I sad it ended still - hell yes. Am I sad I lost her - yes, we had become best friends. Do I still need a few weeks to recover, tie up my wounded heart - yes. Lots of movies, snacks, and some computer games. But...I deserve better. I'm not perfect. I'm not everyone's cup of tea. But I was a good partner, I wanted something serious, I never led her own, I never was anything but flexible, honest, supportive, caring, nurturing, etc. - and at the end of the day - she was just immature, inexperienced, and only thinks she's as kind, caring, and empathetic as she is - in reality, she's not ready for a real relationship, she doesn't know how to be in one, and if I did any of the big things she did to me she would have been gone in a heartbeat. So - I need to remind myself I deserve better, I am better, and I will live my life with happiness and continue to give, and one day I will find someone to match me. Just repeat that to yourself. Nothing wrong with getting down, but it seems you need to put a plan in place with big guardrails to get you to a better spot.

Edited September 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote removed

[Soak]

I'm not sure if you're checking the thread (no matter, we've all been there)..

 

I was thinking that when something is 'wrong' in your life and deep down underneath you know it is wrong (because it is disrespecting you), then even if you don't have the energy, you have to make a decision and stick to it. Even if you feel tired and perhaps defeated.

 

An example of this is NC. Most people here will tell you they pined for their ex, or it was like an addiction. Which it is.

 

Interesting thing is,monce you make the decision to not do what you are doing,mit will begin to feel normal in about two weeks. You've just got to be devisive and say "no"! Not necessarily to anyone else, but to yourself.

 

Good luck my friend, may you look after yourself always