How effective will couple's therapy be?

[kendahke]

You are asking him to blow up his career path to basically move home to hold your hand because "no one will play with me".

 

Do not be surprised when 2 months from now, he postpones his move. Once you're out of his living space, he's going to see just how much smoother it is without having a dependent requiring him to entertain them constantly because they won't take any initiative to blaze their own career path.

 

My advise to you is to pull up your big girl pants, go HAM on the search for a better job and acting more like friend if you want a friend... and show him that you're a partner and not a dependent. And save your money for the couple's therapy because once they hear what you've written, they're going to suggest you going back for individual therapy before they go further with you.

Edited September 27, 2019 by kendahke

[grace4ever]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns with us. These forums are great for sharing burdens, and venting. Definitely relationships are not easy because they require that we come out from ourselves to make happy the person we are with. And they also require not to focus on ourselves but to give to the other person. That does mean that you are well with yourself, that you worked in yourself before and you are able to give from that you have. However, this will not be possible if you are not well with yourself. Love is not a feeling but is to make a decision for the other person. If we put into practice love is a feeling then we are mistaken because feelings are temporary, today I can feel I love you and maybe tomorrow I do not. However, love is different, it is to make a strong commitment with my partner. is to make the decision to love the same person every day, in other words it means to make a commitment forever like marriage and to overcome all the adversity and problems together. I encourage you do not be afraid of giving to your BF, this helps to understand commitment in marriage. It is ok to be apart for a few days like one or two weeks, but a couples of months I would consider it is a long time. It is good when you say that each couple must have their own time and spaces, but that must proportionally because it must be a continuity to seeing each other. Instead of saying is ‘unhealthy’ rather it is not ‘fair’ that you will be absent for long time. It is a good sign for you that he wants to be with you. I hope this helps. Sending you hugs. I will keep you in my prayers,

[Relate]

Well, relationship therapy is not very effective. EFT has been shown to be the most effective at 70% however that was measured based on a reduction in distress and conflict.

 

Not really my definition of a successful relationship.

 

Your partner seems to really lack essential relationship skills and also emotional intelligence.

 

This is not his fault most men don't learn these skills growing up.

 

Therapy in itself will not do much but both of you learning emotional and relationship skills could help but it requires two that want to travel that path.

 

I agree you might not be suitable as you seem to have the capacity for emotional engagement while he sounds like he does not.

 

I obviously have so little information about him and you but relating does not happen by "being strong" it the nonsense men are raised to believe and why so many women crave a man that can engage emotionally.

 

Here are a few articles I found really useful to develop the relationship and emotional skills.

 

https://www.zensensa.com/online-marriage-counseling/

 

https://www.zensensa.com/relationship-counseling/

 

https://www.zensensa.com/relationship-coach/

 

https://www.zensensa.com/reddit-relationship-advice-3-tips-to-rekindle-desire-in-long-term-relationships/

 

https://www.zensensa.com/reddit-relationships/

 

https://www.zensensa.com/marriage-therapy/

 

But as I said nothing will work unless there is a willingness.

 

Intimacy is vulnerability meet with acceptance. So you need someone that is willing to be vulnerable and can meet your vulnerability not with "be strong" but with acceptance of your experience.

[ExpatInItaly]

I think spending two months apart will be the nail in the coffin on this relationship, OP.