Being hit on by hot girls 🔥

[Emin]

Hi everyone,

 

I need your advice on this one.

 

I'm in a long term relationship and with this girl I'm planning our future together. There have been many ups and downs but I'm certain that I want to marry that girl because we've been together through thick and thin. She really is the best soul I've ever met.

 

What bothers me sometimes is that she get very comfortable with her looks and forgets we're still a couple and should take care of her physical look and the way she looks in general. Usually, what you miss in your girl, you seek in others.

 

On the other side, a couple of really hot girls lately have been hitting on me a lot. Actually one of the girls is one of her "friends".. Really ****ty friend I guess.

 

The other girl has been really into me and talked all kinds of sexual stuff.

 

I don't plan on cheating, but on the other side my mind has been wandering a lot and this has been one hell of a temptation!

 

Before I got into this relationship I was a very shy guy, didn't take care of myself much, have been quite insecure and so on, thus not having many so called opportunities or temptations to cheat. In the past year, I've exceeded at work, my confidence has increased, I earn more than enough for my age, play sports and look physically great. This has reflected in a way that a lot of girls are interested in me, including these two.

 

I have some thoughts/doubts that I've been with my girl from high school, that she is my only partner, I don't know how it's like being with other girls even just for the sex.

 

The grass is always greener in the other yard and now that I actually can smell the scent of the grass, I know I shouldn't probably go over the fence and touch it, but damn it, it smells so good...

 

Where do I go from here, do I talk to my girl, do I cut these girls off..?

 

Thanks

Edited September 22, 2019 by Emin

[Flame Aura]

How old are you?

 

If this is how you feel right now - end it. Your mind will always wonder 'what is it like with another woman' as you currently have nothing to compare your girlfriend to.

 

I felt like this with my first ever serious girlfriend from school. After a couple of years together I knew that there was simply no way in this world that I was going to live my whole life, having never tasted and felt another p***y and ended things.

[stillafool]

Definitely shut those girls down. I don't see a problem with you talking to your girl and telling her that you miss seeing her dressed up or take her someplace where she has to dress up and tell her how much you like seeing her that way. It does seem like she has gotten too comfortable if she isn't making an effort to look good for you. That's a problem because if you do marry and have kids how will she take care of her appearance then?

[frus69]

If you know for sure you want your GF and only want her, then talk to your GF and tell her that you want her to take care of herself a bit more.

 

But if you have doubts what's out there in the world, break up and set her free to experience the world too. Just know most likely neither of these two girls will result in anything in the end, just know some day you will feel down and lonely and start to wonder whether you've made the right decision, but this is a life lesson you need to learn, and you have to make mistakes to grow, otherwise you will always wonder "what if"

[Emin]

How old are you?

 

If this is how you feel right now - end it. Your mind will always wonder 'what is it like with another woman' as you currently have nothing to compare your girlfriend to.

 

I felt like this with my first ever serious girlfriend from school. After a couple of years together I knew that there was simply no way in this world that I was going to live my whole life, having never tasted and felt another p***y and ended things.

 

 

I'm 26. Not quite the age to just say **** it, end the relationship and smash those girls.

 

I have exactly the same thoughts now, but I don't want to just leave my girl and fulfill my wild dreams.

[Emin]

You should have cut these two girls off before now. You are letting things get out of hand. Be more loyal to your girl and drop these other ladies altogether.

 

I am loyal, but obviously have let the things get out of control, intentionally or unintentionally, which leds me to think that I have brought this upon myself.

[basil67]

What bothers me sometimes is that she get very comfortable with her looks and forgets we're still a couple and should take care of her physical look and the way she looks in general.

 

I'm going to address the bolded.

 

You say that 'sometimes' she gets comfortable with her looks. So it's not like she's a slob all the time. I'm guessing that she does make an effort when you go on dates or to a nice event but on a weekend when you're just doing regular stuff, she dresses for comfort and skips the makeup. She may wear her PJs of an evening. This is completely normal. If you want more, you're going to have a find a girl who enjoys that kind of stuff.

 

How does she forget that you're a couple? Is she making plans without you frequently?

 

And forget this "should" business. She is who she is. About the only things where 'should' is appropriate are the big stuff such as treating you with respect and being honest. The rest is personal choice.

[gaius]

Grown up men figure out what they want and make it happen. If it's other women then dump your girlfriend and go after them. If it's your girlfriend in good shape and a sexy miniskirt then sit her down and tell her that. Be honest and tell her exactly what you want.

 

Either or, make a decision.

[preraph]

You have a nice girlfriend. These two girls are not nice people. They are unethical coming after you when you're in a committed relationship. If you decide you must have sex with other women before you marry anyone, then you should never pick friends of your girlfriend! It will reflect really badly on you if you do. If you feel you have not explored enough, you can't have your cake and eat it to. You have to break up and go date others. You have to take the chance your girlfriend finds a new man.

 

You can't tell her to try to look better. What you can do is be sure she has plenty of money for going to the hair salon and getting her nails done and buying new shoes and clothes and makeup. You can give her a makeup makeover gift certificate for a holiday and money to buy the products with. You can buy an exercise bike for yourself and hope she uses it, but you can't tell her to do it or you will ruin the relationship. You can ask her out on fancier dates and ask ahead if she wants to buy a new dress for the occasion, giving her a reason to want to dress up. You shouldn't buy her underwear because that's a gift to yourself, not her.

 

I completely get it if you feel you need to explore before marriage, but you'll never get her back if you do or if you break up, because once the trust is gone, it's gone.

 

If she is as perfect for you as you say, you'll likely never find anyone better ever again. Sex, yes, but not someone you really could stay with. Certainly not those two bad friends. Casual sex is not anywhere near as fulfilling as making love to someone you really care about.

[basil67]

Quick question: you say that you didn't use to take care of yourself much. Was she with you then? Did she accept you for who you were?

[frus69]

I'm 26. Not quite the age to just say **** it, end the relationship and smash those girls.

 

I have exactly the same thoughts now, but I don't want to just leave my girl and fulfill my wild dreams.

 

Age doesn't mean maturity and knowing what you want

It doesn't sound like you firmly know what you want. Also it sounds like you love ur gf but you are not in love with your gf anymore

[preraph]

Don't ever just tell someone they don't look good or need to look better. Instead use positive reinforcement and wait until something does look beautiful, her hair, her makeup, something she's wearing and praise her for it:

"You look amazing in that dress. I wish you'd wear it more often because you look sooooo good!"

[Emin]

I'm going to address the bolded.

 

You say that 'sometimes' she gets comfortable with her looks. So it's not like she's a slob all the time. I'm guessing that she does make an effort when you go on dates or to a nice event but on a weekend when you're just doing regular stuff, she dresses for comfort and skips the makeup. She may wear her PJs of an evening. This is completely normal. If you want more, you're going to have a find a girl who enjoys that kind of stuff.

 

How does she forget that you're a couple? Is she making plans without you frequently?

 

And forget this "should" business. She is who she is. About the only things where 'should' is appropriate are the big stuff such as treating you with respect and being honest. The rest is personal choice.

 

 

About the forget part. She is planning everything with me, from daily activities to our future together, I was thinking more in a way that she has become very comfortable. This means gaining weight, not caring to look decently dressed for the occasions, poor clothing choices not fitting her current physique and similar stuff.

 

Regarding the should part, I agree with you.

[Emin]

Quick question: you say that you didn't use to take care of yourself much. Was she with you then? Did she accept you for who you were?

 

Valid point, but I know I could do better and actually did. She went the other way round.

[Emin]

Don't ever just tell someone they don't look good or need to look better. Instead use positive reinforcement and wait until something does look beautiful, her hair, her makeup, something she's wearing and praise her for it:

"You look amazing in that dress. I wish you'd wear it more often because you look sooooo good!"

 

Wonderful piece of advice. Thanks dude

[Emin]

Age doesn't mean maturity and knowing what you want

It doesn't sound like you firmly know what you want. Also it sounds like you love ur gf but you are not in love with your gf anymore

 

I don't know what exactly I want, it's true. If I did I wouldn't be that tempted probably. About your last statement, I could say you are kinda correct. I feel as if the romance has faded after so many years and she doesn't contribute much to it as a girlfriend, but more as a friend and a partner.

[snowboy91]

As awful as it is to say, it's really up to you to make that call. You really need to work out what's more important to you... getting out and having some fun/experiencing other girls, or your current, stable relationship. I know you'll probably feel that you feel expected to choose the latter because it's the "right" thing to do, but I for one will pass no judgement on either choice. There are merits (and pitfalls) of either choice, and you need to work those out based on your own values and needs at this point in your life.

[frus69]

I don't know what exactly I want, it's true. If I did I wouldn't be that tempted probably. About your last statement, I could say you are kinda correct. I feel as if the romance has faded after so many years and she doesn't contribute much to it as a girlfriend, but more as a friend and a partner.

 

Im sure she's a wonderful person but unfortunately that's not enough for love. But she does deserve someone who is in love with her and is crazy about her.

 

If she was not feeling exactly attracted to you and was getting turned on by other hot men, what would you want her to do? Maybe you should do that for her.

[smackie9]

Don't blame your GF blame yourself for not romancing her and letting her know how much she means to you. If you paid more attention to her, and take her out on nice dates she will go out of her way to look hot for you.

[Mrin]

You should have cut these two girls off before now. You are letting things get out of hand. Be more loyal to your girl and drop these other ladies altogether.

 

This. Seriously, dude. How would you like it if your girl was acting like you?

[Emin]

Don't blame your GF blame yourself for not romancing her and letting her know how much she means to you. If you paid more attention to her, and take her out on nice dates she will go out of her way to look hot for you.

 

I'm not blaming her, she's a wonderful person. That is why I haven't acted upon anything. I was just gettiing into the details of how I see the whole situation. Valid argument regarding the attention and everything, but don't you think that it's up to her to be more more self aware as I am in terms of looking after myself ?

[Emin]

Don't blame your GF blame yourself for not romancing her and letting her know how much she means to you. If you paid more attention to her, and take her out on nice dates she will go out of her way to look hot for you.

 

I don't blame her, I just said what bothered me. I look after her and give her my whole attention. In the end she is my sweetheart and look forward to having a future together.

 

I was just tempted and distracted from girl/s that occasionally cross my path. It's like temptation thing more than anything else. I wondered if she took more care of herself, would things be the same.

[Gretchen12]

Because you haven't dated much, you are inexperienced with a lot of things. Here are some pointers:

- when a woman does not try to look good, it's not because she got comfortable. It's because she's unhappy. Women all want to look good and we're not doing it just for men. Looking frompy is a form of disengagement.

- sometimes when a woman starts to let her looks go it's a sort of mirroring. She is matching you. She's not thinking how hot you are, so she also doesn't look hot herself. So you match in her mind.

- some women will hit on men that are taken, not because they want the guy, but it's done just to hurt the guy's woman (just to "win"), and they get an ego boost from being able to take another woman's man. Not about you.

 

You can have a talk with her, not about her looks, but about the spark being gone and how to bring it back. You may be surprised what she has to say. Women are way ahead of men in dealing with relationship problems. So she probably knows what's going on with you and the hot girls. Men get blindsided when they had no idea the woman has been unhappy.

[Emin]

- when a woman does not try to look good, it's not because she got comfortable. It's because she's unhappy. Women all want to look good and we're not doing it just for men. Looking frompy is a form of disengagement.

 

She is unhappy about a lot of things going on in her life (work related issues) that are out of my control, at least in a way that she has to solve them herself and I can actually just help her get through that transition which I do.

 

She always looks up to me and tells me how much she loves me and looks forward to our life in the future and that she is happy with me, that I'm the one that helps her and makes her happy during hardships.

 

 

-sometimes when a woman starts to let her looks go it's a sort of mirroring. She is matching you. She's not thinking how hot you are, so she also doesn't look hot herself. So you match in her mind.

 

I will have to disagree on this one that she has actually said to me a couple of times that she is afraid of losing me because I have become successful, have a lot of friends, look good and that one day I might leave her for a better girl. This has actually resulted in her becoming more protective and clingey but not in a bad and possesive way.

 

 

 

-some women will hit on men that are taken, not because they want the guy, but it's done just to hurt the guy's woman (just to "win"), and they get an ego boost from being able to take another woman's man. Not about you.

 

Agreed but not that relevant. I wouldn't want to continue with this girl anyway because she only attracts me sexually. So being used doesn't worry me at all.

[salparadise]

Because you haven't dated much, you are inexperienced with a lot of things. Here are some pointers:

 

Eh, I know this is LoveShack, but acting like you can read his gf's mind and know her motivations, and particularly the generalizing as in "when women do x it's because of... y or z," is worse than listening to Dr. Phil or Steve Harvey. People are simply wired differently.

 

OP, the macro perspective here is that you're 26 years old and have only been with one girl in your entire life. When you don't see yourself as having options you're thankful for what you do have... but when the hotties start hitting on you the non-monogamous reptilian parts (amygdala) start squirting hormones at your receptors and it does a number on your rationalizations.

 

This is normal and it doesn't make you a bad person. However, if it's bothering you now –– some dissatisfaction with your current girlfriend, and strong sexual urges toward other women who are offering themselves to you –– it's not going to go away if you're anything like the vast majority of men. In economics they call it "opportunity cost." Anytime you make a choice you obviate some other possibility, and releasing that other option(s) is a loss of sorts, a cost. Men struggle with it all the time, even men who've been with many women.

 

So the question you have to deal with here is, are you ready to choose your current girlfriend (marriage) and live out your entire life not knowing what it's like to be with any other? Most men (and women) do what is called "sewing wild oats" before settling down and being with one person. Can you skip that and be okay with that choice for the next 4-5 decades? No one here can answer that for you, but I guarantee that you will keep revisiting that choice in your mind, esp. when hot women offer you a taste.

 

Soul searching time I'd say... have you ever been to therapy? Ever read any existentialism? I'd say it's time to dig a little deeper and figure out who you are exactly. Some people marry their high school sweethearts and live happily ever after, and some...

Edited September 23, 2019 by salparadise