max3732 Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 Met someone online who wants to meet for drinks after work. Even though I'd like to meet her I don't drink, never go to bars, and don't enjoy sitting on bar stools with my feet dangling in the air. Should I tell her I don't drink and would prefer to meet for a casual bite to eat or ice cream instead? Or would I be better off just going for drinks and ordering something non-alcoholic? She also didn't suggest a place so I'm guessing she wants me to pick. I wouldn't know how to pick a place for drinks Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 Yes, I'd tell her you don't drink and suggest something else instead. She may not want to date someone who doesn't drink. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 Yes. Just order something non-alcoholic. And use Yelp to find a place. Or... Suggest dinner instead 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 You should definitely tell her the truth. If she is one of those woman that likes to enjoy herself with a drink then better she knows you don't right at the start. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 I don't like alcohol, never did. If someone was offering me to meet for a drink I let it known right away it wasn't my thing. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 suggesting "meeting for drinks" means a shorter time frame with an easy out for her. choose a restaurant you love that also serves alcohol and has a nice atmosphere. you can eat and she can drink. problem solved ETA: some women see a man who doesn't drink as a turn off. I personally wouldn't date a woman who does not drink. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 You sound kind of uptight about bars. I can understand not wanting to go to places where people get slobbering drunk... but there are plenty of nice hangout spots where people are just relaxing and having a good time. You can sit at a normal table, doesn't have to be a barstool, and you can order a non-alcoholic drink. I agree that "drinks" means a quick, easy meetup that doesn't take up as much time as a dinner. If I were looking for a good place for a drink, I'd get on Google Maps in the vicinity of where I wanted to meet, search on "happy hour," "cocktail bar," or whatever, then sort by rating, and choose one with a high rating and reasonable prices on the drinks. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 Just order a mocktail and some bar snacks, you'll be fine. There's no reason why you can't go for drinks if you don't drink alcohol. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 But OP doesn't like "happy hour," "cocktail bar," and the like. It might be hard for many people to understand this but I get OP, I also don't like those places. I am extremely uncomfortable sitting at a bar even a bar in a sport bar. Many people wouldn't date someone that don't drink alcohol so he better put it out there from the start. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Twizzlestick Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 (edited) I don’t drink so hear you OP. Go to the bar but order a softy or mocktail. If you’re driving the other presumes it’s cos of that. If they ask why and you say you don’t drink be prepared. To some people it’s like you’ve just said you don’t breath oxygen. They get a right monk on over it One of the things in life that falls under “their problem not yours” so if it’s a deal breaker for them, better for you to find out too. My reason is a medical one. If someone has a lump on about not drinking I point out I’m totally at ease with someone who does drink and not for one min am I a Puritan and if I could I’d booze with them, but I don’t because it’s too much hassle for me. If it’s still a sticking point for them then they can jog on and find the booze hound they’re after, as kind of signifies to me their priorities in a partner are a bit, Er dodgy to say the least ha. Edited October 1, 2019 by Twizzlestick 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 I don't drink, either. But if someone asks me to go for a drink I just tell them I don't drink but will order a coke and enjoy the visit. They often then suggest another meet up place. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 But OP doesn't like "happy hour," "cocktail bar," and the like. It might be hard for many people to understand this but I get OP, I also don't like those places. I am extremely uncomfortable sitting at a bar even a bar in a sport bar. Many people wouldn't date someone that don't drink alcohol so he better put it out there from the start. I would date someone who doesn't drink alcohol (in fact, while I do drink in general, I'll order a non-alcoholic drink if I'm alone with a person I barely know), but I wouldn't date someone who absolutely wouldn't set foot in a bar under any circumstance. I think a lot of non-teetotalers feel the same way - it's fine if you don't drink, but if you can't go to a bar ever, that's a much bigger issue. Do bear in mind that bars run the gamut from very classy ones in fancy restaurants to the crap ones that people just go to get drunk at. If he really hates those places then he should say no, but if the main issue is just the alcohol, no point making this a bigger issue than it is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 wtf is a "mocktail"? is it a fake alcohol drink? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 Order an iced tea, grab a table instead of eating at the bar. Bars do sell non alcoholic drinks, you know... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 Just go - order a sparkling water with a lime. That’s what I do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 But OP doesn't like "happy hour," "cocktail bar," and the like. It might be hard for many people to understand this but I get OP, I also don't like those places. I am extremely uncomfortable sitting at a bar even a bar in a sport bar. Many people wouldn't date someone that don't drink alcohol so he better put it out there from the start. Extremely uncomfortable? Why in the world are you extremely uncomfortable sitting somewhere having a drink and a conversation? You don't have to sit AT the bar. You can sit at a table away from the action. I'd be more concerned about dating someone who can't enjoy a basic social activity with me. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 wtf is a "mocktail"? is it a fake alcohol drink? A non-alcoholic cocktail. They're pretty cool IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 If he really hates those places then he should say no, but if the main issue is just the alcohol, no point making this a bigger issue than it is. OP expressed not liking to go to these places. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 You should definitely tell her the truth. there is no truth to tell.. he doesn't drink...and if he doesn't say anything he isn't being deceitful or lying. This is a no brainer for me... As a non-drinker myself I would just go to wherever she wants and order whatever you want to drink.. Don't make an issue over something that isn't an issue. It would also give you a chance to see how she handles herself... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 Extremely uncomfortable? Why in the world are you extremely uncomfortable sitting somewhere having a drink and a conversation? You don't have to sit AT the bar. You can sit at a table away from the action. There is no explanation to this, just like there is no explanation to people afraid of going out of their home, they just are. The cocktails and bars places make me very uncomfortable. I don't know why they just do. I'd be more concerned about dating someone who can't enjoy a basic social activity with me. There are plenty of social activities other then sitting in a bar, my discomfort with bars/clubs/cocktails has never-ever interfered in my social life or dating life. . Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 There is no explanation to this, just like there is no explanation to people afraid of going out of their home, they just are. The cocktails and bars places make me very uncomfortable. I don't know why they just do. That's called agoraphobia, which is an anxiety disorder = mental health disorder. Yeah, if a potential date had a mental issue so serious that he couldn't have a drink with me in public, we'd be on very different pages and it would be better to know upfront so as not to waste anybody's time. But the OP said accepting the invite was an option for him, so I don't get the impression it's such an obstacle for him. Bars aren't my favorite places to hang out, either, but I'm fine going to one for a friend's birthday, work function, whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 It doesn't need to be a mental issue. Why can't people just not like it? Why should OP be in a place he doesn't enjoy? He should say he's not crazy of the bar scene, he's not a drinker, and would prefer cake and coffee. I would have a problem dating a man that 'has to go' to bars and bars are part of his social activities. If this woman enjoys the bar scene, OP better be upfront right away. For all we know she offered to grab a drink because she falsely assumed all men like it. She might even be pleased he wants to meet for coffee instead. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 It doesn't need to be a mental issue. Why can't people just not like it? Why should OP be in a place he doesn't enjoy? He should say he's not crazy of the bar scene, he's not a drinker, and would prefer cake and coffee. Agree. There's nothing wrong with that. I think he should tell her, though, because she might not want to date someone who hates those types of activities. I personally would not want to date a man who would never want to go to a bar to hear a band, watch a game, play trivia, etc. They are things I enjoy doing and make for fun dates. If Max simply does not want to consume alcohol but is OK being there, that's another story. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 For all we know she offered to grab a drink because she falsely assumed all men like it. She might even be pleased he wants to meet for coffee instead. How do you have coffee at 8pm though? I mean, I'm not crazy about "drinks" either, but there's no denying that it's convenient for short meetups after dinner. When you get to know each other better you can pick wherever you both like, be it lawn bowling or gelato ... or indeed coffee at 8pm. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 I personally would not want to date a man who would never want to go to a bar to hear a band, watch a game, play trivia, etc. They are things I enjoy doing and make for fun dates. If Max simply does not want to consume alcohol but is OK being there, that's another story. I agree. I think it would come across as quite high-maintenance for a dude to say no to something as basic as a first meet over a drink. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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