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How to warn my female friend about her risky sex behavior?

depcharger

By depcharger,
in General Relationship Discussion

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depcharger

depcharger

Posted
Posted

Hey y'all...

 

A girl I've been friends with for 5 years is currently "dating"

4 guys. Meaning in her own words, they, the men, separately call her up and they get together, get drinks and have sex

As she described it, they call her late nights and meet up and have sex "like a jack hammer" no foreplay nada,

1 guy only calls her bi monthly because he is "super busy with work"

 

1 guy tells her she can't sleep over because he has to go to work at 3:30am ( office job )

1 guy says he lives with his "brother" so she can't spend nights

 

She's a super Educated girl with a PhD in math

but she believes all this !

 

She admitted to sleeping with all 4 men on "first date"

AND She continues to be on tinder and goes on other "dates" where she sleeps with men on first date

YET She doesn't make time for us to hang out as friends and tells me she is "swamped at work with multiple projects "

 

 

In her 40s, I expect her to know better

Know that these dudes are not "busy" but have other sex partners they don't her to find out about

 

As my "friend" she's stringing me along and not treating me with respect

My phone calls go unanswered

snapchats stay in 'seen'

 

Not trying to convey bitterness but don't like being strung along and lied to

 

Do i

A) cut all ties and walk away

B) Nag her about the dangers of STDs to a 44 year old ?

C) mind my own business, it's her life

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Maddie82

Maddie82

Posted
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C. This is not about you. You can warn her that her lifestyle is not healthy if you want to. That's it. Don't say anything else because she'll think you are interfering. She sounds happy enough and it's her life to do with what she wants. It just inconveniences you sometimes but there's nothing you can do about that. It doesn't sound like she's bothered about what these guys do when not with her. She seems happy with the company and sex from time to time. Leave her to it. She'll probably get tired of it one day.

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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I'm leaning toward C but if you feel so strongly then you have to go with A.

 

That said I'd opt for talking to her but not you making any statements or offering your negative opinion. Instead you ask a lot of pointed Qs. You have to get her to figure out on her own, like it was her idea that what she's doing is more self destructive then positive.

 

You ask things like:

 

doesn't it bother you that they don't even have enough respect to take you on a date?

 

what do you get out of this?

 

are you practicing safe sex with condoms & getting tested?

 

do you have any idea how many other women these guys are sleeping with?

 

what's your goal here?

 

how does what you are doing factor in?

 

aren't you worried that none of these men respect you?

 

She may just be having fun & not care. If that is the case, this is her choice not yours.

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schlumpy

schlumpy

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I have to go with A because it's obvious that you won't be able ignore her behavior and mind your own business. What's going on is bothering you. If you do choose C flat out tell her to quit sharing her sexual exploits. I suspect she's doing it to get a rise out of you. There's deeper feelings going on here then just friends.

 

And BTW, mental IQ means nothing when it comes to sex. There is a different dynamic going on.

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elaine567

elaine567

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I guess the fact she is ignoring you is more of an issue to you than the fact she is having sex with anyone and everyone.

If this was a guy some would be giving him high fives.

If you are the judgemental friend or the peeved orbiter, she will naturally want to avoid you.

No-one adult wants to be told what to do, or have their "failings" pointed out to them.

Is this "promiscuity" a new thing for her?

Is she just a woman exploring her sexual freedom or is she actually in trouble?

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Gaeta

Gaeta

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People I call friends are people I love and care for, and people I cannot just ignore and leave to their faith. I would not get involved with an acquaintance but a friend? You bet I would. I would tell her how much I worry & how much her behavior is dangerous. If she reassures you that she uses protection than your job of warning her is done and let her lead her life as she sees fit.

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LivingWaterPlease

LivingWaterPlease

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D. Pray for her safety. Pray that God would give me an opportunity to talk with her in a way that would help her.

 

I wouldn't worry about whether or not to stay in her life or get out of her life as it seems from what you've written that she's the one who is staying out of your life. But, I would leave the door open for her friendship. She may very well need a true friend at some point.

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crispytoast

crispytoast

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Love the slut shaming in this thread. :rolleyes:

 

Really OP don't you have anything better to do? It sounds like you have the real problem here, the problem of not minding your own business. If I were your friend I'd be leaving your snaps on read too.

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Maddie82

Maddie82

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Love the slut shaming in this thread.

 

I know right lol. Sounds like she's just having fun living her life, playing the field a bit, but the op serms highly inconvenienced by that.

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Rayce

Rayce

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I go with C. but for you it should be A.

 

Sounds like she is just a modern woman behaving like most guys do which seems to be perfectly acceptable if your a guy but not a gal....

 

Double standard? At least she is getting laid and her conscious isn't bothering her! Personally my conscious would be eating at me but that's me.

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Mrin

Mrin

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Totally C.

 

It is a none-ya.

 

That being said, if you feel she's ignoring your as a friend then you should probably find a friend that doesn't ignore you.

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GoreSP

GoreSP

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Well it depends.

 

It is her life and you should mind your own business. What she does with her sex life is hers.

It's one thing to tell your friend «you are being reckless and I'm worried about your health/safety», it's another to to say «I don't like how much sex you're having» or «I would rather you have sex with me.»

 

Before/if you approach the subject with her, please make sure which one it is.

 

That being said, if your friend is being a ****ty friend by your standards (ie when it comes to returning phone calls), it is a good enough reason to cut ties.

 

ewdit: throwing this out there but I could be way wrong.

Is there a chance you've friendzoned yourself and the reason why she is ignoring your call is because she feels you want more than just friendship and is not interested?

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crispytoast

crispytoast

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Whoa I didn't even grasp that this was a male. Was quite tired with my initial post. Yeah guy you really have no business poking your nose in her business. She could be sleeping with all 4 at the same time and it's not your business. She doesn't owe you her time or friendship.

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Rockdad

Rockdad

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If you say anything about it if you haven't already eluded to it, she very well might be apt to not answer even more of your calls or messages. Even though it is bothering you I suggest you leave it be. It's reads to me like she is possibly putting some space between you and her for some reason. If so I would suggest you give her that breathing room.

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preraph

preraph

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She's 40. She can do whatever she wants. You come across as jealous. She's not stringing you along at all. Obviously if she had any attraction to you, she'd be having sex with you. She sounds too busy with lovers to spend much time with a friend.

 

Let's assume you are correct that she has a problem. It's above your paygrade and not your place. She's 40, not 18.

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted (edited)

It seems that you're less concerned about her healthy and safety than you are jealous that she is not paying much attention to you.

 

You don't need to warn her about anything. She is a grown woman. She surely is well aware of the risks of meeting strange men on the internet.

 

If you don't approve of her choices, you don't need to remain friends with her. It seems you're much more attached to her than she is to you, which should be all the hint you need that your friendship is not as important to her as it is to you.

 

I have to wonder if she shares the details of her exploits with you to send the message that she is not into you and is exploring options elsewhere.

Edited by ExpatInItaly
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preraph

preraph

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^ So there it is. Well, I don't see how it can have escaped you that she's having sex with everyone but you, which of course means she's not attracted to you that way, and that won't change, so you need to stop wasting your time and be best to just tell her you need to move on.

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somanymistakes

somanymistakes

Posted
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Her sex life is none of your business.

 

If you dislike her sex life and you feel like she's not being a good friend to you, then stop hanging out with her.

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