How can this be the same person I loved for so many years?

[Digustedtoomuch]

Broke up with boyfriend of 7 years. I stayed calm and just told him I couldn’t see a future because he won’t change and I can’t expect him to. He has some challenges being straightforward about certain things. I wished him the best.

He asked if I met someone and I said no which is true. He then started saying he will meet someone else and that person will be inclusive as opposed to me which is the opposite. I have no friends according to him but he has a lot of really long time friends however he grew up in this area and I didn't. And the fact is I do have a few friends but not many since I work full-time and raise to family. I kept the conversation low-key as best as possible but he was obviously upset which I understand.

 

He said he needs to tell his family and friends and he’s concerned but since I don’t have any friends I just need to tell my 2 sisters.

 

He further said it will just be me and my two kids and I won’t have anyone else in my life and furthermore I’ll never find another man to love me as much nor will I find a man at my age to be willing to undertake the baggage I have according to him which I assume means my adult son who has mild autism and my adult daughter who can be headstrong sometimes (and he made sure to add that he "heard she was a problem for many years", which isn't true). I am financially independent and I consider myself social and generous.

 

Finally he said the least I could have done is have sex with him before I broke up which I of course did not do!!!

 

It's hard for me to believe this is the same person I've been with for 7 years that I once loved and now I'm reluctant to get involved with anyone for fear that I'll end up miserable again. I know there are some nice and honest folks out there but it's really hard to find, especially at my age (60).

[stillafool]

Do you really believe the things he said about you? You should have told him you don't care if his next long term relationship is with a house cat for all you care. The best revenge is to live a better life without him. Your life has not ended because he's gone. It's just starting and after you heal you will see the best is yet to come.

[preraph]

Well, I think he's projecting his own fears what will happen to him single on you. And what makes him think he won't also have the kids? If he's their dad and you are smart, you will demand he have 50% custody so you can have an easier life. Otherwise, you're just still stuck being slave to the kids while he's a carefree bachelor! So if he's the father, please demand through a judge he has them 50%. He will just have to learn how to juggle all that like you have been doing. Then you will have three and a half at least nights off when you're not working to relax, do errands unfettered and have a social life, and it you will take off work less often to go get the kids.

 

He's being a butt, but that his expected, I suppose. You don't see the worst part of someone until they are not getting their way. But yes, I'd tell him straightaway, We will have joint custody because I will request you do your part.

 

You sound like you will be absolutely fine! And finding a new man should be at the bottom of your list after this, at least for awhile.

[Digustedtoomuch]

he is not their father - their father is deceased so I'm a single parent.

[elaine567]

I think you seriously upset him, so he lashed out to try to hurt you as much as you hurt him...

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I’ll never find another man to love me as much nor will I find a man at my age to be willing to undertake the baggage

 

Yes you will. They all say this. Translated it means: "I'm afraid you will find another man to love you."

[Artdeco]

I’m sure you broke up with him for a reason. And because of this, it is completely irrelevant what he says now, after the break up. He’s probably deeply hurt and confused, and wants to hurt your feelings, just like Elaine said. Why do his comments after the break Up trigger your insecurities? I mean, I’m sure you know who you are, and it doesn’t matter how many friends you have, it’s your life now and you are an independent woman and you don’t need to take his rude comments to heart. Also, everybody who’s on the receiving end of a break up usually lashes out, either internally or externally. It’s nothing you need to take personally. If you think you made the right decision, then you’re all set. He might be struggling for a little while longer, but he will get over it, and if not, that’s on him.

[Highndry]

Yes you will. They all say this. Translated it means: "I'm afraid you will find another man to love you."

 

 

Hey now, that's not true. Some of us men are still respectful during breakups. I never said a mean thing to my ex. I just let her go even though I kind of wanted to lob a few grenades about her mental issues. I didn't go there, though, because deep down I knew it would hurt her and I wouldn't feel good about myself.

[MisshapenCloud]

He sounds really hurt and really scared. And like he been that way for a long time and maybe it’s just been boiling. Good people can say hurtful things. That works both ways where bad people can say good things too but emotional self control is a skill if it’s not a talent. You often have to learn it.

 

When I was young I would be so hateful and disrespectful in fights. Really my world was just very different than I even could even understand and I couldn’t even get a glimpse at what I wanted in order to be happy, let alone actually be happy. Good lord lol. No where close. I have slowly over the years been able to transform my rage into an occasional defensive pout. It’s progress but there are still ways to go.

 

Defensive and looking to draw some blood. And anything to keep oneself from that mirror because that’s the worst pain of all. That hideous thing in the mirror that hurts the people you love and drives them away from you until you’re just alone and wishing you had time machines and self control. It’s rough.

Edited October 8, 2019 by MisshapenCloud