Logo Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 Between two consenting adults, what age gap can become a factor that makes a long-term romantic relationship unfeasible or improbable? And between what age groups? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 The biggest age gap I knew IRL was about 30 years. Man in 50s, woman in 20s, when they met. BUT she was never a "hot babe", she was basically always a 40-50+yo, in mind and spirit. They were both very similar people. They had a common interest they were very passionate about and it worked well, until he started failing... Then she became his carer and then he died. I guess it was a love story but it ended far too quickly... due to his age. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 Divide by 2 and add 7. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 PegNosePete's answer is most people's general guideline. There are exceptions, of course. Age gaps are usually a problem because of power imbalances or different life stages. If, due to circumstances, those things are less of an issue, then it's less of a problem for the relationship. When you see a 30 year old man marry a 19 yo girl and immediately get her pregnant, some alarm bells ring. The implications are that he's trying to get someone young, innocent, and submissive enough to do whatever he says - and then jump her way forward in time to the wife-and-mother stage that she's not really ready for. It's not illegal, but it's a bit uncomfortable, and that relationship is probably going to fall apart eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 Once you hit 35, about 10 years either way I'd say. Just my opinion. I know one couple that has a 20 year age gap and got together when she was only like 21, but she was extremely mature and they make a great couple. They can't have kids though, so far anyway, and it's been like 8 years. He had a vasectomy reversal and they had one miscarriage early on but nothing since then (that I'm aware of). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 My personal opinion is no more than six years in either direction. It would be foolish not recognize that there are some relationships with much wider age gaps work out just fine. Sometimes love does conquer all. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 Between two consenting adults, what age gap can become a factor that makes a long-term romantic relationship unfeasible or improbable? And between what age groups? 10 years +/- is a large age differential Link to post Share on other sites
oldtruck Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 man should be older In high school same age to 1 year/grade difference. college same age to 2 year difference at 21 same age up to four years different 30 up to 5 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 Once you hit 35, about 10 years either way I'd say. 100% Agree. This is the rule I use... When I was under 35, I tried to stay around my age +/- 3-5 years. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 If one person still has the word "teen" in their age & the other doesn't anything more then 1-2 years is too much. 19 & 20 is OK but 19 to 21 is getting dicey & 17 to 20 is too much. + / - 10 is probably average. Anything greater than a generation (20 years) is too much IMO 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 No more than ten years difference preferably, although I wont argue with the guys who will come in about their much younger ladies!! on the teenage one, I think a relatively mature 17-year old girl and an immature 23-year old guy is a perfectly fine match. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 Divide by 2 and add 7. Well, I'll be 70 at the end of this decade. Good to know, if something happens to my wife, I can start dating those 42-yr olds. OP, the question loses relevance unless you specify a stage of life. +/- 5 years a big deal when you're 20, not so much at my age... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 24, 2019 Share Posted September 24, 2019 See also: Consolidated Discussion - Older/younger woman/man and age gap dating Age hasn't been a factor for myself in dating or attraction. Up or down. After becoming an adult any adult was a potential. Everyone has differing life experiences and paths. Sometimes paths cross at different ages. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted September 25, 2019 Share Posted September 25, 2019 IMO, 10 years is about the max that still works long term (once you're past your 20s, anyway), and usually I tried to stay within that range when dating. There are always exceptions, but if you're not comfortable with the difference, then don't go there. One of my best relationships has a 27 year gap. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 25, 2019 Share Posted September 25, 2019 One of my best relationships has a 27 year gap. I've only been around two couples with 25+ year differences, and both were older men, younger women. And each time it seemed quickly obvious it was not a relationship of equals, there was a different dynamic involved. I find long-term romance to be complicated enough, don't need extra baggage like "daddy issues", etc.... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Big Aus Posted September 25, 2019 Share Posted September 25, 2019 I think people are far too hung up on age itself as an impediment. As the cliche says, age is just a number. If a 30yr old tried to seduce my 16yr old daughter, I'd beat the living **** out of him. But that's because she's a child and he's a paedophile. If she announced she was in love with another 16yr old and wanted to marry, I'd still put a stop to it because she's a child. If my 30yr old daughter hooked up with a 30yr old sex-criminal, I'd still beat the living **** out of him. My point is that it's about the individuals concerned, rather than a simple mathematical equation. I think that once you're both mature adults, then you're free to make your own choices without worrying about such stuff. For me personally, its still more about stage of life. My "lower cut-off" is based around ladies still wanting to start a family. I'm happy if she already has kids, but I'm too old to bring more into the world. My "upper limit" is based on retirement. I'm not ready for that, and won't be for a long time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted September 25, 2019 Share Posted September 25, 2019 I've only been around two couples with 25+ year differences, and both were older men, younger women. And each time it seemed quickly obvious it was not a relationship of equals, there was a different dynamic involved. I find long-term romance to be complicated enough, don't need extra baggage like "daddy issues", etc.... Mr. Lucky Sometimes, what you observed is true, but not always. For us, there are definitely no daddy issues, and she has a great career and financial independence. It's clearly a relationship based in mutual attraction and compatibility, and has weathered the test of time. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted September 25, 2019 Share Posted September 25, 2019 An actual age is hard to put on dating as an adult. 10 years isn't a big deal if you are both in the "Same stage" of life. I would tend to agree... more than that, and the relationship may have other motives. (sugar daddy) Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted September 25, 2019 Share Posted September 25, 2019 My fiance and I have 15 years between us, and it's never been an issue (I was 29 and he was 44 when we met). However, I was not raised in the age-segregated environment of the public school system. Very little of my socialization, at any point in my life, has been with "age peers." Most of my "friends" have been other girls close to my age, but the bulk of my education and socialization came from helping my parents with their respective businesses, which meant interacting, socializing, and relating with people of ALL age brackets on a regular basis. For the more formal phase of my education, I attended a community college where a large portion of the student body were middle-aged adults (or older) looking to obtain certifications or change career paths, rather than the fresh-out-of-highschool university crowd. I think age is a number that has to be examined in context if it's going to provide any useful information. Inability to relate effectively has a lot more to do with experience than age. Shared goals and values will also go a lot farther toward ensuring the success of a relationship than a narrow age gap. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 25, 2019 Share Posted September 25, 2019 Really interesting perspective, Kitty. Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted September 26, 2019 Share Posted September 26, 2019 Mr. Lucky do you feel your age? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 26, 2019 Share Posted September 26, 2019 Just the other day the actress Katherine Zeta Jones celebrated her 50th birthday by playing golf with her 75 year old husband, Michael Douglas, before they went to visit his 102 year old father, Kirk Douglas. Those are some serious gaps but it works for them. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 26, 2019 Share Posted September 26, 2019 Age also isn't what it used to be... My dad (at my age now) looked at least 20 years older than me, had already been opened twice for heart surgery, and couldn't walk across a room without getting winded...He didn't eat right, exercise, and smoked...I am active, never smoked and am fit and athletic..I feel pretty good at this stage with tons of stamina, etc.. Im really not all that much different than I was 30 years ago...physically speaking...Just cant see worth a shyt anymore and need a bit more rest.... But all kidding aside, its not as bad as an issue as it once was...Any guy like me could easily be at peer with a 30 year old woman, physically anyway....The problem arises in the other areas of compatibility....In that case, its far easier to stick to your own age range... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 Mr. Lucky do you feel your age? I really don't, though like TFY I've worked hard at it. I still play tennis 3-4 times a week, put 30-40 miles a week on my road bike and bought a second home in the Rockies because I enjoy hiking and the outdoors. Don't smoke and eat carefully, I weigh about the same as I did in my 20's. I also still work and am in a business employing many young people, who's energy and enthusiasm I find refreshing. I've been happily married for 30+ years and still enjoy my wife's company, both in the bedroom and out. Other than the occasional nap , my 60's (and I hope 70's) haven't been that different than my 40's... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 Lucky. I think that your body is used to activity so thats why you don't feel your age. Link to post Share on other sites
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