klanny1208 Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 Hello all, my husband and I have been married for several months now and all is great; however, my husband has a male friend that gets under my skin. The friend will always find a way to work into a conversation about my husband’s ex wife or any other woman that my husband dated before he met me. It annoys and frustrates me and I have no idea what he is trying to accomplish by making these comments. Any suggestions on how to handle this or what his intent could be with these comments? Has anyone experienced something similar? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 Tell your husband you don't like it and have him tell his friend. Or, you could take the bull by the horn and tell your friend "Hey, I'm his wife now, that's all in the past". Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 I tend to be sarcastic by nature, so I would not be able to resist making some snide remarks about his comments, something like "She sounds great! Why isn't she here with him now?" or "All that talent and she was still cast aside for me" or better yet, "You sound pretty enchanted with her. Have you thought about asking her out?" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 I suspect he has an interest in you and is using his knowledge of your husbands past love life to drive a wedge between you and your spouse so that he might take advantage of any loss of affection on your part. I don't believe he is a friend of your marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 As a spouse, it's your right to set reasonable boundaries IMO. That includes specific friends, if the specific friend is sufficiently problematic. Normally I give this advice where opposite sex friendships are concerned but I think it applies here too. This probably isn't worth a big fight over, but I'd discuss with your husband why you don't like this etc and see what he has to say. How does he propose to keep you both reasonably happy? Is this fellow such a great friend that you, his wife, should be unhappy? Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 I suspect he has an interest in you and is using his knowledge of your husbands past love life to drive a wedge between you and your spouse so that he might take advantage of any loss of affection on your part. I don't believe he is a friend of your marriage. Or it's just as likely that the friend dislikes the OP and feels like she drove a wedge in the friendship he has with the husband. OP your choices are pretty limited. Either your husband tells this guy to cut it our or you do. The friend will probably respect you more if you do it yourself but your husband has to back you up if this friend whines to him about it. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 How does your husband feel about this friend? I think your best course of action would be to ask your husband to have a conversation with the guy and ask him to stop. Whether or not he will do that depends on how he feels about he guy - ie. whether he is on your side, or his. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 I would mention your dislike to your husband. Assuming he's OK with it, I would then call the friend out next time he does it. Seriously I would point blank ask him if he's obsessed with the EX wife or the prior GFs. I would ask if there is a particular reason he is being so insulting to you by constantly mentioning these other women. I would also point out that your husband married you & if for no other reason then your husband, his friend, picked you, he needs to respect that. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 I suspect he's resentful not so much of you but your husband and maybe doesn't even like it when he's in a relationship so he thinks if he tells you things he thinks you don't know as if your husband has been concealing them, he can get him out of this marriage. I mean, nothing wrong with mentioning the ex for a second in some context, but if it's a pattern, he's just one of those childhood friends (like a little brother) who likes to see your husband squirm. I would ask your husband if it bothers him and let him know it bothers you, but I would not ask him to give him up. I guess it bothers me most your husband doesn't deal with it, so maybe this guy is used to getting the better of him, and I wouldn't like that, but every friendship has its hierarchy. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted October 3, 2019 Share Posted October 3, 2019 Tell his friend you don’t appreciate him bringing up the past. It’s not useful for anyone - and it’s a matter of respecting him dating you. Don’t leave this to your BF - use your voice to speak your truth. He knows he’s intentionally being hurtful - call him out on this issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Clockwork Posted October 6, 2019 Share Posted October 6, 2019 It isn't like I'll ever talk to my buddies about their past or anything, but out of respect it is never in front of their wife. Their wives know they had previous relationships, so that is no surprise but there is lots of memories and such you can talk about without saying "Hey, remember when Jill and you went away to such and such.............?" Privately I might talk to them about this stuff. If they ask "Have you heard from Jennifer at all?" Or whatever. But the past is the past, and no wife has to hear about any positive thing about her husbands' exes. This friend ought to know that, but if he doesn't your husband should. It is on him to tell him this. Link to post Share on other sites
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