Did I (28F) screw up my chances of him (29M) ever coming back?

[annalilian26]

I had a really really nice thing with a guy in May last year, which I haven't been able to find with anyone else I've recently dated and it's driving me crazy. It lasted about 3 months and for the most part it was so good, but It ended abruptly because he was struggling with some things (anxiety and drinking) and could get very irritable, cold and hurtful, which I didn't respond well to. We both wanted to stay friends, though he expressed some reluctance saying his strong attraction to me will always be there and that maybe we can try dating again in the future. Things escalated and there were a lot of back and forth arguments and I know I annoyed him with too many messages to the point where he outright asked me to stop talking to him because he is 'done'.

 

As he was extremely cruel in the way he last spoke to me, he reached out a couple of months later to apologise for being such a 'pig' and a 'piece of ****' and I politely accepted his apology and wished him the best. The feelings came back after all of this and I reached out to tell him and he abruptly responded saying we should block all contact but he 'hopes we cross paths again one day'. I apologised to him for being such a nuisance and he responded saying that he was the nuisance and was incredibly selfish. Around 6 months later, I noticed he had unblocked me and I reached out again, telling him that I miss knowing him, even just as a friend and said he is dealing with the death of a friend and thinks he is just going to delete messenger, blocking me all over again.

 

When we were seeing each other, he was quite infatuated with me, telling me he had never felt so attracted to anyone before and how much he loves being around me. He was a pretty broken guy, but I could see how much he was giving me and he even admitted that he was the happiest he had been for a long time. I have been carrying this shame for the last year that has been eating away at me, as I hate to think he remembers me as someone he is so repulsed/irritated by that he felt compelled to block. Mainly, I just miss having him as a friend or even just a friendly acquaintance, not as someone he sees as an absolute pain in the ass/pest. I have written in to other forums and they have said that I was 'harassing' him and I was 'creepy' and 'inappropriate', which reinstates that intense shame and anxiety.

 

Am I wrong to believe that I was responsible for burning bridges with him and ruining any chance of him coming back?

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't think he was ever truly interested in reconciling, OP.

 

You might have annoyed him, yes, but I don't think there was much of a bridge to burn anyway. He was done quite a while ago and I don't really see where you two might have been on track to reuniting.

 

It's time to accept that this didn't work out, and isn't going to work out, so you can move on.

 

EDIT: I just went back and read your previous thread on this guy. He warned you to keep your distance, and that he knew he would wind up hurting you. OP, you have to let this one go. This isn't a guy you have any sort of future with. He knows it, and you're still having trouble accepting that. He's not the one you're meant to be with.

Edited September 28, 2019 by ExpatInItaly

[stillafool]

No, it's been over a year and he never seemed that interested in the first place. When a man has to go as far as to tell you to "stop talking to you because I'm done" you do it. Surely you can find someone who will treat you better than this guy did or just forget it.

[d0nnivain]

What you had wasn't all that deep when it started or when it ended. it was 90 days over a year ago. You gotta move forward & put this behind you.

 

He thought you were hot & he told you what you wanted to hear to not be a source of pain for his rejection of you. He was never emotionally available to date you & you are far too needy for him. All in all this was not a match; it was closer to a train wreck.

 

Let him go & find a man who is delighted to hear from you, not one who is annoyed by your messages.

[spiderowl]

When people say nice things and profess to love and care about you, it is so easy to believe them. Some say these things flippantly, without really thinking about the implications, and others say them but don't really mean them.

 

When things go wrong in a relationship, there are bound to be mixed feelings. We want the good times back but not the bad ones. Unfortunately, they are bound together. That guy who said the lovely things was also the one who was rejecting and said not to contact him any more.

 

Obviously I don't know what happened between you but you just don't contact someone who has requested you leave them alone. It is not good for you and it could be considered harassment. You need to give up on this good side of him because it is not the whole story of this person. He is also the rejecting guy who hurt you. Nothing you do is going to change his fundamental character.

[rjc149]

Whether or not you screwed up the chances, or if there was ever a chance at all, is ambiguous given the information you've provided. I didn't go back and read any of your previous threads, but the quote below makes it clear:

 

The feelings came back after all of this and I reached out to tell him and he abruptly responded saying we should block all contact but he 'hopes we cross paths again one day'.

 

This translates as: "I don't have feelings for you, I don't want you to have feelings for me, I don't want this conversation to go further, but I don't want to be cruel by telling you I never want to hear from you again so I'll leave off with some sweet-sounding fairy tale line when the two main characters part ways at the end."

 

It sounds like you are hung up on some kind of hope, which isn't good for you. It's one thing to be hung up on an actual what-if, but another entirely to be hung up on a fantasy.