I'm afraid of talking and getting emotionally close with women.

[chillii]

lt's not the short , read through your thread, besides , just go for short chicks.

But yeah something been missing for them so far, that's ok, happens to them too,you just don't know about it.

Dunno how l ended up here but anyway there's a lot of good stuff through the thread that'll help , soak it in.

[chillii]

Of course, not every woman has her pick of every man. Far from it. I was just saying that men do the chasing and women do the choosing. For every subjective 9 or 10 female, there's men from the "Chads" right down to whatever number on the SMV index a guy is, who really is wasting his time, but give it a shot anyway, on the very unlikely chance she might say yes.

 

She never does, but those guys see it as like a lottery, there's a one in a million chance, but you've got to be in it to win it.

 

Undoubtedly there are women who get overlooked by most men. Undoubtedly there are women who've felt they had to "settle" because the men they're actually attracted to aren't interested.

 

For every guy who is a 5, he's still had to work to get the attention of his equivalent female 5. For every guy who is a 6, he's had to work to get his equivalent 6. Hell, for every 10, there's been a Chad who's still had to work hard to prove he's better than the other Chads.

 

My point is, for every equivalent woman to myself on the SMV index, I've had to work and make effort. On Tinder and Bumble I really only swipe women I find genuinely attractive. It's probably why I don't get a huge amount of matches. On POF where one can just message straight out, I am the one who has to work hard to stand out from the other guys in order to get a date. Sure, a girl might find me attractive, but the next step is to differentiate myself from all the other guys she also finds attractive.

 

Trust me when I say that I've seen how many men that women get to pick from. My previous FWB who I met on POF used to show me how many messages she'd receive daily. Sure, she was a good looking woman, but for every message I'd receive from a 5 or a 6, she was getting 100 messages from guys 5s all the way to Chads.

 

A skewed Sexual Marketplace Value is why I say women have their pick. And, for even the less desirables, it's perhaps more about their own standards being too high relative to where they sit on the SMV index which is why they perceive they're being overlooked. Guys will settle quicker than girls, so it stands to reason then, that girls who are unwilling to settle for men of their equal are the ones who feel like this dynamic doesn't exist.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ahh, l dunno where you blokes live but even my daughter 19 effg beautiful and her head screwed on better than most 40yr olds , yet even she has to put in the work. Yet her ex ,over weight effg little fump she was way too good for him in every way, yet he's living with a new chick 3mths. My woman, hotter than most 25yr olds , 2 yrs on a date site , gave up, read through ls, same stuff, of course she could've gotten bf's my d too naturally but what l'm sayin is that someone, whole nother ball game. like l always say , even just read ls l just read one said she's tried everything.

Anyway.

Edited October 14, 2019 by chillii

[normal person]

It's so stupid, they never see how we have so much in common and how we would be good for one another,

 

"How good [you] would be for each other" would be to suggest you know what they want, and assume it's you. What do you think it is about you they aren't seeing? Why do you think these women end up with other men that aren't you?

 

I meet a cute girl, my type physically, we have similar values and interests, and you know what happens? They reject me every single time...

 

So you have a type?

 

all they see is that i'm short and have aspergers and they write me off immediately!

 

It sounds like they have a type and you don't fit it. Also, if I recall, you write off overweight women immediately. Why is it ok for you to have a "type," but not them?

 

 

Women don't see me as a dating prospect at all and i'm sick and tired of it! This shoudn't be happening to me, I shoudn't be a 24 year old kissless virgin! I should be out going on dates, having sex, getting into relationships! Instead, i'm forced to rot because i'm different!

 

"Rot" is a bit extreme. Life is unfair and plenty of people don't get what they want out of it. What are you doing to fix the situation? Have you given any further examination into why women are so standoffish towards you? What sorts of things do you think you're doing that make them feel this way? How are you trying to attempt to connect with them, and why did you choose that method? What were you expecting to happen and what do you think went wrong?

 

Whatever hope I have that i'm ever going to find someone is gone! I used to cry every single night because I was so lonely and how I desperately just wanted to know what it was like to have a girlfriend!

 

Are you really that "lonely" with your family, friends, church group, sports, job, etc? "Wanting to know what it's like" sounds like more morbid curiosity than anything else. Having a partner is great but it's not the only thing in the world that matters. For lots of people it doesn't matter at all. I enjoyed my time being single as much as I do otherwise. There are plenty of other ways to lead a happy, fulfilling life. Being single is a perfect opportunity to do achieve things you've always wanted to do before you have the time obligations and restraints of being in a relationship. Plus, if you focus on having a purpose in life beyond your transparent attempts to enter a relationship with basically anyone, you might be more satisfied, confident, and have something to show for your efforts; something that shows you have a skill or something valuable to society or another person. Then you wouldn't ooze the desperation that's surely been turning women away before you could even realize it like it is now.

 

That was 3 years ago and nothing ever changes!

 

What have you changed in 3 years?

Edited October 14, 2019 by normal person

[normal person]

Nothing really offends me so all good on that front and yes you are quite correct, I have never been able to date the people I wanted to date and I doubt I ever will be able to, I am mostly fine with that.

 

Fine, but there's no need to use that in discussion like it's germane, or as if everyone else now needs to behave similarly, because everyone else has different circumstances. If you need to date women you find unappealing, then it's merely a red herring in this discussion which is largely about women who don't need to. Unless you're willing to suggest to OP how to be satisfied with that he can get. That would be relevant.

 

In terms of the OP, do you agree he should focus on being better at communicating with women? Do you agree he perhaps add some class to his dialogue with them?

 

I don't really know what he does or says (I asked him but he didn't answer), but if women walk away from him mid conversation, call him "creepy" and "weird," I'm sure he's not going about things well. I'm not sure the solution is just "more class." If we want to figure it out, OP needs to talk about how he talks to these women, under what circumstances, what he says to them, etc. Until we get that, it'll be hard for people here to help more on that front.

 

My point is this, which you seem to agree with, he can pull himself, do everything differently and still get the same result. So where do you compromise being who you want to be versus being who you think ladies will like?

 

That's a complex issue. I suggest people do what makes them happy as long as it's not hurting anyone else. I also think that perhaps if you have to dramatically alter your character or behavior to get women to like you -- which I don't think many people should have to do -- maybe there's a bigger issue to examine. Maybe you're just not that great of a person. Maybe you're going after the wrong people or not being seen by the right people. Maybe the things that make you happy are so incongruent to what women like that to jettison them in favor of women would make you ultimately unhappy.

 

I know someone with Aspergers/autism like the OP who doesn't seem to have the desire to do anything that might attract a women anymore. He knows what makes him happy and does that and not much else. I think for someone like him, the risk/reward in the pursuit of romance wouldn't be favorable, so he triples down on the things he does like without much compromise, and that's his life. Granted, women avoid him like the plague, but they were doing that before, too.

 

I believe the OP needs to project differently when around ladies, show less desperation and one thing I have noted is some guys who have a certain degree of arrogance seem to do well when it comes to dating, women don't have control over them, they simply don't allow it.

 

Not letting women have control over you could suggest that you have plenty of other options and aren't beholden to one women determining your fate. Having plenty of other options suggests that you're desirable. Being desirable suggests you have something to offer on the dating market. Part of OP's problem is that he seemingly doesn't offer anyone anything of value and doesn't see this as an issue. Therefore he's not desirable, therefore he doesn't have multiple options, therefore women have control over him, therefore he's miserable. If he wants to change that situation, I suggest, given his circumstances, he's going to need lots of money, success, and respect.

 

 

My reference really is that maybe the OP is better just taking a break for a while, re centre his mind, get out of this dark space he is in. No matter how hard you chase a date you can just end up loosing anyway so chase something that can bring happiness.

 

The problem isn't that he's "uncentered," it's that he's in this position because he's yet to realize women want to be with someone who gives them something in return commensurate to their own sexual market value. He'll be much more "centered" if he acquires some quality or thing women will be willing to accept in return for themselves, then he'll be desirable, and then he'll have options, and then he'll have control over the women he desires and not vice versa. Then his problem will be solved.

 

If he wants something desirable, he'll need to offer something desirable in return.

[mark clemson]

I'm sick of this ****ing game! I got screwed over from the beginning!

 

Whatever hope I have that i'm ever going to find someone is gone! I used to cry every single night because I was so lonely and how I desperately just wanted to know what it was like to have a girlfriend! That was 3 years ago and nothing ever changes!

 

Well, at 24 you are old enough to join a sugar daddy site and try that out if you wish to. Maybe that would give you enough experience and confidence to start applying whatever you learn to regular relationships. IF you do this, be cautious - DON'T make it all about sex. YOU ABSOLUTELY NEED TO DO SOME OF YOUR OWN RESEARCH TO ENSURE YOU AVOID DOING ANYTHING ILLEGAL if you decide to try this out.

[Envy123]

Yeah well good luck finding the right one...

 

I meet a cute girl, my type physically, we have similar values and interests, and you know what happens? They reject me every single time... It's always the same bull**** too! I'm too busy... I'm not looking for a relationship right now... You're a friend and nothing more... Meanwhile they're ****ing some Chad on the side and get a new boyfriend within 10 months.

 

Or maybe they're going after guys who treat them like people and not pieces of meat?

 

 

all they see is that i'm short and have aspergers and they write me off immediately!

 

I'm obese and was diagnosed with Aspergers in my childhood. Had my fair share of romantic interest and was even asked out.

 

 

Women don't see me as a dating prospect at all and i'm sick and tired of it! This shoudn't be happening to me, I shoudn't be a 24 year old kissless virgin! I should be out going on dates, having sex, getting into relationships! Instead, i'm forced to rot because i'm different!

 

Relationships are not a rite of passage.

 

Whatever hope I have that i'm ever going to find someone is gone! I used to cry every single night because I was so lonely and how I desperately just wanted to know what it was like to have a girlfriend! That was 3 years ago and nothing ever changes!

 

 

My loneliness is eternal... That's my prison.

 

You sound like my past self, who had no success with women whatsoever. The women who I didn't chase, still keep in touch with me. The ones who I did, severed all contact. Surely can't be a coincidence, right?

 

As I suspected, it is your attitude and it must show to the women who you interact with, sending them away.

 

Women (and men too) want to feel special - that you chose them out of several other options. Not that you chose them because you were lonely and had nothing better.

[Trail Blazer]

It's so stupid, they never see how we have so much in common and how we would be good for one another, all they see is that i'm short and have aspergers and they write me off immediately!

 

Women don't see me as a dating prospect at all and i'm sick and tired of it!

See, right there is your biggest problem. Your attitude reeks of entitlement. Just because you think that you and another girl would make a good couple, she on the other hand feels differently. You're clearly in denial. You acknowledge that you're different, but then get angry when your difference affects your ability to date.

 

You know what, dude? Life isn't fair and nobody is owed anything. I feel for you and get that it would be hard in your situation. It might be easy for me to say from my position, but you've got to play the cards your dealt the best you can.

 

I think your problems and this issue extend beyond just having Asperger's. Your issues may stem from your disorder, but they don't preclude you from examining your own behavior and looking at where you can improve, rather than dwell on negativity and become resentful.

 

The right person is out there for you, of that I am certain. It happened to by ex brother-in-law who was very much Asperger's. So, if he can find someone at the ripe old age of 37, I'm certain you will, in time, so long as you keep a reasonably positive outlook on life.

 

Stop focusing on dating so much, stop making it your soul priority over other things which can enrichen your life in other ways, and please, stop comparing yourself to the "Chads" of the world. Cut yourself some slack - you know you're different, so comparing yourself to those guys is not only an exercise in futility, but actually toxic. Most guys aren't Chads, so most of us battle with fears of inadequacy to certain degrees.

 

As I, and many others have stated; relationships have come along when we've least been in search of them. I certainly can say that at a time when I've least wanted a relationship, I've had more viable opportunities than in any time previous when I've pined for one. There's absolutely something in it.

[Trail Blazer]

Ahh, l dunno where you blokes live but even my daughter 19 effg beautiful and her head screwed on better than most 40yr olds , yet even she has to put in the work. Yet her ex ,over weight effg little fump she was way too good for him in every way, yet he's living with a new chick 3mths. My woman, hotter than most 25yr olds , 2 yrs on a date site , gave up, read through ls, same stuff, of course she could've gotten bf's my d too naturally but what l'm sayin is that someone, whole nother ball game. like l always say , even just read ls l just read one said she's tried everything.

Anyway.

 

I've got my location listed, but I don't think where I, or anyone else lives, makes much of a difference. Unless there's a severe shortage of men in any particular locale, people are people everywhere; human beings, regardless of geographical location.

 

Cultural differences can account for some things, but biology plays a far greater role. And, that doesn't just apply to humans, it applies to all species. Female sexual selectivity is an observable trait amongst all of nature, to ensure that she procreates only with the best genes possible.

[SumGuy]

....

Cultural differences can account for some things, but biology plays a far greater role. And, that doesn't just apply to humans, it applies to all species. Female sexual selectivity is an observable trait amongst all of nature, to ensure that she procreates only with the best genes possible.

 

Your own view actually means culture is almost everything.

 

Let's say I agree that in the species where males compete for females, not all, but many, the female selects males she can procreate with the best possible genes.

 

That begs two questions: (1) What are the "best possible genes" and (2) How does the female know the male has them?

 

The answer to (1) is there are no "best possible" set in every circumstance the nature of the environment determines that and sometimes flexible is best. For humans today that "environment" is really society and culture, as we are not all out working the land, hunting or gathering. The traits that provide success for the offspring are largely shaped by the culture that offspring will find themselves in.

 

For humans there are many traits and many paths to success even in a restrictive culture, and the woman is going to have her own. Does she want to reinforce those she has and find them in mate? Sure but she may also want her offspring to have others she herself does not possess. So even when you have the culture nailed down, there is variation between females on what they want based on their individuality and the genes they bring to the table.

 

The posts on this forum about finding a foreign bride prove the point and are exactly seeking that difference, a culture where what the guy has is highly valued because he does not experience it being valued in the culture he is a part of.

 

Now there are certainly traits that are considered positive or negative across most cultures (although there are always women who buck that trend) but they are so trivial as to be meaningless. I'm pretty sure women across cultures don't want to be lied to or cheated on or abused for example.

 

More importantly is question (2), how does the female know a male has them? Physical traits, like health and such can often be observed, but the more intangible and important traits in modern society traits, like honesty, loyalty, intelligence, confidence, determination, companionship, etc. are harder to ascertain. There are proxies, though they will vary by culture and sub-culture.

 

So it is all culture if your evolutionary biology view is correct. Both in the traits that convey advantage and how the female determines if the male has them.

 

None of that means though that women have an easy time finding "dates," maybe sex but evolutionary biology would say that women don't want just sex because as an animal that takes over 12 years to reach sexual maturity and can not even walk the first year of it's life, that has to learn pretty much everything from an adult to thrive in human society, a male companion is a must, his sperm just ain't enough.

 

So unlike men who may be only looking for sex (a view I disagree with by the way) she is not, so she needs to filter out the losers from the winners...a far harder job than guys who go by looks and first and foremost want sex.