I'm afraid of talking and getting emotionally close with women.

[Woggle]

I didn't mean any kind of disrespect. I am simply saying that the opposite sex in both cases is not some all powerful other. They are simply people living their lives and the best way to have a successful relationship or dating success is to realize that.

[Gretchen12]

I didn't mean any kind of disrespect. I am simply saying that the opposite sex in both cases is not some all powerful other. They are simply people living their lives and the best way to have a successful relationship or dating success is to realize that.

 

Yes I know I know. I didn't take it as any disrespect. And I know what you meant. It just sounds funny when it is said.

[spiderowl]

I would try and forget about chatting women up or making a move on them OP. Just chat to them as you do to your married female friend. Get to know them as people without expectation. If necessary, assume every woman you meet is married so you can give yourself permission to just talk to them as a friend. I think you need to take the pressure off yourself entirely. If you are kind and respectful to women, they will look after you. You could even ask them for tips on chatting women up! I bet women would enjoy giving you advice and it gives you something to talk about. Honesty can be very disarming.

[Envy123]

I would try and forget about chatting women up or making a move on them OP. Just chat to them as you do to your married female friend. Get to know them as people without expectation. If necessary, assume every woman you meet is married so you can give yourself permission to just talk to them as a friend. I think you need to take the pressure off yourself entirely. If you are kind and respectful to women, they will look after you. You could even ask them for tips on chatting women up! I bet women would enjoy giving you advice and it gives you something to talk about. Honesty can be very disarming.

 

Can confirm. All women who have shown romantic interest in me - I spoke to them like a friend and assumed they were off-limits for one reason or another.

 

One of them tried to help me with useful advice on how to stay in a competitive retail job. I wasn't able to do that, but I thanked her anyway. She wanted our relationship to progress to romance but I declined, because I only ever saw her as a friend.

[mark clemson]

Hi GG7. Thought the post below by alphamale might be helpful to you at some point, so quoting here.

 

 

you have to leave single women feeling good about themselves. compliment them and lift their spirits. associate yourself with good feelings. if you can do this effectively she'll be putty in your hands

 

 

If "step 1" is looking good and "step 2" is being confident and socially fluent, then this is probably "step 3". Generally women love validation and people who make them feel good about themselves (men too, frankly).

 

All of the steps are easier said than done and I realize that, but posted as I thought this can be helpful for you. Suggest you avoid "manipulating women through their emotions" ie, by being insincere about this. When you find one who likes you and who you like as well, hopefully you will have a lot positive to say about her...

[GuitarGuy7]

 

 

Suggest you avoid "manipulating women through their emotions" ie, by being insincere about this. When you find one who likes you and who you like as well, hopefully you will have a lot positive to say about her...

 

 

 

Yeah well good luck finding a woman who likes me back...

 

I’m short and have Aspergers, according to several posters here, I’m pretty much screwed. Also one guy said the only way I’ll get a girlfriend is if I get rich.

 

I’m not worthy of love and being wanted by someone. My only use will be a atm machine to some washed up Stacy in need of a Beta male provider.

[d0nnivain]

I’m not worthy of love and being wanted by someone.

 

Not true. Everybody deserves love. I firmly believe there is a lid for every pot. Did you even look at the website I suggested? It provides tips & coping skills to deal with your Asperger's.

[SumGuy]

Yeah well good luck finding a woman who likes me back...

 

I’m short and have Aspergers, according to several posters here, I’m pretty much screwed. Also one guy said the only way I’ll get a girlfriend is if I get rich.

 

I’m not worthy of love and being wanted by someone. My only use will be a atm machine to some washed up Stacy in need of a Beta male provider.

 

I wouldn’t let anonymous internet posters determine how you think or live your life. (I get the irony in me saying that) or the PUA/red pill community language which is all about reinforcing chips on people’s shoulders and parting insecure guys from their money.

 

If you can, speak with a good dating coach and/or therapist. The first to help you date, the second to help with the emotional issues you are feeling around it not working.

[Envy123]

Yeah well good luck finding a woman who likes me back...

 

I’m short and have Aspergers, according to several posters here.

 

Well, I'm obese and have had several women like me romantically. Surprisingly, more success than when I was thin.

[mark clemson]

I'm sorry you feel that way, GG7.

[normal person]

Also one guy said the only way I’ll get a girlfriend is if I get rich.

 

You suggested a bunch of ways you might change your situation (cosmetic surgeries, moving to Thailand), and I showed why those might not be the best ideas and merely agreed with your dad who suggested you make a lot of money. I added an addendum to that suggesting that if you do, you'd also find a confidence, a sense of purpose, and respect in achieving something that would be very attractive to women -- sure, the money is the foot in the door, or the tangible reward of success, but that's just a byproduct of the other factors at that point.

 

By my assessment, that seemed more practical given the circumstances. I'm sure there are other ways, but this one is most direct, least problematic route, albeit a difficult one.

 

I’m not worthy of love and being wanted by someone. My only use will be a atm machine to some washed up Stacy in need of a Beta male provider.

 

In another thread of yours complaining about how no women liked you, I asked you several times: "What are you expecting women to like about you? What do you think they're overlooking?" Each time you ignored the question. The fear you have of being treated as glorified wallet in a purely transactional relationship is ironic considering:

1). you're seemingly at a loss to display or explain why you'd be a valuable, desirable, enriching partner by any other means,

2). you ask women out frequently and indiscriminately and have made some pretty crude sexual references, suggesting you don't seem to care about the individualistic nature of or your compatibility with any woman in particular, you just want to enter into a relationship with any woman that will agree to it and treat them like a sex object yourself. Did you ever consider that your fear of being an ATM could be reciprocated by a woman's hesitance to the overtones of objectification that you give off rather obviously?

 

You've made it clear that you want women. If you're averse to just being a "beta male provider," what are you going to offer them in return? Hypothetically if you get what you want, what's in it for them?

 

What do you think women want that they aren't seeing in you?

[Envy123]

you ask women out frequently and indiscriminately and have made some pretty crude sexual references, suggesting you don't seem to care about the individualistic nature of or your compatibility with any woman in particular, you just want to enter into a relationship with any woman that will agree to it and treat them like a sex object yourself.

 

I did that in my private secondary and got no success, despite me being richer and (IMO) better looking back then.

 

GG7, even though I have cheap-as-hell glasses now, am poorer and look like I'm permanently pregnant, my attitude towards women changed from "please date me!" to "I don't really care if romance happens". Some women have overlooked the bad as my attitude makes them comfortable and ended up having them fall for me, while we built a friendship together.

 

That's how (at least most) romantic relationships form, in my experience. Not cold approaches.

[elaine567]

My only use will be a atm machine to some washed up Stacy in need of a Beta male provider.

 

Oh dear!

That attitude will keep you single for a very long time...

[mr_ybor]

I feel like if you're someone who suffers from a disorder like Asperger's, you should have some sort of health care help

Edited October 11, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[mark clemson]

We all change over time as life goes on, and I think part of the evolution you are making will need to be the messaging aspect.

 

Consider messaging and the perspective of the potential woman. This incel-ish negativity won't look good to her:

 

I’m not worthy of love and being wanted by someone. My only use will be a atm machine to some washed up Stacy in need of a Beta male provider.

 

How might this look to her instead, something along the lines of:

Well, it's time to grow up. You're a wonderful person and together we'll make a

great

team! I'

m

very talented and hard working,

so

I'

m

pretty wealthy. Together, we can have it all: love, a family, a beautiful home, dream vacations, and extra cash for fun or whatever we need it for. Just stick with me and together we're going to have a great life.

Your frustration and resentment are understandable, but you don't want to let those feelings rule and define you. The truly smart know that when the stakes are high, they sometimes have to temporarily suppress their (understandable) negative feelings in order to make things go how they should.

 

I think something like the above is how you want to portray yourself and a life with you. This makes you sound like an excellent option as you and your female peers make the transition to full adulthood and gives you much better chances. Plenty of your "Chads" are going to end up working at gas stations etc and you may ultimately end up being the better option.

[ZA Dater]

Plenty of your "Chads" are going to end up working at gas stations etc and you may ultimately end up being the better option.

 

I agree with this to an extent, I am older than the OP at 35 but I can tell you ultimately in my experience as you get older the choices become worse, the amount of baggage more so in retrospect the time to find success is early to mid 20s to avoid this significant pitfalls.

 

The issue I have is the OP allows ladies to have this hold over him, honestly, why care what they want? Its been proven to me time and time again few actually care about anyone but themselves so maybe the answer is to do the same, care about oneself and put oneself first.

 

The irony is as soon as you open yourself up to women its a invitation for them to reject you and that hurts so I don't open myself up anymore, why, sure, if I think she is exceptional I might but the ratio of those women is maybe one ever 5-10 years.

[ZA Dater]

Oh dear!

That attitude will keep you single for a very long time...

 

Is he wrong though? I don't think he is based on my OLD experiences MANY women want a meal ticket, usually they themselves are too lazy to actually try uplift themselves so its easier to trade on their looks and the sexual needs of men to suddenly uplift themselves.

 

I don't blame the OP for having his point of view, I believed similar until I realised life is too short not to laugh at how ridiculous everything about dating it, the regimented steps, the apparent norms, the more I think about it the more ridiculous it actually is.

 

OP, another option, make lots of money and simply buy what you want, if you can morally live with this idea then go for it because I can assure you somewhere there is someone who loves money who will look past ALL of your apparent issues and find you quite perfect, that person is probably the most honest of all people. Think about those last five words carefully..

[chillii]

Yeah well good luck finding a woman who likes me back...

 

I’m short and have Aspergers, according to several posters here, I’m pretty much screwed. Also one guy said the only way I’ll get a girlfriend is if I get rich.

 

I’m not worthy of love and being wanted by someone. My only use will be a atm machine to some washed up Stacy in need of a Beta male provider.

 

 

 

 

Ahhhh, wtf is this rubbish , why , just because your short, so what, don't listen to that bs , seen plenty of short guys with gorgeous chicks and relationships. lotta people round here have some really weird thinking about what brings two people together , Funny thing is to you'd think short girl , but they're often with tall women.

As l've said 100 times , just go look on any street or shopping mall , there's every combo of couples you could imagine.

ps , and yeah go and get some real help

Edited October 10, 2019 by chillii

[normal person]

How might this look to her instead, something along the lines of:

Well, it's time to grow up. You're a wonderful person and together we'll make a

great

team! I'

m

very talented and hard working,

so

I'

m

pretty wealthy. Together, we can have it all: love, a family, a beautiful home, dream vacations, and extra cash for fun or whatever we need it for. Just stick with me and together we're going to have a great life.

 

I agree, I think this is a much better angle than whatever he was doing previously. The wording might need some tinkering but the idea is solid, in my opinion.

 

The issue I have is the

OP

allows ladies to have this hold over him,

 

And that's a large part of his problem. By his attitudes and the way they've manifested themselves in his actions, he's handed women authority and agency over himself. He's ceded all leverage and advertised himself very unfavorably.

 

honestly, why care what they want? Its been proven to me time and time again few actually care about anyone but themselves

 

People in general, on the dating market, care about themselves first. Although in a previous post I sort of highlighted the hypocrisy of

OP

denouncing his status as a mere "provider" while simultaneously viewing women as sex objects, the reality is that even the nice, fulfilling, loving relationships are transactional in ways, each person gets something they desire out of them. My girlfriend loves the person I am, but coincidentally a large of part of the person I am is the things I do for her benefit, or mutual benefit, and vice versa. You wouldn't entertain a relationship where you did all the labor and provided all the resources, whatever those may be, and received inadequate compensation, whatever that may be.

 

so

maybe the answer is to do the same, care about oneself and put oneself first.

 

Yes, but not solely as a middle finger to the process, but because putting yourself first and doing what is best for yourself is often what satisfies you and makes you desirable. If you put off or compromise your goals and purpose in life just to pursue women or be in relationships, you're shooting yourself in the foot because no woman wants an ultimately unsatisfied, ineffectual man who's providing or operating at less than full capacity because he mortgaged his future to revel in the present. Contrarily, levels of ambition and industriousness gained when men eschew the pursuit of women often lead to great success, at which point men have something the women want, and the tables are turned.

 

Yes, relationships are transactional. Yes, it is often transparent. But that's the way of the world. If you want another person's time, respect, and affection, you'll need to offer something of similar value back to the person. It doesn't seem like

OP

has ever even considered this. He wants women desperately and is dumbfounded by his lack of success; yet try to pry out of him a crucial component of the situation ("what do you have to offer someone, or what do you think they aren't seeing?") and he doesn't respond. The problem isn't

so

much that

he's

afraid of getting "emotionally close" to women, to me it seems that he can't give women a decent reason or advertisement for why they'd want to get emotionally close to, or at least invest time in

him

. If people aren't buying your product willingly, then they seemingly don't need it (yet).

So

you might have to give them a reason to buy it, or see what they are buying and adapt to the marketplace.

 

So

what do women like? It's no secret. Some of the things they like can be acquired, some can't. Control what you can control. If it's bothersome that women don't desire you, be the one they desire. I'

m

not saying it's easy, but it is a solution.

Edited October 10, 2019 by normal person

[GuitarGuy7]

If you want another person's time, respect, and affection, you'll need to offer something of similar value back to the person. It doesn't seem like OP has ever even considered this. He wants women desperately and is dumbfounded by his lack of success; yet try to pry out of him a crucial component of the situation ("what do you have to offer someone, or what do you think they aren't seeing?") and he doesn't respond. The problem isn't so much that he's afraid of getting "emotionally close" to women, to me it seems that he can't give women a decent reason or advertisement for why they'd want to get emotionally close to, or at least invest time in him. If people aren't buying your product willingly, then they seemingly don't need it (yet). So you might have to give them a reason to buy it, or see what they are buying and adapt to the marketplace.

 

So what do women like? It's no secret. Some of the things they like can be acquired, some can't. Control what you can control. If it's bothersome that women don't desire you, be the one they desire. I'm not saying it's easy, but it is a solution.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is what I believe I would be able to offer someone, this is why I think I would make a good boyfriend.

 

 

 

-I have a car, a decent job, and have my own place away from my parents. I'm also going to college for IT and videography so I definitely have a future for myself.

 

- I'm fairly fit and like keeping myself in shape. I go to the gym at least 3 times a week and like to do some running as well.

 

- I have a fairly active social life. I'm in several clubs at my local college and definitely keep myself fairly busy.

 

- I have many hobbies and interests. I enjoy playing guitar and the piano, doing photography, and some videography.

 

 

- I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, i'm not physically abusive.

[ZA Dater]

This is what I believe I would be able to offer someone, this is why I think I would make a good boyfriend.

 

- I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, i'm not physically abusive.

 

Having not met you I can actually tell you what I think the issue is, you cannot radiate desperation, the minute you do that you have lost any chance of winning. Your posts here do radiate desperation to varying degrees.

 

Unfortunately ladies for the most part expect to receive more than they give, remember mostly they have control over who they date, men, well they say they do but most don't really unless they have some currency in the game.

 

Yes, you will sometimes meet a remarkable lady who will date people based on intellect and how she connects but MOST wont, there needs to be something for them in it, something tangible. Either you do like I did and metaphorically decry this situation of you just accept it as one you cannot change, believe me the latter is better than the former.

 

All you can do is build yourself up the best you can to provide some sort of platform which maybe makes you stand out a bit more than the competition. The best thing for you to do in my opinion is interact with ladies, you are perfectly placed to do this, its MUCH harder in the working world to interact with ladies on a social basis.

 

Dating puts you down but only if you let it, I went through almost all that you describe here and I am 5.9 tall, blond, blue eyes and fit. So no I don't believe your height is an issue, yes I too looked at foreign countries (actually think I might actually have some success in the US if I was ever inclined to try) but those ideas are fanciful and impractical when you look at them objectively.

 

You need to flip this coin around, replace the negativity with possibility, objectively I am not closer to a gf now than I was at 22 but I can either wallow in that fact or simply treat each day as an opportunity to be better than the day before.

[elaine567]

I have a hard time connecting with others and especially women. Many people describe me as a cold and distant person who's hard to get to know, because I have trouble being social and really connecting with people, especially with women.

.

^^ this is the issue and until you do something to address it, no woman will come near you.

They don't care how you got there.

It is who you are now that matters.

You could earn a fortune and they will still stay away.

 

You may be able to get a woman who takes pity on you (some women love "projects") and who wants to "save" you, but even she will get fed up if you do not address your core issues.

Emotional connection is important to most women.

They tend to get miserable and leave if it is missing.

As your looks are not going to give you a foot in the door here, then you need to start lowering those walls and start connecting with people.

As I, and others have previously said you need to seek out professional help.

[ZA Dater]

You really seem to despise women. How about you stop making us sound like some shallow money-hungry primadonnas and face reality - every post you make on this forum shows exactly why you cannot land a second/third date or whatever..

 

Really not sure how my post offering advice a point of view warrants the above, which frankly for the most part is completely untrue. Perhaps your post was misdirected.

 

Many ladies will go with the guy with the biggest wallet because he can give them experiences the other guy cannot, I don't blame them for doing this but you cannot tell me its not true that many would rather go for the material things than go for a nice guy. As they say if the shoe fits wear it.

 

My views are largely indifferent and also mostly irrelevant to the topic at hand that being a guy who is battling, I am merely offering him a different viewpoint a maybe a way to derive more happiness in life as opposed to wallowing in pity about not being able to get a date.

 

A person can either have a positive or a negative view, the latter makes everything negative and the former can make enough of life good to render much of the negative largely irrelevant.

 

Fact is dating isn't fair, the OP can do whatever he wants and still land up alone, so doing this and doing that are not guaranteed to lead to success.

 

I can relate to a lot of what he says, I don't connect easily with people either and after years of trying to make myself connect with people I simply gave up a few weeks ago and feel all the better for it. Sure, I'd love to date someone I really like but is it a really a big deal if I never get to do this, not really to be honest. I have had a few really good experiences, been out with a few stunning people, a few extremely intelligent, motivated and ambitious people so yes I have had some of the icing, the cake doesn't really interest me that much. The fact I don't get second dates with people that didn't really wow me to begin with is not much of a loss from my perspective.

[ZA Dater]

OP, Elaine's advice, this isn't a bad option actually, there is some benefit to be had

 

Ultimately it will not work but some interaction might help you, also I believe a lot of the issues you portray here are probably more imagined than real, your confidence becomes low and then you battle to see any bit of positive.

 

Look at what you are good at and embrace that, either choose to be content or choose to be unhappy, we are all in control of our emotions to lesser and greater degrees. I chased ladies for years and in some respects made a project out of it, the truth is I have no idea how to seduce/charm any lady so I'd be harsh on myself. A few weeks ago I just let it all go, years of rejection, years of trying, just threw it all away and I feel better, yes, still very lonely but in my mind I have accepted the outcome of it all.

 

So try, really do try because all you can do in life is try but when you feel its overwhelming, take a step back, look around and be thankful for what you do have.

Edited October 11, 2019 by ZA Dater

[normal person]

This is what I believe I would be able to offer someone, this is why I think I would make a good boyfriend.

 

 

 

-I have a car, a decent job, and have my own place away from my parents. I'm also going to college for IT and videography so I definitely have a future for myself.

 

- I'm fairly fit and like keeping myself in shape. I go to the gym at least 3 times a week and like to do some running as well.

 

- I have a fairly active social life. I'm in several clubs at my local college and definitely keep myself fairly busy.

 

- I have many hobbies and interests. I enjoy playing guitar and the piano, doing photography, and some videography.

 

 

- I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, i'm not physically abusive.

 

These are all "good," but they're all pretty standard issue. Everyone does these things, you're not any different or better. Having a job, hobbies, etc doesn't just earn you a girlfriend. All it does is keep you from being passed over on those terms. You don't pass the test, you just haven't failed yet. It's assumed that a person has a job, hobbies, and sees his friends. You might as well include that you wear shoes, it's basically the same level of relevance. This is a resume that says "I'm exactly like everyone else and that's the best thing I can think of."

 

The fact that you do all these things and still don't have what you want should make it pretty evident that this isn't enough, or isn't that important to these women in this context or under these circumstances.

 

For a woman to like you, you usually have to elicit an emotional movement in her. Saying "I have a job and hobbies" as your flagship attribute is emotional gruel. It's nothing interesting, exciting, enlightening, or anything that's going to move an emotional dial.

 

Revisiting your first post in this thread, it seems when you try to form an emotional connection with women, they think you come across creepy and weird. What sorts of things do you think you're doing that make them feel this way? How are you trying to attempt to connect with them, and why did you choose that method? What were you expecting to happen and what do you think went wrong?