Being hit on by hot girls 🔥

[Maddie82]

So what you're saying is, if she doesn't put a full on effort to look good then you're put off? That's a rather shallow and mean thing to say. Sometimes women like to take a break from wearing make up and like to relax in comfortable clothes when they don't have to be anywhere. Don't judge her from that and don't use that as an excuse to cheat. There is no excuse to cheat. It sounds like you have a great girl, but you love the attention from these other girls. If you value your relationship with your GF then you need to tell these girls to back off because they are clouding your perception of your GF. If you don't tell them to back off it'll be the biggest regret of your life.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm not blaming her, she's a wonderful person. That is why I haven't acted upon anything.

 

Then how is it that one of these girls is sharing sexual details with you? Where and when are these chats happening? Where is your girlfriend when this is happening?

 

I get that you mean you have not physically cheated on your girlfriend. But you are most certainly already acting on the temptation in the sense that you have let it get even this far. Not acting on it would mean shutting it down the moment it got inappropriate and then telling these girls to take a hike. In other words, you have been toying with boundaries in a way that compromises your relationship. That needs to stop, immediately. These girls aren't your girlfriend's real friends, and you are not being a good boyfriend by entertaining their advances.

 

What to do from here? Sure, you can encourage your girl to take more pride in her appearance and use positive reinforcement to try to yield results. However, I don't think that's necessarily going to be enough. The other underlying issue here is that you have not had any experience apart from your girlfriend. While that is fine for some, it can become problematic for others who realize they are just not ready to commit to one person forever. Be prepared for the possibility that even if your girlfriend takes better care of herself, you might still have a strong curiosity about other women.

[elaine567]

You have become successful and instead of a hot gf on your arm to show off your success to the world, you have this chubby, "follower", who is getting more and more clingy by the day as she senses she may lose you. You feel obligated to stay, yet you are being swayed by other "available" hot women.

 

Gretchen is mainly correct, unhappy women often stop caring about their appearance and let themselves go.

There may be some happy women who always hated "dressing up", but for many being seen as "pretty" is important and if she has "let herself go", I agree she is likely unhappy.

Not good to be the "unsuccessful" one in a partnership, it saps confidence and once in a downward spiral, difficult to get out of. She is mired in work problems so she cannot match you or compete so she gives up...

This relationship is mainly good for you as it gives you stability, great ego boost to have a besotted "fan" at home.

Enough stability for you to consider stepping out, but I guess this relationship is not doing her a lot of favours...

 

My suggestion, end it with her as it is only a matter of time before your urge to find new sexual experiences will overcome you.

Try not to leave it until you have a toddler and another on the way and you end up breaking many hearts including maybe your own...

[Maddie82]

you have this chubby, "follower", who is getting more and more clingy by the day as she senses she may lose you.

 

He never once said she was 'chubby'.

[ExpatInItaly]

He never once said she was 'chubby'.

 

Well, not in those words, but he did say this: "I was thinking more in a way that she has become very comfortable. This means gaining weight, not caring to look decently dressed for the occasions, poor clothing choices not fitting her current physique"

 

The undertone there strongly suggests she is bigger than what he is attracted to. Would that be chubby? That totally depends on his personal definition of the word. The weight gain is obviously an issue for him, at any rate, or he wouldn't have mentioned it.

[elaine567]

She has gained weight.

Chubby is a fairly innocuous description of person who has put on a bit of weight.

[stillafool]

Please tell your gf about her friends who are hitting on you behind her back. She deserves to know that she is befriending women who don't like her. Women are extremely competitive when it comes to men and the bad ones will go after anyone's man, friend or not. That said, I honestly think you do need to break up with your girl and sow some wild oats before you settle down. If your girl wasn't your first gf I wouldn't say that; but I think both of you need to get out an experience other people before you marry or this may really become an issue later.

[Emin]

Well, not in those words, but he did say this: "I was thinking more in a way that she has become very comfortable. This means gaining weight, not caring to look decently dressed for the occasions, poor clothing choices not fitting her current physique"

 

The undertone there strongly suggests she is bigger than what he is attracted to. Would that be chubby? That totally depends on his personal definition of the word. The weight gain is obviously an issue for him, at any rate, or he wouldn't have mentioned it.

 

Maybe I have poor wording since English is my second language, but nevertheless. She is not chubby, but let's phrase it this way. The other girl is a fitness model making the other girls look well you know...

[Emin]

Then how is it that one of these girls is sharing sexual details with you? Where and when are these chats happening? Where is your girlfriend when this is happening?

 

I get that you mean you have not physically cheated on your girlfriend. But you are most certainly already acting on the temptation in the sense that you have let it get even this far. Not acting on it would mean shutting it down the moment it got inappropriate and then telling these girls to take a hike. In other words, you have been toying with boundaries in a way that compromises your relationship. That needs to stop, immediately. These girls aren't your girlfriend's real friends, and you are not being a good boyfriend by entertaining their advances.

 

What to do from here? Sure, you can encourage your girl to take more pride in her appearance and use positive reinforcement to try to yield results. However, I don't think that's necessarily going to be enough. The other underlying issue here is that you have not had any experience apart from your girlfriend. While that is fine for some, it can become problematic for others who realize they are just not ready to commit to one person forever. Be prepared for the possibility that even if your girlfriend takes better care of herself, you might still have a strong curiosity about other women.

 

One of the girls is not her friend, the other one is.

 

The one that's not her friend is ny childhood friend. So we live close to each other. One of the conversations with her 'friend' happened drunkenly in a club and continued once chatting (I'm a piece of **** for this one), but it was so interesting and exciting for me at the moment.

 

From everything I've read here, I am kinda concluding that I should be more involved in my relationship, while cutting off these girls off, which might help me in the short term run, but what happens when the next one comes round..

 

I will try and motivate her to take more care of her self, in a subtle way. Not sure how, but will figure something out. Will definitely stop emphasising my achievements until she finds the job she enjoys and fulfils her at least.

 

I believe in us and want to make her a better person in any way, but I am bothered by the ammount of effort I have to give instead of her realising on her own.

 

Another thing, the two hot chicks have like 1/10 of her personality and brain, but as I said it's the physical moment that got me.

[smackie9]

When someone looks like they are getting "too comfortable" it could mean she is unhappy, depressed which doesn't motivate her to look good. What you see on the outside is an indicator of what is going on the inside.

[d0nnivain]

I'm not sure you are ready to settle down. You absolutely should have cut things off with these two "hot chicks" & since one of them is allegedly your GF's friend, you should have told your GF.

 

Now that you are successful as you sure you are not seeking a trophy & being annoyed that your GF isn't dressing they way you think the GF of a successful guy like you ought to behave?

 

The poster who mentioned that your GFs style choices may have nothing to do with you & everything to do with her own state of mind may be on to something. My wardrobe & hair choices tend to slip when I'm feel depressed.

[ExpatInItaly]

How long have you been feeling this way about your girlfriend, OP?

[mark clemson]

My friend, the bottom line is this - you have to go one way or the other. End the relationship and you grant yourself freedom to "play the field". Disregard the two "hitters" and you get to keep the loyal woman you care for.

 

Keeping the two as "flirting orbiters" could in theory be a happy medium (so long as they understand that you're not going to actually DO anything) but it sounds like your self-control is in question.

 

Actually cheating on your GF is NOT a happy medium. It ends your relationship when she eventually finds out.

 

Think the above is just stating the obvious. BUT I recognize it's not so obvious or easy when you're young and/or inexperienced romantically and have your head, heart, and gonads in a three-way internal debate.

 

Many, many men have been there I think.

[frus69]

There are million more women out there than just 2 brainless fitness models and 1 nice but sexless gf you know?

Go find yourself a sexy and smart and nice woman.

Your gf can find someone else who actually has passion for her too.

[fromheart]

I am loyal, but obviously have let the things get out of control, intentionally or unintentionally, which leds me to think that I have brought this upon myself.

 

Your saying your loyal, but if you were loyal you would have shut it down with both those girls.

 

As for a young woman who doesn't maintain her appearance; that's not going to get better with age. Neither will your urge to sleep with other women reduce with time. Your not even married yet and your attention is wandering.

 

The brutal truth is that its time to move on from this relationship.

[Maddie82]

Your saying your loyal, but if you were loyal you would have shut it down with both those girls.

 

This.....i completely agree with this. You say you are loyal OP but you are letting this happen and you are enjoying it, so no, you are NOT loyal. Your only options are to completely shut this down with the 2 girls, or end your relationship with your gf. If you were happy with her you wouldn't be here.

Edited September 24, 2019 by Maddie82

[elaine567]

Your are only 26, you have been with your HS sweetheart for far too long.

The grass is greener and lusher elsewhere, but you are stuck in a dry sparse brown paddock.

You don't want to leave the paddock it is safe and secure, but the smell of that beautiful grass will drive you insane... till one day you will have to break free...

 

I am no fan of the HS sweetheart route to marriage and kids, it is fraught with issues. At some point one or other or both will always feel they "missed out".

[Maddie82]

Your are only 26, you have been with your HS sweetheart for far too long. The grass is greener and lusher elsewhere

I am no fan of the HS sweetheart route to marriage and kids, it is fraught with issues. At some point one or other or both will always feel they "missed out".

 

Not always. I know of many people that have married and had a family with their high school sweetheart and are very happy. It can work out.

[elaine567]

Not always. I know of many people that have married and had a family with their high school sweetheart and are very happy. It can work out.

 

Yes but unless they are very committed or religious, it always seems to get to them at some point.

Some in their 50s are sill moaning about "missing out"...

Just because they are still together does not imply fidelity is paramount, either.

 

Here he is suffering from the grass is greener syndrome and the seven year itch, how is that really going to pan out?

[Maddie82]

Yeah i agree that the OP is feeling that way, so it wont work out for him, especially so early on.

[SumGuy]

Maybe I have poor wording since English is my second language, but nevertheless. She is not chubby, but let's phrase it this way. The other girl is a fitness model making the other girls look well you know...

Man, you know that does not make you come off any better...so you dis on your girlfriend because she is not a fitness model? Wow! Are you?

 

Oh and her clothes don't do well for her in shape physique? Is she not dressing sexy enough for you or is it a fashion thing or what is it?

 

All of this sounds to me like you are trying to rationalize cheating on your girlfriend and the "rationales" all seem very shallow to me.

 

I feel for this girl especially as she appears to have friends who have no problem stabbing her in the back.

[Emin]

How long have you been feeling this way about your girlfriend, OP?

 

A week or two. Not the first time but in 10 years we've been together, maybe this is the second time.

[Emin]

Man, you know that does not make you come off any better...so you dis on your girlfriend because she is not a fitness model? Wow! Are you?

 

Oh and her clothes don't do well for her in shape physique? Is she not dressing sexy enough for you or is it a fashion thing or what is it?

 

All of this sounds to me like you are trying to rationalize cheating on your girlfriend and the "rationales" all seem very shallow to me.

 

I feel for this girl especially as she appears to have friends who have no problem stabbing her in the back.

 

 

I'm just saying that I got tempted from other girls rather than look and take care of mine whilst possibly explaining why my mind is wandering = taking the physical look only as a relevant explanation.

 

I said it earlier, these two girls have nothing compared to my gf, except for the physical look.

[Emin]

Your are only 26, you have been with your HS sweetheart for far too long.

The grass is greener and lusher elsewhere, but you are stuck in a dry sparse brown paddock.

You don't want to leave the paddock it is safe and secure, but the smell of that beautiful grass will drive you insane... till one day you will have to break free...

 

I am no fan of the HS sweetheart route to marriage and kids, it is fraught with issues. At some point one or other or both will always feel they "missed out".

 

And what would you answer yourself to this?

[salparadise]

And what would you answer yourself to this?

 

 

I can't speak for Elaine, but I can tell you what most would do. Women are optimizers. Their mating market equity is everything, and If they start feeling that they could do better –– zoom, done in a flash! If they're feeling that way but lacking in confidence, monkey branching. How many times have you heard women chant, "never settle." The hypergamist's pledge of allegiance.

 

If this were a woman posting about having options with attractive, successful men, and the current boyfriend letting himself go, not having ambition, not making enough money or any number of shortcomings... the advice would be, you gotta do what's best for you and allow him find someone who will be delighted to be with him. They'd frame it as doing the right thing, doing him a favor.

 

Men, on the other hand, are expected to be loyal, dedicated, tolerant. Only outright betrayal, or egregious relationship transgressions, are viewed as justification for putting yourself first. Your circumstances are somewhat different though, in that it's a HS sweetheart scenario, you're both still very young, haven't made the commitment, and you haven't sewed any oats. No one can tell you; you have to do the soul searching to find your own answers.

Edited September 25, 2019 by salparadise