Feeling horrible lying to my parents. Should I move now?

[MisUnderstood1]

I've been in my hometown for years and finding a job has been difficult with my two arts/humanities degree. I've been wanting to move out of province for yrs to find a job and for my independence but my parents suggested I wait till I find a job before moving, but no job has been forthcoming, despite applying to hundreds. I'm also a bit attached to them and know moving away would do me a lot of good.

 

I recently told them I'm going to do a 2-semester college course in the social services field with good job prospects and they've agreed to help pay the tuition and housing. BUT I'm actually planning to move to a province with more job opportunities so I can find work because it might be better for me to be there looking for work than applying from here, which I've been doing.

 

I have found a place in this province already (the landlord has said he will reserve the room for me, which isn't something landlords around here would ever do) and I really just need to buy my flight ticket; I'll end up buying it last minute so I'll have to pay a bit more. I was talking to them two days ago and told them this idea of just moving to this province to find work instead of doing the college course and as I kinda knew they would they said it's better i find a job first before moving and since I haven't been able to find a job the college course is a better idea.

 

It's not that they're keen on me going to school again (I'm 32 and have spent years at school already) but we've agreed that my two degrees are useless and I need to do a short, practical course to find any job as soon as possible. I'm worried that if I get there I might not find work but I think I should be able to. I just feel horrible for having to lie to them. I love them so much.

 

They're honestly the most kindest, gentlest souls and have supported me through many things (they helped pay for my second degree). What would you do if you were shoes?

Edited September 28, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Mr. Lucky]

I recently told them I'm going to do a 2-semester college course in the social services field with good job prospects and they've agreed to help pay the tuition and housing. BUT I'm actually planning to move to a province with more job opportunities so I can find work because it might be better for me to be there looking for work than applying from here, which I've been doing.

 

So the "lie" is that once the course, which they're paying for, is completed, you're going to move away?

 

MisUnderstood1, time to rethink this whole thing. You're 32, still depending on your parents and asking Mom and Dad, who've covered the cost of two degrees, to pay for a third.

 

It's past time to cut the apron strings and take responsibility for your own success. And before you say "well, I'll need a job", that's not your parents problem to solve, logistically or financially.

 

This has already gone on ten years too long...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Rayce]

At the age of 32 you should be able to get a job of some sort even if you don't like the work that you are doing. That is how most of us started out. As for the degrees you have it really doesn't matter what the subject or type is in today's world. I can't get a job with my Master's Degree in Information systems but my ex boss who is in his 30's is running an IT department with a political science degree. :confused:

 

Stop taking money from your parents and move away and start you life.

 

Good luck! peace

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Are you still going to be taking the course while you're there? If so, I don't think you're really lying to them....just disagreeing. I see your reasoning.

 

But yeah, you're 32......cutting those apron strings is way overdue.

[FMW]

I, like many, wasn't able to immediately find a job directly related to my degree. My parents also paid for my degree, and after 6 months or more my lack of success in finding the "right" position, told me it was time to find a position in an unrelated field and work my way up. That was excellent and responsible advice and was exactly what I did. I also obtained a second degree along the way, but paid for it myself, beginning with a student loan.

 

It took a few years, but I eventually worked my way into a great career path.

Additionally I had the self-esteem and responsibility gained from working and paying my own way that I've found to be at the center of any success I have today.

 

Don't take any more money from them, find something (either locally or in another location) and start working your way up. There is no need to not be honest with them.

 

Good luck!

[MisUnderstood1]

I'm not going to be doing the social services course or any other course (at least not right now b/c I don't want to throw away any more money doing School) while I'm there. The only course on my mind is Nursing. I was in a Nursing program years ago and left after one year - biggest mistake of my life. I reapplied to the School into their post-degree accelerated stream earlier this year and thought I had gotten in for this September only for me to find out I hadn't b/c the courses I took then have been more than 10-years and they need upgrades, so long story short I didn't get in. I plan to apply to another college that has an upgrading semester for their accelerated stream so I don't have to take the courses at another college before applying, but I'll have to wait till September 2020 for their next intake to do this, so for now I don't want to do any more school. I got into the 1-yr social services diploma but my heart's not really in it. I told them I'm still going for it, only that I'll be getting on a plane to another province. I don't have the means to move away on my own right now and they wouldn't want me to move away without getting a job at the new province, which does make more sense. I officially graduated from my very useless second degree in June and haven't found a job since. I was going to leave the degree halfway but they were the ones who encouraged me to finish, and here I am trying to figure out what next.

 

I've applied to all sorts of jobs around here, taken my degrees off my resumes to get a minimum wage job and that hasn't worked either. I'm planning to move to this province b/c there seems to be jobs there. I know of two different people (not personally) who moved into the country recently with a basic degree each and one said she got a job within one month of getting into the country while another got his within two months. Neither have Canadian education nor experience at all but just a basic undergrad degree each, and here I am with two degrees from this country and no one wants to hire me. So I'm thinking I should try my luck there.

[d0nnivain]

You are free to move wherever you can independently afford. I won't take you to task for lying to your parents but you can't take their money based on a lie. If you can't afford to move on your own, stay put until you can.

[MisUnderstood1]

So the "lie" is that once the course, which they're paying for, is completed, you're going to move away?

 

MisUnderstood1, time to rethink this whole thing. You're 32, still depending on your parents and asking Mom and Dad, who've covered the cost of two degrees, to pay for a third.

 

It's past time to cut the apron strings and take responsibility for your own success. And before you say "well, I'll need a job", that's not your parents problem to solve, logistically or financially.

 

This has already gone on ten years too long...

 

Mr. Lucky

The lie is that I'm going to do the social services course but I'll be heading to another province. The social services course is at a college that's 2-hours away - this is where they think I'm going. The province is an almost 7-hour flight away - this is where I'll be going, if I go ahead with this plan.

 

They helped halfway with the second degree, not the first.

 

 

At the age of 32 you should be able to get a job of some sort even if you don't like the work that you are doing. That is how most of us started out. As for the degrees you have it really doesn't matter what the subject or type is in today's world. I can't get a job with my Master's Degree in Information systems but my ex boss who is in his 30's is running an IT department with a political science degree. :confused:

 

Stop taking money from your parents and move away and start you life.

 

Good luck! peace

I've applied to all sorts of jobs (restaurants, Walmart, etc) around here, have gone to employment agencies for factory work but they usually say to keep calling them. I spent over an hour filling a Walmart application online only for them to send me an email two months later that they're considering other applicants.

 

 

Are you still going to be taking the course while you're there? If so, I don't think you're really lying to them....just disagreeing. I see your reasoning.

 

But yeah, you're 32......cutting those apron strings is way overdue.

I won't be taking any course there. Just looking for work and hopefully I'll find. Edited September 28, 2019 by MisUnderstood1

[Mr. Lucky]

I was in a Nursing program years ago and left after one year

 

I got into the 1-yr social services diploma but my heart's not really in it.

 

I was going to leave the degree halfway

 

MisUnderstood1, see any trend here?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Rayce]

ok I understand the job market is hard regardless of what others say. If you go through with this plan then your parents are gong to be totally heart broken when they discover you are not 2 hours away but a 7 hour plane flight! It could cause irreplaceable damage to your relationship with them. Are you prepared for that? That will make very hard for them to come visit or for you to go visit them. If your going to make a move like that then please let your parents know.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

ok I understand the job market is hard regardless of what others say. If you go through with this plan then your parents are gong to be totally heart broken when they discover you are not 2 hours away but a 7 hour plane flight! It could cause irreplaceable damage to your relationship with them. Are you prepared for that? That will make very hard for them to come visit or for you to go visit them. If your going to make a move like that then please let your parents know.

 

I agree. Tell them the truth. It's kinda cruel not to after everything they have done for you.

[S2B]

As long as you are paying for ALL of your expenses - you can do whatever you want and go wherever you want!

 

Who’s paying?

 

 

If your parents are paying - you are at the mercy of what they are willing to pay for.

 

Take ANY job! Seriously, some money is better than no money. Have you ever worked? What work experience do you have at age 32?

 

 

Have you considered having a life coach help you with interview techniques?

[basil67]

If you move away (whether it be 2hrs or 7hrs) how will you pay for your food and lodgings?

[Mr. Lucky]

The province is an almost 7-hour flight away - this is where I'll be going, if I go ahead with this plan.

 

Then the obvious question is what are you trying to accomplish?

 

If it's maintaining a good relationship with your parents, lying won't get you there.

 

If it's spreading your wings, you're an adult and need no consent other than your own.

 

Either way, would seem truthful disclosure would be the way to go...

 

Mr. Lucky

[healing light]

I would not jeopardize your relationship with your loving, trusting parents for this lie, particularly not if they are financially covering the costs. What would you do if they wanted to visit you or you couldn't find work there either?

 

I know it's frustrating with your occupational situation--are there any temp agencies that would be willing to place you in intermittent assignments? It's possible that some of these can lead to full-time work in the future and also cover gaps in your resume.

 

I would also be sure to let any of your colleagues or friends know that you are looking for a job and ask them to contact you if they know of anything available that would be appropriate. Many times job openings may be online as a mere formality but filled behind the scenes.

[Blanco]

I wouldn't do it for the simple fact that you don't have a job lined up. You say you should be able to find a job, but that's a pretty big question mark. Would you be able to pay bills if you couldn't find work for several months in your new location?

 

I'm also not clear whether or not you've ever lived on your own. Have you lived at home throughout your adult life? Living on your own would be a good thing for you, but doing so in a completely new area while also trying to find work and maintain this deception toward your parents is a lot to have on your plate at once.