Says she's unsure

[Gravypod]

We broke up six months ago. It was mutual, she seemed to lose interest and afterwards told me she felt upset at the end. Funnily enough so was I.

After the break up I tried to rekindle things, I always got a polite no, and then I would get ignored, sometimes for months until she would pop up out of knowhere talk for a bit then disappear again. When she would stop replying, ignore me or not reply I would NEver get back in touch.

Recently I got in touch after her previously getting in touch about two months ago asking how I am, what I'm upto etc, I got in touch because I had learnt from a mutual friend she received some bad news so I wanted to check she was ok. She was fine and we continued talking, she seems ok chatting and she started talking about the end of our relationship, the negative stuff. I told her I still care about her and I asked her to meet for coffee....

She didn't say no rather that she was confused and would have to think about it. I thought that was fair enough and she said she would get back to me before the end of the day. She did but never mentioned about meeting up and just chatted about her day. I then asked again about what she thought about meeting up. She said she isn't sure yet.... I said that's fine. She told me she doesn't want to say yes to give me false hope but doesn't want to say no because she might regret it. She told me she will think abiut and let me know when she knows.

How do I go from here? I don't know what to think abiut this?

We met in college and I thought I knew her well, but she seems distant and cold lately.

[d0nnivain]

Her behavior seems confusing to you because you always hope that when she reaches out she wants reconciliation What she wants is to hear your voice in that moment, nothing more. She may even call out of boredom. Unfortunately she is not calling because she wants you back.

[Gravypod]

Her behavior seems confusing to you because you always hope that when she reaches out she wants reconciliation What she wants is to hear your voice in that moment, nothing more. She may even call out of boredom. Unfortunately she is not calling because she wants you back.

 

So is she stringing me along by saying she's confused?

[d0nnivain]

Yes, she is stringing you along.

 

Women are still socialized to be "nice" which translates to indirect & never hurting somebody's feelings. For her to be blunt & tell you what I told you feels wrong & bad to her. She thinks she's being kind by avoiding the question so she is not actually hurting your feelings by outright rejecting you. She doesn't even see it as being deceptive because she never said yes. She is not doing this out of cruelness but because she doesn't know how to be direct. Besides she fears that if she kyboshes all hope of a future relationship you will stop taking her calls.

 

Talk to her if you like but stop thinking that it's more then a momentary distraction for her.

[Gravypod]

Yes, she is stringing you along.

 

Women are still socialized to be "nice" which translates to indirect & never hurting somebody's feelings. For her to be blunt & tell you what I told you feels wrong & bad to her. She thinks she's being kind by avoiding the question so she is not actually hurting your feelings by outright rejecting you. She doesn't even see it as being deceptive because she never said yes. She is not doing this out of cruelness but because she doesn't know how to be direct. Besides she fears that if she kyboshes all hope of a future relationship you will stop taking her calls.

 

Talk to her if you like but stop thinking that it's more then a momentary distraction for her.

Thanks I know deep down she's not interested, she would of agreed to meet me if she was, not say she'll think about it or she's not sure.

[RecentChange]

For one.... I don't believe in "second chances" not if the goal is anything more than a causal fling.

 

A couple that can't work out differences together won't make it in the long run.

 

A couple that can walk away from each other and end things, won't make it in the long run.

 

Sure, sometimes special circumstances, like one became an addict and then treatment and recovery....

 

But for the most part, on again off again.... Just means of will teeter totter until the relationship is done for good.

[schlumpy]

What went through my mind Gravy is that she's keeping you on the shelf in case she can't find a suitable replacement. She knows (because you have given her every reason believe it) that she can come back whenever she wants for a an ego boost or to restart the relationship.

 

But that will only be after she has had several "growth experiences" with other people.

 

It's called being Plan B.

[DKT3]

Not all women intentionally lead guys on or want to make him her backup plan. I believe in most cases they simply have a hard time cutting people from their lives. I believe this woman cares for OP but the relationship is over. She is interested because she cares, she thinks about you and likely overall enjoys your company. She fears saying no will make you dissapear.

 

Now, while it may not be intentional its is still rather selfish because she knows you want her back, and she only wants to be friendly and occasionally talk.

[Marc878]

They for the most part try to be nice and most guys try and read more into it than is there.

 

Pretty common

[Gravypod]

What went through my mind Gravy is that she's keeping you on the shelf in case she can't find a suitable replacement. She knows (because you have given her every reason believe it) that she can come back whenever she wants for a an ego boost or to restart the relationship.

 

But that will only be after she has had several "growth experiences" with other people.

 

It's called being Plan B.

 

Hmmm thanks,for that. It didn't cross my mind. I won't be anyone's plan b, I love her a lot but I can't be that to her.

[Gravypod]

Not all women intentionally lead guys on or want to make him her backup plan. I believe in most cases they simply have a hard time cutting people from their lives. I believe this woman cares for OP but the relationship is over. She is interested because she cares, she thinks about you and likely overall enjoys your company. She fears saying no will make you dissapear.

 

Now, while it may not be intentional its is still rather selfish because she knows you want her back, and she only wants to be friendly and occasionally talk.

 

Thanks. She talks ok but is so hot and cold! One minute having a joke then absolutely nothing but a cold reply. I have my suspicions she is seeing someone else, she told me she isn't though. But she wouldn't tell me anyway I think.

I've asked to meet, even just for a catch up but she won't.

[DKT3]

I assure you if you think she is seeing someone else you are probably right. Someone else is usually the cause for hot and cold behavior.

 

Here is an ideal, stop talking to her and move on with your life. I promise you, you will get over her and find someone else.

[Gravypod]

I assure you if you think she is seeing someone else you are probably right. Someone else is usually the cause for hot and cold behavior.

 

Here is an ideal, stop talking to her and move on with your life. I promise you, you will get over her and find someone else.

 

Thankyou. Yes I think you're right.

 

She makes a point of telling me she's met new people and that she's planning nights out etc. Don't know why I need to know but she likes to mention it. And guy friends she has met..

[mark clemson]

Yeah. Mostly likely so you know not to make too much out of the attention she does pay to you.

 

Find a new GF, that should fix the issue.

[Gravypod]

Yeah. Mostly likely so you know not to make too much out of the attention she does pay to you.

 

Find a new GF, that should fix the issue.

 

Yeah I think I might be best to kill conversation now. It's no goood for me, she clearly has no interest, why she just couldn't say no to meeting u, but I guess it's what has been said above she wants to keep me on the back burner