Ruby Slippers Posted October 2, 2019 Share Posted October 2, 2019 Yep, my fave pubs have sofas. On one of my best first meets/dates from the past couple years, we sat on a cushy couch in a room off the main room of a bar with the vibe of a mellow jazz club, ordered food and drinks, and got to know each other. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted October 3, 2019 Author Share Posted October 3, 2019 Whoa, really? I'm extremely introverted and even I have gone for drinks with friends a fair number of times, lol. Also, co-workers, etc. Do you live in a culture where this is taboo, perhaps? Don't your colleagues ever go for after-work drinks? No, not necessarily - everyone here has agreed on that at least. It is 100% fine to go for drinks and order a non-alcoholic beverage. Not taboo at all where I live, but it's just not for me. When I go out we meet for dinner or snacks and often times I'm the only one not ordering alcohol. That being said I've never gone to a bar specifically to order drinks. To follow up, I suggested a couple places and then she suggested another one where she said we could walk around afterwards. So we'll see what happens 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted October 3, 2019 Author Share Posted October 3, 2019 On one of my best first meets/dates from the past couple years, we sat on a cushy couch in a room off the main room of a bar with the vibe of a mellow jazz club, ordered food and drinks, and got to know each other. A place like that would be great. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 To follow up, I suggested a couple places and then she suggested another one where she said we could walk around afterwards. So we'll see what happens Excellent. I'm glad you made your preferences known. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 On one of my best first meets/dates from the past couple years, we sat on a cushy couch in a room off the main room of a bar with the vibe of a mellow jazz club, ordered food and drinks, and got to know each other. a la "Friends" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RomanticGuyCaring5 Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 Meeting for drinks does not mean that in the literal sense. She just wants to spend some time with you in a different setting to see how the conversation goes. She just wants a short meet. Choose a place that has both alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages, as well as tables. Just order a soft drink. If she questions you, just say you just felt like having a Pepsi (or whatever) at the moment. If she questions further and you feel cornered, just say that you are not a big drinker, but you do like her and wanted to spend that time with her and would like to get to know her. She'll be flattered. Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 I don't drink. I would choose a nice restaurant bar .. Problem solved. Also you can still go to any bar for the first time and order non-alcoholics beverages. and yeah definitely say you don't drink. There is no shame in that. Actually it is better for your health! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 I don't drink either. I tell dates upfront. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted October 5, 2019 Author Share Posted October 5, 2019 I sent her a text in the morning that we were going to meet for drinks that evening at the place and time we had agreed to before and didn't hear back from her. The time came and went so I had dinner and was just reading at home when she sent me a text that she was working late and didn't see my messages until then. This was like 15 minutes after were were supposed to meet. She asked if I could still meet and I said yes, then she asked if I ate already because she hadn't yet and wanted to grab dinner. I told her sure I would meet for dinner and she gave me the names of a few places close to her, none of which I had ever been to before. So I looked at the menus and picked one. It took me about 20 minutes to get there and the place was absolutely packed. Like you could barely walk through the walkways since there were people standing everywhere. She said she had put our name down at the bar and it was impossible to get a table. What was nice about the venue was you're sitting next to her so it's a lot easier to lean in close to the person and I was able to do some innocent touches on her as we were talking, which is a huge improvement for me. Normally I'm sitting across from someone so I can't exactly reach out and touch her. What I didn't like about the bar area was that even though it's in a restaurant it was extremely loud, crowded and dark. It was kind of cramped at the bar, although as I said above it got me closer to my date than I otherwise would have been. As I said originally I don't like the feeling of sitting on a stool. She asked about alcohol right away but it didn't seem like an issue other than she seemed to really like it and ordered several drinks. Her "dinner" ended up being just some small appetizers. Aside from the logistics we ended up having what I thought was a great conversation and stayed there talking for like 3 hours. Don't know if it was nerves but I was talking a lot more than usual and we got into all kinds of topics including some deep ones. At the end up the date I went to kiss her on the cheek and I think I actually went around her and she wanted a real kiss on the lips. I feel like such an idiot for doing that and also felt really awkward. The only thing with her is physically she's not quite what I was expecting based on the pictures and has some red flags with her family. I did really enjoy talking to her, but I'm not sure if she's right for me. I sent her a text calling back something from our conversation and saying it was nice meeting her and she just responded that it was nice to meet me too. Not sure where to go from here Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted October 5, 2019 Share Posted October 5, 2019 First of all, I'm proud of you for stretching what is comfortable and trying something new or different for you. Look what is good about it: the seating arrangements in "bars" do tend to loosen things up as does the ambiance. Like I said, that may have been one reason she suggested it, less so just "alcohol" reasons. I also think she may be wary of sitting across the dinner table for a stiff or formal or long date with a stranger for a first date, so this is often why people suggest "drinks". You may just need to refine the places to go as the loud, scene-y type places aren't usually good for a first date and definitely do not sound like your thing. The fact that she wanted to go to that type of place (if she was familiar with it) might show some incompatibility. Perhaps it could be bridged, perhaps not. Seems like she might want a more cosmopolitan type lifestyle which could involve drinking, being out and about and somewhat surface. Whereas I've always got the impression that you want something more pure and down to earth. It doesn't mean she isn't down to earth herself but how she views living her ideal life might conflict with yours. I honestly don't think you have enough information to know yet. I think you should go on another date. I think you have to be careful of looking for this "perfect person" on paper, such as the red flags you mentioned about her. A lot of time the actual perfect person is the one who is perfect for us IN SPITE of being "not perfect" on paper. Meaning they treat you well, you can build something together and are headed in the same direction together. If finding this person was just a science, one could just put in the formula and out would pop the right person. It's kind of a combo of an art too where you need to use more freedom and intuition. Like breaking your rule about bars and stools, got you to a level that you have previously struggled with---100% you need to rethink your rule about STOOLS, that one has to go!!! Lol, maybe "prefer not to sit on a stool" but to avoid them altogether vs living life is too petty. Life is not linear and look by opening your own horizons what you have discovered. It's more than this girl--that will sort itself out in time, she may not be the right one for you--but you have upped your own game and that will lead you to the right person. It may be a small step or seem like one but there's an important lesson there and it will take you in the right direction IMO. Now if you were a closed off person, super rigid or that, you would get hung up on the noise, the stool, the girl not being an exact love connection or the place being not exactly right and veer all the way over dismissing "bars" and maybe even girls that suggest bars. All you need to do is fine tune it. Find your way to do you that creates an experience for you and the other person and nudge it toward what is most likely your vibe without shutting out other peoples preferences and limiting or shutting out your own life experiences. IMO, you got closer physically than you have previously and that's huge. So what if the kiss part wasn't as smooth as possible? You were a step closer and you know how to deal with it better the next time, no matter who the person is. Ok, i would take her out another time. Sounds like there is enough there to explore another time. You have ?? over your head about it so IMO that means you should go rather than regret or question. At the very least it's more practice and at the very best it will turn out to be the right person. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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