Co-Worker got me thinking, does she like me

[kunaka1000]

Hie There

 

I started working at my current workplace about a year and half now, From the get go this lady showed interest in me. She is 32 I'm 25 and I'm very much into older women.

 

But I had never played on it or reacted back, to the point sometimes she would tell people that I don't love her back. Told me once that I didn't love her because I never gave her attention or made her feel special. She's is a loud person free spirited unlike me very quiet and reserved.

 

But that doesn't stop her, every time I'm by her department, I know she is going to be on my case. This has been the case for pretty much the duration of my working there. Now just recently I'm her husband to everyone, nickname I was given even on her phone I'm saved as husband.

 

Now I don't know what's going on, for the last month or so, I cannot stop thinking about her, be it at work even worse when I'm home, now its like I'm going crazy cause I cannot get her off my mind. I feel I may be really falling for this woman and falling really hard

 

Just two weeks back she asked for my number but we haven't really talked much. When we have its been straight to the point, couple of lines and that's it. I have tried once to flirty or get something going but nothing. Told her once I couldn't stop thinking about her and she smiled laughed and we left it at that.

 

Which has gotten me thinking, could all this have been just playing in my head, does she even like me or she's just been too friendly.Cause I'm pretty sure we would've been all over each other texting chatting. Should I act on how I feel, but what if she's doesn't feel the same and what I have been fearing becomes a reality having awkwardNess in office. Is she waiting for me

 

Any advice would really help

[schlumpy]

You could just be her fantasy matinee but if you are really interested drop the bomb on her during one of her tirades and see what the response is.

 

I think she's having fun with someone that she thinks is safe.

[preraph]

Yeah, it's not certain, but ^ he may be right. You might be her new office pet, but it may only be like he says. Do we even know if she is married or otherwise taken?

 

She asked for your number, so did she ever use it? If not, why not ask her, Why did you ask for my number but then never use it?

[mark clemson]

I'm not sure why she did this - maybe Schlumpy is right, maybe she was serious but then changed her mind, who knows?

 

However:

 

Now I don't know what's going on, for the last month or so, I cannot stop thinking about her, be it at work even worse when I'm home, now its like I'm going crazy cause I cannot get her off my mind. I feel I may be really falling for this woman and falling really hard

 

THIS sounds like limerence. Strongly suggest you research this online (wikipedia should do fine). If you have this for a woman who you regularly see but cannot date (and you definitely SHOULDN'T data a co-worker for a wide variety of very good reasons) it is going to be QUITE the mind-**** for you for at least several months.

 

Don't underestimate limerence (if you genuinely have it). It is somewhat similar to addiction and you may find yourself doing or hoping for things the "thinking part" of your brain really doesn't want. You should prepare for your self control to be sorely tested. And try to keep in mind that very strong feelings for her do not necessarily mean she has similar feelings for you.

 

This is not a good situation I'm afraid. The best solution may be to find another job. That way you could either date her or try to forget about her, which will likely take several months of NC.

[Mr. Lucky]

what I have been fearing becomes a reality having awkwardNess in office.

 

You don't know awkwardness until you've worked with someone you've dated and then broken up with, often acrimoniously.

 

Lots of other women in the world. If future "kunaka1000" could counsel you, bet he'd say look elsewhere...

 

Mr. Lucky

[kunaka1000]

You could just be her fantasy matinee but if you are really interested drop the bomb on her during one of her tirades and see what the response is.

 

I think she's having fun with someone that she thinks is safe.

 

Thanks Schlumpy for the reply

 

That's definitely a different way of going about it. Do you reckon I literally tell her straight about how I'm feeling or be sort of be indirect

[kunaka1000]

Yeah, it's not certain, but ^ he may be right. You might be her new office pet, but it may only be like he says. Do we even know if she is married or otherwise taken?

 

She asked for your number, so did she ever use it? If not, why not ask her, Why did you ask for my number but then never use it?

 

Thanks Preraph for the response

 

So she is single, that's what she's told me directly and indirectly, definitely single.

 

With my number, she did send a text, this was mostly for some exercising videos tho she had asked me about a while back and that was about it

[kunaka1000]

THIS sounds like limerence. Strongly suggest you research this online (wikipedia should do fine). If you have this for a woman who you regularly see but cannot date (and you definitely SHOULDN'T data a co-worker for a wide variety of very good reasons) it is going to be QUITE the mind-**** for you for at least several months.

 

 

Thanks Mark for the reply

 

I just Google about limerence, no its definitely not to that extent, I would say she is becoming more of a crush now.

Edited September 28, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[kunaka1000]

You don't know awkwardness until you've worked with someone you've dated and then broken up with, often acrimoniously.

 

Lots of other women in the world. If future "kunaka1000" could counsel you, bet he'd say look elsewhere...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Thanks Mr Lucky for the reply

 

I've definitely have been fearing for that from the first day. That's why I haven't acted much on it, cause this is someone you will see everyday

[Mr. Lucky]

That's why I haven't acted much on it, cause this is someone you will see everyday

 

I've been in the hospitality business all my life, mostly restaurants, bars and nightclubs. There are few greater aphrodisiacs than attractive co-workers, free-flowing liquor, liquid cash and stressful bonding.

 

When single, I only dipped in the company pool once, that was enough for me. Post break-up, watching her stare daggers and knowing she was trash-talking me to anyone who'd listen was a one-and-done experience. And that was before today's much more weaponized HR climate...

 

Mr. Lucky

[schlumpy]

Thanks Schlumpy for the reply

 

That's definitely a different way of going about it. Do you reckon I literally tell her straight about how I'm feeling or be sort of be indirect

 

I think there is already enough allusions going on that the direct approach is the one to take. Give her a call and ask her for whatever passes as a casual get-together in your mind.

 

She will either accept or say no and if she says no that should mean she will stop flirting with you at work since you are no longer safe.

 

Although I would consider Mr. Lucky's comments. Being flirted with at work is much easier to take then frozen daggers sent my way.

[thefooloftheyear]

A lot of women will do this for no more than validation/attention...It can be annoying...The best way to handle this is see if she's willing to "put her money where her mouth is", so to speak...The funniest part is these types wont do this to strong men...Because they know up front they wont put up with it...

 

My guess is she'll laugh and say something patronizing, but at least you can either put an end to it, or you get your wish....either way you will know...Right now she is in control and you are being played..

 

TFY

[salparadise]

I've been in the hospitality business all my life, mostly restaurants, bars and nightclubs. [...] I only dipped in the company pool once, that was enough for me.

 

While I agree that it being a workplace thing is something to consider, I just don't agree with the standard LS narrative that it's the worst things you could possibly do. Sure, some have ended badly, but I'd also posit that there are a lot of happily married couples that started as attraction between coworkers.

 

You'd want to be discerning, of course, and probably discreet at first. And you have to weigh the win/loss potential and understand how important this job is to you and whether or not you could change jobs if necessary. It's a complex calculation that also involves many things, including feelings.

 

Opportunity doesn't knock every day, at least for most of us. If you have strong attraction, it's mutual, and there aren't a ton of obvious incompatibilities... are you really going to subscribe to this avoid-avoid-avoid mentality and go through life turning down any opportunity that you can conjure up some excuse to deny? That would be as foolish as jumping on every ill conceived opportunity without a thought, in my estimation.

 

When I reflect, it's opportunities missed, chances not taken, haunt me the most.

[mark clemson]

Thanks Mark for the reply

 

I just Google about limerence, no its definitely not to that extent, I would say she is becoming more of a crush now.

 

 

Glad to hear that! It could make a tricky situation SO much worse, trust me.

[kunaka1000]

@ Mr Lucky

 

That's very true, now there's HR, it's quite a scary and daunting thing, definitely makes me think twice.

 

@schlumpy

@fool of the year

 

I will give that a try, she asked me to get her some exercisin videos once I think will work for her body lol,

 

@salparadise

 

thanks that's well put, iv been going back and forth with that taking the risk or rather being safe, but it's true sometimes it's all about taking the risk

[Mr. Lucky]

... are you really going to subscribe to this avoid-avoid-avoid mentality and go through life turning down any opportunity that you can conjure up some excuse to deny?

 

Sal, as recently as 10 years ago, I'd agree with you. I met my wife at work, though we didn't start dating until after she left.

 

It's now a different world with new rules, many would say rightly so. The OP should do careful risk/reward calculation before he acts...

 

Mr. Lucky

[crispytoast]

she asked me to get her some exercisin videos once I think will work for her body lol,

Oh dude you gotta read between the lines she wants you to text her your favorite porno