Sparta Posted September 30, 2019 Share Posted September 30, 2019 Of course she’s cheating it’s the biggest common denominator on any of these sites he’s another clueless Mr. nice guy. Another one bites the dust. But in his defense she’s a nightmare and he’s going to see how being away from evil woman is the best thing that’s ever happened in his life. OP you don’t know it yet but she’s doing you the biggest favor of your life.! You’ll see 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 30, 2019 Share Posted September 30, 2019 Just a big fat excuse she used to end the marriage and blame you. She’s been waiting for any little excuse - be glad to get out. Nothing about what you’ve described is a loving marriage where she’s honoring you. Have you checked on who she’s cheating with? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted September 30, 2019 Share Posted September 30, 2019 I wouldn't accuse her of cheating without some direct evidence, however, this marriage is over because it's deteriorated to the point of open hostility. She's looking for ways to blame you for all of her dysfunctional behavior, but I think that's projection as opposed to a conscious thing. OP, trying to appease and reason with a woman who is disrespecting you this way will deteriorate your mental health and self respect. You aren't the bad person, and you shouldn't be taking all the sh*t she can sling as if you were a helpless child. And as far as hope... this is not going to reverse directions and turn into a love story. It is what it is, because she is who she is. I'd have all the sympathy in the world if she were seeking help while respecting you and the marriage, but that's like wishing the sun would rise in the west. Diametrically opposite, never going to happen. I think you should accept that it's over and get out ahead on this divorce action. I think you should get a strong attorney and file first. Quit being "nice" and start acting like a winner. Believe me, you will be so much happier when you're free of this mess. I know from experience. And the kids will be okay. Show them that they have one sane parent who they can rely on. You'll have a much better relationship with the kids when you stand tall. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted September 30, 2019 Share Posted September 30, 2019 She's the one thinking about and taking action toward divorce, not me (at least not yet). It's time you started looking into taking this action too. She is a very unreasonable person. I never open my husbands packages, that is out of order. She doesn't love you, doesn't trust you. Whats the point of staying in that? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted September 30, 2019 Share Posted September 30, 2019 Why does she want to leave you so bad? Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted September 30, 2019 Share Posted September 30, 2019 You need to find the best divorce lawyer you can find, like yesterday. She is done. There is nothing you can do but protect yourself and your kids. You need 50/50 custody of them and document the fact that she doesn’t ever clean house. Any and all responsibilities she has pushed onto you that should be shared from doing things with the kids to household responsibilities. Read and do the 180. This is not to save your marriage, it is to help you heal and cut emotional strings. Read no more me nice guy. Get the best lawyer you can. She is hell bent on destroying you. Believe this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 30, 2019 Share Posted September 30, 2019 She is hell bent on destroying you. Believe this. I doubt this is true. Like many people in this type of situation, her own pain has caused her to lash out without reason or certainty. Hard to expect rational thought from an irrational state. I'll repeat the thought it was disingenuous for the OP to claim this package delivery as central to the disintegration of his marriage. Lots of information missing, including the many steps needed to get to this degree of alienation. Amazon Prime delivery takes one day, what he describes takes years... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 30, 2019 Share Posted September 30, 2019 Are you in a fault state or no fault for divorcing? If cheating affects the settlement then you need to get busy finding the evidence! It shouldn’t take long - she definitely has the attitude of an active cheater! She likely wants to be with someone else after the divorce is finalized and this was just an easy (too easy) excuse to get it done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FastOreo Posted October 1, 2019 Author Share Posted October 1, 2019 Are you in a fault state or no fault for divorcing? If cheating affects the settlement then you need to get busy finding the evidence! It shouldn’t take long - she definitely has the attitude of an active cheater! She likely wants to be with someone else after the divorce is finalized and this was just an easy (too easy) excuse to get it done. No fault state @S2B. Likely not cheating (obviously you never know) but I think it's over anyway and doesn't really matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FastOreo Posted October 1, 2019 Author Share Posted October 1, 2019 I doubt this is true. Like many people in this type of situation, her own pain has caused her to lash out without reason or certainty. Hard to expect rational thought from an irrational state. I'll repeat the thought it was disingenuous for the OP to claim this package delivery as central to the disintegration of his marriage. Lots of information missing, including the many steps needed to get to this degree of alienation. Amazon Prime delivery takes one day, what he describes takes years... Mr. Lucky @Mr. Lucky, the original intent of the post was to understand one event, in a vacuum. Unfortunately I disclosed too much right away and it led to a bit of a derailment from my original question, yet branched into a much better discussion. I wasn't trying to say this package delivery was central to our problems; I just wanted to know if others thought it was as bad as my wife saw it. Obviously, asking something like that begs a lot more questions to answer accurately so I get where the conversation naturally went. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 She's a fool who really wants a divorce. Get a good lawyer and give her what she wants. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author FastOreo Posted October 1, 2019 Author Share Posted October 1, 2019 She is either not processing her feelings or expressing them in error. It's not that she can't trust you. What she really wants to say is that you don't trust her. It's not unusual for this type of inversion to happen, because it's a duality. There could be different reasons for the inversion. It could be she has guilt over something she did behind your back. Or, it could simply be that you really don't trust her to not give you a hard time if she had opened the package. In the latter case, she feels like she's in the role of the ol' battle axe, and she feels unlovable because she's not trusted. That is, you expect the worst from her, and she wants to give up. I'm giving you different possibilities. But the depression is the one thing that most threatens, or is ending, your marriage. For some (I think often more men than women), depression manifests itself as anger. It's a totally irrational anger. The person can just wake up angry. Also, depression could just be one factor of other problems. Thanks Gretchen12. I agree it's most likely depression as described but I don't see a way out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 Your wife is a control freak. She's ridiculously micro-managing. First of all, dude get some confidence going here. I can be totally wildly in love, and only I am opening my packages. Period. And I'm not opening up my partner's packages. You let a big one slip there. Basic boundaries. Second, you have the right to stop anywhere you choose to pick up any book you choose without getting her permission ... and you have the right to read stuff that she hasn't approved. So, in order for your wife to get mad at this ... her definition of what a basic relationship is has to be twisted and extreme ... But I confess ... I married a very troubled person and the more unhappy she got ... the more controlling she got ... she'd go talk on the phone to her friends ... if I got on the phone: "I know you're complaining about me, aren't you?" By the end I was acting like an abused spouse. I'd hang up the phone when I heard her footsteps ... But that's what happens when you don't set boundaries or when you try to negotiate in a normal way with a control freak ... or a deeply troubled person. Dude, get to a therapist to get your act together. No way you will want to survive this marriage with her acting like this and no that will NOT be good for your kids. Sure, divorce will be disruptive ... but as things are going now, you can believe your kids are going to have to go therapy to deal with having grown up in a family with an emotionally controlling, out-of-control mom, who browbeat their dad. If your wife is anything like my ex (and signs are she is) people like this cannot be reasoned with ... they don't accept any responsibility ... they think any compromise, any internal self-evaluation ... in review of their actions ... is abuse. This applies down to the most minor thing. So while refusing to consider her actions and their impact on you, she'll turn around and call you a betrayer for going to get a book at Amazon. Do you see how astoundingly insane this is? I hate to put it that bluntly? But her behavior is insane ... followed just a little by your toleration of it. Doesn't seem you can win ... seriously ... go talk to someone ... come up with a strategy to maintain your sanity ... and work on what went wrong such that you let her treat you like this ... If one of your children grew up and got into a relationship like this ... (with a partner acting like your wife) you would be absolutely horrified. Time for you to be horrified. Get to a therapist, consult a divorce attorney ... meet with the police if you have to ... This kind of person will lash out viciously ... without a shred of conscience ... so you gotta have your act together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 Hell knows no fury as a woman scorned! OP do you believe your wife will come after you for everything she can get? You know her. Would she try to destroy you in a divorce by trying to take everything? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 Obviously, asking something like that begs a lot more questions to answer accurately so I get where the conversation naturally went. So now the question remains, what are you going to do about it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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