nightmarish...age related issue

[Springsummer]

So, I just chatted with this colleague who is one level above me. He talked about how old he is now and really tired and also talked how he will retire at age 55 (yes, you can retire that young at the gov. )The I asked how old he is now and he said 47.

 

I have never told anybody in the workplace how old I am. I worked for the gov. in less than 2 years. so, I asked how old he thinks I am? he said 30 or maybe under 20 something. so I laughed off and didn't tell him my age of course.

 

I am now feeling extremely depressed now.for about the same age, he is retiring soon, while I have to work to 65 and still get much less pension.

 

So, the guy who hit on me thinks how old I am? (Apologize that I didn't response further to that thread because it was specific enough to be identified, so don't want to push up the thread)

 

and most importantly, the guy I am interested in, if he finds out I am not as young as I look, even if he likes me, will he change his mind and what will he thinks? on top of so much unknowns with him.

 

Not to mention there is a serious promotional issue at work that makes me extremely high-strung. Work is easy, but the politic of it is soul crushing. Lots of dramatic details that takes an essay to describe it.

 

Now, I am quite clear maybe it's a good thing not having children. Life is very dramatic.

 

Maybe I really need to see a psychologist as I am really mentally feeling sick. How much stronger I need to be to deal with life? but I had seen a few Councillors. Not finding them helpful and understanding at all. They all seemed to be pressed with time and want to get rid of me sooner. is psychologist much different than counselling?

[d0nnivain]

You can't compare yourself to another.

 

You have only been in the position I think I understood you to say 2 years. If the other guy has been there since he's early 20s of course he can retire at a younger age then you; he has more time in the system. He's probably got 20 year in to your 2. If you already find the politics soul crushing, could you really imagine 2 decades of this.

 

Look at it this way, you will get a pension. Most people won't. My retirement will be whatever I save & that's it. I'm self employed. Nobody else is contributing. If I had joined the government, out of school I probably wouldn't have survived the politics but I would be retired already but on my 2nd career.

 

Stop looking at what you don't have & look at what you do have. At least one person thinks you are decades younger then you are. Most people think I'm older then I am, which is really depressing.

[chillii]

Haaa springy , you've needed a good cuddle for a long time now. She thinks cuddle ha, l need more than a damn cuddle. But eh , it'd still be nice right.

Anyway , you get a pension, who cares how much it's still a God send when the time comes. Like Donni said he's probably out in 30yrs by then.

 

l'm not into neighbours but this guy was in my face so anyway got his life story. He was a cop just retired bought himself a beautiful beach house right next to mine cept l was only renting mine. 2 story looked all over my yard. lt had a low fence too and this guy was mr bloody friendly and everywhere. Drove me crazy wrecked my lifestyle , l moved out later , thank God.

He looked late 6os , turned out he's only 54, God what a perk. 30yrs as a cop , whopping beach house, generous pension forever , 54 , that's a nuff to depress anyone, well it sure depressed me anyway l got 10yrs to go and l won't be buying some big beach house or have some over spoiled ex cop pension forever that's for sure. But eh, grass is always greener right.

Funny about age, l've got an older mate although you wouldn't know it, he's 70, l thought he was 50s, very cool guy , rides a Harley too haha. Anyway when we first met he said how old are you-me, 39ish , l just laughed , so to this day he still thinks l'm early 40s by now but l'm not game to ask anyone else what they think, next one might not be so flattering.

 

Anyway , later 40s is still so young especially if you still look so good for your age, l know life gets very tiring , butttttt, well l dunno. l'm buying more lotto tickets l swear.

Can't deal with big company or gov politics , tried once, didn't end well, no surprises.

Edited September 24, 2019 by chillii

[Happy Lemming]

Retiring early requires careful saving, investing, making a plan and sticking to it (along with sacrifices).

 

I retired at 52. I don't have a government pension or a company related retirement system. My retirement portfolio was constructed and financed by me and only me. I was just careful with my money and worked hard.

 

As far as people looking younger than their age, I think that has a lot to do with diet, exercise, avoiding stress and genetics.

[Springsummer]

but I have got so much education. There are people who have much less education but get way way ahead of me. I can not help but feel my life is a colossus failure.

 

yes. I really need hug. Nowadays I only have my cat to hug, so I hug him like mad.

 

How am I supposed to tell a guy my age? what will be the reaction? I feel like having cold sweat just thinking about that.

 

Today, I also kind of letting those people know that I am not going to stay at the same position here while some body else get the higher position.

[Springsummer]

 

As far as people looking younger than their age, I think that has a lot to do with diet, exercise, avoiding stress and genetics.

 

maybe the guy was trying to be nice by telling me much younger.

 

but I think it has to do with genetics as well. there is a guy who is leaving is 39 but look like under 20 and yes, he is Asian.

 

I think I have aged a lot in the last few years because of stress.

Edited September 25, 2019 by Springsummer

[d0nnivain]

You don't have to tell anybody your age.

 

These people aren't way ahead of you. They are on a different path.

[Springsummer]

You don't have to tell anybody your age.

 

These people aren't way ahead of you. They are on a different path.

 

yes. but if you are going to date someone, you will have to tell that person?

 

yes. I have been on erroneous and winding paths.

[Happy Lemming]

maybe the guy was trying to be nice by telling me much younger.

 

It is possible the guy was trying to be nice or he may actually think you are that age.

 

In the end, if you feel good and your doctor is happy with your numbers; it doesn't really matter what other people think your age is. If you have been blessed with good health, that is all that really matters.

 

When you wake up in the morning and first get up out of bed, do you feel good?? If the answer is "yes", you win!!

 

That has always been my barometer for my day, my health and my outlook on life. And yes when I get up I feel good!

 

I feel GREAT after my first cup of coffee!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I'm a little confused by this thread....what exactly is nightmarish? The fact that you don't look young, the fact you can't retire early and/or you're not where you want to be in your career, or the fact that the colleague you fancy doesn't fancy you back? I'm confused.

[Springsummer]

Have to look for a new position again...

 

Life is so ...even you 'hate'( I doubt I am really capable of hating) some people you still have to be nice to them. Life sucks.

Edited September 25, 2019 by Springsummer

[Springsummer]

I'm a little confused by this thread....what exactly is nightmarish? The fact that you don't look young, the fact you can't retire early and/or you're not where you want to be in your career, or the fact that the colleague you fancy doesn't fancy you back? I'm confused.

 

Everything.

[basil67]

I think seeing a psychologist is a wise choice. They should be able to help you learn to both manage your anxieties and help you rationalise the things which are worth being concerned about vs the things which you should let go.

 

Also, why do you have to look for a new position again? And who is this person you dislike but still have to be nice to? (And yes, if they are a colleague, it's essential to remain professional)

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I think seeing a psychologist is a wise choice. They should be able to help you learn to both manage your anxieties and help you rationalise the things which are worth being concerned about vs the things which you should let go.

 

Agree. Nightmarish is having a family member brutally murdered or a child with terminal cancer. It seems like with some healthy perspective, anxieties would be reduced here.

[Springsummer]

Also, why do you have to look for a new position again? And who is this person you dislike but still have to be nice to? (And yes, if they are a colleague, it's essential to remain professional)

 

because I can't work for the manager/director who hire someone else when I am qualified.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

because I can't work for the manager/director who hire someone else when I am qualified.

 

So this is mostly a pride issue?

[Springsummer]

So this is mostly a pride issue?

 

isn't pride essential to a human being?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

isn't pride essential to a human being?

 

Good question. Yes, it is. But there is a healthy pride and an unhealthy pride I think.

[basil67]

Bummer that you missed out on the promotion. Rather than resign, how about talking with the manager and discuss how you could improve your performance to be considered for promotion next time one comes about.

 

Yes, pride is a human instinct, but CO is right that not all pride is good. Make sure that you don't end up worse off if you leave.

[Springsummer]

Nothing is not finalized yet. Things could take a long time (or not) in the gov.

 

I asked the director what's his concern me? couldn't answer. He doesn't know exactly what my team and me do. The manager manages remotely. They usually just listen to the senior lady here. It took her a long time to get the same level, so I guess naturally she can't take it if I can get it much easier. she is the one who sabotage me every step of the ways.

 

If they hire someone who is much more competent than me, then I have no complain, but I believe it's not the case.

 

but she just talked to me like a 'friend' for an hour after I told her I won't stay here at the same level. ugh...it's driving me insane....when you hate but don't or can't really hate (coz sometimes she is 'nice' too). I don't know who I am any more when you can't just go ahead a hate. and act like something else. gosh...yes, she said it straight to me that she can't feel sorry for me when it was difficult for her when we talked!!!

Edited September 25, 2019 by Springsummer

[basil67]

Until things are finalised, you don't need to worry about looking for a new job. If you do move to a new job, will it be in the best interests of your career?

 

Is the director the one who's choosing the staff member for the new role? What evidence do you have that this senior lady sabotages your career?

Edited September 25, 2019 by basil67

[Springsummer]

Like I said, the director doesn't know our jobs. He just go with the flow and what the senior lady said.

 

I don't really want to move, as you know, there is a guy I find attractive. oh, well, maybe I will find other guys attractive and easy to talk to in another workplace.

[Mr. Lucky]

Everything.

 

First world problems, Springsummer.

 

Somewhere a woman looks for shelter, food and safety for her family, who are assured of none of those necessities. She has no idea where their next meal will come from or how she can provide for even the most basic needs for herself and her children. She'd trade place with you in a heartbeat.

 

You sound educated, employed and provided for. Life is often about appreciating what you have rather than lamenting what you don't. And I'd further venture this anxious yearning is your biggest liability in getting what you want.

 

Agree with Basil, some work with a therapist would provide a healthy perspective...

 

Mr. Lucky

[chillii]

It is possible the guy was trying to be nice or he may actually think you are that age.

 

In the end, if you feel good and your doctor is happy with your numbers; it doesn't really matter what other people think your age is. If you have been blessed with good health, that is all that really matters.

 

When you wake up in the morning and first get up out of bed, do you feel good?? If the answer is "yes", you win!!

 

That has always been my barometer for my day, my health and my outlook on life. And yes when I get up I feel good!

 

I feel GREAT after my first cup of coffee!

 

 

 

 

 

 

l need a few more coffees and hours before l feel much of anything, never been a morning person

[d0nnivain]

Springsummer You remind me a lot of myself.

 

You create many of your issues.

 

So you didn't get a promotion. Boo hoo. Lots of people don't get promotions. You may be qualified (but maybe you are not). The person who did get the job is probably more qualified. Did you ever think about what you could learn from the new person? Don't just cut & run. Stay & fight. Show your employer why you are deserving of more responsibility & recognition.

 

My husband was up for a promotion at work. He was the only local candidate. The employer interviewed 16 candidates from around the country & the job went to somebody else. He's disappointed of course but he's not quitting. Many of his co-workers are stunned. Everybody thought he was the show in.

 

Stuff happens.

 

Age is just a #. Stop making yourself crazy about it. I remember when I was turning 50. I dreaded it. One of my friends bought me a wine glass with a big 5-0 on it. Now I look back & think gee I wish I was that young again. It's tough because we live in a culture that worships youth but think of all the wisdom you have.

 

As for the path, it's still your path. As I look back there are things I wish I did differently -- studied harder; gotten better grades; worked for more prestigious companies; saved more; had a child but I didn't I have to make the best of where I am now. Some days it's harder then others to do that but unless I can build or buy a time machine I have to find peace where I am & so do you.

 

Instead of railing about what you don't have, think about what you do have. I saw a cartoon the other day in 3 blocks. In the 1st panel a guy on a bike is envious of a guy with a car. In the 2nd panel a guy walking is envious of the biker. In the 3rd panel a guy in a wheel chair is envious of the walker. As much as you're not satisfied with your life, somebody else would be thrilled to have it.