Tamrick Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 I have been going out with my boyfriend just short of two years now. He is 31 and I am 26 years old. When we first started going out he said he would not marry someone he has not been out with for at least two years. That time is nearly up and I feel like I am going crazy hoping he will ask me. I realise he probably will not ask at our two year anniversary and I am not sure how much longer I can wait. I don't want to push him, but at the same time I don't want him, to get the idea that I will just hang around waiting either. I have refused to move in with him or have him move in with me as I do not believe this will help the relationship in the long run. What can I do to prevent pushing him and stressing him out while at the same time being able to share what is on my mind a lot at the moment? Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 1. Ask yourself if your relationship is prepared to become semi-eternal. If you're not ready to be married then there's no sense in pressing the issue. Have you settled ALL issues: children, how many, who will work, who will not, more schooling, types of careers, desired retirement age, expected standard of living, etc. 2. Ask yourself if 24 months is enough time for 2 people that do not live together to promise to marry. 3. Lastly: tell him how you feel without (a) anger or (2) crying (because crying is to many men like cheating). Just get to a time and place where things are nice and easy going and say that you like him, he seems to like you, and that perhaps this should go forward to the altar. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tamrick Posted September 29, 2005 Author Share Posted September 29, 2005 I think I am ready to become married. I didn't feel like that last year, but I am ready now - my own work is far more stable and I support myself fine and emotionally I am doing well. We have settled most of the issues you mentioned above (except perhaps retirement age) We have done our home work - issues where there are still problems is that he owns a home which he shares with his brother and I am not willing to move in there even after we are married (I would want our own home so we could start fresh) We have discussed moving elswhere but have not sorted it out yet. I do think 24 months is long enough. We have had a close relationship and spent a large amount of time together. We have had arguments and cope well with tension - communication is good and we compromise well. I do not want to rush him though and am willing to wait a bit longer, but not years and years. He does make hints about marriage and knows I want it although I am unsure if he knows how badly. He does talk about "we" and "our children" and "when" rather than "if" Maybe I am just in a hurry now and its hard to figure out why I want this NOW. Like I am impatient... but I am trying to keep it from him. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 Propose to him. Be a liberated independent woman of the 21st century. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tamrick Posted September 29, 2005 Author Share Posted September 29, 2005 I can't - he is very traditional and even told me he'd say no if I asked. I told him its 875 days or so til 29 Feb 2008 when by tradition I can ask. He laughed and said I could ask then, so presumably he'll ask before then - but that is SUCH a long time! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 29, 2005 Share Posted September 29, 2005 Do you really want to marry a man that is threatened with a woman taking the initiative? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tamrick Posted September 29, 2005 Author Share Posted September 29, 2005 Actually yes I do... mainly cause in my own mind I have this very girlish dream of the perfect proposal (or even just a romantic proposal, or a more ordinary proposal) I'm almost as traditional as him. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 The thing you need to avoid is the appearance that you want to be married vs. you want to be married TO HIM. one of the reasons for men to shy away from marriage is the stereotype that girls want marriage as a status and for the attention that comes from a wedding and that it has less to do with the man as an individual than it does with the status and security of marriage. If this is not true in your case, then try to avoid talking about schedules quite so much. If a guy said on the 3rd date that he expected to be getting sex by the 6th date (or whenever), most people would be put off. Link to post Share on other sites
Skeered Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 I think that when you heard him give you that two year mark that you set an internal calendar. Even though you aren't expecting it on your 2 year anniversary date you are someway expecting it this year. My thoughts on this are simple, you love him and he loves you. Love is eternal it's not just proven by a piece of paper. I totally understand your want and desire to be married and have a perfect proposal and that wedding you prolly have dreamed about since you were a small girl, however your BF might have something in mind and then again he might not, but you can't sit back and wait for it because it will eventually get you mad or frustrated. If you want the traditional guy ask girl type thing that's fine, but talk to him about what his goals our for YOUR future. Let him know that you would like to be his wife but you want to know what he sees. If he doesn't see the same goal approach it at that point. Enjoy your relationship as it is, if you start putting date stamps on it then your setting yourself up for hurt. Don't rush into a marriage that your both not 100% sure on, you want it to last and not to be something one of you feels you rushed into later...trust me. Get that house situation settled also, and the job situation, you sound like a very independent woman which is wonderful, however make sure that is something he realizes too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tamrick Posted October 2, 2005 Author Share Posted October 2, 2005 I definitely want to marry him and I hope he is aware of that - I have certainly tried to make it known to him. I am trying to stop talking about marriage so much (although now he has started asking me how many days til 29 Feb - and I can't remember!) He brings it up occassionally, but I feel guilty when I do (and sometimes I can't help it - its on my mind so much) I definitely did set an internal calender it seems. I am hoping that after the two year anniversary it will settle down if he does not ask me. I am trying to enjoy the time we have together as a separate thing and so far it is going well. I do not want to rush him, but at the same time I do not want to have to wait forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Skeered Posted October 3, 2005 Share Posted October 3, 2005 These things happen when we least expect them. Take everyday in stride and I'm sure you won't have to wait forever. But let him come to you and then you know the feeling is mutual and you didn't push him into a decision. You'll enjoy it that much more. Link to post Share on other sites
BadBadGirl Posted October 3, 2005 Share Posted October 3, 2005 he said he wouldn't marry someone until they'd been together at least 2 years. it doesn't mean that at the stroke of midnight on the last day of the two years that he will be ready to propose. at least 2 can mean 3, or 5....or whenever he's ready. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tamrick Posted October 3, 2005 Author Share Posted October 3, 2005 I know that at least can mean a whole lot more. I very much doubt he will propose on our two year anniversary, but the date is an important one for a number of reasons, so it is stuck in my head, and that is why when it is over even if he hasn't asked me I will feel more relaxed about it - cause then I'll have no idea again when he will ask. I actually would like him to ask when I am not expecting it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tamrick Posted October 25, 2005 Author Share Posted October 25, 2005 The other day my boyfriend said he would get engaged to me in February. I must admit I do wonder if he really will although I have no reason to doubt him, except that he likes to give me suprises. He is at least thinking about it and we have discussed some further issues about it in the past month or so. For now I just want to enjoy our relationship, but I do want to get married in the near future. Link to post Share on other sites
Skeered Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 I think as I said before you should stop talking about it altogether and let things roll where they will. I think the more you discuss and talk about it the less romantic and spontaneous it will be when he finally asks. You both have decided that this is the direction you want to head in..so sit back and wait for him to be ready...don't even listen to the February date because then you will sit there and February rolls around and you'll think oh it's this weekend oh it's this day...and then if he doesn't do it when you think...it's more dissapointment...just stop focusing on it and let it roll. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tamrick Posted December 15, 2005 Author Share Posted December 15, 2005 We have got engaged! I was expecting it around Christmas time, but he managed to suprise me by asking this week Tuesday. I am so very happy. Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 Congrats!!! :love: Link to post Share on other sites
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