Stood up on long distance meeting to another country. What now?

[MountainGirl111]

I haven't read your entire thread here, OP, but the part about teaming up for creative work caught my attention.

 

Teaming up (with anyone, no just romantic relations)for creative work can be very very tricky as well as "touchy". I'm a creative and I have worked alone, mostly, but the times I have teamed up I almost feel like I'm walking on eggshells....Let me explain: Creative people have visions of what outcomes they want to see happen. It can be highly individual...thus they see or hear something a certain way and you may hear or see something a different way. Once a creative person latches onto what they want, it's hard for them to settle on anything else.

 

In a sense they have an "all or nothing" approach.

 

There are more bands that break up than bands that stay together.

 

I don't know why she ghosted you, but artistic types can be very flakey....ushered in with the wind and then gone with the wind....as art is "fluid", in most cases.

 

I do my best work alone. I've only discovered this after working with others, and yes getting my own heart broke by a gorgeous, creative musician. My take-away from it was he broke my heart, but he also broke his own heart in the process. I don't think he DELIBERATELY set out to hurt me, I really don't. Things just blew up and the relationship ended. I loved, I learned. He also loved and in the end lost me as well.

 

You will be okay. Remember that your best creative work is likely done on you own with nobody else's input.

 

Some people can actually mess up your art if their input sort of takes too much power in the project. Something to think about.

Edited October 18, 2019 by MountainGirl111

[MountainGirl111]

Another thing to think about: My sister teamed up with a man to make a CD in his studio. All the songs were her originals. It started out that she was just going to record in his studio. But they hit it off in other ways and really jived in other ways...in other words there was more than just recording at his studio going on....He is highly artistic....highly, in more than one medium....as the "project" went on he ended up putting his own stamp on several of the songs...and I didn't care for some of the stuff he "added"....he added to it, but he also took away from the originality, in my opinion. But, then keep in mind that it's my creative opinion that thought that....how ironic is that? Anyways....this goes back to her own personality and having a tendency to let others influence her and start to dictate to her how things should be as opposed to how she really wants it...(she's always been a people pleaser). She's gotten some help for that in counseling, I'm glad to say. It's always kind of pained me to see her not stand up for what she believes in and letting people walk over her.

 

I'm not sure what I'm driving at here except to give you an example of someone who did get some help with learning how to be true to herself. This is what I hope will be a positive thought for you....

[ExpatInItaly]

I don’t think is actually related to their creative endeavors.

 

Sure, she worked with OP a few times and they hooked up a couple times. But she’s not that into him, and his threads on her reveal that she never really has been. He’s gluing himself onto the creative-partner narrative because it gives him a reason to try to hang on to her; however, the real issue is that he’s interested in having a relationship with her and she’s very clearly not.

[health]

I haven't read your entire thread here, OP, but the part about teaming up for creative work caught my attention......

 

I hear you Mountaingirl. Off the top, she didn't ghost me. We've talked since I came back and we are o.k.

 

Yes it's about going for a win/win but with artists it can be tricky. I feel you.

 

However, when two creative types get together and create a "third" work off their best work - magic happens.

 

I see the situation for what it is, but I'm pulling back and protecting myself.

 

Another thing to think about: My sister teamed up with a man to make a CD in his studio. All the songs were her originals. ....

 

Thanks again.

Edited October 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge posts and truncate quotes

[health]

I don’t think is actually related to their creative endeavors.

 

Sure, she worked with OP a few times and they hooked up a couple times. But she’s not that into him, and his threads on her reveal that she never really has been. He’s gluing himself onto the creative-partner narrative because it gives him a reason to try to hang on to her; however, the real issue is that he’s interested in having a relationship with her and she’s very clearly not.

 

It's scary and tricky. Still her and me are okay now and I see it for what it is.

 

She's literally one of the most beautiful girls I've ever been with. Beautiful face, eyes, body, intelligent.

 

Usually someone is missing one of those elements. What she misses is her character is wacked out at times. Her angry is intense etc.

 

Still. If I meet a girl in my city Im all for it since her and me arn't together.

 

If her and I can be good on a certain level. A respectable mutual level - good.

 

If not, I've already detatched myself.

 

I have no regrets about being with her so far - well other than all the crap I put up with - I feel like I was literally with an 10/10 woman. A rare beauty which alot of people never get to deal with.

 

Maybe they had opportunities but love themselves more than getting the end result I was after.

 

Them not putting up with crap to get some sort of diamond.

[ExpatInItaly]

You focus too much on looks, and minimize the fact that she treats you like crap.

[basil67]

Yep, I'm reeling at what a guy will tolerate for the superficial.

[chillii]

looks , blah blah, she knows all about it, there's gotta be more than looks man. Yeah you can spin some magic artistically together, when she's not mental, and she knows your putty at her feet, even with her whacko .

 

What about a compromise for the artistic sake of it.

Just work together on occasion, no touchy, no drooling, no watching her walk about thinking how beautiful she is, she;ll feel all that .

Your just a sorta working friend and she's just another collaboration.

That'll make her test you , but you stand your ground keep your hands off and when the jobs done you go home.

 

That'll be 10 bucks

Edited October 21, 2019 by chillii

[MountainGirl111]

I hear you Mountaingirl. Off the top, she didn't ghost me. We've talked since I came back and we are o.k.

 

Yes it's about going for a win/win but with artists it can be tricky. I feel you.

 

However, when two creative types get together and create a "third" work off their best work - magic happens.

 

I see the situation for what it is, but I'm pulling back and protecting myself.

 

 

 

Thanks again.

 

I hear ya too. Well.... I agree when two create people create together it can be amazing....especially if they are at their best. There is a chemistry, I guess, but I don't blame you for wanting to protect yourself against possible explosives, yikes1

 

Unfortunately, this chick sounds like she has a pretty significant drinking problem and that can sure ruin a lot of things. The last time I was around a group that was drinking (I wasn't)....things were said that the person wouldn't have said if she was sober. It was awkward and embarassing.

[health]

You focus too much on looks, and minimize the fact that she treats you like crap.

 

I know. I'm removing myself from this. Even when I message her she plays around and takes days to respond sometimes. The whole time I feel bad.

The whole thing has a negative impact on my life. I'm out of this.

[health]

Yep, I'm reeling at what a guy will tolerate for the superficial.

 

Ya, it's not smart. At the same token I've come to learn that beauty is a skill.

She takes hours to get ready when she looks good.

 

I hardly like any girls, but when I do I do. I value beauty. The thing is so many people said I have bad taste. A lot of people said even this girl just looks regular, is not all that and some say she actually looks bad.

 

She herself thinks she's ugly - but she'd done modeling.

 

The other thing is she gets really down on herself a lot. And when I do meet her she's laughing and having fun when it's good. I figure it's better than her threatening her life at times.

[health]

Your just a sorta working friend and she's just another collaboration.

That'll make her test you , but you stand your ground keep your hands off and when the jobs done you go home.

 

That'll be 10 bucks

 

ha thank you. I'm just done with this. To many red flags - her addiction to alcohol, no job, cigarettes, weed, long distance. It's all bad. I put myself in this position and am getting out.

[health]

 

Unfortunately, this chick sounds like she has a pretty significant drinking problem and that can sure ruin a lot of things. The last time I was around a group that was drinking (I wasn't)....things were said that the person wouldn't have said if she was sober. It was awkward and embarrassing.

 

Exactly. Even her, when I think about it - and how she acted it was really embarrassing.

 

It's not worth the emotional hurt I'm going through.

 

Thank you to everyone for replying. I'm moving on from this and focusing on exercise and work.

 

On Jan 1, 2019 it'll be 5 years since I've gotten drunk. I have a had at most 1 beer in a sitting - rarely. But I consider it 5 years not drinking. Thanks again everyone and make it an awesome week!

[MountainGirl111]

Awesome, "health". Way to go...

 

As my dad used to say: "Don't let anyone get the best of ya". There's been times when I followed that advice and times I wished I had (in hind-sight). lol

 

I'm a female, but I tell ya, there are sooooo many women out there who are sooooo manipulative!! And sick. The things they will do to get what they want...give you a sob story or what not. They'll do just about anything if it suits their purpose.

 

Good looks aren't so good looking if the person has very little integrity. Finding that out is not so fun, but I've seen it a lot.

[health]

On 10/21/2019 at 9:59 PM, MountainGirl111 said:

Awesome, "health". Way to go...

 

As my dad used to say: "Don't let anyone get the best of ya". There's been times when I followed that advice and times I wished I had (in hind-sight). lol

 

I'm a female, but I tell ya, there are sooooo many women out there who are sooooo manipulative!! And sick. The things they will do to get what they want...give you a sob story or what not. They'll do just about anything if it suits their purpose.

 

Good looks aren't so good looking if the person has very little integrity. Finding that out is not so fun, but I've seen it a lot.

 

True, thank you for that.

 

As an update I want to say some positive news - we actually met again for 5 days last month and it went amazingly well! 👍

 

Yes we had angry fights - not as bad. Yes it was scary. But we had some long talks about all of this while taking responsibility. We made alot of new and great moments happen. And the whole trip ended in alot of new learnings and love.

 

I had detractors but something in my heart was telling me to resolve things and afterwards I felt it was the completely right thing to do.

 

I actually feel satiated. Like I wouldn't care if we met again - would like to but either way I feel like I'd win cause I'd save alot of money by not going. And if we did meet all the more inspiration.

 

And I just feel like things are at a good point with it all.

 

Thank you all, and make it a great week!