jjb117 Posted September 30, 2019 Share Posted September 30, 2019 I've been seeing someone since late July and things were great in the beginning. Midway through, I left. I won't go into detail but I really did have my reasons. I thought she would be better suited for someone else. A few weeks later, I realized how ****ing stupid I was being and asked for her back. She took me back. We agreed to take it slow. We agreed to be exclusive. But it has been incredibly difficult ever since. We don't talk much, or at all. I tried at the beginning. Took her out for breakfast, reached out - but every time I did I got the cold shoulder. During the date she was looking at her phone and wasn't into the conversation as much. So I gave her space and haven't initiated since. She reached out Saturday, and once I became more energetic and asked her out, she then became very cold once more. Earlier today I checked her twitter and many of the posts she retweeted were of relationships. One of which was "I just want to **** with the same person constantly but he on some other **** :(" Which basically means I want to be committed to one person but they're being difficult. This confused me even more. I understand that I hurt her. It's going to take time to rebuild that trust. I want to make this work. I just don't know if she could ever trust me again. Which makes me wonder if i'm wasting my time? I'm planning on calling her tonight or tomorrow to talk things through. To decide whether this is the best thing for us. I'm not suffering, but it's starting to become bothersome. Or should I just wait things out? Call her and just talk to her? What would you do? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 30, 2019 Share Posted September 30, 2019 Ask her if you two can start with a clean slate and tell her you think she's worth working things out with if there's mutual interest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 I understand that I hurt her. It's going to take time to rebuild that trust. I want to make this work. I just don't know if she could ever trust me again. Which makes me wonder if i'm wasting my time? You would be well served by going to youtube and binging on some Derrick Jaxn videos because I can guarantee you, she's been doing that in your absence, hence how she's considering you these days. I'm planning on calling her tonight or tomorrow to talk things through. To decide whether this is the best thing for us. I'm not suffering, but it's starting to become bothersome. Or should I just wait things out? Call her and just talk to her? What would you do? She's not going to be over what you did on your timetable. Now she knows what you are capable of and she is wrestling with reconciling her idea of you with the you that would do what you did. You're wasting your time if you believe she ain't $#!+ or she's trippin' or whatever else your using to justify being inconvenienced. I think the better idea is to leave her alone since you esteem her so slenderly. Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 After having dumped her like yesterday's trash, you can't just show back up with nothing but words and a smile. Where is your investment into her?? You need to offer something to show that you're truly sorry, that you value her, and that you're unlikely to throw her away again. Try taking her on a day trip somewhere new and make it fun, if she likes to travel. Or give her a pretty promise ring, if she likes jewelry. Take her to a concert to see someone she's never seen in person before, if she likes music. Basically, find something that makes her happy or something she's always wanted to do and make the investment into her. That being said, don't dig yourself into a financial hole. Make the sincere effort, but also be reasonable. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 What would you do? I would do NOTHING....no calls, no emails, no texts, no communication at all then just sit and wait and see what she does. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjb117 Posted October 1, 2019 Author Share Posted October 1, 2019 Ask her if you two can start with a clean slate and tell her you think she's worth working things out with if there's mutual interest. This seems like the most reasonable approach. Thank you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjb117 Posted October 1, 2019 Author Share Posted October 1, 2019 After having dumped her like yesterday's trash, you can't just show back up with nothing but words and a smile. Where is your investment into her?? You need to offer something to show that you're truly sorry, that you value her, and that you're unlikely to throw her away again. Try taking her on a day trip somewhere new and make it fun, if she likes to travel. Or give her a pretty promise ring, if she likes jewelry. Take her to a concert to see someone she's never seen in person before, if she likes music. Basically, find something that makes her happy or something she's always wanted to do and make the investment into her. That being said, don't dig yourself into a financial hole. Make the sincere effort, but also be reasonable. Trust me, I WANT to so bad. It just seems like she doesn't want anything from me. I'm assuming she's protecting herself, which I understand. But it's making it hard. Because i'm all for it. That's why I'm still giving this a chance. But I also have dated enough to know not to always fight against the tide. I'll do this. I'll call her tonight or tomorrow and literally just talk. If the whole ordeal still seems forced, I think it's best if I walk away. For her sake, as well as mine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jjb117 Posted October 1, 2019 Author Share Posted October 1, 2019 I would do NOTHING....no calls, no emails, no texts, no communication at all then just sit and wait and see what she does. So far I have done that. She has reached out before. Still once I engage I get the could shoulder. Gut feeling says to keep doing what I'm doing, but also another part is telling me to at least try since I'm the one who ****ed up in the beginning, you know? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 I can understand her being more guarded with you now, and that will take time to work through. However, she also agreed to give you another chance. That means she needs to meet you halfway if she expects this to develop. It cannot go anywhere if she's not actually on board or always turning the other cheek when you try to engage. I would be clear that you respect her feelings and understand she is hesitant, but that you would like to know if she feels she really has it in her to try again. She might have thought she could, but is having doubts. Either way, it needs to be discussed. Reconciliations don't work when only one person is putting in effort. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 (edited) The trust has gone. She was happy with you then you dumped her out of nowhere. Then you wanted her back but she's not feeling it anymore. She cares but she doesn't trust that you wont just dump her again. It will never be the way it first was. I think you are wasting your time pursuing this. Why did you dump her anyway?? Edited October 1, 2019 by Maddie82 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted October 4, 2019 Share Posted October 4, 2019 If she's giving you the cold shoulder when you are meeting and supposedly exclusive, then something is wrong. I suspect she thought she'd give it a go again but does not feel the same as before. I think you've hurt her too much and she's opting out. Link to post Share on other sites
Inspire Posted November 2, 2019 Share Posted November 2, 2019 However, she also agreed to give you another chance. That means she needs to meet you halfway if she expects this to develop. It cannot go anywhere if she's not actually on board or always turning the other cheek when you try to engage. I would be clear that you respect her feelings and understand she is hesitant, but that you would like to know if she feels she really has it in her to try again. She might have thought she could, but is having doubts. Either way, it needs to be discussed. Reconciliations don't work when only one person is putting in effort. This right here. I can understand why she might feel guarded but if she agreed to give you another chance then she has to meet you half-way. Talk to her ... I was in a similar predicament once before and it reminded me why I've never gone back. Link to post Share on other sites
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