Leojax Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 We just started dating 2 months ago. Last night i had tequila and called her drunk. I said, “yea if you and I were together right now I’d go up to a woman and ask her for a threesome”. Then I apparently kept saying how I’m a pervert. This morning she said that we needed to talk. She said, Everyone fantasizes, I get that, but now your drinking makes me uneasy (I try not drink around her and told her that tequila gets me wild). She said that when I do drink you clearly want to approach another woman for sex, especially since I told her that’s what I wanted to do instead of keeping it myself. That it really turned her off and this a big red flag. Just kind of makes her wonder what happens when I wants to go out with my friends and end I up drinking. Isn’t she kind of blowing this out of proportion? How bad is it? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 She discovered what kind of person you are when you get drunk. So yeah, it's a big deal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 Isn’t she kind of blowing this out of proportion? How bad is it? Nope, and pretty goddamn bad. I'm not sure which upsets her more, you talking **** or the drinking, but both are a problem and you pretty much screwed yourself here. If she does happen to give you a second chance, you might want to lay off the ta-kill-ya. Doesn't sound like you can control your mouth on the stuff. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 please get help for your drinking problem 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leojax Posted September 27, 2019 Author Share Posted September 27, 2019 please get help for your drinking problem Just because I said something stupid while drunk doesn’t mean I have a drinking problem. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 No, that one thing doesn't necessarily mean you have a drinking problem. But this >>She said that when I do drink you clearly want to approach another woman for sex, especially since I told her that’s what I wanted to do instead of keeping it myself. << certainly indicates an issue with your drinking. I suspect that this girl is now done with you. Please learn from it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 Just because I said something stupid while drunk doesn’t mean I have a drinking problem. Maybe not, but your behavior does become problematic when you drink, it appears. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 No, that one thing doesn't necessarily mean you have a drinking problem. But this >>She said that when I do drink you clearly want to approach another woman for sex, especially since I told her that’s what I wanted to do instead of keeping it myself. Agree. Several years ago, after my divorce, I dated a guy for about 3 months. (Seemed a lot longer so maybe it was). I broke up with him as soon as we returned from long weekend beach trip for two reasons: 1. I found out he hardly ever brushed his teeth. 2. He behaved so badly when he was drunk. Untied a stranger's bikini top, slapped another on the butt, all in front of me...even the very young bartender (young enough to be my son) was telling me, "You are WAY too good for this dude...." He was a "life of the party" type, but not in a good/respectful way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leojax Posted September 27, 2019 Author Share Posted September 27, 2019 No, that one thing doesn't necessarily mean you have a drinking problem. But this >>She said that when I do drink you clearly want to approach another woman for sex, especially since I told her that’s what I wanted to do instead of keeping it myself. << certainly indicates an issue with your drinking. I suspect that this girl is now done with you. Please learn from it. She’s just saying that because of what I said about this threesome ONE time. That’s why I feel like she’s blowing this out of proportion. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 Just because I said something stupid while drunk doesn’t mean I have a drinking problem. making excuses for yourself won't help you much 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 She's not blowing it out of proportion. At any rate, I expect you won't have to deal with her much longer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 The upside to this is that she has good boundaries and is good at exercising when they have been crossed.. good for her. IMO, there isn't a way to come back from this... sorry... You need to look into why you drink to excess though. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ChatroomHero Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 Just because I said something stupid while drunk doesn’t mean I have a drinking problem. Think about it from her perspective...every time you go out and drinking will be involved, she will be bummed just thinking about whether or not you will act up and ruin her night. You might not consider it a drinking problem but I bet she does. If you do and say things you wouldn't normally do because you lack self control when drinking, it is a problem. Not only that, now when you are sober and say you don't want a 3 some, she won't believe you. Then she will have to decide if she wants to be with 3 some guy. Obviously it is not a great situation to be in, but if you keep drinking like that, I don't think you'll have to worry about it. She'll be gone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 The upside to this is that she has good boundaries and is good at exercising when they have been crossed.. good for her. Agree! Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 Just because I said something stupid while drunk doesn’t mean I have a drinking problem. How often does this happen? This can indeed by a sign of a drinking problem. Just think: already this non-problem has nearly destroyed your relationship. Your shot a torpedo at yourself and the relationship is sinking and you're trying to rescue it. So no, she's NOT over-reacting. You're not taking seriously how annoying and destructive it is to be with a horribly drunk person saying crazy things. Yes, having that happen once can be one too many ... for many folks! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 Yes, having that happen once can be one too many ... for many folks! Especially early on in a relationship. "No thanks" is the phrase that comes to mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 1. I found out he hardly ever brushed his teeth. 2. He behaved so badly when he was drunk. Untied a stranger's bikini top, slapped another on the butt, all in front of me...even the very young bartender (young enough to be my son) was telling me, "You are WAY too good for this dude...." He was a "life of the party" type, but not in a good/respectful way. Did you at least gift him a bottle of mouthwash when you dumped him? Poor guy Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 She is expressing her concern because what you said was very concerning. To a woman you were being disgusting. She isn’t blowing anything out of proportion. She has only dated you for 2 months, that’s hardly enough time to really know someone. You said it was one time...well she doesn’t know that, you could be lying to her and to us. But as luck may have it, it can’t be all that bad because she didn’t dump you. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggiemay1 Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 She’s just saying that because of what I said about this threesome ONE time. That’s why I feel like she’s blowing this out of proportion. I’m not about to say you are an alcoholic. You clearly aren’t. However , you can’t handle your alcohol. And the proof is in the fact that you had no recollection of what you did or said that night. She is not blowing it out of proportion at all. And it certainly does not seem to be based on this ONE time. She said she was concerned because if other times also, this ONE time was the final straw. She has only known you for 56 days , this should be the early stages when people are in the pursuing stage and putting their best foot forward. She is not enamoured by you calling her drunk and suggesting a threesome and even if she was someone that within a secure relationship would be ok with that , it’s even more worrying that you can’t remember. The threesome suggestion is not her cause of concern , her concern is about you behaving in a certain manner whilst drunk, the disrespect you showed her whilst drunk and the insecurity as to what you might do whilst drunk. In the future , given that you are apparently on your best behaviour right now. She sounds like a great girl, with great morals. But I think you lost her. Not because of this ONE time but because of everything leading up to it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 You made yourself look very untrustworthy, OP. No woman wants to get a call like that from her drunk boyfriend. Complete turn-off. She's not blowing it out of proportion. You, however, are underestimating how much of a doosh this makes you appear. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 One of the mainstays of a relationship is trust. She will no longer trust you an inch.. so yes it is a very big deal. In vino veritas... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ChatroomHero Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 Agree. Several years ago, after my divorce, I dated a guy for about 3 months. (Seemed a lot longer so maybe it was). I broke up with him as soon as we returned from long weekend beach trip for two reasons: 1. I found out he hardly ever brushed his teeth. 2. He behaved so badly when he was drunk. Untied a stranger's bikini top, slapped another on the butt, all in front of me...even the very young bartender (young enough to be my son) was telling me, "You are WAY too good for this dude...." He was a "life of the party" type, but not in a good/respectful way. I have a few friends that get 'pull down stranger's bikini top wasted', I have always thought of them as a liability when drinking. I'm either going to have to deal with cops, get in an altercation or 'manage' them all night. Women are a lot more forgiving, but I sure couldn't see a woman spending much time with such a load, if the guy can't handle his beer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 Pretty dumb dude, aint going to lie. Your relationship is hanging by a string, if she mean alot to you simply quit drinking and apologize. Tell her that it will never happen again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 Women like strong men with self-control, not guys who get so drunk they act stupid. Also, unless she's a swinger, your gf has zero interest in fulfilling your threesome fantasy. If you want that, set it up casually with women who mean nothing to you, not a woman you claim to care about. Of course, like most men, you're lucky if you can get one woman to have sex with you, so you act like a creep trying to get that one woman to assist you in getting another. Very weak, dude. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 Yes, it's a big deal. So you said it because you were drunk. So if you actually hook up with another woman (or two) she now knows you will brush it off because you were drunk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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