Help!!

[not to happy now]

I need advice! I have been seeing a guy for a while now and it was nice and relaxed and we just really enjoyed each others company. Since we met the most we went was one day without seeing each other. Now the mother of his child just moved back into town. A couple of times i mentioned that they should see if they could not be a family. He got mad and said he would just find another girlfriend cause he did not have feelings for her. So I told him to go ahead. And we have not spoke since. I miss him!

[not to happy now]

I need advice! I have been seeing a guy for a while now and it was nice and relaxed and we just really enjoyed each others company. Since we met the most we went was one day without seeing each other. Now the mother of his child just moved back into town. A couple of times i mentioned that they should see if they could not be a family. He got mad and said he would just find another girlfriend cause he did not have feelings for her. So I told him to go ahead. And we have not spoke since. I miss him!

Let me just add that I do not want to call him because I am worried that his childs mom might be there and that would make my situation worse!

[Tony T]

I'm assuming you made a typo in your post and that what you told him was actually "that they should see if they could be a family" rather that not be a family as you wrote.

 

I think it was nice of you to look out for him but by making this remark you implied to him that it would not bother you if he went back with the mother of his child. While you could have discussed your feelings about her coming back to his town, I don't think you should have suggested directions for what he should do with his life...particularly when you were in a relationship with him. Obviously, if he wanted to try to make a family with this other lady, he would have warned you of that or have done that already.

 

I think he's being childish by not fully understanding your intent but I didn't raise him or educate him so that's not your fault or mine.

 

You say you miss him but it doesn't sound like you are madly in love with the guy. He really doesn't sound like he has all his marbles right now. You're probably better off without a guy who has a child and an ex lover right around the corner.

 

I hope you have learned to stay out of other people's lives in these kinds of situations and to keep comments to yourself. If you can't work this out with him, be on your way.

 

Most people simply would not understand someone like you actually considering what is best for them. But when you do this, don't give advice unless it is solicited.

[Taressa]

I know it hurts but you're going to be okay.

 

I'm concerned over a love that broke up so easily; had his feelings been deep for you he would have not gotten so easily upset. Are you certain your "couple of times" mentioning his past girlfriend wasn't more forceful or frequent? Examine your actions to make sure you didn't distance him with guilt or your own insecurity.

 

If your motives were truly for his good and you did not push him away with nagging, then I celebrate your unselfishness. I was raised with the teaching that if I loved someone I would put their best interest before my own. I hope that's the case for you. And if that is indeed the case, I'm sorry for such an immature reaction from someone you cared about.

 

He may come back after a few days of cooling off. If he doesn't return you can take it as a guarantee that you were something less than loved by him. If he doesn't call soon, cherish the memories of your good days but get on with your life.

 

You will be fine. Time spent with time-proven friends will help ease your loneliness. Their honesty and support will also help you the next time you make another decision to love.