Why women often don't remarry

[snowcones]

On 3/12/2020 at 11:12 AM, Shining One said:

It hasn't been mentioned in the thread so far, but some women may not remarry due to lifetime alimony. If there's a stipulation that alimony ends on their next marriage, that's a direct financial reason to not get married. My mother lives in a retirement community and several of the women there remained unmarried for that reason. One of them is getting married soon to her long-term boyfriend since her ex-husband passed away last year.

You're probably assuming that because you're one of those guys who's traumatized and obsessed with divorce so you make everything you see about divorce.  I've remained unmarried but haven't received a dime of alimony for 6 years even though I have a lifetime alimony order. I willingly support myself and am unmarried because I haven't found anyone worth marrying. 

[stillafool]

On 9/25/2019 at 1:50 PM, HappySenior said:

So it's not just low libido that makes women want to be independent... Some want the freedom to travel, some are just tired of cleaning up after others, some want to make their own decisions for the first time in their lives. Some, like myself want all of those things and a peaceful home besides.

I've noticed with a lot of my friends that their libido magically returned after divorce or death of their spouse.  I find this interesting.

[preraph]

Happy, you hit the nail right on the head. I'm lucky because I always knew I didn't want that scenario. from when I was young I said if I ever get married I need to have my own wing of the house so we'll have to be rich or else I'm not getting married. There's just no way I can put up with any of the crap my married friends have put up with just to have a man around. I'm good. 

 

I do wish that like you I had a nice big friend circle to do things with though, because my couple of local girlfriends are both constrained by their marriages or partnerships and/or kids. 

[Azincourt]

On 9/25/2019 at 6:50 PM, HappySenior said:

Many times men seem to women to be a lot of trouble,

 

Because they are.  In the United States of America,  70% of the people who initiate a divorce are women.  In the Middle-East and in Africa women can't get a divorce from their husband, and South American women are so poor that they have no chance of survival if they leave the men they are with.

In Europe, at least where it concerns the Netherlands, 70% of all first marriages end up in divorce after 4 to 7 years of marriage. Second marriages, 80% end in divorce after the same number of years, and third marriages result in 90% divorces.

Co-habitation is probably on the same boat.  There are good marriages, but they are rare, and I've only met a handful of women in tens of thousands who were partial to the idea of an open relationship/open marriage.  I'm in my 30s, the average life-span for healthy men in the west is 75, but the average death age for men in my family is 90-100, so that means I'd have to spend 60 to 70 years with the same person. I'm pretty sure we'd both get sick of each other after five years of marriage, especially considering how much of an uncle scrooge I am 🤑

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especially in retirement when they are home full time.

In China, with the corona virus and people being forced to stay home - there's a spike of corona virus couples getting a divorce, and in Japan, after the salarymen enter their retirement, their wives can't put up with them so they get a divorce.

I remember this guy,  90  years old, taught my dad everything when he joined the company at 18. He was telling my father his 50 year marriage ceremony was coming soon, then he started bragging about how these days every couple gets divorced and how easy it is to get a divorce, meanwhile I was trying to contain my laughter because all I was thinking was that the reason his wife never divorced him was because women weren't allowed to get a divorce.

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My group of senior women talked about marriage the other day and all but one said they would never consider it again.

Marriage doesn't serve much of a purpose anymore, wedding rings cost money, the ceremony costs money, the divorce costs money and years of life,  buying a house that you're going to have to sell off, the money and the time invested in it BOOM, gone.

It's an archaic institution that was spawned from a slave-religion, created by a bunch of old cavemen who wanted to gain sexual access to young, attractive women. People can live together if that's what they want. Better, they can have their own home and meet their partners a couple of times a week, hang out, bang, go to the movies etc, and then return to their homes.

The only issue with this is kids. Apparently most people seem to have the urge to breed,  but that's nothing a worldwide sperm bank can't fix.

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Mostly gave the reason that it is because too many men are too much trouble. It has nothing to do with liking sex - several of those women have boyfriends and do love the sex.

Things would be better if people were allowed to practice polygamy in the west. Can one partner for the rest of one's lives be feasible? This isn't Ancient Egypt 1500BC where the average lifespan was 35-40, how can the govt. expect someone to spend an entire lifetime with just one person?

Why don't they allow a man to marry several women like the Saudi Princes are allowed to? They have 4 official wives that they divorce when the women turn 30,  to replace for women who are 20-25 years old, and they have several concubines, not to mention the Instagram models who are flown from their Countries to Saudi Arabia to hang out with the Royal Princes -  but when a rich soccer player is found to be sleeping with other women suddenly he's a jerk and douchebag for just doing something perfectly natural.

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I'm separated and we are divorcing - for several reasons, but the primary reason I moved out was his anger issues. But we are also dating at the moment at least, because I DO like the sex, and as long as he is working on the anger issues, I have no problem dating him because we still have the attraction.

My grandparents are still married. My grandma's sex drive died off about 20 years ago(they're almost 90) but just because he's almost a century year old doesn't mean he's no longer a man. He spends most of his days visiting brothels with the full-support of my grandma. But how many women would allow their husbands to do this? Almost none, because our patrhiarchal society raised men and women to believe in the fairy-tale nonsense of ''only one partner per life,'' nah  brah that's not how it really is.

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As for other partners, I'm not even considering such a thing because there are things in my life I haven't experienced enough of, and a full time partner would seriously impede those things.

What we need to do is to rule bigamy legal, create nation-wide sperm banks in every Country, make it possible for men to have a vasectomy done at 18 if that's what they want, so that you don't have to travel to India to get it done because they have no qualms about the guy's age as long as he has the cash.

We also need to get rid of this stone age mentality that people ''cheating'' is wrong, like people are property. I'm not Brad Pitt - why would I expect my girlfriend(s) to only want to have sex with me?  My girlfriend(s)aren't Claudia Schiffer or Cindy Crawford - why should she expect me to be ''loyal'' when most men who can do it, sleep with many, many super hot women, and the only reason I'm not partying 24/7, 7 days a week with women like Georgina Rodriguez is because I don't make 3,7 million euros after taxes, a MONTH, like her boyfriend does 🤣

Edited March 19, 2020 by Azincourt

[HappySenior]

6 hours ago, snowcones said:

You're probably assuming that because you're one of those guys who's traumatized and obsessed with divorce so you make everything you see about divorce.  I've remained unmarried but haven't received a dime of alimony for 6 years even though I have a lifetime alimony order. I willingly support myself and am unmarried because I haven't found anyone worth marrying. 

I agree with this...

None of the women I hang out with are on alimony. They are all on social security or retired and several are widows.

I was previously married for three decades, homeschooled the kids, worked when we really needed it (but not enough for my own social security), kept house and only received ten years worth of alimony. I asked for bare minimums because I didn't want to upset my ex - hoping that would save the marriage. There's a problem when women who want to save the marriage are forced into a divorce; they go easy on the marriage. It's the opposite of when the woman wants to divorce and is angry and tries to get everything. 

As for polygamy or doing away with marriage...  I think most women do not want to change partners as frequently as men do. In the years since my divorce I've had three different boyfriends and one marriage and I'm just tired of making adjustments and not putting down roots. 

 

 

[stillafool]

Is it true that single women/no kids live longer than married women?  I think I read that somewhere a while ago.  I know my Grandma (married, 7 kids) died at 78, she had 2 sisters (not married/no kids)  who lived to be 97 and 99.

[HappySenior]

6 hours ago, snowcones said:

We get it.  You had a bad experience living with your husband and never want to live with a man again.  Just get a divorce, live alone and you'll be happier once you get over your divorce.

Um... if you are talking to me, I believe I've explained I am doing just that.  This is supposed to be a discussion about how other senior women like myself feel. Of course I talk about my own experience but it isn't confined to must me. 

And you are mistaken about NEVER wanting to live with a man again. It's just that I'd be extremely picky because it is so easy to think someone is ideal only to find out they aren't at all the same way once they know you're hooked. That can be said for many of both sexes! And who says I'm not over it? Just because I like to discuss things and express my thoughts does not mean I am some kind of emotional wreck...  If you don't like the thread, leave it alone!

[snowcones]

31 minutes ago, HappySenior said:

Um... if you are talking to me, I believe I've explained I am doing just that.  This is supposed to be a discussion about how other senior women like myself feel. Of course I talk about my own experience but it isn't confined to must me. 

And you are mistaken about NEVER wanting to live with a man again. It's just that I'd be extremely picky because it is so easy to think someone is ideal only to find out they aren't at all the same way once they know you're hooked. That can be said for many of both sexes! And who says I'm not over it? Just because I like to discuss things and express my thoughts does not mean I am some kind of emotional wreck...  If you don't like the thread, leave it alone!

I'm just saying, you sound just as bad as those bitter divorced men who say they never want to marry a woman again and have to repeat it a million times on a message board as if they are trying to convince somebody.  To me that's a classic sign of trauma.  But oh well, you aren't the only person around here to repeat things.  If you go to a seniors only message board, you will find tons of seniors who talk as if they want nothing to do with each other and are repulsed by the idea of even looking each others way.  It's kind of sad.  No wonder so many of them date younger.  Less issues.

Edited March 19, 2020 by snowcones

[snowcones]

37 minutes ago, HappySenior said:

I agree with this...

None of the women I hang out with are on alimony. They are all on social security or retired and several are widows.

Like I said, he probably made it up in his traumatized mind.

[HappySenior]

35 minutes ago, snowcones said:

I'm just saying, you sound just as bad as those bitter divorced men who say they never want to marry a woman again and have to repeat it a million times on a message board as if they are trying to convince somebody.  To me that's a classic sign of trauma.  But oh well, you aren't the only person around here to repeat things.  If you go to a seniors only message board, you will find tons of seniors who talk as if they want nothing to do with each other and are repulsed by the idea of even looking each others way.  It's kind of sad.  No wonder so many of them date younger.  Less issues.

Only about the recent ex. Recall I was mostly happily married (and thought he was) for three decades in the marriage prior. 🙂
I'd do THAT again happily.

I'm sure you must know how it is when you've made a dumb mistake. You keep reminding yourself of it so you won't do it again.
It's not bitterness as much as it is that I should have seen it coming and when the subject comes up, I remind myself AGAIN how I should have seen the red flags. And also serve as a warning to the others. 🙂

That particular type of guy was my mistake, not marriage itself.  If I ran into the three decade type again, I'd change my mind.
But they are particularly rare to be single at my age! lol

[Shining One]

8 hours ago, snowcones said:

You're probably assuming that because you're one of those guys who's traumatized and obsessed with divorce so you make everything you see about divorce.

I'm not assuming anything. These women talk to each other and my mother talks to us (me, my brother, brother's wife, adult niece) when we meet up for lunch on Sundays. My mother, a seamstress, is doing some work for the upcoming wedding.

Keep in mind that I live in a state that has been highly resistant to alimony reform.

[Els]

2 hours ago, stillafool said:

Is it true that single women/no kids live longer than married women?  I think I read that somewhere a while ago.  I know my Grandma (married, 7 kids) died at 78, she had 2 sisters (not married/no kids)  who lived to be 97 and 99.

Having biological kids is a medical risk for women - besides maternal morbidity, there can be lifelong or long-term adverse effects (e.g. gestational diabetes that doesn't go away, or breast cancer growth that is stimulated by pregnancy hormones), so we already know that you'd increase your odds of a longer life by not having kids. Unfortunately we can't really do a significant study on whether marriage without kids docks any years off our life expectancy, because only recently has that even been a controllable possibility for women - and even then relatively few of us choose it.

Personally though, I'll take my chances with the marriage.

Edited March 19, 2020 by Elswyth

[Azincourt]

2 hours ago, snowcones said:

Like I said, he probably made it up in his traumatized mind.

That's because most people don't know rich people.

Michael Douglas first wife took 45 millions with her in her divorce settlement.

Jeff Bezo's ex-wife took 60 billions or so.

A friend of mine makes 4 million euros after taxes a year, his ex-wife is rich and doesn't live in a city like LA where you pay almost tens of thousands per month for a closet room, and she still went after him for his mansions,  the money he had in his public bank accounts, his vintage cars, but he managed to hide a few, ahem, in a friend's garage, and he still has to pay alimony, and child-support.

500k a year.

For one kid.

That he isn't allowed to see, and hasn't seen in 2 years.

Then a couple of years after that she got married again, had a kid. She divorced that guy, the guy sued her for alimony and child-support since he's only a Leicester-kind-of-player team,  and she has a lot more money than him.

The only thing he got from his divorce settlement was the baby stroller he bought for his son 🤣

And I know other rich men who are in the same situation. Their ex-wives took several millions from them, the houses, the cars, the jewels, etc etc and they're not even allowed to see the kids they're paying 10-20k a month for in child-support.

Because it looks good when you want full-custody of the kid to say the father was abusive, negligent etc even when he wasn't.

My advice is, if you are an American middle-class man, you are cash-poor and aren't worth much, so go ahead and get married. The chances of the average guy becoming rich are slim to none, but if you are highly talented as a soccer player/baseball player/musician/ fashion model/actor..

Don't get married. Don't co-habitate. In Brazil a woman is entitled to your money and your possessions after 6 months or so of living together with the guy. Common-law ''marriage'' differs from Country to Country but in the end it ends almost always the same way.

The guy getting banged, and not in a, ''I'm a rich Manchester United player and I have porn-like sex thrown at me by extremely hot 21 year old models because they want to marry me,'' kind of bang 🤣

Keep hitting the gym hard, boys, get a hair transplant op if you lose your hair, save for plastic surgery for when you reach your early 30s, and you can enjoy your life for a very long time yet.

Edited March 19, 2020 by Azincourt

[Azincourt]

11 minutes ago, Elswyth said:

Having biological kids is a medical risk for women - besides maternal morbidity, there can be lifelong adverse effects (e.g. gestational diabetes that doesn't go away, or breast cancer growth that is stimulated by pregnancy hormones), so we already know that you'd increase your odds of a longer life by not having kids. Unfortunately we can't really do a significant study on whether marriage without kids causes women to die earlier, because only recently has that even been a controllable possibility for women.

Personally though, I'll take my chances with the marriage.

Not to mention that a woman might lose her teeth by getting pregnant and giving birth. Other women lose their girly figure and never regain it. One of my ex-girlfriends is 5'10'' and 130lbs. Her mother is very overweight, like 5'4'' and 160lbs, but when she was my ex-girlfriends age(23) she was only 110lbs, but after she gave birth to my ex, it didn't take long to gain all of that body weight, and she never managed to regain the waif-like figure she once had.

My mom's got lucky about that. She gave birth to 6, but she's still only 110lbs despite being in her 60s.

There is no need for women to have their own kids anymore, tho. There's tens of thousands of children who'd love to be adopted by a loving family, and the world is overpopulated. What's the point in making more babies? climate-change, billionaires being in control of the US, the American Middle-class being made poorer and poorer with each generation, most people living paycheck by paycheck, most no one has more than $500 savings in the bank, credit card debt, college debt, car debt, healthcare debt - YIKES.

Don't have kids, lads. Save up that money and travel around the world. Much more fun than changing diapers and teaching kids how to brush their teeth and to keep at it, and god knows I've done that enough already helping raise my siblings and cousins 🤣

 

Edited March 19, 2020 by Azincourt

[snowcones]

Oh dear lord, I have summoned the Anti-Divorce army...🥱

[Azincourt]

4 minutes ago, snowcones said:

Oh dear lord, I have summoned the Anti-Divorce army...🥱

Like I've said already - if the guy's middle-class, like most men are, then there's nothing wrong with getting married. I actually think it's beautiful to see people hanging on to outdated religious institutions created by unattractive old men whose purpose in creating the institution of marriage was to control young, attractive women like it happens in the Middle-East to this day, but I'm old fashioned like that and I enjoy wedding ceremonies 👌

It's only when the guy's worth anything that marriage and divorce is dangerous, but since most millennials, and generation X are more broke than the Greek economy got back in 2008, there's really no risk in average men getting married or in co-habitating.

 

Edited March 19, 2020 by Azincourt

[HappySenior]

On 3/19/2020 at 2:56 PM, snowcones said:

Oh dear lord, I have summoned the Anti-Divorce army...🥱

It is hard to figure out how to respond to your comments because you don't make it clear who you are responding to, but you are obviously responding to someone.
Only you and God know who...

No quotes, just comments. Not a conversation or a dialog. 
No response from me from now on.

Edited March 22, 2020 by HappySenior
additional comment

[AMarriedMan]

On 3/12/2020 at 6:12 PM, Shining One said:

It hasn't been mentioned in the thread so far, but some women may not remarry due to lifetime alimony. If there's a stipulation that alimony ends on their next marriage, that's a direct financial reason to not get married. My mother lives in a retirement community and several of the women there remained unmarried for that reason. One of them is getting married soon to her long-term boyfriend since her ex-husband passed away last year.

On the other side, some women may choose to not marry a man who is currently paying alimony due to the marriage increasing his household income, potentially entitling the ex-wife to more alimony coming out of the new wife's salary.

Bingo!

I think we have a winner here. The second reason you mention also makes perfect sense. (This is how excessive alimony can actually hurt women: by reducing the pool of men eligible for remarriage.) 

Never lose sight of the fact that men are the romantic sex and women the pragmatic one. That is the natural order of things. 

[AMarriedMan]

The polygamy thing and the sperm bank stuff is just nonsense. Nothing wrong with having an interesting sex life. But when kids enter the picture, it changes everything. The pair bonding model is the one that works best for the kids. To know who your natural parents are and them being in your life is massively important. Our current arrangement (serial monogamy in fragile marriages) is far from perfect what isn't?  

 

Edited April 19, 2020 by AMarriedMan

[AMarriedMan]

On 3/19/2020 at 8:51 PM, Azincourt said:

There is no need for women to have their own kids anymore, tho. There's tens of thousands of children who'd love to be adopted by a loving family, and the world is overpopulated. What's the point in making more babies? climate-change, billionaires being in control of the US, the American Middle-class being made poorer and poorer with each generation, most people living paycheck by paycheck, most no one has more than $500 savings in the bank, credit card debt, college debt, car debt, healthcare debt - YIKES.

Actually, as extreme poverty is keeps being eradicated from the world, there are fewer and fewer kids needing adoption in the world relative to the couples who want to adopt children.